WONDERFUL NEWS!!

I'm praying specifically for you and your family today!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Mimi,

I am truly holding to everything, all MB principlies, and my husband knows MB, so he is on board, no crumbs whatsoever. This is it, for the both of us, and we know it.

I can't say that I trust him, as I do not, not right now, but he can earn it, and I will slowly allow the healing to begin. I am making a list of some of the obvious things that need to occur in my presence to instill trust.

He will reside in his new place until I'm ready for him to move back in. I do not want to move so quickly and hurt my son by my rash decisions.

I am grateful that I have found a peaceful place for myself, because we have a long road ahead of us.

He will be vulnerable and weak for a while..THE WITHDRAWAL WILL HIT..like A CRAVING...

It won't be that he wants HER..but moreso whatever the FEELING WAS that being with HER PRODUCED...

My H would CALL me at those times and we stayed in almost CONSTANT CONTACT with each other if not in each other's presence.

And come to think of it..HE DID WANT ME TO LEAVE HIM BE..much of the time..WITH HIS PAIN...

Part of my list is that we contact eachother, especially him contacting me. It's going to be rough, and I know it. This is the part that I do not look forward to, but such is the nature of affairs and recovery. Recovery from anything is never easy. It takes a millisecond to break something and months to heal.

BTW, Mimi, I have been reading eav's thread, and I do think that you are helping her as best you can. She has to choose to detach from him, and she chooses not to. After years of posting, she now admits to things that she has kept from posting.

I've REGISTERED what you are saying about Eav.

I appreciate you talking to me about it, though.

Mimi, sighing...Is there a GRAEMLIN for that?

I'll see if I can't make an emoticon for a sigh. I'm heading out to meet H for a hot date--we're going to Target.

I love Target. It's an addiction , really.

SL the Lord was preparing you and the fact that you know you are ready shows that your time has indeed come. You have arrived and so has he. It's the rain clouds in our life that makes us. I am speaking from experience. I have had a lot of them. However they are for the most part all behind me and because I have endured the worst I know I can take anything life has to deal. No matter how hard a blow it sends I will make it and so will you all. We are surviors. We all make a difference. It's way we are here. To help one another. I think that is the true meaing of life. To learn how to be a blessing to as many people as you can. I suppose you can tell I watched Joel Osteen this morning. I love him. He is truly inspirational.

We are truly letting our lights shine.

Thank you God!! I'm sooo happy for you SL. One Killer Bee down, how many more to go?

SL,
HOW WONDERFUL!! And I say this as much for YOU as an individual as I do for your marriage. What you describe is exactly as I imagine it SHOULD be. It is up to him. You know this. You know who you are, what you deserve, how strong you are, what your capabilities are. You have not allowed this to defeat you, and you stand strong and proud.

You are my inspiration. You have no idea how much I think of you...truly, no idea. Your words are like a beacon, showing me the path. I don't know if my path will lead me to the same place...with a REAL opportunity for recovery of my marriage, but I DO know that what is more important is that I keep moving along the path of personal recovery.

You have shown me the way, and continue to show me the way...to strength, to wholeness, to confidence...even in the face of bad days, of doubt...you show me that it is okay to have those feelings, too. I don't know that I've had the Eureka moment; for me it's more like a growing, creeping movement in that direction. I KNOW that I am getting there.

Silent...thank you, thank you. I am so happy for you, and DS, and WH, too. I look forward to following the rest of your journey.

Sis

BTW: SL, I get the impression that you are not particularly religious. However, I had just returned from Mass when I read your news. I prayed for all of us by "name," that kind of heartfelt prayer that (to me) seems to be more effective when said during Mass (like a direct line). It just feels as if my prayer (and the prayers of many others here) were answered by your news this morning.

So what happened SL? Will you share?

I'll try to correspond everything later. I'm hangin out with my son and husband today, as well as some of my family. I promise to fill in the blanks.

I am not particularly religious, yes, but I so appreciate those of you who frequent church sending those direct thoughts and prayers to God. I believe in a higher power, lets just leave it at that.

OK, so as much as I can relay now...here goes.

I woke up yesterday, like any other Saturday, and made myself some coffee. I sat down at the ole computer, and checked my mail and MB boards. I played with my son a teensy bit, and prepared to take him to the dentist, as he had a 10AM appointment.

I heard my phone beep, and assumed it was my sister calling to cancel her appt for Sunday to put some color on my hideous roots (she's a colorist). It was a TM from WH "Check hotmail please". My intermediary tends to take the weekends off, so I thought there may have been something of importance, as I had asked about some information earlier that week and was awaiting a reply. I checked the email.

First sentence. "I want my family back." Hmmmm, heard that before. I almost stopped reading, as I was perfectly fine in my Plan B these days (probably part of the reason I opened the mail in the first place). Anyway, I read on and, of course and as usual, he said all of the right things, but this time, it was laced with a willingness and lack of pride than his previous emails. He sounded SURE, READY. The last line of the email asked "Can we talk?" I waited to respond until after my DS's dental appt. (~11:30AM). I wasn't really playing games with him, I just thought it wise to think of what I needed to say prior to opening my mouth.

Well, I picked up the phone and called. One of the first things I said was that he had to establish NC, and that meant moving out of OW's apartment, and I would not speak to him until such a time that that was accomplished. I was truly saying that this was as far as we go until these things are satisfied. He was moving out as we spoke. I told him that DS had a birthday party to attend and I would let him know when we were home. WE arrived home at about
3PM. I TM'd WH that we were home. I then layed in bed for a while to get some rest; the day had started to take it's toll on me. It was overcast and chilly, and I was underdressed for the outdoor occassion, so I was a bit worn out from trying to keep my body temp up.

I relaxed for a while, and my phone wrang his familiar ring tone, for the first time in a couple of months "Who can it beeee now?" with the saxaphone trailing in the background (Men At Work). He wanted to get together to talk. I said okay. He showered (as he said he was gross from moving), and then came over at about 7PM. We went out to have some dinner with DS in tow. We talked about movies we'd seen (he's seen some with OW). I told him he'd have to rewatch some and act like he was seeing them for the first time. We talked about completing the NC letter and a few other samll details about how this starts (DS was there so I didn't want to get too deep). We came home and all of the family piled on the couch (dogs too!) and watched some boob tube (TV) and then watched DS play some Playstation games. DS was put to bed at 9:30PM (he went reluctantly, of course, asking if Daddy would be there when he got up, we said no, but he will be back tomorrow, DS happily bounced up the stairs like Tigger. I sang a few bars of "Beautiful Boy" and DS nodded off to dreamland.

I went back downstairs and watched "Armageddon" with my husband, and, no kidding, it was my husband. We sat closely, and just touched each other. He fiddled with the back of my hair and stroked it. He said something about my hair, he thought it looked good (just got it cut last weekend). When the movie was over (~midnight? I think?) he got up to leave, and we embraced and I gave him a soft kiss, which led to a deeper, more satisfying kiss (church tongue--for those of you who like the movie "The Wedding Singer"). He went home.

We had decided to get together today (I told him he was more than welcome to mow the lawn today, he said--as if accepting a marriage proposal "I thought you'd never ask!"--he loves the Zero Turning Radius Mower - Cub Cadet!!!).

WE met at Target at 11:30AM, did some shopping, had some lunch at Panera, then came back here, where he is now mowing...WHEW!!! Did I get it all. I think so.

Anyway, I'm relishing this honeymoon period, as I know the hard work starts tomorrow, when he's at work. Also, reality is not sunshine and posies. DS can get cranky, I have to discipline, life is a parade of chores mixed with beauty, and that is coming. It's go time, and he's on the line. He did say, last night, as I told him that life is going to begin to take over, "If we fail recovery this time, it will be because of you", in response to me saying that this is it, he has to stick it this time...

Hope you guys have your reading glasses on...

Oh, and about prayer, by all means keep them coming, I know god is listening.

Princessmeggy, if you're out there, WH twisted his ankle a couple of weeks ago; swelled up a bit, and had to have X-rays, so that whole 'breaking' them thing seems like it has some foundation and merit... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh SL was that Wedding Singer reference for me. That's so sweet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I am so happy for you. I am certain things will work out for you. I hope you enjoy you all's time together.

Thanks for sharing the whole story. I did notice you were pretty "silent" yesterday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And about meggy...not only "broken," but in both cases it had to do with feet...brought to their knees...

Amazing. I'll keep the prayers coming. (I wasn't very "religious" either, until this...and felt I had to go back to my roots a bit; my dad was religious, and people here have helped)

I have to tell you...I was so delighted...your news made my day! I had made a playlist yesterday that I named "Tuff Chix" --all feel good songs and strong women singers--and loaded it on the iPod last night. I was cleaning windows in the attic with it on this afternoon while the DSs tidied up the space, and I just started dancing around to "Days Go By" by Keith Urban. The boys laughed at me, but DS8 joined in. I felt great, just great...imagining you, so happy for you!

SL ~ this is good news. Where is your H living now? Steve Harley recommends that you start living together as soon as possible. I don't mean to say have your husband move home NOW, but he needs to do so after a few weeks (after moving mountains to prove he's now accountable).

Wow. All I can say is wow. Oh, and cool... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You're right though. The really hard work starts now. You are so fortunate that you've got this site and all these people to support you and keep you from making some of the mistakes I did in early recovery. Be patient... he'll have to be patient too. What I learned is that it's not a switch that you can flip on and off. More like a big ole generator that has to be primed, is slow to power up, before it runs smoothly. And then there's the maintenance required to keep it going. Nope, nothing simple about it.

Again. Wow. and Cool.

Steve recommended the quick move-in to me, too.

Your H is soooo vulnerable...despite what he may SAY...

As you know, it will only take that ONE WEAK MOMENT...

SL,

Good to hear good news. You've got a good supporter with Mimi by your side. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Keep up to the good work. This is for both you and your H.

I am happy for both and appreciate you being cautious. This is the right way to handle it. I am proud of your progress.

Please give him our best (if that's ok). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Aloha from the middle of the big blue,
L.

Silent,

This is great news and it couldn't happen to a better person. I am so happy for you.

I'll keep you and your H in my prayers... and especially your dear little boy.

Still