Okay, here come the 2x4's because I and we care about you.

They, your daughters, are in the middle of it. It is time to hold her accountable. Get an attorney, file for D asking for primary placement for the children, child support, citing adultery and abandonment, file to have OM not be exposed to your children, keep the home.....etc...

It's past time that you protect yourself and your children from this out of control and entitled woman.

My son said to me once, "I'm just going to marry a woman who will let me do whatever I want."

I, as his mother, set the example for him that he could get away with what he pleased.

Those words helped to wake me up.

Think what sort of a life is in store for those daughters of yours if you continue to tolerate D-day after D-day. They are better off knowing that marriage vows are to be taken seriously and effort is to be made to protect yourself from sliding into an affair with another person.

If she returns, you want it under conditions that eliminate the possibility of another affair -- you two together 24 hours a day.

History will repeat itself in your children. I blew it. My son just turned 12. He'll see changes in the next few years, because I realize time is slipping away. I want him to go into marriage with a commitment to care, not an understanding that you can get away with anything so long as you marry a woman who will accept you for who you are -- and whatever behavior you choose to define as who you are.

Cherished

mine are both 9, soon to be 10. they both know daddy is NOT allowed in the house. And they know it is because mommy and daddy aren't together anymore. i don't go walking into daddy's ow's new house and he doesn't walk into ours. she left, she abandoned. she need to have a taste of what not living there is like. she lost the right to just walk right into and out of the home. CHANGE THE LOCKS. It is as easy as that.

Is it in both of your names? get it refinanced into just yours. have her sign that deed over to you.
your kids will need to know to bring whatever they may need with them when they go to mommy's because when you aren't home mommy will not be able to get into the house. period. and when you are home, YOU go and get what they need. she should not get to go into that house at all.

she needs some severe slaps of reality, GIVE THEM TO HER.

my ex does not even come on the property let alone into the house. he put some stuff in the garage the other day while i was gone and he best not even do that much again.

mlhb

Sorry to tell you this, but they ARE in the middle of it. And the woman your WW is put them there, AND you have allowed it to continue.

I agree that your marriage has not recovered, your WW had 4 affairs (that you know of) in less than 10 years.

Put your own desires aside and think about what kind of example she is setting for your kids. DO you want your kids to think this is just the way people behave.

You simply (and I know this isn't simple or easy) realize and accept that this woman you think your wife "could be" doesn't exist. She is a ghost, a fantasy.

The woman she really is will continue to break your heart again and again. You need to decide if you want that, or if you want to recover and move on.

It's your decision.

Who

Howmuchmore.

""Do I tell them mommy's not allowed in the house""

Yes sir, that is eggzachery what you do. And unfortunately you must explain to them WHY!!

In the new Webster's Dictionary, under "MARRIAGE MARTYR" the example picture is one of YOU, it says Howmuchmore - Marriage Martyr.

You really need to find your spine and stand up for yourself and your children. Turn that anger that is "EATING YOU UP" into positive pro-active action to protect yourself from her.

What ever happened to Plan B? The biggest advantage to plan
B is that you dis-connect from the drama, your WW and her TOXIC behavior. Maybe you can let go of the anger or let it diminish. Concentrate on yourself and your kids.

You need to go to a dark plan B to SURVIVE!!

IMHO

kirk

AMEN!!

I went back to the very first post and read this again. I think this says it all. I'll repeat - you were perfectly fine with the other three A's because WW came running home begging forgiveness. This gave you power/control. You were in charge of the M. Why? Because that is the life you BOTH chose. Whatever it is broken in your make-up made this situation attractive to you. It fulfilled a huge EN. Those A's defined your M.

Now WW has suddenly changed the rules of engagement. You no longer have any choice in the matter. You are now forced to play the game solely on WW's terms. You view this sudden paradigm shift as unfair. Well it is unfair but for the wrong reason.

It is not the A that makes you angry HMM, it is that you have now lost control over WW. She has emasculated you and you don't know what to do about it. You've never been in this position before. I honestly believe that if WW came running back to you right now begging forgiveness, you would welcome her back with open, loving arms .... until she did it again....and again....and again...

You have been dealing with this unresolved issue since 1998. Your children have had this in their lives for just as long. It is has been a burden of a lifetime for them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Get your children in IC immediately.

Call Jennifer C to get a recovery plan going.

How long have you been in IC/MC?

Please read the link in my sig line about the stages of grieving. You will find where you anger is on your recovery journey. What lies ahead and how to get there. It will then help you make a plan to move forward with the lives of you and your children.

Honoring the M does not mean to stay M to a serial WS. Make sure you have done a stellar plan A then head to plan B, then plan D as needed ASAP.

L.

Friend, please stop this abuse. Don't do it for yourself. Do it for your children.

You have gotten great advice so far. I know a big part of you hears it, but doesn't want to face the reality. I know because I've been in your shoes. I heard all kinds of advice on this forum. I thought my situation was unique and my wife was unique. She wasn't and isn't.

I can imagine forgiving a spouse once for an affair or infidelity. Twice? Then you're asking to be abused. The pain of the betrayal is so deep that I cannot possibly comprehend the idea of forgiving over and over again.

Please think of the example this sets for your children. What are you teaching them about marriage? You may say to yourself that you're teaching them that you simply don't quit and you forgive. Well, if the indescretion is only occurs once, that's a different story. But if it happens over and over then you're teaching your kids that it is ok to be treated this way to be abused continuously.

Don't fool yourself for one second. You are being abused. The toll this is taking on you physically will lead to an early grave. Trust me. Your blood pressure alone and the stress on your heart are going to take years off your life.

This is abuse and it is of the worst kind because it is not physical. These kind of scars take forever to heal.

Believe me, there's plenty of great women out there who find infidelity to be abhorrent and who would be better examples for your children than your wife is. I see that myself now that I'm single. I've met so many women who are leaps and bounds above my ex in terms of what being a strong, independent, emotionally healthy woman is supposed to be. These are the women I wish to have in my kids lives as an example to them. My ex is a shameful example of both a mother and a wife. She'll continue to be one until she faces her own demons and quits running from them.

So, do you want to continue showing your kids that it is ok to be abused this way?

HMM, I am copying this from a website that has been quite useful to me recently as I learn how to set boundaries in my life. the true nature of love