Yes, I have enough now...

Here's the transcript:

RIn: u still tryin 4 dom. parent?

STBX: yes, why

Rin: just wanted to hear it from you, thankx

STBX: why, what r u up to

Rin:nothing wanted 2 make sure lawyers r not using us 2 line their pockets.

STBX: can't I'm not rich nor or u

Rin: Cheaper 2 settle out of court, but we want same thing

STBX: not really

Rin: Then, what do u want

STBX: my house and you know why

STBX: why do u want it so bad

Rin: It's not about me, it's b/c of the kids!

STBX: i will help get a place if u would like

STBX: I'm not tryin to be hard about this

Rin: It's @ their schools, friends, church, @ them wanting 2 b n the house, I'm not tryin 2 b hard either, I can't talk anymore, think @ them.


There you have it...I wanted to stop the conversation after he said yes to dom. parent...I had found out what I needed...now I know the whole story...

The only way he gets the house is if he gets the kids...thru the fight for custody...

Back to Deep Dark Plan B...

"MY" house ... that's interesting phrasing. Not "our" house or "the" house .... interesting that he thinks of it as just his.

Careful with the assumptions. I don't see him really saying that he doesn't want the kids, or that he only wants them so he can have the house. Maybe when he says "not really" about you both wanting the same thing ...? Kind of hard to tell.

I still think it might be a good time to try to offer a settlement (through the lawyers). If it were me, since he's so attached to the house, I'd give up the house (but not your share of the equity) in "exchange" for custody. I don't think I'd want to go back there with the neighbor problems, and I do think the house is going to end up getting sold, anyway, unless one of you can afford to buy the other one out of the equity.

I might take him up on the offer for "help" with getting set up somewhere else so that you and the kids can have your own rooms again, get your things and get them moved in, start making new neighborhood friends, etc. That's all super easy for me to say, though, since I have no connection or attachment to the house.



Just out of curiosity, what made you txt him with this, anyway? Did you really think the lawyers were just trying to drag things out? Or did you think he would have slipped by now and say "you're right, I'm an a$$, you and the kids should have the house?" I'm not trying to bash, just honestly wondering what outcome you were hoping for?

It seems like it would bring up a lot of raw wounds to have an interaction like this with an STBX .... you are probably smart to pull back into a good dark Plan B. Let your lawyer handle this stuff.

You're smart and strong and are a great mom. You'll make it, and be just fine. I believe in you!

-AmI.

I really "needed" him to say it to hear that "he" was doing it...

That's all I wanted and I got more than I asked for...

I'm handing the conversation over to my Lawyer tomorrow...what happens, happens, I'll let him decide what he wanted to do with it...

House doesn't matter...if he can come up with a lump sum so be it...

thing is he's not going to get custody anyway...

The real downfall to moving is that I won't be in the same district and I'll be losing my babysitter come the school year...no after school care...when right now, F gets ona nd off the bus at the sitter's...

I am really, really, bummed out...

so, make a deal and let him "think" that he has the uphand...when if fact, he's not going to get none of what's he's asking for...like surrender to win, fight to lose...

Raw wounds...yeah...thoughts like he could care less about us...he's just using the kids to get what he wants...following in the path of his father...repeating the cycle of my life with him...giving into what he wants regardless of what's in the best interest of me and the kids...

Rents going to be higher...almost twice the amount as the house note...I don't think I can buy anything and if I could that notes going to be higher...

Good news...I'd get to shut off all the utilities at the house and he would have nothing...they are all in my name...

Come on guys...call it for what is it..2x4 me...whatever...I'm dieing here...

Did I DJ about him not wanting the kids? Did I read into anything?

I need some POVs...I really really need some POVs...

Ah Rin!

A move will be tough, that is no doubt. But, this is not a done deal yet.

I think perhaps you did read too much of your own opinion on his comment about the 2 of you not wanting the same thing.

Without more info, you could read Many things into that brief comment.

Let it go. It is not worth your energy nor your pain.

Coming of of the dark hurt. I am sorry. Yet, you probably knew it would.

Not yet being in Plan B, I can not give much advice on that

I can remind you of what an Exceptional, strong woman you are! A wonderful mother and an excellent friend to so many!

Take care of YOU!!

(((Rin)))

Sorry you are hurting from all this today.

Thanks guys...I really appreciate that...

I went back to my old thread and was reading posts from MIMI, and Pep...leading to the days before I left...

Just reminding me what I already know...how he is...why I'm doing this...what life was like living with him...

PODS's NOT worth my time...he's proved that over and over...what a careless, insensitive person that he is...


Bugs...you may not be in Plan B but you've got a handle on things...I need to breathe and probably...definitly have a good cry...it's been awhile...

I read into it because he's said before I left in "a discussion that me and the kids could go find an apt."...and I know that he wanted the house because of his memories with his grandmother sitting outside our house the few times, like two, that she's visited...

I'm going to work on letting it go...

An excellent mother and friend...wow...thank you...

E...it's my fault...I did this to myself...I knew better and did it anyway...

we've talked about self-sabbotage...well, there it is in a nutshell...you know we all get addicted to the drama...I can think of a few examples I've read of late...

I see why WS have such a hard time breaking away from their OW or OM...it was like him TMing me this mornign gave me permission to set myself up...

11 weeks tomorrow out of the house...I had plans for Friday and Sat....don't know if Friday's on anymore and I guess I can bring the kids to Sat.

Now, I have to find something to do with them...I thought about seeing if they wanted to sleep over at my Uncle's...I think mom needs a break...

Tomorrow night, they will be going with the sitter to her grandson's b-day party at Chunky Cheese...so, me and SPon. are going to supper and a meeting before she leaves for two weeks...

I'm feeling a little bit better than earlier...thinking I guess a little clearer...

I could drink a beer...I really could sit outside and drink a beer...or two...that's all I would need...I would be like Jerry running into walls chasing Tom if I drank anymore...it's been so long...

Hey BC, can YOU arrange that? You seem to plan it so well, from what I hear...SL's to far away!

I haven't been keeping up with your legal stuff..but it seems like he would be bound to providing shelter for the children....that's true in my state...my H had to pay the mortgage along with child support...SO YOU SHOULD HAVE RIGHTS TO THE HOUSE FOR THE CHILDREN'S WELFARE AND WELL-BEING..so they won't have to make such a major transition..

just added this to the song list

Hey, Mimi...yeah, I just walked outside for some fresh air and I was thinking about going shopping for a mobile home this weekend...

My mom has an acre of land down here and she reminded me that I can put something on the lot...would require some work...old mobile home being moved off, etc...

I can wait for court and still keep my options open...it would kill some time this weekend...I can get informed about it...keep me occupied...kid's wouldn't mind going...

I could go out an buy that really nice camper that he wanted and we COULD live in that, if I wanted to be mean...I would have a room, the kids would have a room...and we could travel later if we wanted too...

Just thinking...dreaming in a way...the REALLY MEAN PART of me wants him to lose his precious house and be forced to sell it...it would be picked up in no time...it was on the market a week when we got our hands on it!


I have to remember that this is the true and factual stuff...I need to breathe and let God do his work...

I'll be okay...some good sleep would be a miracle...and for the next two weeks the kids and I will have the house to ourselves...I've been told to eat everything, use everything, so it doesn't go bad...I'm dog sitting and housesitting...

Perhaps, I'll let the boys sleep together and I'll sleep on the sofa...

I really feel bad for them...I have to have faith that they will appreciate what I'm doing when they get older...

F did make a heart with I love mom on it tonight and gave it to me...I asked for some love...that's what I got...he was watching cartoons...

I told him that he can miss the last day of school tomorrow...

Thanks soooo much for stopping in tonight MIMI...you ahve great timing...

Oh, E...that's how I feel sometimes...you really nailed it with that song...

Double meaning are great...I grieve what I wanted from STBX and know that I have it in God...and one day want it from someone else...

I know I'm worthy...just want to be shown,,,make sense?

I understand completely.

I hope you get some rest after all this stuff today.

Praying for you and for the upcoming trial date.

Thanks E...and thank you for earlier today too!

I'll pray for you all too!

NOW, GO TOO BED! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm headed that way! Oh, that would be a good song to pick...what you think?

Am I gonna be Tom or Jerry?

who cares, 12 pack a ght is on the way

PPSSHHTT!! GULP GULP!! AAAHHHhhhhh!!

That's better

You tease! I was seriously thinking about getting a 6 pack tomorrow...

Oh, the kids are ready...we were talking about finding me a boyfriend when I'm ready...F said that this time he would have to check him out and L will have to make sure that he doesn't have any weapons...Go figure, weapons...

it was a weird conversation...I just made sure to let them know that whomever had to like them or he wasn't worth having around!

Ok, for once, I'm being waited on! LMAO...

Rin,

Your kids are great! What a tribute to YOU!!

You deserve to be waited on! Enjoy!

I don't hardly ever drink beer, but I do miss my annual 6 pack of Turbo Dog. Hey, BC, can you hook me up?

Then Rin can sit on her deck and I will sit on mine, BC can sit ,,,wherever he sits <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and we will all have a beer together!

LMAO... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'm not much of a beer drinker...I like White Russian...Amaretta Sours...Cask n Cream w/ coffee...stuff like that...

bugs, thanks so much for the compliment...F even made a little box with his fingers, stood back looked at me, and said "Mom, you have the perfect body!"

How GREAT is that! That is absoletely delightful! Especially after I got off the scale this morning and have lost six pounds! They really step up to the plate!

BUGS...BC can't sit down, he's got to grill, and LMAO...teach me how to LITE the grill and I'll help...LMAO...season the meat and watch that is!

A deck that would be cool, if I moved, and I can build that myself! A BIG ONE, on the front and back of the "Mobile HOME"...

Sure you can tell I'm much more flexable than STBX as far as being open-minded and going with the flow!

well, I have to type up that conversation from yesterday and fax it over to the A...hope he doesn't think too much of that comment I made about lining their pockets...LMAO...Oops! Oh, well, I had to have something to say!

Rin, I wish i could pop the top with you right now; you so deserve a break. I would take your kids out for you and give you a breather.

Girl! You are tough, breaking Plan B is tough, but you got the answer and then some, so let it go. Let the law work for you. Keep those records, keep chugging along. Yes, it's going to be a long haul. Your kids will understand as best as kids can. They love you, and it pains them to see you hurt, as well as their own struggle with the lack of a father around. None of this is your fault, either, so don't pick that tack, Rin; don't you pick it!

You are the steady ship. Keep sailing along.

About the sitter, do you have a website for state licensed daycare; they will list care providers in your area for before and after care. Also, check with the school and library. My son's school offers before and after care, also. If you can get your own place, at least until the D is settled, then I would do it. A mobile home is a good compromise, as it affords you your own space, with all the amenities that you NEED. Rin, you will get there, my dear. You will. Unfortunatley, this legal mumbo jumbo takes time.

SL, That would be SOOO Awesome...a break...I'm getting one tonight...the sitter's going to keep them until 8:30 tonight...bring them to her grandson's b-day party...

So, Spon. is treating me to supper and then our meeting...so I have some time to kill...noise free zone for a few hours...

Thanks for mentioning it's not my fault the thought had ran through my mind last night, but I know this is his choice...I guess that's why God blessed me with being a Tomboy...so, I can raise them and treat them the good stuff...playing in the woods...of course, I'm not as fearless as I once was...LMAO

I would absoletely LOVE MY OWN PLACE...memory free...decorated the "WAY I WANT"...MINE and the boys!

Some schools here have the after school care...it depends on how many students...good time is if I move back to my old neighborhood, I know alot of people there...the people I grew up next too are like another set of grandparents to me and their grandkids lived right there...

I may be able to employ one of them...heck, I use to babysit them when I was a teen! I'll cross that bridge when I get to it!

I was having a really bad day yesterday but today is better...I got the answer I needed...I understand that I'm STILL doing what's best for me and the kids...you know sometimes you wonder about that from time to time...hoping...something's changed...

But all that talk about "HOW" important his kids are, is just that...talk! I would be happy with a mobile home...live in it for a while and I always have the option of renting and buying my own house...

Additional income...who doesn't like that!

I do have some questions about financial stuff...how do they divide things up...equity minus debt...I'm trying to figure out what I would end up with if he bought me out of everything...so anyone with some knowledge on that would be appreciated...i thought I had all of that clear in my head but it's not...

Turbo Dog, Purple Haze, Abita Amber. Pick your poison, we got em all. I got my dad drunk on turbo dog once, now he calls it mad dog.