Thanks AmI...no he's suppose to be working today and tomorrow...

I just didn't know what to do because I hada TRO, but then I thought I'm cool, I'm in a CROWN of a few hundred people...he's not going to be stupid here...especially in front of his friends...saving face is everything...

Then, he said to the boys, "glad ya'll got to see me!", not "Glad I got to see ya'll"

It was a live band in front of the courthouse, and I was waiting on BC to show up with DS...

I recovered really quick, then I saw two of my cousins, a friend, good music, boys' running around, drank a few "ght" thanks to BC...

Really enjoyed the night...very relaxing, L was playing with me so much, standing behind my chair playin peek a boo or something...

THe boy's were soaking wet when they got in the car, and immediately got a bath, and I let them watch TV until they fell asleep which didn't take long...

So, it just may be something that we do more often...not I have to saw I was shocked running into him, it seems like a whole bunch of thoughts came to mind in the following seconds...I don't even think I was there a minute but it felt like forever...

I think we all enjoyed ourselves...

Rin,

You knew it would happen eventually. So now you got it out of the way.

You did well and today is a new day.

Have a great weekend.

You right I was really concerned about it and just when I wasn't thinkign about meeting up with him...was comfortable with myself...I walk right up on him...

Should that be a lesson in not worrying because it's a waste of time! LMAO

It's amazing how self-centered those WS can be. Glad to see him? As a WS? Hmmph..... In reality, they were glad he was alive. As for being glad to see him as a WS.... well we all know better. So do your children. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Ummm ... except for the "y'all" part ... I say this. All the time to people I'm close to (family and very close friends). It's kind of like a standing joke with my sister, since we never get to see each other. She knows it really means I'm glad I got to see her ... and vice-versa.

As much as I like to jump on the "we hate STBXWS's" bandwagon ... I gotta say this comment, I see as pretty harmless. As a fun way to catch thier attention instead of the norm. Just IME ....


-AmI.

HI, Orchid...I completely agree...he's been like that as long as I've known him...I've always thought that he was selfish...learned over time that the kids and I came last...even next to his friends...

AmI- Sometimes I joke like that too! I understand that aspect too...LMAO...

As far me, I'm not sure if I'm in a bad place or not...I know that I'm struggling a bit tonight...

Really missing him...I'm sure that has something to do with seeing him and last night...I have to wonder how long does it take to heal a broken heart...

I really try not to think about it TBH...I'm still attracted to him...he's still gorgeous in my book...and then a few minutes ago...

L says that he wishs he had a dad like a friend of mine...and he hasn't known this person very long...

WEll, F just walked in, saw me crying, so I had to explain that I still loved his dad but it doesn't change the fact that I can't be with him...it's just not healthy for me...

I said it was like the way that they feel about their dad...that they still love him...he was getting ready for bed...he wanted to look up some love jokes to cheer me up...

F was also questioning earlier tonight whether STBX was working or not this weekend...I said that I really couldn't worry about whether his dad was lieing to me or not...he said that he would like to know...

I said that I couldn't continue to wonder about those kinds of things that it would only drive me crazy...that I had to think about myself and them...

So I guess that it's really been a combination of things since last night that has helped to make the past few hours rough...

Well, I think that F's not going to leave me alone...L passed out...so let me go...I'll be back in a little while...he's so protective of me...I'm blessed!

HI again...on a different note...my HS ended up not getting booked...

We don't understand how she pulled that one off...

It's so hard to watch the people you love destroy their lives...STBX, my HB, my HS...and here I am trying so HARD to pull my life together to once again be the firm foundation...

This time for my kids...earlier in my life it was for my siblings (half)...I have always tried to do my very best...to be someone that they could look up too...

When I think about it, it's being the lighthouse, our flag, the Statue of Liberty in a way...

Even when you don't feel like it...would that be a downfall on me part...to pretend to be strong when I don't feel like it...when I want to break down...is that soemthing that I need to work on...asking for help when I'm feeling weak, instead of going at it alone?

Or it that a fake it until you make it thing?

I don't know...I feel better than I did earlier...need to get some sleep...work on that self-care!

One day at a time!

U R carrying a big load. When you can, write a letter to HS & WS together. You can address common issues that you want both to know are creating extreme stress for you and both families.

I did that with my then WS and my boss. Both were demanding men. I gave my best at home and work but it didn't seem to be enough. I sent both the letter and you know what?

While each hated the other for what they individually were doing to me, only my boss came to apologize and lighten my load. The WS was in raging form in those days and in the fog convinced himself he needed to continue to be an azz burden.

So while one lightened the load, the other added more. The outcome was the same but it was displaced differently, just enough for me to continue.

My health did suffer. My tolerence level dropped dramstically. There are scars I wear (emotionally) until this day and I use plan B for many reasons as a result.

So I am encouraging you to continue doing your best but displace that burden you carry in your heart back on the WS and HS. Give them back their guilt. It may help some.

take care,
L.

Hi, O...I'm wondering if writing STBX would be a good idea from a legal stand point...

Basically, it would say that I can't be with someone that I don't trust and that I feel the relationship was past the point of repair...

Heck, perhaps I can just write it for me...he's fighting me pretty hard on this D...doing some major mudslinging...lying...

I had a horrible dream last night about him...he had me confined to this box, almost like a coffin...and I couldn't get out...LOL...helped me get rid of all those feelings of love from last night! LMAO

Some days I recognize this with the kids...

I know where you're coming from on that one...It seemed liek I was always sick when I was home...but since I've been gone, I haven't gotten sick once...well, I had poison ivy but that doesn't count...

I really DO like that STBX and I are not together...I wouldn't change that for anything...I really feel that I did my best to save my marriage...it's his lost...


On another note:


I went to the track today...for some reason my calfs were really sore from Friday night... figure I'd work them out today...walked and ran three miles...it's the first day that I had the energy, well, ambition to start running again...it felt good...I haven't ran in years...wanted too, but haven't...

This is what I love about PLan B/D...I'm doing the things that I want too...it's working up my nerve too little by little...

We've been out of the house for 80 days today...when i left I was still comforting eating, that's changed, I started drinking water again at Easter, I started walking and now working my way back to running...

I can start working out when I move back into the house with my weight bench...I think I'm going to try to keep that...I was the weight lifter not really STBX...

I've thought about moving the weigh bench into another room once the bed's removed...and I think that I'm going to make STBX and I's room into the spare/workout room and the spare room into mine...


We're also having another first today...I'm cooking red beans and rice...it's something that I felt like I couldn't cook when STBX and I were together...it was a waste of my time, he wouldn't eat it, but he'd eat OP...there were several things like that...

So, I'm cooking a huge pot, F and I are excited and I was thinking about bring the pot to work tomorrow and letting the co-workers have a go at it...LMAO...I know that they won't turn down a free meal!

That would be something I haven't doen either, so, I'm branching out and learning to give of myself to others...not easy to branch out...new behavior...but I think it's worth it in the long run...

So, many people have helped me and supported me...it's the least I can do is try my best to give back...

The letter c/b therapeutic 4 U then send it if you want later.

Glad to hear you are up and doing sutff.

Red beans and rice? Yum..... Share your recipe. I use red beans to make my chili. They make fun of me here 'cuz I call it Chili Beans not just Chili. But in California, there's a difference between chili and chili beans....oh well. Red beans are not aways accessible in the stores anymore. I love 'em. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Keep on cookin'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

LMAO...recipe? I'm a throw whatever's i the kitchen at the time...true cajun here...LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This time I threw some saugage, some honey baked ham, a few bay leaves, some parley, salt and pepper, some onion, and some roasted garlic and bell pepper seasoning...

I'll let it cook for a few hours, mash some up, and sevre over rice...

It's a Justin Wilson thing, the way I cook...LMAO...except I'm not drinking any wine while cooking!

And I'm like you, I like beans in my chili...I don't know if you guys have a Wendy's over there, but I LOVE their chili because they do have red beans in it...

And not having access to red beans...that should be against the law! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, All! I hope that everyone is doing well...I was having a really bad morning but I managed to pull the day off in a good mood, even with both the boys at work with me...

Dentist appt. was at 2, and we were at the office for 2:40...at first they were driving me crazy but I had some stuff I had to finish...deadline...and of course, they wanted to talk to me and ask me questions, and crawl under my desk...

No inside voices today...well, I got everything done that needed to be done...then, I brought the boys window shopping for toys...ALL I heard was "COOL, AWESOME!" So, I have great ideas for their B-days which are both coming up in June...8 days apart!

I've been having a pretty good sitch in my head that I need to talk to someone about but just haven't really found the right person to talk to it about yet...I want it on a more personally level than here on the boards...

Thing is the people I would like to talk to about it...there's no way to contact you all, except on the boards...so, I'm dealing with it, nothing bad...managable...

Like my dad says "Don't sweat the small stuff and everything's small!"

Oh, my red beans turned out great and I ended up NOT sharing with my co-workers...I thought I was going to have a lot more than I did...So, F and I ate them...I still ahve some left...LOL...good thing I like leftovers!

My Spon. called me today and asked how things were going, I told her about running into STBX Friday night...I do think I handled it well, but there was this part of me that longed to be close to him...the familiar...nothing more...it really made me sad...

However, I bounce back extremely quick now a days...the wonderful world of PLan B...

I was thinking about the first "date" I had with him...funny, he bought me a daquiri and we sat out at the football statium, talking for hours...it didn't hit me until today...

I worry about making the same mistakes over again...and I'm not even sure if it's mistakes or being allowed to be myself without being kneed into something that I'm not...so, I guess a part of me needs to accept who I am...

Remember LA's thread about villagers...MOF, I was told before SPon. left to work on my inventory and I think that I need to actually do that...to write it down both good points and bad points...so I can SEE...

I know one that I have to reign in and that's being over-responsible...I have to keep in mind that I can not do for someone who can do it for themself...

As far as the D, I'm stil good with it...Friday will make 10 weeks that STBX was served...so, that's 2 1/2 months...time has been serving me well...9 1/2 to go!

Well, let me go check on these children before they kill each other! I hear L screaming and laughing from the bathroom...I think F's pretending to hit him with the towel ...they're trying to see if I'll come...

Oh, F just walked out with a BIG SMILE ON HIS FACE...I told him I got his number...he acted so innocent! LMAO...

Well, i have 7 days left to court....not sure if STBX will be taking the kids this weekend...it's my weekend but I offered him two weekends in a row...I don't know I guess I'll TM him or something because he won't call, he'll just expect me to know that he will pick them up!

I had a few triggers last night...for the most part I'm doing well, the night seems to be mt down time...the worst part of the struggle/day to day life...

I'm going to have a busy day today, IC at lunch and L's graduation from his program tonight...so I won't get home until after 8 tonight...

I don't understand what it is with me, I mean I don't want him back but sometimes I think about "what if" he changed...I KNOW this IS NOT the case, but "what if"...I try to remind myself that I can't waste my energy on what if's...

It's 3 months today we've been gone from the house, 10 weeks tomorrow that STBX was served...I guess I'm still a little fearful about the future...of course, one thing that I've learned in my time here...especially when I left was that I can live throught the fear and make it...

I can do it anyway, take that chance...

I've been doing some reading on rebound relationship...I hadn't thought to read up on THAT...it's an interesting topic...when I first left I thought that I was really sick but as time as passed I've learned that I'm pretty darn healthy in my thinking and what I think a relationship SHOULD be like in comparison to what I had...

I still have a great deal of self-doubt, but not as much as I did...I still have some things that I need to work on, like when I get frustrated I still have a tendency to yell at the kids verses talking to them...especially after I've spoken a few times to them...

Like last night, I let them play on the computer and warned them "30 minutes to bedtime", then "15 minutes to bedtime"..."okay, get ready for bed"...L got ready for bed and went back to the computer and was playing on it again...I got so mad...I sadi that's it, no more computer EVER"...

Of course, I was wrong for that but I really don't like them playing on something that's not mine to begin with...I don't know I could just be getting frustrated with the whole sitch...with court being so close...one thing I've found is that I'm not concerned with him getting custody of the kids...

His voice and that threat has removed itself from my head...only took three months! So here I am...gloomy day outside...feeling okay I guess...really needing some serious thoughts on my thinking...validation I guess...triggers...the whole nine...

Thing about the triggers is I've been having them but didn't identify them AS triggers...and you know it really doesn't help that I HAVE TO PASS by the house EVERY day that I come to work and of course, I CAN'T LOOK ON THE opposite side on the road, I HAVE TO look in the driveway...twice a day, on the way to the sitters and back...

Hopefully that will end really soon!

Just remember what the waywards on this board are like when they truly are remorseful and want their marriages back.

Your STBX is showing absolutely NONE of those things.

Anger, selfishness, cake-eating are not the traits of a man who wants his marriage - so the what-if question can be neutralized by what you see is what you get.

Good Morning KA...I really appreciate you posting to me...I hadn't heard from you since March went I was getting ready to leave...you really helped when I was talking about the DV, and the verbal and emotional abuse...

The TRO is still in place of course, he hasn't tried anything...even if he did become truely remorseful there's too much water under the bridge, I don't feel that I could ever trust him again...I don't want him back!

Not to mention our core values ARE very different...religion...that's a big one...you are right, his actions do nullify any "good that there was"! I really get to see the person that I chose to M, and being removed makes it really easy to stay away from him...

Besides, if I did go back there's that chance that the sitch wouldn't get worse and I'm not taking that chance for me or the boys...

I refuse to have someone else in my life lay their hands on me...granted he didn't but there's that possiblity...I saw that uncontrolable anger in him...trying to prove his point, and it wasn't working...so what would he do next? i don't know, so I would rather be safe than sorry!

I know that there's that special someone out there that given the chance, I can be loved the way I need to be and love that person too...given time, understand, and patience! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Using the tools that I've learned here...oh, I did fill out the ENQ yesterday to see where I stood on my needs...

Open and Honesty still right there on top with Affection coming in second...funny that hasn't changed since I did it a year ago!

{{{S4B}}}

I know how you feel - I am going through the same. Be strong, and as KA said, your WH has to truly feel remorseful and be willing to do anything to get his marriage and family back.

Just wanted to send you a hug!

Milk

Thanks Milk, I appreicate the hug...like I said I don't want him back but I do wish that he would change for the boys...I don't think that I made that clear...

STBX is just repeating the cycle from his FOO...his dad's not grounded in reality and has done some pretty rotten things to his mother before she left him...STBX and his dad barely speak...and I want better for the boys...

I mean what "good" parents doesn't want better for their kids?

SO, A hug right back at you! ((((((MILK)))))

Hey Rin,

This caught my eye,,,



I understand the comment about self-doubt, but HEY - LOOK AT YOU! Look at where you are TODAY compared to oh not so long ago! Amazing growth & strength!!

It is Great how you continue to work on yourself, but don't forget to give yourself some credits, too.

Second, re:the kids. Cut yourself some slack, baby. EVERY parent deals with that struggle from time to time,,,,,,,,especially when they are under a great deal of stress. You see it and acknowledge that it happens which means that you aren't out of control there.

Sending you some extra hugs today {{{{RIN}}}}

Thanks the hug;) I didn't catch the part BM quoted, but I have the same problem when it comes to frustration! I know it's not something I am proud of, but I think it's pretty hard to stay cool when your little ones push too much. Each day is another challenge for us moms.....

Keep up a good work!

Milk

(((Rin)))