Rin,

Glad you wrote the letter to get it out of your system.

There is nothing WRONG with you. You have known POWS at times when he wasn't POWS. It is normal for you to remember and crave that.

Do not be so hard on yourself!

Stay with the take care attitude!

Gotta run!

okay, bugs, I'll try not to...i felt that i wasn't finished witht the letter...i typed two pages out last night...figured I'd add more another time...

i'm just getting to the point where I need something to happen, b/c i'm starting to think that I'm being punished for something that i've done...waiting, waiting, waiting, and more waiting...

I called about the new court date...she said that she had someone walking over there to get her box and it may be in there...did i mention that the last judge "forgot" to recuse himself from the case so last Thurs. the paperwork was still sitting on his desk....

what more can happen here? i'm starting to get depressed...

Rin,

I meant to type something out to you last night, but I have been pretty down myself, and I wanted a better frame of mind before writing anything down.

My father was an abusive alcoholic (from what my mother told me and my family tells me), so she packed up us kids and left. The need to survive overcame her fear of leaving. He was beating her and could have turned it to the children, eventually. A very hard decision, but a necessary one. I, for one, am so glad she made it.

We were poor, but we had each other; it was enough. I was happy, I distinctly remember my childhood with my mom and my siblings and I was happy.

As I grew older, i began to talk to my mom about my father. One thing that she told me sticks with me, and now that I've been through what I have, I truly understand it. She said that she has and always will love my father. They had children together, they, at one time, loved each other. This will always be a part of her life.

I know now that I will always love PWC, always. Not that I would give him the world or anything, if he left, but I would slowly let go of the bad and reflect on the good. For now, to get through the D, go ahead and remind yourself why you are doing this. Once this is all over, you can let the pain go, and let it fade into the distance. Keep the lessons, but let the pain go. You can then remember the good things, choose to live happily, and still love. It is, after all, your choice, having nothing to do with whether the feeling is mutual or reciprocated.

There is nothing wrong with you, Rin. BIG hugs from me.

SL

Thanks SL, i appreicate you sharing your experience with your mom...i'm sorry to hear that you were not in a good place last night...

i'm sure that things will get better...i'm just so depressed about our justice system...it's been three weeks since the POWWOW and no court date yet...

school starts in five weeks for F and I'm still homeless...i can't buy their uniforms b/c i don't know where i'll be...

I'm trying to live in today like frog says I'm good at but the past two days have been really hard...

I don't know whether to pray, or what to do...i'm very worn down...

Thank you for your support...

((((rin))))

Sorry I've been so distant lately, just needing to BE for a while. I didn't even want to check in. I'm sorry you are having a rough, rough time.

It's sad, isn't it, to hear about women who still love their XHs? That they will always have a place? It just seems so sad right now.

I guess the thing is...we have a lot of years ahead of us. The time we spent in our lives with our WHs will just be a fraction, a fraction that gets smaller every day. We were who we were before we met them, we were who we were when we were with them, we will be who we will be after they are out of our lives.

Yes, it is sad. Yes, you are grieving, and you should be grieving. This is a tremendous loss!! And it hurts, but it is necessary. Just go ahead and cry if you need to, get a good night's sleep, watch a movie. Think of yourself like you would if you had a bad cold, and you just want to curl up on the couch and baby yourself.

You deserve it, Rin, you've worked so hard and have had such a tough time. You would have to be superwoman to keep up this pace.

thanks, SIS...I'm feeling better tonight...i went to a meeting and there was only a handful of people there so I felt like I could really express myself...

I did...I said everything that was on my mind and cried, and it didn't matter...Spon. watched the kids for me, so I didn't have to drag them along...

I stopped off at teh store on the way home for some milk, and I walked through the toy section looking for something for me to do, but I didn't find anything interesting...so, I went to look throguh the movies...

Found the "First wives Club"...figured that was a pretty funny movie so I got it...a treat Rin!

Tomorrow I'm bring the boys to go swimming at my aunt's house, family get together...i was feeling so down that I didn't feel like going but I know that I have to get out and do something...

I also confirmed a painting class that I will be attending on the 21st with another aunt of mine...I have no formal training with art...I have always been artistic, so this will be something new for me...

SIS, thing that was getting me was I have done my part and I've been avoiding saying this but I'm getting/was getting the feeling that I'm the one that's being punished...like God's punishing me or I'm not learning something that I should be or I'm no doign something that I should be doing...

Thing is I've done my part...it's time to be still and I'm not use to doing that...waiting for this new court date, to get into a home/my home...

Spon. and I talked about the boys and their school this year, so that problem has been solved, so I can prepare for that and start to buy their uniforms...

So, I guess since I left work a good bit has been laid to rest for the time being...

It's funny that you said a fraction of our lives because soemone told me that earlier tonight...that these past four months are a drop in time when I think about it...

I think I will do just what you suggested...baby myself on those bad days...becuase I do have to be more accepting that it's okay to have a bad day...I can look at those days as self-care days!

From the sound of it Frog and SL's mom are all the stronger for having put up with the abuse, and them too(Shhhh! My admiration is a secret!)...I'm actually grateful for so many things...had it not been for STBX's A I might have remained in teh dark to his treatment...the A shocked me into facing so many things...

I remembered this week what BC said he missed about his WW, and it was the good times...those times when I could talk to him, and not have him blame me, or him be on the defensive about something, or come home from work in a bad mood...those times where I could get him to spent time with me...but those times don't make up for the whole of the relationship...

The hardest part is living with someone...not that we are having any trouble, we all get along great...but I was suppose to be here for three/ four weeks, and here I am four months...it's not having a place to call my own...being completely out of control of my life...waiting on other people...

WEll, i need to call a friend and see how he's doing...SIS, thank you so much for stopping by, I understand where you are coming from...wanting to just be...you've had so much attention here lately...take all the time you need! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, well, well...got another call from a bill collector about POWS's motorcycle this time...I was nice enought to give them his cell phone number, work number, etc...

Got the scoop on the bill etc...then waited and called POWS...he said that he paid it...the check has been mailed...

Since this affect me, I was also nice enough to explain about interest payment and extensions... he thanked me and said that he would be calling them back tonight to clear up the issue...

Now, ladies and gentleman...YOU know all the wiping down of the bike...there's NO way that POWS is going to let anything happen to that BIKE! LMAO

You know I talked to him and it didn't even bother me...of course, earlier today I was thinking about D-day...there was no pain or hurt there...I was thinking about his lever of remorse...

Then, my mind slipped into an angrument we had about a hurricane that was coming...and I remembered the things that he said to me there, still no pain or hurt...just reinforcement that I'm still doing the right thing...

I have narrowed down the only time I really miss him and I know there are OP out there for that...conversation, affection, and SF...one of which will have to wait...the other two can be met in a number of ways...sometimes not the same but still being met...

Well, I have to finish up my day and go pick up the kids...

You are one strong woman whom I admire. You hang in there kiddo, you WILL get yours (and so will he). Next time you need a good laugh in a movie, rent "She Devil". It's hysterical and I think you'll appreciate the context. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Glad you're doin OK Rin, just remember, no affection until the divorce is final. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

PM- I'll make sure to put that one on my list! LMAO...Thank you for the compliment, I truely appreciate that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

BC-

:::jaw dropping::: <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

What? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

No HUGS! NO KISSES! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

NO sitting close to someone! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

MY KIDS WILL BE SOOOO disappointed if I stop! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

What's your definition? LMAO.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Well, Ladies and gents...

i brought the kids clothes shopping tonight and treated myself to a pair of beautiful shoes...

Came home, paid my bills, and packed for the loooonnnggg weekend...washing some clothes nw, so I don't have to do them when I get back...checked in with my mom to let her know that I'm going to my dad's this weekend...so I'm just about all set...

Swimsuits, check, old clothes, check, good clothes, check! They live next to a lake, the boys will not see the inside of the house till bath time, and probably should be hosed off before entering...

You never know what we will get into...arrowhead hunting, hikes in the woods, 4- wheeler riding, swimming in the creek, collecting rocks...there's no telling!

I'm looking forward to the time away! Well, overdue I think! I haven't seen them since last year, maybe October...no it was before that b/c I tried to leave to go visit for the weekend and POWS wouldn't let me leave with the boys, so I ended up not going! So, I don't remember when the last time I saw them!

April 06', b/f d-day, it had to be...for my grandpa's funeral! Nevertheless, overdue!

Well, I'll be around tomorrow...I hope that everyone fares well...

Well, I'll be gettting out of here early today...there suppose to be some rain on the way and she wants to give me an extra hour of drive time before dark...

Got to love my boss!

I think that I'm going to go through withdrawal from MB, well, the internet for the weekend! LMAO

I called paralegal twice today to try to find out the court date...both times she said that she was calling the court house to find out about it...

IT's THAT A B!TCH!!!! Wait, the best is yet to come...

She's on vacation next week!!!! If I was a criminal I could probably sue! I'm praying to the Good Lord above that I hear something before 4pm!

PLease, please, please pray for me and the kids, that this part of the journey ends sooner rather than later!

Well, I have a new judge but no date yet...progress...

I don't think that this new judge is going to be good for POWS either...

We're making progress!

I'll say a prayer for ya Strivn, you guys have been in limbo too long!!!

I hope you and your boys have a FANTABULOUS weekend!

Thank you VERY MUCH! I just finished making my backup and I'm out of here!

Wishing the best for everyone while I'm gone!

mamaaaawww! to ALL!

Mwah! (that's how DS8 writes it in his drawings)

Have a blast!!

Rin,

Have a great weekend.

Still

Rin,

Hope you had a great weekend! You deserve it. Coming back from a good time, ready to take on another day.

You have done well and will continue to do well. Hang in there.

Remember the little things can mean the most,,,, like having the new judge!

Everything happens for a reason and at a time that it should when we wait on the Lord and allow Him to do His work.

{{Rin}}

Hey Rin - just checking in to see if you made it back OK. It's not like you to be quiet <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

hope your trip went well and you have returned refreshed and relaxed.

How was your weekend????

We are all waiting....

I hope that it went well for you and your boys, you deserved it!