Well, now I'm being given the silent treatment. Please, anyone, advice needed asap. From the boomerang article:


So I'm about to do this. Any idea for consequences???

So do you know why he is giving you the silent treatment? In your last post you talked about planning to go buy the bikes. How did that work out?

Regarding the budget, can you just come up with one on your own, and ask him if he will stick to it? If he doesn't want to maybe you could ask him what areas it needs to be changed. It might be a way to open the discussion.

Hi WfG,

The silent treatment is his usual behavior when he's angry. He would tend to say nothing, and eventually possibly get over being angry enough to keep up the silent treatment... but nothing would be resolved. If there was something I was doing and I couldn't figure it out myself, he wouldn't tell me (well, that's how I see it, apparently he sees it differently). I would rather talk things out - I usually am able to admit when I'm wrong, plus I think it's healthier to talk than to bottle things up.

I was trying to ask him about the bikes, that's when the silent treatment became blatantly obvious.

After I posted, I read over the boomerang article and practised saying some things (sounds silly, I know) and went and respectfully confronted him. He let me have it, a real AO, but at least he was letting it out. He said some really sarcastic things, lots of DJs, and was yelling so the kids could hear. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> He exaggerated, would ask questions and interrupt my answer, would try to change topics when I was answering... I remained *calm* and *firm*. I did eventually get teary-eyed but I remained calm in the face of him being the angry one.

It felt so much better than getting angry and frustrated over him not talking. The boomerang article says that the P/A person is able to deny his/her anger because the spouse gets angry... Maybe my calmness helped him express his anger.

Preparing myself before we talked helped so much.

I tried working backwards to what he was really angry about: saying he was angry before X... then before Y... he ended up saying it was something like Z but he didn't remember what Z was about. He said he'd tried to tell me he was angry about Z only I wouldn't listen. I asked if Z was the swimming discussion, and he admitted that might be it. He said he really couldn't remember. I said I had been trying to keep it lighthearted, and I pointed out how I had specifically said I knew and accepted that he wasn't going to change, I just wanted to brainstorm some other solutions that I wouldn't resent. (Meaning, either I need to understand his reasoning, or else I need to not have it right in front of my face.)

As we worked backwards, he got less angry. He was yelling, exaggerating, DJing, dripping sarcasm over X... then yelling over Y... then sadly tearfully talking over Z. That's amazing. It's also amazing that he was tearful. I've only seen him tearful once before.

It ended with me accepting responsibility and authentically apologizing for Y but not X, explaining why I had felt Y was my only option and what would help in the future, and apologizing for anything about Z that may have discouraged him from telling me about his anger.

I think this was very good. I hope he came away feeling a little safer about expressing his anger. I think I did ok with boundaries - in the thing that he admitted was the most minor, but which he was being very aggressively angry about, I stuck to my guns - I think he was exaggerating and using sarcasm to cover embarrassment for a mistake he'd made earlier, and/or using it as an excuse for anger that was really about something else.

Oh, I forgot to mention the budget... those are good suggestions. We had agreed to discuss the budget this weekend, but his silent treatment kinda prevented that.

I wonder if that may have been part of the reason also - manufacturing an argument to avoid talking.

I managed to discuss a couple of minor items, but I will try to discuss more tomorrow. I am working on getting a budget written down, and there is some information I need from him, I will just try asking him some specific questions rather than trying to get him to sit down with me to have this big discussion.

Hi Jayne,

I guess its progress that your dh cried after his futile attmept at AOs and DJs. I really hate the sarcasm, I'm sorry that he does that.

I've read back over some of your posts, and I have to say that I really feel for you in this situation. It sounds to me like your husband uses arguments and stonewalling/silent treatment to avoid having to deal with things.

He probably would be best pleased if you never brought anything up, and just pretended that everything is fine. From his point of view things probably are fine. The only thing he doesn't like is that you interupt him going about his day to day life with your ideas about things.

I think that you are not going to get anywhere in trying to draw him out of his shell. He'll come out when he's good and ready, and that may not be in this millenium. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Some boundaries might be very useful if you can figure how to set them up. Perhaps if you can explain it to him like a science experiment then he will listen. Sort of "If you do X, Y will happen." And then stick to it.

Another thing that might work is trying to think of a relationship bill of rights. What are the things that you have a right to? For me my bill of rights would be:

1. I have the right to not be yelled at.
2. I have the right to at least 15 minutes of conversation with my spouse per day.
3. I have the right to have a reasonable amount of sex with my husband.
4. I have the right to know when my spouse will be home (within an hour or so).
5. I have the right to bring up unpleasant subjects and dh must set a time to talk about them if the present time is not feasible.

If my DH had a bill of rights his might be:
1. I have the right to a certain amount of sex with wife
2. I have the right to keep my thoughts to myself if I want
3. I have the right to have some time to myself
4. I have the right to disagree with my wife

Can you try and establish some of these rules in your marriage? So instead of "house rules" it could be "marriage rules"?

Hi WfG,

I haven't answered because I've been thinking about the Bill of Rights, and which ones I'd have. I like your list a lot. I don't know if I could get him to agree to 15 minutes of conversation a day, that would be a lot for him. Once the MC told us to try discussing something for 5 minutes a day. He couldn't do that.

His using sarcasm, well, sarcasm is something that he has said he is very much against. He's accused me of it before, but his accusation itself was in a sarcastic tone of voice. I think it's something he's really sensitive to but doesn't see it in himself. When he was doing it, I told him that sarcasm isn't helping things (or asked him, I can't recall the exact wording).

I think you hit the nail on the head about him using arguments and stonewalling as avoidance.

What makes it worse is that I am at the exact opposite end of the spectrum- I feel better BY talking things out. Of course.

Like the budget- turns out he did make sure a credit card got paid, and apparently he has in his head a sort of idea for what money will go where. But I *really* want to sit down and talk it out! Well, part of it is definitely justified, not just my desire to talk. Our present method of paying whatever we can to the credit cards, and trying to spend as little as we can, is just not working. I think it will be much better if it is written down. He spends some money frivolously, I spend some money frivously; I'm cutting back on mine, but I don't think he recognizes where he's spending more money than need be.

I like your suggestion of setting up boundaries like a science experiment. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I also need to work on the sticking to it!

I'm still working on the Bill of Rights. I think that's a great idea. Thanks. I'll let you know when I have some more thought out.

*sigh* I'm having one of those days when I just want to crawl into a hole... it seems everything I say and do is completely wrong. Have I suddenly grown a purple horn in the middle of my forehead or something?

I've wanted to ask something, but didn't want to sound like I was fishing for compliments. But I think I've figured out the right way to ask, so here goes: (but the way things are going, this is probably wrong):

I don't have very good social skills, almost as bad as H (he might say worse!). So if there's something in my "tone" here that isn't right, in the way I post, I'd like to know. I'm here to learn.

I didn't want to just "take" here, so I've sometimes tried to offer help to others, but maybe I should leave that to wiser, more experienced posters.

I feel the way I often feel in Bible studies - as if everyone else is normal, and I've suddenly sprouted purple horns.

I know how it can feel bad when you think your time is being ignored. But you really don't know how what you say one day may help someone later on. I haven't seen anything off about your posts at alll. I thought it was great to have another input.

Jayne, you are important to this board. Your presence is important. I'd love your opinion on my thread, hint hint!

Ok. I'm really struggling here with my FS needs. I want to say what's going on, even though it is probably DJs, and ask for input. If anyone has any suggestions on how I might look at things differently so I'm not DJing even in my mind, or if anyone has any suggestions on what I should do, please tell me.

At the end of the summer H will be unemployed, in order to come back with me and our kids. My job is much much more permanent than his; otherwise I would have happily given up my job to follow him. He likes his job more than I like mine. But his project was ending anyway, and there's no guarantee he'd still have a job even if he hadn't already decided to come back with us.

There was an opportunity for him to get a position where I work. He pretty much blew it by applying too late. (Yes, I know, DJs, but let me just tell it the way I see it and then you can suggest how I could change what I'm thinking.) I tried to get him to work on his application, I tried to help him write it; it was already to the point where he said I was "nagging". Then when he didn't get it, he blamed me for not doing more to help him.

I'm concerned that he hasn't spent the past 2 years looking for a job. His current job has a definite ending; anyone else in a similar position actively looks for their next job while they are still employed. It's much much easier to get a job while you still have a job; once you are unemployed it becomes much harder to get a foot in the door.

I've tried to encourage him, as little as possible but still be encouraging. If I even mention things he says I'm nagging. I've asked him if there's anything I could mention, or any way to bring it up, without it seeming like nagging to him. He said there was no way, that even me just mentioning it in the nicest most supportive way would be nagging.

We are in the same field. I've given and received advice and support from other friends, to a much greater extent, without it being nagging. He could have had an "inside track" to this other position, if he would've just been able to hear me as a friend or better.

We sort of have "his money" and "his bills" and "my money" and "my bills" although it isn't because we don't want to share our money. His money celebrated July 1st, my money celebrates July 4th <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and any time one gets converted to the other, the bank skims a portion off the top. So with my income I support our household for 9 months (including daycare/tuition, school expenses, etc), and pay all the expenses on my mortgage etc (some things are every month even if we aren't there); he supports the household for 3 months and pays his mortgage and other bills.

His car broke down (he ran it out of oil) before we started dating; he went without a car for a few years, riding his bike everywhere. When we married we just had my little 2-seater, which was so old it was paid for. When I got pregnant with twins, we HAD to buy another car - otherwise I wouldn't have been able to bring both babies home from the hospital even if I was the only adult! So we agreed that he would take my car and we'd buy another car for me and the kids, and he'd make the payments on the new car. The car was purchased in Canada but the payments were set up to come out of my checking account. Hmmm. Same for the insurance. He said he'd transfer money into my account to cover those payments. It's happened maybe a handful of times in 5.5 years, even though he makes more than I do (even taking into account the exchange rate) and he only has to cover 3 months of childcare whereas I cover 9 months.

The bright side is, that car will be paid off in another few months. Also, I've been paying the insurance on BOTH cars --- and stupid me, I just recently realized that it makes no sense to pay insurance on a car that's over 15 years old. The deductable is almost more than the car is worth. So I can save more money by cancelling all but the legal minimum insurance on that car.

There were some extremely expensive medical bills after the kids were born - complications from a C-section I didn't want, resulting in 5 major surgies and numerous "procedures". I'm trying to get them paid off, I've been threatened to be sued several times and had to come up with a couple thou on the spur of the moment.

Last January one such thing happened, and I had to write a "phone check" for $2,000. The next week our transmission blew. Another $1,500 plus the cost of car rental for a week. The next week my mom needed help with her bills - she and my family took care of our kids the whole time I was in the hospital, at great expense to them, they had a lot of hotel and travel expenses so that I could see my babies every now and then, and she paid $15,000 for me to be airlifted to another hospital that the insurance wouldn't cover. So of course I gave her the $500 she needed for her bills. All this was the month after Christmas.

When he took a job ("It's only for two years!") that was long distance from my job, I cashed in some of my retirement money, about $20,000, to help H come up with a downpayment on his house. Since all that's happened I haven't been able to put any extra money aside for retirement or for college for the kids.

When H comes back with us, I don't know how he's going to continue to pay his mortgage payments. If he sells his house, and he doesn't have a job, I don't know if he's going to feel that he should put some money back into retirement funds to make up for what I took out.

I don't know how to encourage him to get a job, without it being nagging. I feel like I should be able to help him with advice the same as any other friend, and that it's a waste for him to not take advantage of everything at his disposal, including any knowledge or experience I might have. I understand that as his "wife" he thinks of me differently; but still, as his "colleague" I could help him if he'd let me.

I understand that he might be feeling vulnerable or worried or something (I don't want to put words in his mouth - but I understand he could be having bad feelings about his upcoming unemployment). But I'm also feeling very insecure financially.

I am pretty sure I could support myself and the kids, at least for the most part. But I don't have enough left over to save for retirement or college for the kids. And if something bad happened I'd be in a bind; even to pay off the current debts, I don't think I have enough money for that, especially if he comes to live with us. I could do it by scimping and saving, you know, eating oatmeal, using coupons, buying in bulk, etc; but that isn't how he lives. He buys steak, salmon, wine, beer, sake; all organic produce; etc. I feel resentful when I'm foregoing something I really like in order to save money, and I *have* a job, and I see him keeping the house stocked with medium-to-good wine, good sake and good beer.

Am I a complete idiot? Am I a nag? What can I do to be supportive? What should I do about feeling so insecure and worried about finances? Is there a way I can think of this situation that wouldn't be DJing? My resentment is starting to show.

Jayne, I didn't respond because I haven't been in those shoes, so i thought I'd give you a bump, anyway. How O&H have you been about these issues with your H? What problem solving have you guys done? Are you at the point where an MC can bring some fresh ideas?

It helps me a lot to look at my DJs. You said he blew it not getting the position with your company. What's the information underneath the conclusion? Because it's the information, not the judgement, that helps us get to the answers.

About myself I learned that I procrastinate when I don't have the information I need to make a decision I'm comfortable with. For example, if I don't know enough about my options, and see them all as lose-lose or win-lose.

Now I use my procrastination as a signal to get more informataion. It's been working great. It's even something that helps me and my H problem solve. He wanted to move across the country, but I had a lot of fear because I didn't have enough information to be comfortable making that decision. Does your H have strong fears? Fear of being seen as a provider because it may lead to being stuck in a job he doesn't like?

Okay, that's one side, how to problem solve together. The other side is aking sure you're safe financially. If once you had your mom as a backup, but now she's facing hard times, then what can you do to create that reserve? Have you heard of the financial guru Suze Ormand? She says your kids' college comes after inancing your retiremnet, and I agree with that. It sounds like you can get back on your feet financially when you stop the extra purchases. You can create a budget, and then show it to him. You can't argue with a piece of paper.

Hi EO, thanks for replying. I read your suggestions even if I didn't have time to reply right away. Things are really busy at work and the little time I did have to spare, well I was really compelled to write to mys. Didn't mean to ignore you though! *hug*

Thanks for your reminder about O&H. I tried doing more of that, and you know, I think it made a huge difference! I tried telling him what I was worried about, instead of telling him what I thought he should do.

The first time he got defensive but I said it wasn't my intent to nag, I was just worried and wanted to let him know how I was feeling. Then when I brought it up again yesterday, he was totally willing to listen! Amazing. I'm amazed how this stuff works.

We actually sat down and worked on the budget all afternoon and evening yesterday. It looks like we are ok until about November, then the extra money from summer work runs out and the school year deficit of about $600/month catches up. But we could get that down to about $300 with a bit of trimming, plus we're not including any raise I might get in August and we're also doing the "Debt Snowball" - so when the car is paid off in September, that money is added to the credit card payments instead of going back into the spending money. If necessary we could use that money to pay bills.

So the budget showed that yes we are in a bit of trouble, but it just feels wonderful knowing just how deep we are and how much we need to trim. Not knowing was scary. And not knowing meant we were more inclined to buy "just one little thing, it doesn't cost much." I felt like we were hemorhaging money, a steady flow of nickels and dimes that added up. Now that he's seen it in writing I think he's more on board to save than before.

We also discussed options for him finding work. He actually listened to my ideas without yelling. I don't know if any of them will pan out but it's worth pursuing.

What you say about him being afraid of being stuck in a job he doesn't like, yes I think that is a huge factor. I've been worried about that for some time now. Since I changed projects so we could spend summers together, it's turning out that I will continue to work on the project he loves, and he won't be involved with it any longer. I worry that that will eat at him and come between us. That's why I'm trying to find a way for him to continue to be involved in the project but with us living together year-round. Yeah, I know it sounds radical, but I think it would be nice to actually live with my H! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

So, making sure I'm (we're) safe financially, I think yesterday went a long way toward that. I've heard of Suze Ormand but I haven't read her stuff. I've been reading Dave Ramsey, my neighbor loaned me her workbook for free. (And she said that was probably something Dave would agree with, as a way to cut costs.) From what I've read online, they probably agree on most things.

If we cut expenses down to the bone (but keep the kids in the private Christian school - that's what's breaking the budget) and if H doesn't buy expensive groceries, we can just squeak by on my income, PLUS get out of debt except for the mortgage in less than 2 years!!! Yippee! I am stoked. I'm even considering giving up the home internet connection... although it's sort of needed for work too, so maybe not. And then I want to keep taking those payments that were going towards credit cards, and put them into savings. I've had it with buying on credit. I mean cars also. I want my next car to be bought with cash, even if it means waiting 4 years! H is driving the car I bought in 1991, so I don't mind hanging onto old cars for a long time!

Seriously, that 1991 car is a Honda CRX, a two-seater - when I bought it, I was hoping to eventually have at least one kid, and I was thinking I'd keep it for when my kid turned 16. Now I've got twins, I guess they'll either share or fight over it!

I love my CRX. It's little. It's white. In Canada, in the winter, it looks like a mogul!

I know that we aren't exactly "normal" and that very few people can identify with this sitch. Thanks for listening, and thanks again for the input. Your advice really helped. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This is sort of OT, but in a way it isn't, and others here are talking about issues at work. I need a real kick in the pants on this, and maybe it will help if I talk about it here, as an accountability sort of thing.

I haven't gone into work for a week now. I've been having some sort of female problems, maybe perimenopause, I don't know. I'll spare you the details but I've lost over 3 pounds in 4 days, and I'm weak and dizzy and pale. I think I'm anemic. (Gee I hope I don't sound like a hypochondriac!) H has brought home lots of iron-rich food. Today I think I'm starting to feel better.

(Oh, and I'm an American in Canada so I'd have to go to a clinic and wait 3 or 4 hours to see a guy who mostly looks at sore throats, and I'd have to pay lots of money and it would be too difficult to get my insurance to cover it, so I'd rather wait until I'm back in the States and see my GYN.)

So, now I'm behind in my work, and I wasn't exactly ahead to start with. For the days I've stayed home, I kept thinking I would work on this paper that I absolutely have to finish. It's been hanging over me for, well, for years, although that sounds strange. It was begun BK - before kids - and I never finished it. I need to get it over with, it looks bad to have it unfinished. The guy I worked with/for has been pushing me to get it done. But this whole week I've just not felt up to it. I've tried, but I've had headaches and can't concentrate.

Excuses.

H has had to take the kids to swimming lessons every morning I was too sick to do so, which makes him late to work. Our agreement was that I would bear the brunt of that, because my hours are more flexible than his. If I can at all make myself get going in the morning, I need to take them to lessons so H can get to work early.

Then, my inclination is to say I will come back home and work on that paper, and make some phone calls that I'd feel more comfortable making from home, and go to the library to look some stuff up for my paper. But that's what I've been telling myself for a week, and I end up staying in bed.

Maybe I should force myself to go into work. Maybe I should put the paper away so I can get a bit caught up on more current projects. I just don't know.

It's gotten to the point now where I have so much to do I don't know where to begin. That always scares me, and immobilizes me, which is the opposite of what I need now.

I tend to spend my time doing the Urgent but Unimportant things. The paper is Important but not quite Urgent, although it is becoming Urgent. I'm starting to panic because I don't even know where to start.

There. I've put it out there, for the whole world to see if I don't get any work done tomorrow also.

Jayne, did you read that link the Hold posted in his thread, about how we lose our motivation when we keep focusing on all the bad things that will happen if we don't do what we need to? Like making Selfish Demands on ourselves.

Have you ever been to Flylady.net? She talks about this, too. She suggests setting a timer for 15 minutes, because you really could do pretty much anything for 15 minutes. Like the One Day At A Time, but for 15 minutes. And look for the carrot, how good you're going to feel with this off of your chest. And then tackle somehting you like working on for the next 15 minutes. I'm a programmer, so for this to work for me, I put a lot of comments, or notes, in my code, and this makes it much easier to maintain down the line, too. Get those "best practices" in <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

That said, I think it's a big signal that your body is shutting down like this. First things first, like you're doing, get your nutrition and sleep in order, and see if that makes the difference. You don't have to answer here if it's too personal, but are you losing a lot of blood? Call your doctor back home, the clinic, the ER, whoever, to see what you should do for it if so. We had to take a relative to be hospitalized for that. They gave her vitamin K shots, and we found out that actually happens a lot.

I remember reading something about losing motivation when we focus on the bad consequences, I'll have to find it and read it more carefully. I hadn't thought of applying it to myself. Doh! We're always so much better at helping others than taking advice ourselves!

Oh, I remember Flylady! I've read her stuff a couple times... but I've just applied it to housekeeping. Again, I'll have to read it again!

Yes, I was losing a LOT of blood, it slowed down yesterday finally. I posted questions on another board about it, they said if it doesn't get worse it can probably wait until I get back to the states to see my usual GYN, as soon as reasonably possible. Vitamin K, is there a way to get that through eating? Is that in hummus? I think I remember, one time I was on blood thinners for DVT and for that time I was supposed to avoid certain foods because they have vitamin K. I guess those are foods that would help right now? That's a good idea, thanks.

Well I was too tired to really get ready in time to take the kids to swimming, but H said he would do it so I wouldn't have to force myself to rush. He really is a great guy when I'm applying the MB principles! This summer is so very much better than last summer.

I will try the 15-minute thing, and in between I will read the stuff you mentioned. Yes I will have to comment extensively, so I can pick up where I left off. I tend to leave things in a rather cryptic state and it can take a whole day to figure out where I was! Thanks for the reminders.

Jayne, I'm concerned that you're not taking this really seriously enough. It's not "tired," it's a medical problem. Do you know why were you bleeding so much? You would make me feel better if you called your doctor or nurse back home or in your area and got:

this is what you do today
these are the signs to look for to know it's time to take further action
these are the further actions to take

And what about taking a few days sick leave from work? Would your manager want you to work in your situation? Isn't that what sick days are for, so you can get better? And please, Jayne don't drive anywhere alone, nor drive your kids, for crying out loud; get your H or a friend to take you if you have to go see a doctor. I also had a friend who fainted at work in a similar situation and a coworker had to bring her to the ER.

Oh, hey, why didn't I think of that? Of course I can call my doctor from back home! I need to anyway, I need to order a refill on a prescription (AD).

I will do that in an hour, when their office opens in that time zone. Thanks.

I don't really have to officially take time off. In the summers I just submit the number of hours I work and I get paid out of my grant money. If I don't do enough work, I look stupid at the end-of-summer collaboration meeting, and potentially lose my grant money. The amount of work I need to do to look good is much more than the maximum number of billable hours (2 months of 40-hour work weeks, when actually I'll be working most weeks from the end of classes mid-May to the beginning of classes at the end of August). So I don't earn sick leave or vacation time in the summer.

Yes driving safety is one reason I'm not taking the kids to swimming. Yesterday I couldn't get ready in time, so I told H that I would meet him at the swimming pool (driving the little car) so we could switch cars and he could go on into work while I stayed and took the kids to school after lessons. by the time I got there, they were already in the change room getting dressed after swimming. When they came out, I told H I'd been dizzy driving there and didn't really want to drive the kids. He said "But you can drive yourself?!?" Not sarcastic-bad, but sarcastic-concerned. I said I'd be ok to drive back home, but didn't want the responsibility of driving the kids. He said ok, and he didn't complain this morning either, although at the beginning of the week he had said he had morning meetings and wouldn't be able to drive the kids.

For the past few days I've felt like I might faint, but I really think I got past that sometime yesterday afternoon. I won't drive again until I'm sure, for example I can walk up and down the stairs without getting dizzy. I will also call my doctor back home.

Thanks for your concern, and for reminding me of things I should have thought of but didn't.

Jayne:

Please please take care of yourself. You sound waaaayyyyyy stressed out. For good reason. H has no job. Money is tight. You are bleeding and feel faint and dizzy all day. If you didn't feel bad you'd be nuts!

I hope you get helpful advice from yourt doctor.

If you are still bleeding, you should do what they say after you give blood. Drink plenty of fluids. Get rest. No heavy lifting. And do not operate industrial machinery.

You have given me some wonderful comments. I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you, EO and hold, for your care and concern. I appreciate hearing from you! And I appreciate your advice.

I have been eating quite a bit, and drinking lots of OJ and soy milk (usually I just like to drink water). H brought home fresh oysters last night, yummmmm! (I know some folks are disgusted but that's something we love, often leading to SF! But not this week <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> ) The night before was lamb. We are trying to save money, but he's splurging on the iron-rich food for me. I've also been putting blackstrap molasses in my coffee and my oatmeals even though I don't really like the taste. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Today I drove the kids to swimming lessons (DS5b passed into the next level, but DS5a needs to take the same level again for the next two weeks) and then school, and I came in to work for the first time this week. This was a good week for me to miss if I had to, since the two guys I need to work with are on holiday. But I wanted to get some stuff going before they returned, so I came in and got some lab space assigned to this new project, so I can come in over the weekend and get it going.

Yesterday I got a lot done on that stupid paper, while sitting at home. Thanks EO for the encouragement to do 15 minutes - what a neat trick. The thing is, if I can just get started, I can usually keep going for hours. That's what happened - since you convinced me to do 15 minutes, I worked on it and the next thing I knew H and kids were walking in the door! I even forgot to eat lunch although I munched on some nuts (also iron-rich).

I hope it's ok if I journal this sort of stuff here, I think it's going to help keep me honest. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It's weird seeing what I've done typed out - it sounds so official, like I've really done something instead of being a lazy bum! Wow!

Jayne, I am so glad that you're feeling better, and happy with what you got done!

Ya ever suddenly gain some enlightenment on something you've been working on, struggling with, for a long time? It feels like up to then, your brain was filled with cotton, that has suddenly been removed.

I thought I was one week from finishing this paper. Then I thought I finally understood what I'd been missing. Then I found something else that apparently up to that point I hadn't totally understood, but now, oh now I really understood it... then I found the next such thing, and the next... Then this afternoon I found something that made me think I had to start from square one again, basically that I'd forgotten to correct a mistake in the equation of the main program... now I'm thinking I did make the correction after all, at least for part of the results...

I'm going nuts-o.

So I come here, to read a bit whilst waiting for the blood sugar from the OJ to kick in, and no one's posted on this forum since 3 pm! I guess everyone else here suddenly got lives, and are out doing RC things with their spouses. After all, no one works on a Friday night...