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Gee, I'm a neighbor too! Live in Plano and work in downtown Dallas. (PM waving) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by princessmeggy; 05/10/0701:59 PM.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
OH, I didn't realize they won't even admit to KNOWING each other. You would have your answer then cause why would she say yes to accept a collect call from a STRANGER?
Yes, except that it won't tell her if the A is currently ongoing or not. Could be that it was over long ago and OW is hoping to reconnect... Hubby can still deny anything going on now. She needs info that proves what's going on now. It may start a big confrontation that leads (W?)H to take A further underground. That was my concern.
Me, 43, 2 online EA's 2006 DH, 45, 2DDs, 16 & 9 Married 23 years.
It may start a big confrontation that leads (W?)H to take A further underground. That was my concern.
Yeah, this is true. I agree. This may not be a smart idea.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
MAZ and Meggy (that has a nice ring to it) yes, and yes - IF she accepts the call from him it will at least answer that I am not completely coo coo here - as they have both said - duh... but, yes... this may be my only chance to get some info... so I do not want to blow it... I do think I may be close to zeroing in on them. This plan does have possibilities if I do it correctly...
Neak - thanks so much... he is a company driver - all 48...gone for 2 - 4 weeks at a time... truck has company gps.... does me no good.... (I think)
This winter when getting new cells I wanted to get him one with a gps.. he threw a fit !!! red flag -- so backed off...
About the cells - I got two Sprint phones, his having a gps.. really only for directions - as he is usually handed wrong directions and complains constantly about it.. So, I thought this would help him out, exactly what he needs.
Nope, he found out what kind of phone I had gotten him, he threw a fit !! I tried to calmly remind him about wrong directions and he said he could deal with it.. actually the gps would not help ME find him -- but the Family Locator would !! Which I had gotten put on his phone without his knowledge. Thought I was real smart...
Before he came home (this past Jan) having both phones here... I used mine to call his and use the Family Locator to see where the phone was... thought it was a brillant idea...
Well.. once I put in his cell number -- it sent a message to his phone alerting it/him that my phone number was trying to locate him... oh darn it... that would not work one bit... sadly I returned the phones and continue to use our Cingular ones...
But, him threwing such a fit about the gps phone.. him wrongly assumming that since it had a gps on it, like the one of his truck does.. he thought I would be able to locate him.. no such luck....but sent me another red flag
thanks so much <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
Ok, so you can now use his fits as a tool against him.
Learn to give the look that raises a question. Or say, hm..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Ex:
WS: I hate GPS and hate that you want to control me.
BS: Well, GPS is to help you so when you do get lost you won't have to embarass yourself by asking for directions. The control piece is a work in progress. Btw, what are you doing again to restore my trust in you?
Ws: Well, I'm NOT seeing anyone. I don't know.
BS: Hm.... then are you sick or something? Your anger level is waay off. Just seems like you've got stuff to hide....like before, remember?
Ws: Well, I don't.
BS: Hm.... thanks for sharing. Gotta go.
I have done this before. Now when my H hears a Hm.... he immediately reflects his actions. This is important.
Thanks L... I understand what you are saying... and will use that when he acts like that...
I so like the idea of the collect call too... it just seems so appropriate.... that if she does not take the call... then I know at least, it is not her and focus my energy elsewhere...
If she bites ~ I can say something like - uh... why are you taking a collect call from my husband ??
She will prolly hang up and there will be trouble in affair land.. right ???
thanks so much for the help... still trying to perfect my plan.... (for once)
Do you know what really helped me tremendously, when I reached an impasse, with wanting to obtain information. Was contacting Steve Harley directly...
You be amazed at how SH helped me acquire/access certain records of what I needed to know cooperatively from my xh. I was at frustrating place of not being able to access company cellphone/pagers records. Not knowing what waz up?
I wanted accurate info to decide whether I needed to start interviewing a series of lawyers, start the dv proceedings, on both our behalfs. Start closing joint accounts, interview realtors, call the lock smith to change locks.
Packed up very nicely all my xh belongings, moved them into the garage, everything neatly organized, packed. Cleaned up the entire house/yard, painted the basement, deck, did alot personal self care, etc....
My xh was just to pre-occupied with all his affairs, spending all our hard earned finances. Thought I would make an investment for him, of a lifetime....
I felt with all the deceit&distress my xh put me through, contacting SH was my personal compensation for the yrs of damage my xh put myself/children through.
One of my best personal investments too work on me, on my healing. Then invited xh into my counceling sessions with SH.
Too bad, my xh forgot his all his notes/binder full of homework/MB stuff and his MB T-shirt behind....As well, as failing to return SH calls to clear himself....which xh told our kids, he couldn't afford to do, as he wasn't having any affairs.
(But his budget was only alotted for himself, gf's, buddies.... ski trips, golfing, spa pkgs, dinners out, vactions, jewerly, etc...)
One thing I did leave on the bookshelf-still retain, other than family photos for the kids. Thought to myself, well he could at least do that on his own. Hmmmmm. Busy guy...LOL...
My xh felt our marriage/home was only a convenience stop made exclusively for him.The kids/I were just only his props. See where we had perspective/priority issues?
So contacting SH might be a good option, for you as well, if you feel really stuck, as well as the other suggestions.
I feel bad for you in this state.... remembering what that needless anxious limbo state felt like...
I just feel stuck and also feel in my heart of hearts that they have been in contact by phone at least, still.
He completely pulled the wool over my eyes for many years and that really is very hard for me to deal with... hard for me to believe that - since he is so good at it - he has stopped doing it....
I suppose I have put myself at a crossroad - again - and am scared to even open my eyes - much less move ....
If only - somehow - I could find out what the heck is going on in MY life !!!!
Thanks so very, very much for being there for me Sky... YOU are a blessing
Sincerely meant, you have been such a wonderful blessing too me as well!!!!
Hard isn't it.... I know what stuck sure feels like!
Truth is, you are one strong, courageous, woman, mother, person!!! You have raised your kids through the hardships of life& hard men!!!
I truly belive that the Harley's could really help see you through this difficult complex process!!! Hope you can treat yourself!!!
You deserve, COMPASSIONATE support!!!
Hope your weekend is celebrated in a special way!!! Happy Mother's Day!!!
Have lots on the go here... want you to know we're not the first this happened too, or the last!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> A song that comes to mind... Martina Mc Bride... Broken Wing
Wanted to check in with you, & see how you were doing? Hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day today!
Meant to include in my above post that you have been a wonderful wife to your husband's... I was so rushed yesterday, wanted to post to you & make sure you were all right???
My kids& sil surprised me yet again. I just got totally spoiled. Last weekend, they all pitched in with all the yard work, which I really appreciated!!!
Today, they put on a lovely delicious breakfast& presented me with lovely photos of themselves which my daughter took, framed. Perfect gift, she knows me so well. Gush, tears came streaming down my face…
We had a riot this morning laughing, at their wonder baby/toddlers development yrs& all our funniest treasured moments!!!
My children really have been my true teachers in this life. I am so glad they each taught me what the real priorities in life were really about. I am so grateful that I walked way from a lot this world had to offer, nothing could compare to the beautiful joy’s each child of my brought. Being with them throughout their lives, nice to have those deep satisfying enriching memories.
It was bothersome today to deal with the tainted enmeshment memories with all the terrible, cruel, hardhearted things my xh did. This month is the hardest month’s of my life to deal with.
It’s my Charles Dickson month, it was the worst of times& best of times.
The best part was carrying/giving birth to my son. The worst time/pt of my life was being with my xh, his family & mine. Gosh, how I wished at that time there were safety places, supports to run back then. I would have never ever, ever returned. The thoughts that enter a desperate dispairing pregnant woman were not an option. (I was really stuck, stucker, really stuck, stuck again, Stuck...)
My children brought out the very best in me, tough hard disciplinary coaches those two, lots of fun& full adventure. Very nice to day, not having my xh presence around to upset the day, our lives with all his bad attitudes, deceitfulness, tantrums due to all his adulteries& his excesses.
Peace& calm pervaded our home atmosphere. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
So hope your doing better, hope your kids just surrounded you with all the might of their real love….Remember, every little step, tiny step, micro steps, in the right directions counts... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
The mirage of marriage really hurts when is so marred!
You know what, I might do what you suggested... calling Steve. I need direction here....
Actually, I have talked with him before and .... well... I really think that HE may have the answer to this...I do know that I can't go on much longer the way I have been.
Mother's Day was wonderful for me. Since my first marriage was so horrid, the kids and I bonded during all the storms and are very close... There is really nothing that they would not do for me..... I am humbly very proud of them...
Thanks so very much Sky.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
I am so happy your Mother's Day was celebrated wonderfully!!! Sounds like all your kids are all pretty special bunch!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Makes my heart glad to know your relations with you/kids are so closely bonded! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
How wonderful you have considered re-contacting Steve!!!YEAH!!! NOW that's HARMONIOUS music to my ears! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Super arial leap step ____in the right direction___....>
Finding the right professional with the right quality of expertise, can really help correct & monitor these complex situations, without empathetic failure!!! Makes such a difference!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Besides, can you imagine the caseloads files of other drivers spouses before you, that contacted him facing the similar roadblocks??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Maybe you just weren't ready for certain reasons for any major transitional steps, when you contacted Steve. OKAY Too!!!
Consider, it a practice pre- trial warm up step... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
If just one tenth of your enthusiasm, kindness and optimism brushed off onto me ~ that would be a start !!
Thanks again for the encouragement....
(while I have your attention Sky, can you please share with me how to post here in colors !!! slowly <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
A couple of song for you today!!! I know how hard it is, when you have so much on your mind& your heart weighs heavy!Overwhelming.Praying for your courage& strength!!!
It's all right there in your heart already!!!We forget!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
More of my favsss, helped me through my rough patches....
Broken Bridges (Willie as always, knows where it's at. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />...)
Hey glad you could find some comfort, enjoyment in that song. Getts me every time...
I'm sure you do know about happiness being on the inside. When you have someone constantly erroding your personal happiness, your family, life& dreams.
We don't feel so good!!!
Well, hey we can't exactly go out& get a plummer to stop all the martial discord leaks...The problem is immediately fixed....It's far more complicated as you well already know, lived through& experinced more than your fair share....
Another positive step for you in reading your book. Must be extremely difficult to absorb, concentrate, process with all the distress,tension, grief your under. All your stress indicators blinkers are working over time.
You wonder why your not feeling great. Remember, I am no longer living in bondage with my xh, makes a huge difference, not living in constant turmoil.
We all have our limits.
I can well imagine how.... exasperated .... you must feel!
Regarding using the color fonts. In the next section of the editing thread, after pressing continue here. Look over to third box over where the graemlin icons- slide over to the color font box.
Point your mouse onto a color. Click on. Brackets appear with the color. Simply type insert your word/sentance in between the brackets. Repeat the same thing with another color...
Do a highlite save of your entire post. Press continue. From there you will be able to view your actual colored highlites, icons, post, etc. Press submit... Voila...
Hope you sleep well, tomorrow is a better day... It's been a long but productive day! I really enjoyed sharing with you, but I am saddened by your situation.
You don't deserve to be retraumatized like all over again. Think you have suffered quite enough!
Although your exhausted, discouraged, and who wouldn't be in your circumstances.... You are much STRONGER than you think at this time!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />[color:"blue"]((([/color] [color:"red"] Your a wonderful great PERSON [/color] [color:"purple"]!!!! [/color] [color:"blue"]))) [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
