LMAO...doing good today...POWS called after I got off of work...asked about calling the truck note people...I told him he had to call before 4:30...

So, he's calling Monday, house was paid last night...he tried explaining why he hadn't paid them yet, something about when he gave me CS, it went NSF b/c of the cell bill or something...

Talked about the kids, swapping weekends (he said that he liked the weekends the way it was b/c the kids get to play with HN2's SS)...I have to work on that...

ANyway, decent conversation...kids will be going to the GP's in two weeks...

I don't like it when he's nice/decent...I'd rather not talk to him when I can...he asked to talk to L to wish him a happy birthday...talked to F about his dentist appt.

So, the boy's and I are going run some errands before going tot the party this afternoon...

Darn internet connection...

Well, today was proclaimed by both boys to be "BEST B-DAYS EVER"...how great I felt to hear that from them both!

So, my job was a success...F was the first one to pass out tonight! Followed by me...LMAO...

I was reallt tired when we got home and it was pretty relaxing at the party...

Tomorrow, I relax...no planned to go anywhere really...wash some clothes and rest... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey Rin!

Just stopping by to say hi! Sounds like a great day yesterday!



THAT is what makes life worth living, isn't it?

Relax, Rest, kick back and have a great day!

You got it Bugs, especially being in the sitch that we're in...

Thay could care less that we're living in one room, theie just happy! That's what means the most to me...reinforcement that I can do this and not worry about them...

They are really happy kids...less tension in our lives now...it's all good!

That have alot of Geo tracks now, so last night when they were in the tub, I sat down and built them a track with all of the parts, as a little surprise for this morning.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

They saw it last night and was amazed...I wouldn't let them touch it until this morning...they just looked and awed over it all.

I've made up my mind that we need more tracks! LMAO...

WEll, let me get out of here! I've got some clothes to wash and a few other small things today!

Kids - their honesty and innocence in all this can help carry us. Sometimes the greatest reinforcement is right under our nose <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wishing you a restful day.

Hi, E! THanks for the wish...I've slept alot today...LMAO...I think I was tired, hope I sleep as well tonight!

I woke up to the kids begining to make cookies with Spon. They had been meaning to do it for awhile and haven't gotten around to it...well, today's the day and it's been entertaining to watch them!

They took a nap with me...I said "let watch a movie", knowing that they were both tired, next thing you know...F and I are waking up an the movie's going off...that's the second time we've tried to watch that movie! LMAO I guess the third times a charm! LMAO

Good Morning! Well, I rested pretty well yesterday! This morning I have L with me, he's got a dr. appt. this morning to get his last shot for school!

Not to much going on otherwise, my heart still a little soft from talking to POWS Friday but I'll get over it! I can't live in the "wish he would change" that will get me nowhere...so still trying to move on.

well, let me finish my coffee and pay attention to L! LMAO

Rin,

Glad you had a good day yesterday.

Also glad you are aware of making yourself vunerable to the Wish World vs the Real POWS world.

Stay grounded. Stay real. Stay focused on you and the kids.

you are doing great!

Thanks BUGS, I was trying to find some articles on how to stop loving someone...

I mean I'm not crying my eyes out or anything like that...just sometimes, especially after I talk to him I'm aware of how much I miss him...b/c when I do talk to him it's the nice guy...the honeymoon guy...

It's just I know that we're different people and I don't like the person that he's become...being with him is not acceptable for me anymore...

I've grown and he's stuck in the past of who I "was", not who I "am"...

It's doesn't really hurt, it's like a little pit sort to speak...like a lump in my throat and I try not to think about it...but it's there and I can't deny it!

:::shrugging:::

It's easy Rin.

All you have to do is be a selfish narcisistic [censored] like him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

LMAO...BC, I'll have to practice that one...LMAO...you know since it doesn't come natural for me...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I know with time it'll get better...I was on the way to L's appt. (which had to be rescheduled) and I was thinking how can you love someone who would allow his wife and kids to live the way that they are...

Then, I thought well breaking an addiction it's easy...so, one day at a time...keeping busy, making new friends, taking care of myself and the kids, etc...I'll get better and who knows it may not go away, but how do you stop loving someone who gave you the greatest gifts in the world...my boys...you don't, at least I don't think that you do...

Bc, I know "WHO" POWS is and what he's about...no need to be reminded, that's for sure...I'm reminded everyday I go home to my Spon. house...for the most part I'm in a good place in life...financially I'm getting on my feet, I'm not struggling to pay anything, and I'm being pretty patient right now...

I just scheduled some vacation days this morning...I'll be bring the boys to visit my dad and stepmom this weekend...I added Monday and Tuesday to go to see my grandma, aunt, and uncle...a littel get away...go for the soul and overdue!

So, we have a short week this week, I'll have a short week next week, and the boys will be going to see IL's the following week...not sure if that's going to be for a week or two right now, but I'll get a little vacation from them too!

So, I've got some good things in the works this month!

Rin,

You know my mom has helped me a lot so now she can help you. LOL

My mom could have been here 20 years ago.

Her sig line would look like this.

BW multiple affairs with multiple women. Usually just for party time and SF. No real steady affair partner.
One women who was off and on in between her realtionships.

WH feel as though it is ok to go party and have SF with OW's because I don't party. (my kids get in the way of the party lifestyle.

WH has verbally abused me and on a few occasions has raised a hand to me.

Not a good provider because of his alcholism. Doesn't come home every night.

YOu get the picture.

Today 20 years later when we talk she says she will always love my dad.

Not in love with him per se but they shared a lot together most importantly us kids.

He was not the best person but he shared a significant part of her life. She will always cared for him because of what he meant to us.

So stopping loving him I don't know if that will happen. You just won't love him in the same way.

As far as marrying him and staying married if I were you I would start talking about this in IC.

You don't seem to want to understand about the Frog and the pot.

Now that you have jumped out you know it was hot.

Concentrate on what you can change. How you stayed with him was easy.

You were young, with kids and didn't see the overall picture.

Now you do.

So forget about why you stayed.

As for my mom she says that even though it sucked being married to him it all turned out ok in the end and because of that part of her life she has 3 beutiful children to show for it.

How could she not still have a little love for the person that helped create that life!!!!

I get the frog in the pot...I really do...had it not been for the heat being turned up so high there in the end...I don't think I would be here now...

I was asked not more than 15 minutes ago if POWS has "another ole' lady"...I said I don't know, I try not to keep up with him!

I was told that they could understand that...

from my standpoint, I see wonderful things ahead of me...I can even look down the road and wonder what I will be doing in two years and five years...

I don't want to be married to someone who treats me with disrespect, who is inconsiderate of my thoughts and feelings and someone who acts on their own according without any thought to the consequences of their acts...

Plain and simply, I'm still grieving...but I'm grieving the good stuff now...not the bad, that makes you angry and gives me a reason to do something back...

I like hearing what your mom has to say, that's good for me! Only difference, he was a great provider...selfish...

I truely look forward to my future, I really do...it's just working through the feelings that I have from time to time...

Forgiving, that's what I want to work forwards...sometimes I feel sorry for him...but that DOES NOT mean I want to jump back in the water...

One day, I'll find someone who treats us well...but I'm not looking, not right now...what happens happens...

just a little down today and that's okay...I'll be alright...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

By the way, I've got 27.75% of this D over...LMAO...101 days POWS's been served! I'm not stopping now!

Rin,

Your future is right now.

Not tomorrow or a month, a week, 101 days from now or years from now.

Life is fragile it could be over at anytime.

You live well in the now most of the time. Trying kicking that up a notch and doing it more and more often.

I have no doubt when the time is right you will find a good man with good character traits. But today you are a wonderful person.

Today is great for Rin!!!!

She had a wonderful bday party, she is a great provider, she is a great parent.

All rin needs it to find her Equal. Until then she can stand on her own with her boys by her side.

Your STBX was not your equal!!

THIS has never occurred to me...DOH! Yes, I am a great provider...I get up everyday and go to work!

I was asked some questions the other day when I went to apply for those programs and I was thinking about them...It was parenting questions about feeling overwhelmed with the kids and stuff and you know I don't feel overwhelmed taking care of them anymore...

Not since I left...yes, some times they get on my nerves and I have to ask them to: "Please rest MY nerves!" They love that! But they really are easy kids to care for...

I AM pretty good with the here and now most of the time too...so you're right...

I can remember a time when I was so worried about anything and everything that i was miserable...today's not like that! And I wouldn't change that, not in the least...

I don't worry about money, I don't worry about supper, I don't worry! I'm much more relaxed, easy going...I would have never called myself easy going before leaving...LMAO

That's cool!

LMAO...I can handle stress much better now I think! I was given to anxiety attacks I think! Oh, i felt horrible most of the time...

I really do enjoy my life now..even given the sitch...

You know how I was a ?week ago?, concerned with the timeline...well, i've found some pretty good reason to be patient with the whole thing...mainly financial...I love that...by the end of this month I will have worked HARD to pay off my car, a loan, and one credit card!


So, should I move back into the house, I will be fit, house note went up $100 b/c of insurance! Should I ot move back into the house well, that's good too, i'll still be fit...more that I can say for POWS!

NOOOOO! POWS has not been my equal for a long time, if ever...LMAO...thinking about that poor little frog that I was...

I was talking to my SPon. the other day about writing a FU letter, adn I said that I have to be really mad to do that, that should I write that letter now it would be a sad one. She said that was okay...

Then, she suggested that I write him a Thank you letter...that I could do...as well as OW! The thank you letter would be SO much more easier for me to write! perhaps one of these days! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Just got the boys down...still feeling a little down...lonely...some companionship...someone to talk to...

Just been laying down in bed watching tv after I finshed the dishes...HGTV was a wonderful channel...houses, colors, decorating...

Think I'll put my pjs on and go to bed soon...sleep is a wonderful thing...I think I've trained myself to wake up after all this time...

hopefully I'll hear some good news soon...

Sweet dreams, Rin

Thanks bugs, i'm working on it! I really feel like LilSis...a lot from her last post...

Good morning! I'm doing better today! I wrote POWS a FU letter last night, it's only for me...it will not be sent! I went to bed about midnight last night and I felt better.

I decided yesterday that I needed to go ahead and put new tires on my car before I went on this trip this coming weekend, so I dropped off my car this morning.

I decided that the safety of the kids and I was more important that my bank account! I would have hated for something to happen to us while on the interstate, besides I can do it now, I may now be able to do it later!

I think it was overdue, three years since new tires were on the car. I've been so concerned with them lately. One less concern I have now!

LMAO...of course, I spent yesterday afternoon talking myself into doing it...but it was NEEDED so it wasn't a hard decision to make!

As far as the letter, i think that I need to keep it to remind me when I'm missing him what he has put me through and that I'm not willing to accept that behavior or treatment for me or for the kids!

I really need to hear how I'm doing with all of this...i keep thinking that there's something about me that someone's not telling me...there's something that I need to work on...I don't know...perhaps I'm so use to hearing negative things about me that I've gotten comfortable with it and I'm feeling out of the box right now!

I mean I feel like there's something "wrong" with me, like I'm not seeing what other people see...like I see POWS but he doesn't see it and I'm just not being told! I don't know if that makes any sense...

Well, i had to stop in the middle of my post to go get my car...I was amazed that it was finished so soon! I have new shoes on my car and it drives better! WOW BABY!

That was easy, no kids to hassle with, one more thing marked off my list! AMen, thank you Jesus! he's been good to me!

Well, I better get some work done! Clock's ticking away!