LL and BUGS...you got it...I'm waiting on my A to review the paperwork and call me back...I'm going to tell him at that time that it's not acceptable...

LG- I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the IL's, I haven't talk to them since I left...but I'm thinking that I'm going to let this ride too!

I'm just going to wait on everything!

The more I thnk about it, the more pi$$ed off I get!!!!

Stay strong. If there is one thing I have learned from dealing with a WS in divorce proceedings....they will always think of themselves first. Don't try to be too accommodating. He will eventually have to cave. I bought a divorce book for women and I have been reading it for the last week. Basically what this lawyer in the book was saying is that the number one concern for most women in a divorce is the welfare of her children. Women will often overlook the finer points of their financial settlement to settle the divorce quickly and get the custody agreement they want. Don't be to quick to settle with POWS about the house. It would be horrible if later down the road you and the children were struggling because you took less child support or gave up the house. They are really separate issues. Hold out for an equal share of the home. You are entitled to at least that much (no matter how much POWS is fighting you over it).

As far as the IL's ...

My mom kept us kids in contact with my dad's family, before and after their D. I still hear comments about about how classy they thought that was, even just a couple of months ago when we went down there for a visit. And they still keep in closer contact with my mom than with my dad. The benefits that we kids got out of it were immeasurable. I have family, connections, people who I would not have if it was left up to my dad.

If you've always been the connection between the kids and the IL's, I think it would be ok to keep that connection in place -- for the sake of the kids. I vote for keeping up a little contact with them, just to the extent of making arrangements for visits, etc., unless you think that the grandparents will try to manipulate the kids or they are bad for the kids to be around for some reason, or if they are hateful to you.

JMHO.

Oh, and I agree that the trailer house idea is not very well thought-out. But it might be worth exploring some other similarly creative options. LIke putting a downpayment on another house for you & the kids -- one that actually exists and would be available for you and the children to move in to. A downpayment equal to half the equity in the marital house and half of his 401 K and half of his other assets (didn't you say he had a $30-some-thousand dollar motorcycle?). That could be a healthy enough down payment that would make mortgage payments pretty affordable, even for something nice in a nice area.

Maybe it's time for you to make him an offer. Show him what an acceptable offer looks like so he quits wasting everyone's time with these silly scheems.

-AmI.

Hi ladies, thank you for responsing...I'm trying very hard to stay focused on me right now...

No, word from my A, so we walk into the conference tomorrow with the same position...I have to be honest I was happy no to hear from him...

I'm sticking to my guns...and just praying for peace of mind, serenity and the strenght to get through this, b/c I'm feeling weak today...

I really don't have the strenght to post anything else right now...but I'm hearing you all...

T minus 19 or so hours to go!

Stay focused on your wants. Bottom line is you have not heard their best offer yet... not even close...he is holding that for the 11th hour.
It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman(gender is irrelevant here LL)... you should get what you deserve and so should he.... and in this case Rin, you deserve everything(if you were the WS, he should get everything including custody... again, note to LL). Unless they come back with a knock your socks off offer, wait to see what the judge has to say...most likely it will wind up being much better than what he is offering you. You are going to be one happy camper tomorrow Rin...I can just feel it.

Champagne still on ice,

MEDC

Thanks, MEDC...I'm looking forward to it...

Today's been a really rollercoaster...surprise, surprise...I've been laughing, angry frustration, fatigue, dog tired, felt like I ahd no strenght left to feeling better with some encouraging words from my friends tonight...

Nothing happens for a reason huh?

The nerve of POWS...I was thinking about the timeline...POws called his A Friday afternoon and amended his offer...and here we are today, I'm just getting it...

One index finger for POWS...b/c he's not worth the whole bird! I saw him today, standing on the side of the road at HN1 fixin to cross the street and that's exactly what I did...

#1 baby! He just looked at me like I was crazy...F'm!

This is war and he's messin with my babies...it's mom bear time!

Try to get some rest Rin.

Hugs and Prayers.

Thanks BC, I'm doing my best tonight!

Rin:
I am thinking of you today...you are in my prayers. You'll do this, you'll be fine, you ARE mama bear.

Hold on tight and don't forget to breathe. This too shall pass, and you'll be on top when it does.

(((((rin)))))

My prayers are with you this morning Rin.

Remember you are JOAT - which includes handling this WS warfare <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

{{Rin}}

Today is YOUR day! Go forth & conquer!

Prayers are with you!

SIS- Thank you for the prayers...I'm trying to relax this morning! Going to stay busy at work and wait to hear what the deal is!

E-LMAO...I love it...That's "Jill of all trades" for everyone else! Thank you for the smile this morning! YOu have perfecr timing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

BUGS- Conquer and divid huh, lady? i think the key to today is patience! HUM...that's alot of work today! LMAO

Thank you all for posting...last night was interesting...I learned something very valuable about why I picked POWS...my picker was never broke like LA said...I picked POWS because I was raised to take care of everyone. At the age of nine, I was cooking meals, cleaning, and takeing care of my Mom and SD...not to mention the dogs we had...

So, when I went out looking for someone, I found POWS...I was easy for me to step into that role of care-taker...he was babied by his mom, and I took that role over...which in turn filled my own needs of feeling important...being young I thought that was the way things were...

When I had kids and my attention was turned to them, and also as I started to mature this became unacceptable for me...then there was the other problems in the M...but this is what started the ball rolling for me...it's how I got myself into this sitch...

I was so worried about putting myself back into that sitch in the future, but that's not a possiblility for me anymore for several reasons: one: I'm more mature! two: I have a better understanding of what M/R should be. and Three: I will not do for someone else what they can do for themselves.

I don't have the need to "take care" of someone else...to be their mother...my need is strictly based now on needing a partner, a teammate...

As far as the Sf part of the M/R, a large part of my behavior was reacting to my childhood abuse...one again, it served it's purpose at the time but that's not who I am noW...I have a better understanding of who I am and what I need...

During this time of separation from POWS, I have been able to overcome the fear of the future and what it holds...worried that I would repeat history once again, but having done the work and allowing Myself to see why I've done what I've done that fear has been conquered...

13 months of working on myself...and God's knows how long of complianting that I had a third child when I didn't want that...thing is when children are young you can teach them what they need to know to survive in the world...they want to learn...POWS, had no desire and I couldn't do for him...

Talk about a lot of letting go...so, just with that information I'm in a better place today...knowing the why of it all...my part in the destruction...Good to know...

I just hope that my sharing this information helps someone else out there!

Have a wonderfully, blessed day, and please check on me, because it's been one heck of a rollercoaster ride the past two weeks!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My prayer for you:

Father, give Rin enough strength for today alone - it's all we have. Bring her some closure to her situation so that she can begin to focus on your peace in her life. Your word says:

in all things God works for the good of those who love him (romans 8:28)

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. (2 Cor. 9:8)

We trust in you and in your promises - you have never broken them. Hear the prayers from all of us being lifted up to you.

Amen.

Rin,

Sounds like you're now seeing the differences between partnering and parenting...you're not alone...parenting feels like love...first way we know how to love, isn't it? To be parented (taken care of, done for, looked after, minded)...as children...and so to do this as adults FEELS healthy...and it's not.

Nope, no broken picker, Rin...nothing broken about you. Learning to partner, I believe, is what MB is all about. Key message. So you learning to love by partnering (like me and a whole bunch of others) is your goal now?

I think that's part of the wait after divorce...to get to where you are right now...to see what they didn't know...why they made the choices they did (not good/bad...not what you want now)...and to choose differently. Takes time, clarity and willingness. None of which you lack, Rin. You've got them all. You go girl.

LA

E- you are such a great friend to have by my side...so DEAR to my heart...THANK YOU...I hope you KNWO how Awesome you are!

LA- It's amazing the profound peace that has come over me just knowing that...I still feel that I need to work on recognizing the controller/munipulator...which my SD was good at and of course, POWS...

But I've noticed dealing with POWS that I have red flags that go up! perhaps a result of detaching from him!


So, very true!


Yes, this is my main goal, and I don't feel that will be a hard issue to tackle, because of the knowledge I have gained of myself and the principles I have learned here...

Knowing what is acceptable and unacceptable to me...

Of course, I am in NO hurry to find someone new, I think I will enjoy being a single mother for a while...LMAO...and I've already told the boys that we will hold a family meeting to determine how another person affect our life and get opinions on whoever it is...

F has been asking that alot in the past few months...I have reiterated that I am in no hurry...he wants to make sure that he has a say so in the matter, so I reassure him that he will! That this person has to approve and treat them with respect and kindness...that they will have to be valued!


HURRAY! THANK YOU for noticing! Thank you for being a great friend, for being you, for sharing your knowledge, and for your support!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

Just checking in. YOu know what you need to do is put all your abbreviations in your Sig.

PODS
POS
HN1
HN2
F
L
acgaeijrawejdfj

Geez I read your thread sometimes and get lost the way you make things up.

A for attorney. Heck I thought A was for affair.

Just craziness. Good luck today I think it will go well.

I know I shouldn't do this but LA was right. Your picker was broken. Hopefully LA doesn't read that. SHHHH.

It seems as though you are going through Imago.

You picked him to fulfill a role or need in your life. Not the role of an H. Broken Picker. Now you see your choice to Pick him wasn't based on what you now want in an H.

In other words you are fixing your picker.

Now next time you go out into the world Pick a Winner.

Wait isn't that what you say to someone picking their nose.

Oh well.

FNM,

"I know I shouldn't do this but LA was right. Your picker was broken. Hopefully LA doesn't read that. SHHHH."

ROFLMAO...I think you intended "wasn't right"...or are you just flipping my brain like a rolodex? We can agree to disagree ya know...thank you for the laugh and the pick a winner/nose remark.

I love your posts.

(Did you notice the irony in her choice of current thread titles? Ticking her off about money...how clever IS that?)

LA

Frog- I'll try to keep that in mind! With the abbreviations...

WELL LADIES AND GENTLEMEN:

I GOT THE CALL!

The judge recused himself from the case, however, he said that he would side with me being Dom. parent...POWS's Attorn. told my Attorn. to make an offer...of Every other weekend and a day or two during the week...so we have set the schedule and the para will be typing it up, faxing it to me to review and then submitting it to POWS's Attorn.

My Attorn. said that he has been so interested in trying to be dad that he hasn't made CS payments...that there are four other judges and two of them would not go for the shared 7/7 days custody...so we have a 50/50 chance if POWS rejects the offer if we go before the other two judges...

Apparently, MY judge had heard some things about POWS and reitiated that he would side with me...

So, POWS's Attorn. will be, from the sound of it, telling him that this is the best you can do! Take the offer!

I informed my Attorn. that the house was important in the structure of the kids' lives...if we had to move to another school distict that I would lose my Babysitter and i had been with her for the last 8 years...

The way I figure it is I'm the adult, I can handle the sitch with the HNs...(horrible neighbors), providing a stable live for these kids is more important that these people to me...

So, now I wait for the offer and then wait some more! Good thing it was recommended that we settle this out of court! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Progress...in Limbo!

Wow ... the judge recused himself because he'd "heard things"?????? Must have been some pretty harsh things that he'd heard. That's surprising. Wonder why he wouldn't recuse himself earlier. What would have happened if your lawyer hadn't been sick that day?

This doesn't help the short term sitch though .... you're still out of the house and don't have a court date. Now you don't even have a judge. Does this start the clock all over again? Are you going to have to wait months again if you guys can't come to a settlement?

Hopefully this will have been enough of a slap on the hand that the other side will be more willing to think about an offer.

I'm pulling for you!

-AmI.