Yeap, there is light ...See I can handle a day or two...even a week, depending on the bill...but MONTHS...OMG!!!!

This has been a major LB for me in our M...I do the bills, he spends the money without knowing what's going on...now if I were to say "we can't afford that now!" Then, I get to hear the [email]cr@p![/email] OR he would do it anyway and I would have to rearrange thigns to made it work out...

What's different from now? Oh, the headache, stress, and anxiety I dealt with...so, I would put myself last with anything that I NEEDED...always made sure the kids had what THEY NEEDED, PLUS!

So, the line up was:
STBX
BILLS/NEEDS
KIDS
ME

What a way to live!

As for the weekend, I had NO clue...it's my weekend but I offered STBX two weekends in a row since he backed out of his last weekend...no word from him yet...

I will be soooo happy to get this D over!!! 295 days left...6 days to court for CS, custody, and use of the house! HURRAY!


Good Morning, BC...How are you this morning...never mind, I'll check your thread...I agree I need some down time and I'm SOOO ready for the next weekend! If STBX doesn't take them "I WILL" find someone!!! I don't care if I have to fork out some money to do it!

:::Deep breathe:::

S4RINB,

Sometimes we reap the rewards of our work and pain down the road some. I think this is one of those cases.

The time you are looking toward in the future will be there and isn't probabaly going to move. Unless of course your date gets postponed.

So keep doing what you are doing. Each day that passes you get better and stronger so 295 days from now you will be ok with the conclusion of this chapeter of your life.

Now I am not suggesting to be still on the bills though. Contact your attorney and find out when you can have your joint bills separated. Liquidate assets possibly to pay your bills.

At this point there should be a general consensus on what you guys owe and where.

The start making arrangements for them to be sepearted and have his taken out of your name.

It is all part of the process. So just look at it and say I don't want to do this part and is there a legal way to do it.

Other than that you are doing great.

Kudos.

Does your state do a legal separation? You really need to talk to your attorney about getting your finances separated. You also could call the credit card company and have them send the bills to you-either by mail or electronically.

Sorry your STBX is so irresponsible.

Thanks guys, after reading Frog's post I called my A...I needed to call anyway to find out when we would be meeting to prepare for next week's court appearance...

So, they said until the appearance nothing will be split; however, I can put together a proposal of the split...

So, I did... and no there's no LSA in our state...Thank you for the support...

With the sell of one of the motorcycles, MINE...we could pay ALL small debt except for 8K, also not including truck, Harley, or house...but would include my car!

He would end up with less debt than I would but only because of the house...which if I'm thinking correctly...he would have to pay me for...about 15K...I don't know...doesn't matter...I'll deal with whatever comes!

I just want my name off his [email]cr@p![/email] So, that's taken care off...faxed off to the A...

Like BC said, one more nail in the marriage coffin!

That is why this time is important. You are getting the clairity you need to move on.

I don't read my old posts but if you looked back at your old posts from then till now things are much different. You would see how much you have grown as a person.

I mean you read a post and called your A. No second guessing just did it.

You are going to IC, yes I read it. Wow big step.

All of these steps are the little steps of a long happy journey.

For now you can pay the bills that will effect your credit report. Usually if a utility bill is late it isn't reported so let them turn it off.

Good job rin.

Tell bob I said hi, whoever he is. LOL.

Thanks frog...it means so much coming from you...my very own BIG BROTHER...how cool is that!

And I really appreciate you pointing that out...read the post then called...NO self-doubt there...I didn't even think about it! That's one of those AWE moments for me!!!

Yeap, I have to agree on the new person too...I was talking to E last night and I was telling him that I can see that I'm more the person that I was prior to meeting STBX...I see something, create that plan, and attack...make it come true...

Like college for example...parents couldn't help...I worked two sometimes three jobs to take care of paying for college, my needs, STBX and I living arrangements, and my bills...if I set my mind to it, I can accomplish what "I" need and today I'm a better person that I was when I first started out.

My dad once told my SM, that he doesn't have to worry about me because he KNOWS I will take care of myself, and he's right...I know that I had my part in the failure on my M, but for the longest time i was carrying his weight too.

Without that added weight, there's no telling what I can accomplish now...LMAO...really was my ball and chain...of course, I allowed it!

You can bet I'll be sure to watch that I don't enable in my future R...I've learned alot of that from you and FWW too!

Emerson says HI! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Of course you are!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks!!!

Well, well, well...STBX just TMed me...HE WILL BE TAKING THE BOYS this weekend and next!

I was nice enough to clue him in on the loan I brought current and asked about CS...I wasn't smart enough to not tell him to keep my mouth shut...so I just ended the conversation...I knew better, his thinking is warped!

So retarded...I knew better, it's none of his business WHAT I use the money for as long as I'm not going party it up! Drinking, gambling, etc...Oh, strip clubs, that could be my next hobby...LMAO

I mentioned that I was going to use part of the money to bring this new past due bill current...HE says and I quote "I don't have a problem if it is used for the boys not on something u and I made"

What the heck does he thinks...2/3rd of everything I purchase is the kids...grocery, gas, and what about daycare...that equals...dadaa...the past due balance!

Am I thinking wrong here? Of course, I know that this conversation IS my mistake! Anyway, I replied that I would just leave the bill alone.

Never argue with an idiot, they will drag you down to their level then beat you with experiance.

Well, we're going to go toy shopping when I get it! Heck, if I'm in the house, I'll get them a tramploine!

No, that would be reacting to RSTBX (retard)...

Of course, I would enjoy the trampoline...or a swimming pool! HUM...let me think!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Well, I just got home...I've spent the day talking with some friends on mine...clearing my head

Talked to STBX...meeting for coffee or something tomorrow/today...whatever...he's suppose to call when him and the kids get back into town! He brought them to a friend's camp to ride the 4 wheeler...

So, I've spent the day in self-reflection...what "I" need...should something as far as R or the potential for R be agreed to...

I only have two questions to ask...will not be drawn into a arguement...will not accept blame...I mean he can blame me, but I will not accept it...

I have a list of what I will and will not tolerate but that is not for him right now...it's for me! I have a list of changes and a few have already happened as a result of the D process...

This info is also for me right now...I am not sure what is going to happen but I will not give myself away right now!

He said that he did not invest 14 years in me for nothing...let's see what he has to bring to the table...like I said "I" only have TWO questions for him...

If the answers are yes...I will continue with my proposal...I will NOT move back in but will take him up on his offer to find living quarters for the kids and I...and I plan to process from there...

Psalms 37:34- Don't be impatient for the Lord to act!

Personally, I think you should buy yourself a GREAT, BIG, SHINY diamond ring and a new yacht and a castle with his CS...and then put the kids in the cold, dark dungeon and force them to work as your slaves, wearing clothes two sizes too small and not giving them any food.

Yeah--or else you could install that "ladies room" that you've always wanted...with the young cabana boys that rub your temple and feed you cool grapes while fanning you with peacock feathers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> EX's!!




--CJ

Ow, I like the cabana boy...that IS so nice!

WHat you think CJ? You know the story! It only got bad in the last year...mimi said she had similiar things happen with her and FWH...we wasn't always like that...

I bought a book yesterday on "getting Back Together"...talked about "how u kow when it's the right time"...I can said that Now, is not the "right time" I need to see somet hings first...not just lip service...

I was in crisis mode yesterday and worked my steps through five...I was surprised...

I want to write on this perhaps this afternoon...I have plans today to get some running in...show...I WILL BE meeting in GODESS WEAR, and going as the GODESS! Then, I had a meeting tonight...

I don't know but I know JUST 4 TODAY, we're meeting with each other...

Oh, I have a pray I wanted to share with everyone I was given yesterday...let me find it...

Here you go:

God, please help me to put aside what I think I know about ___________, so that I may have a truely open mind and a new experience.

S4B

I love how your WH said he "didn't invest 14 years in you for nothing". Makes you sound like stock options or something. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You ARE a great investment-but I think you've done the investing-and now you are reaping the dividends of your work. Your self confidence and new attitude prove that.

I will be praying for you today.

Thank you very much JT...He's said this over the years...I can see where he's coming from...I feel good today...not in a tailspin like I was yesterday...

I can tell you this I'm not ready to go jump into the fire...I've been looking at the Real Estate ads this morning...for me, it will have to be a very slow process...

I can't just jump right back into the house...

I can say that the finances being split is one of the problems in the past...I would have to keep them this way, and he would have to take responsiblity for his share...this would emilimiate undue stress on me...

Regardless of the fact that I may not like "what" he does with the kids when he has them b/c it's not what "I" would do, he IS doing something...he IS spending time with them...

I think that I saw clearly yesterday after having wrote it all out that I need to be more flexible, I have to understand that it's nice for him to understand where I'm coming from, but not necessary...

I have always been over-responsible, and I made it easy for him to treat me the way that he did...well, I'm not taking care of "HIS" stuff anymore...not counting his meds from time to time to make sure that I reorder them in time...

A lot of that responsiblity has shifted, and that WAS SO stressful for me during the M...I tried to hand it back to no avail, and why would he want it back...life was good for him...

I was uptight often, got to the point where I couldn't smile or laugh...TODAY, I'm able to do that...no tension in my life...my blood pressure had been normal the last two times I'd checked it...so, I have to remind myself to be more relaxed and easy going...

I can understand TODAY, why he would say that things HAD to be my way...before yesterday, I didn't see it...I have to also work on the fact that he has his own timing, just like I do...however, mine is faster...I'm a here and now...he's a later...unless it's something that he's interested in...

This comes with accepting the good with the bad...I look at my parent's M and think if they can survive ALL the horrible stuff that they have been through, why can't I survive this...

I don't know...I'm thinking a six month least someplace would be nice...I think in six months that should be plenty of time to see things clearly...of course, I will try to POJA ALL of this with him...

BUT just for TODAY...where we want to be Med to each other...if we are willing to R...I can see why the WS feels that there's no turning back...I can relate to those feelings...it was a diffficult decision to EVEN consider this as an option for me...

Oh, I forgot I wanted to mention that he said that he's left all of my stuff exactly where it is...hasn't move anything...

And, apparently, someone stole some stuff from the garage, he asked it I happen to have this or that and I said no, I hadn't been the house since I left...

He said I didn't think you had it but I wanted to ask...so he had to go out an replace his entire big tool set...he had no sockets, no wrenches, no nothing to work on the truck, bike, or 4 wheeler...maybe now he'll see the need for a garage door!

Oh, he made a point of letting me know that he didn't hate me, and I replied the same...the conversation was pretty vague...Oh, you'll love this one...the locks on the house were changing b/c "I' have one of his gun and "HE" feared for his life! I said that was funny, I didn't want to be a newspaper article!

Just thought I would throw that in there for a good laugh!

Rinners,

Hiya...did you here what johnstwin said? I heard no.

No. No. No.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I want you to think about this, please...your WH lost you and his kids months ago. He didn't wake up and say "OMG, what have I done?" realizing what he needed most in the world.

Nope...he rebelled, blamed, didn't fork over money for your support...none of the wake up stuff happened.

Now, your court date is imminent. Brings a judge into it...and now he is talking reconciliation?

Last minute conversions...what do you think?

If you choose to meet with him, don't speak. Just listen. Listen well and don't react or share back. I am doubting this very much...and there's no rush. If he's awakened to what matters most...he will stay awake.

Nothing to be decided by you until after the court appt...he took months...you take two full weeks to ponder, list the way back or not.

He may not have changed...you know YOU have. You can as easily slip back into that routine as if you hadn't. Don't.

Stay in the mindset to hear and know...not to act. Why not commit to yourself two full weeks before acting...or more?

I think that would be really difficult for you. I think it would be really great for you.

What do you think?

LA

I SAY NO, TOO..NO, NO, NO....

And agree with LA that if you do meet, SAY NOTHING..LISTEN...

He is ABUSIVE, Rin...that BEHAVIOR is extremely difficult if not impoassible to change and such men can EASILY CHARM their VICTIMS...

Rin,

Praying for you today. Remember all that you are and all that you have learned, and wait upon the Lord.

Rin,

You know what to do. If I were you I would make it very easy for yourself.

Meet at a MC as an intermediary. If he really wants to talk then let him talk there.

Anyone can be nice and cheery in the short term to get what they want.

If for any reason you do decide to stop this process get an post nuptual agreement. One that states he leaves with his clothes if he cheats again!!!!! No more BS have him agree to live a moral life or lose everything.