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Hey Mel, The only off board emails I have received recently were from Mimi, Pepperband and Mortarman. Liar, liar pants on fire!!!! So, when are we doing lunch again????? Brit's Brat
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This seemed like a good thread to jump in.
Can anyone, who has been around a while, suggest some threads that I, a new member, should read?
The rumors of my death were greatlly exagerated. MT
Me: 43 BS
S: 44 WW
2DS-19, 17
Separated 3/1
Dday- 5/4
NC-5/7
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This seemed like a good thread to jump in.
Can anyone, who has been around a while, suggest some threads that I, a new member, should read? depends, for what purpose?
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Sorry, I am new to the sight. My wife has just ended a long EA/PA. We are currently separated, but we are trying to put things back together. More acurately, I am trying to put things back together. My WW has said that she wants to try to work tings out, but she just started individual counciling 4 weeks ago and she wants more time to get herself together before we work on aou M.
For now, we are just trying to spend good time together without working out our issues. I don't want to start on this until she is ready for couples counciling.
The rumors of my death were greatlly exagerated. MT
Me: 43 BS
S: 44 WW
2DS-19, 17
Separated 3/1
Dday- 5/4
NC-5/7
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That being said, WHAT OTHER REASONS to STOP? If there are anymore? By sleeping with an active WH, you are telling them that THEIR PROMISCUITY is ok, because YOU become a PARTY TO IT. Didn't know you were into threesomes, Mimi. That's what you were engaged in. You should have just invited her over so she'd be in the room. Honestly, it my personal opinion that people who sleep with active WH's are doing so in an effort to out [censored] the competition. That just makes my skin crawl, knowing an active WH has his harem and get sto go to bed every night with a smug smile on his face.
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What about kissing?
Is kissing the WS also sending the message that the BS is a party to the affair?
How about back rubs?
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For me personally (remember this is from my POV), I'd cut out all physical contact. So yeah, I'd count backrubs and kissing.
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So, no Plan A huh mojo? If my H had refused to kiss me or rub my back after d-day, our recovery would never have started.
It's a bit difficult not to have SF with an active WS, if the BS doesn't know they're having SF with an active WS. After d-day, in fact that night, we had SF and continued to have it. I was most definitely NOT an active WS at that time. It was very important to my H to have SF with me and it was very important to me to have SF with him.
I knew I'd been monogamous since I was 18 (which was for 30 years before the A), the OM said he'd been tested for insurance reasons, which I believe. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know - but there were good reasons why I did believe that.
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I'm talking about *knowing* you are dealing with an *active* and unrepentant WS-- you can plan A mighty fine without being physical with them. Many people plan A while living seperated from their WS without having to become physical with them at all. As soon I knew I had a repentant WS who had nothing going on with another person, then I let some physical contact happen (no sex for awhile though). Perhaps I should have clarified that. And remember, this is MY personal feelings on the matter. I know what I could deal with and what I couldn't. Being physical with a spouse who is also sharing those things with another-- no way! I'm hardcore. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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LOL Mojo at hardcore. Sex for us had always been a very, very important part of our marriage. Keeping that intimacy kept us going through the horrible days and weeks following d-day. That's not to say my H wasn't furious when he found I'd had unprotected SF with the OM. Really, really mad. My H donates blood as his community service and he said to me that now he had to think twice about doing that. When I went to a new doctor and was talking about my depression and the cause of the current bout (the A), she asked if I'd been tested after the A. I said no and she tested me then. I cried through the whole process from guilt and shame. I never, never, never thought when I got married and after being married for 32 years, I would ever have to even consider such a thing as STD testing. More horrible fall out from the A. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
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not so you're nothing but a strong softie
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Why is Sigmund Freud puking?
BTW Pep, Melbourne's in a completely different country from where I live. I did wonder why they'd pick Melbourne though. It's not a political place, it's a very nice city with lots of arty culture.
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I'm not saying my thoughts of you made sense Jen ... but, there you are!
Freud is puking because he has venus envy
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LOL
I did laugh to myself thinking of thoughts of me popping unbidden into your head.
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LOL Mojo, sex for us had always been a very, very important part of our marriage. Keeping that intimacy kept us going through the horrible days and weeks following d-day. I completely understand that, I really do. Your situation is very much differant from Mimi's and others who have a spouse that you know is dating/porking someone else. Its that active WS who still gets his every single need met that rubs me the wrong way, especially his sexual needs. Grrrr.. really gets my blood boiling, lol.
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Hey Mel, The only off board emails I have received recently were from Mimi, Pepperband and Mortarman. Liar, liar pants on fire!!!! So, when are we doing lunch again????? Brit's Brat shaddup, you silly fake Texan! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> How about Thursday??
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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not so you're nothing but a strong softie ((Pepperband)) Tell that to my parents. They think I'm a doormat. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I see you as a strong softie, too, btw.
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crap!
the jig is up on me !
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Ha! Like we didn't already all know that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Mojo, if I'd been an active WS after d-day, I'd have been shown the door. That's the truth. My H's boundaries after d-day were set in concrete. (or should that be "cement" in American/English? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />)
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Like most people who did not know their spouse was adulterous, I had regular intercourse with my WH during his affair. STD testing was not done until ~after~ D-Day ...Which is testing after the fact, most of the time.
It seems likely that Miss cervix has already been introduced to Mr HPV.
A few post D-Day pre-STD screening *boinks* are not going to make a big difference in the long run. OK, please EXPLAIN this to me Pep.... Your ludicrous premise of "few post D-Day pre-STD screening *boinks* are not going to make a big difference in the long run".... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />well, how the he** can you say that IF the Wayward slips back in the fog or in the withdrawal period and has some more sex with their OW/OM....BEFORE a 6 month prescreening period. Isn't this board littered with examples of "slip ups and addiction slips" of Waywards....? He**, it is common accepted fact here that a repeated affair with the same person while in the same time frame is just one affair and doesn't even count as repeat offender status.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I am not arguing about this topic, because it has been done a million times already and adults are free to do whatever the he** they want to do with their bodies...but reading your view as above, especially as stated by someone with a health education background is dissapointing. Go ahead, lets here your smart remark now and get all of the other stepfords to fill your ego <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />...but you suprised me by your ignorance above. This isn't a joke. FACT: A few PRESCREENING boinks could get you AIDS. Ask the 40,000 people who got it last year. I am sure they thought they might be "ok" also. Uggghhh Lemonman, MD
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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