You've been seeing her for a year?

She's been seeing someone else for two years?

Is she cheating on you?

Is she cheating with you?

I could not disagree with this more. MB principles are not merely about affair recovery, but rather about making your life with someone amazing. They can be used with a relationship based in marriage, dating, even adapted to family and friends.

But my main reason for posting is to say “yay!” to JL... I am just starting back into the dating scene myself after a several-decade absence, and could not agree more (yeah… agreeing with JL... next thing you know, I’ll really go out on a limb and agree with K on something). AGG is more aware of the details than I’ll ever be able to post about, but I am *just* beginning what may possibly be a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman of 42. She is the most together and thoughtful woman I have ever met (well... at this early stage, anyway), and I am looking forward to finding out more. She didn’t even run when I gave her ample reason to by over-reacting to an early miscommunication, but rather calmly set things back on their proper course. She also happens to be beautiful, which of course doesn’t hurt, but we corresponded for a bit before I found out what she looked like.

No matter how much a young little body may turn the head, there is nothing like a woman of experience and sophistication to really get the blood flowing.

As far as the topic at hand... eh; I hope you dumped her, gblogbd. But from the look of things, I would tend to doubt it… you wouldn’t be the first here who begged for advice, only to rationalize and re-rationalize doing the exact opposite… all the while saying how much you need and will implement the advice given.

You said you agreed to exclusively date? Aren't you a little old to be going steady?

What was that conversation like. Who brought it up? You or her?

Marriage is a promise to foresake all others. Engagement is a promise to marry. Dating is dating. Dating is about taking the time to learn more about the man or woman incase we do hope to someday them marry. Dating is about trying on different relationships for size. Sounds like that is what she has been doing all along. And that is what you should be doing--not telling her she is just like your ex and playing high school mind-games on her. Geesh!!!!

Dude! If it bothers you that she is seeing another person, then break up with her. If it doesn't, stay with her. The one option you can't have is for her to suddenly give up the other person because you want her to...as somebody said, she is cheating with you on the other dude! And the reason she doesn't want you to meet her friends is because they don't know about you, only the other guy most likely.

So, she is letting you meet her Emotional Needs as well as the other guy, and is probably not meeting that many of yours on a consistent basis. Are you telling me there are no other women in the world that you could possibly be compatible with? I will bet there are and you will wish you would have let this woman go earlier.

Why do you date? To perhaps find a marriage partner. Is this person suitable? No. So why keep going? If not to find a marriage partner, then to find a long term exclusive partner? Is this person suitable? No. If not to find a marriage partner or a long term exclusive partner, then to find somebody to have fun with? Are you having fun?

My God you guys like to jump on the bandwagon...

I emailed her and told her I was done with her, I told her in the email, I had been cheated on and she knows my story there. I told her she acted and done the same things as my ex. I told her it was over, I told her I was sorry i had trusted in her.


She called last night, I talked to her about 2 minutes, told her I was going to the gym, She called this am on the way to work, I rejected the call. No voice mail. I sent an
email asking if she was ok...No reply,

now about the dating exclusive, it just kind of happened, when I would go eat with a female coworker she would get miffed, cant believe you are making a big deal out of that.. seems like splitting words is popular around here. now I dont want to hear 1 word about having lunch with a co-worker.

SO let me REPEAT myself, I told her it was over, I told her I cared for her, I told her I was very hurt by her actions and told her only to call me if she was willing to try and work things out.

Steve

Peace, this is cool, as long as you don't start showing up at her functions to make her uncomfortable and watch her flounder like you threatened to do <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

I guess now I sit back and wish she would call,

if she calls I will answer and just tell her, I know 100%
you have been telling me a lie.

See if she continues or comes clean......

count it a learning experience and move on. you told her it was over, don't answer calls or emails. block her from being able to email you. i think if you talk to her you will continue to be drawn into the drama. let it go and move on.

as far as my comment on not using mb principles in dating. yes, i do think you can in a healthy dating relationship when 2 people have BOTH agreed to be exclusive and work towards permanency. HOWEVER, in this sitch, i don't think he should bother trying to use mb principles. they are not working towards any kind of permanency, at least they shouldn't be with her having some other dude in the picture. they are not married no apparently exclusive. she owes him nothing.

and steve, she got miffed you went out to lunch with a female co worker? she sure has a set of cajones and a lot of nerve considering what SHE has been up to.

mlhb

i just hate to see someone wasting there time with this nonsense when it is NOT someone they are married to. YOU CAN WALK AWAY! BE HAPPY YOU CAN!

I emailed her and told her I was done with her,

I told her it was over,

I rejected the call



SO let me REPEAT myself, I told her it was over


[color:"red"] I sent an
email asking if she was ok...No reply,
[/color]

Yep....it's over. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

committed

I dont understand your post??????

Explanation...

You SAY it is over....

You SAY you are done...

And then...you email her....

That is NOT you being done.

Games are being played.

committed

If it is over, you cease contact.

When you send email to ask if she's ok, you are sending the message that it isn't over.

Mixed signals. You are saying one thing and doing another.

If it's over, you have to give up any and all efforts to contact her or to return contact.

Does that simplify what has been said?

Ok here is an update, girlfried has been calling.

asked me to meet her for lunch yesterday and called just to talk last night at 10:30, She called this am at 7:30 and wanted me to meet her for breakfast... SHE PAID...GOT THAT!!

I told her yesterday at lunch that she should pat herself on the back for playing me like she did. She got mad and said she wanted a relationship with me but I was giving her mixed signals. I told her she is the one that is hard to get in touch with. I told her that she shows all the signs of cheating just as my ex did. She said she is confused and
wants me. I told her I was done, she said she cared for me
and wants the same thing as I do....

Hey Cinderella...dont try and treat me like a kid
with that last comment you made..I dont need that..

She sounds like a real creep. I hope you dont let her whip you anymore.

i hope that was your last contact with her. you have now told her twice it is over. so let it be over. don't take her calls, block her from being able to email you, etc. block her number from your phone if you can. stand firm by your words and move on.

a hard lesson learned and i am sure you won't make a mistake like her again.

now let it be OVER.

mlhb

Well, you keep saying it's over to her...and you continue contact. It seems you just may be sending mixed signals.

After all, you are the one who said you didn't understand Committed's post about eyerolling response.

When will you figure out what you meant when you told her, "It's over"?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I wonder how your GF could pay for breakfast if she is supposedly broke?


steve,

I don't think cinderella was treating you like a kid IMO.She and other's have just brought up a point that is common around here.When you say it's over and go back to being in contact,that is not being over it,you know? Granted I can understand it's hard to cut off all contact just like that.But as soon as you start to take yourself out of the equation,look who starts calling so much.Your GF still isn't sure what she wants,she even admits to being confused but what is there to be confused about when you *commit to one another? You are committed or not.She wasn't.

Incidentally,did you ever show her the info you had regarding the other man? It seems you've basically been beating about the bush but never just giving the concrete evidence over to show her that you knew she was with him,etc.Now she's drawing you back in with her comments.

Anyway,people have been wrong before about relationships but,what you describe seems plain.We are "yelling" at you to get off the tracks as we see the train coming but you don't seem to see what we do maybe because of your feelings for her.On some very basic levels,the relationship just doesn't seem healthy to me at all so I would be extra cautious if you do continue to see her.

AB - you're right on track - pun intended.

I find that other people often read too much or too little into what I say. I, truly, did not mean to treat Steve dismissively or insultingly. It's appeared to me that he had been given the same advice over and over. But, still, the message hadn't sunk in. Sometimes, when that happens, the best way to get them to see the light is to take out the "MB 2x4" and use it.

Sorry if the intent of my message was misconstrued.

However, I felt like we were giving the advice needed but the message just wasn't sinking in. When that happens, I move on to putting it bluntly.

She called this am at 7:30 and wanted me to meet her for breakfast... SHE PAID...GOT THAT!!

LOL...was that an "in your face" kind of remark to us?

So...all it takes is for someone to whip out a little bit of cash and it convinces you that she is not riding a gravy train...

You really need to buy a clue.

committed

Committed...get a grip you amuse yourself!!

Ok here it is, I was out of town, when I returned I agreed to meet her. I told her I had let the guys wife know that my girlfriend and your hubby are having an affair. I sent her a copy of all the emails.

I then met with the "girl friend" who bought breakfast.....
I told her I had known about the affair she was having. She was deatroyed, I told her I had known but continued to let her to tell me lie after lie.

She got very upset and walked out of the restraunt, she then called me several minutes later and wanted to meet me again, she came clean, told me everything..

Later that night she showed up at my house and wanted to talk. when she walked up to me she gave me a long hug,She had the nerve to ask me how I could ruin so many lives, I told her she was the one who was having the affair and all I wanted was to end it.

She said that she would have married me had i asked her,
she told me when she met me she fell inlove. she said she was wanting to break off the affair but did not know how.
I talked to her a while and told her she had to go, I told her I was going to delete her number from my cell and she asked me not to.

She called this am and said she was going to mail the guys wife and say that some of the emails were made up... I told her to stop with all of the lies. She said it was over
between us. I told her that was fine....she then said she needed time to think aout us. I told her to make sure she was not attached to anyone should she ever decide to call me.