Well, I think that things work out the way that they are suppose too...

Actually the offer will include use of the house and his Attorn. will tell him that this is the best that you can do...from the sound of it his Attorn. is on our side...I think POWS pi$$ed him off...

So, I should know something soon...it was good news!

Rin,

It is an Lawyers job to recommend the best thing to his client.

He also has to do some posturing to earn his money.

There is always the chance that you would be so scared you just gave him what he wanted.

This is actually a testament to your documentation and preparedness.(if that is a word)

IMVHO when your STBX admitted 90% of what you said was true to his lawyer the ship was sunk.

If you read back I know I said eventually it will probably be every other weekend and once a week. LOL.

This was all about lowering the child support.

The more custody he gets the lower his payment. In many cases men do that then end up getting them every other weekend.

His lawyer is no fool either. Taking this to court when it he knows what is being offered is the best he can get will tarnish his reputation.

This is a pretty cut and dry case.

So reach your right arm into the air and then reach over and pat yourself on the back!!! You did great!!!!

LA- Thank you!!!

Thank you Frog!!!

POWS has backed himself into a corner! Plain and Simply!

I'm still waiting on my offer to be faxed...

I'm feeling good about the outcome so far...of course, I don't see how POWS can't accept the offer with his Attorn. appling pressure! We will see! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

{{{{{S4B}}}}}

I have been wanting to post to you all day. Sorry, I am so busy at work. I just wanted to tell you that you have been such a wonderful help to me in the past few weeks. Your situation is eerily similar to mine. Your post about the reasons for your marriage and subsequent divorce really helped put my situation is perspective. This was my husband and I to a T. I would respectfully disagree about the picker though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I think it was broken and you are fixing it by learning about yourself and what you want and need in a relationship. You picked, like I did, someone who was broken. No matter what your course of action was, there was nothing you could do to repair your husband. You were loving and devoted but you picked someone who wasn't an equal partner. Sooner or later, as I did, you were bound to burn out and feel overwhelmed. It would have been ideal if your husband had been able to mature and grow with you and become and equal in the relationship. For whatever reasons, he was uncomfortable or unwilling to grow in this way. He may have seen through example that this is the role that women should take in a relationship.
I commend you for the journey you have made in the last year. It is a great comfort to me that someone was able to wade through such a difficult situation and come out the other side happier and better off. It gives me hope.

I am going to make this my mantra. Repeat daily until achieved! I am learning to "Be still" as Ark has posted and to stop worrying about what my WH is doing and focus on myself.
I also admire your strength through your divorce fight. Keep standing firm. My hope for you (and myself as well)is that your husband will stop trying to win in your divorce and start making decisions that move the situation to closure. That is the final piece for your transformation. Good luck and I am sure that POWS will have an offer you can live with soon.

LL... So nice that you made time for me today...I'm happy to share my strength, hope, and experience with you and everyone else!


Congrats on identifying one of your core issues! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Now, that you know that you can make better choices, like myself for your future!

LMAO...

here's my take and I will actually be repeating what LA has posted to me sometime in the past...

God doesn't make anyone broken! I made a choice...not good or bad, but a choice to take on that role...it was comfortable for me...I didn't know any better at the time...naive...

So, as time passed, this role became uncomfortable, overwhelming, like you said...

God gives us everything that we need to make it through whatever we face...

...coping skills...i coped and dealt with the sitch the best that I could at the time...once again, my choice!

Wanting more out of life, and then, finding MB, I started learning life skills...I'm better prepared to make better choices about what I want out of life and who I am...now, I can live by MY CODE of Ethics...

Not broke...I made it through that valley and it's not looking so deep as when I was in it...

God doesn't make junk...people make junk...What did God give you to make it through?

Ambition, intelligence, courage? Identify these things...

Instead of building walls, like I had become accustomed to in my life...I started building bridges, support systems...

I started changing the people, places, and things of my life because I wanted healthier...I wanted to teach my kids that YOU can do something about any sitch you have gotten yourself into...

When I left, I was so scared...and I'm still fearful of what the future holds, but that fear has been paired down...why? Because today I trust myself to make not only good choices for me but for my kids!

Awareness is the key...that's the beginning of the road on the journey that led me to where I am today...HAPPIER!!!

There's plenty of emotional damage from POWS...I heard things like "you'll never be happy!" "You aren't happy unless something's going wrong in your life!" "you look for things to be unhappy about" "what's wrong with YOU?"

It's the chameleon, the charm, the desire to be loved, the fear of abandonment, the fear of the unknown, the control, the manipulation, the illusion that holds us in our place...unable to move forward and certainly unable to go back!


AH, how awesome is that? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Yep, ARK knows her stuff...listen closely! LMAO


I can hope to, but reality is, he will not! Self-centered to the core! It's always been about him...not me or the kids...or the best interest of the family...about his appearance to the outside world...the masks that he choices to wear!

it's really sad that even once this is over, he will not see his part...I will forever be the "witch" in his eyes...for some it's easier to stay where there are in life than to be the work that it take to better themsevles...

POWS is following in his father's footsteps, and FIL, is lonely...unable to maintain a R...doesn't have contact to often with our kids...well, any of his kids...It's ashame!

You will be fine...I have faith in you...look at all that you have done so far! Awesome huh? GO LL!!!!!

I've been drawn to you also and I'm praying the best for you! Take care! have a wonderful day and trust yourself to do the right thing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Look at Rin

Supporting and advising in the midst of a heated court battle between good and stupid.

I hereby grant you 7,000 cool points, a buy one get one free coupon at your nearest sno-ball stand, a 3 day supply of juicy fruit, and a 1 year membership to the walking track of your choice.

ENJOY!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

Sounding VERY good this afternoon!

Keep it up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

BUGS, BUGS...I earned COOL points from BC...

I ROCK!! I AM THE GODDESS!

ANd the juicy fruit, what more can a gal want!!!!
THe boys can have the buy one, get one free! LMAO

Can I look at the catalog please, I'd like to spend those!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Oh, I didn't mention that CS in the offer will be going from the 750 to the standard of a little over 1K...

We have agreed on the use of the vehicles, joint custody, the health insurance and uncovered medical expenses...

The offer will have that I have Dom. parent....

...every other weekend from the time that he picks them up from the sitter to 7pm Sun...

...every Tues. from the time that he picks them up from the sitter unlit 8pm...

...me and the kids get use of the house

...I pay all daycare costs...

...he gets the tax deductions as stated by law (I think, according to my Attorn)

I'm hoping that I get it over for my approval tomorrow!

Rin,

Saw these verses tonight and thought they were so applicable to you with all the delays you have experienced lately. I would say you (and I for that matter) are developing perseverance.

James 1:2-5 (NIV)

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

striven-
You sound amazing today! You also sound together, in control and in charge! THAT IS WONDERFUL!!!!

You are amazing, you seem upbeat, you are a wonderful mom, you have a good job. You are in control of you, and your destiny. And you know that. That is great!

I think that you should go for the house. Let him deal with all of the set up fees, etc. Plus, a house gains value. Which is better.

So what did you do with the cucumber? You never said....LMAO! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Thank You Sadmo...I've been feeling pretty good...still considering my choices in lieu of the house...school districts, etc...you know should I have to make some concessions in all of this...

For instances, if he's not willing to give up the house, well, I say come up with the money and "I" can go find me another house...

Ah, cucumber...well, it was given to F, SO!!!! LMAO...it was about a foot and a half long. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Well, it broke upon arrival at home...boys and their toys!!! Well, half is in the frig. and the other half F ate peelings and all! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Funny, I hadn't thought about the use of the other half!!! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As far as my other options, I have to consider the flood zones, huricane season, babysitter, schools, churchs, distance from work...in my mind, let him suffer...he created the sitch and all of this is a consequence of his actions....

I asked for MC, I asked to work on the M...it's not like I didn't give him the opportunity to get his act together...I was willing to work on changing the dymanics of the M...to put the effort in...to which I say....

F'him! He made his bed...no lay in it! Scorpions, nails, ants, and all! I'll force the sell of the house if I have too!

Thanks for asking and dropping in...I really appreicate it! I'm hoping that things settle down soon and fast... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey, Rin.

You could probably offer to split the tax deduction -- he claims one kid, you claim the other (if you do that, make sure you are claiming the youngest kid, you get the deduction longer).

Also, evenif he gets the deduction for the children, you can still take the deduction for the daycare costs.

One last thing to try to have written in there ... he only gets to claim the deduction if he's current on child support. In our case, BM is allowed to claim one of the kids every other year, if she's current on her child support. She has never gotten to claim them. So it's a handy clause to have included. (It's state law here).

EOW and Tuesdays sounds good -- does that work with his work schedule? He might start skipping out on the Tuesdays if he's workingthat night .... will you have any flexibility in there?

Hope the offer goes well. I'm sure his attorney will be prompting him to work with you.

-AmI.

I am more than willing to be flexable just not in the paperwork...he wants to see them more often, another day, less often, all he has to do is say the word...

it's not my job to keep the kids away...I remember SOOOO well, what it was like when I was growing up...wanting to see my dad and how I felt...so I can relate much easier to them...

It's just all up to POWS!

I just got the letter from my Attorn. it only addresses me being Dom. Parent right now...they said that they didn't want to confuse the issue...

Rin,

Do not, Do not cave in on this!!!!!

There are serious future considerations at stake so stay calm and still and let your lawyer do his job.

You arent' even in a really hostile D.

Here is a link on divorce, child support, alimony and taxes.

http://www.divorceinfo.com/taxes.htm

If you are paying for the Child Care out of your Child support you should get the deduction.

The 1000 you get will be much less if he gets the deductions.

Now if at the end of the year by deducting the kids it saves him more then you then negotiate a higer monthly payment for you kindness.

Just my humble opinion.

OKay, frog, that stuff was a little confusing to me right now, especially with the alimony/CS...

I do understand that I need to file as Head of Household...or as least I got that part...I usually do my own taxes and understand this stuff pretty good, but honestly I'm confused...

The previous offer stated that we would each take one child apiece...perhaps I didn't hear everything when I talked to her yeaterday...

When we get to that part I'll ask again...

I just typed a long post and then boom it was gone.

Don't hose yourself here.

Do a quick sample return for you and STBX off of last years income. Do each one with the kids then without the kids.

Not claiming them could cost you a lot thus reducing the true value of your child support. It would also mean he really pays less.

Say he pays you the 1000 per month that equals 12k a year. You don't file with the kids and it costs you an extra 3k in taxes. He does use them and he pays 3k less because of it.

That is a Big swing. That is almost 300 a month less for you to live on and 300 more per mont for him to have.

From what I read if you pay the child care you get the deduction.

In addition it may not pay to split the kids either. Check that too. I think it may be more beneficial to have you claim them both one year and him the next if you have to do it.

I know you have a Lawyer but you may want to check with a Tax guy too.

Okay, I just talked to the para, she said b/c he will be paying over a certain percentage...he gets the tax deductions BUT he has to be current with the Child support...

Not current, I get them! So far, POWS is not current! This will be interesting!

Thanks Frog...I know that I can count on my Big brother to keep me in line!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin

Okay, I have to admit that I'm having a hard time being patient waiting on this phone call to see if POWS has accepted the offer...

It's not like he has a whole lot of choice but I'm just waiting to see how stupid he is...how bad does he want to get back at me? will he push the issue?

Of course, all those questions I need to let go and just deal with what's right in front of me...this minute...instead of the day...do hour by hour!

Until 5pm that is, then I'll hope for tomorrow!

I'll be impatient with you! I've been checking in all day to see how it would go for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

-AmI.