What do you guys say about RISK-TAKING in general?

You know like BUNGEE-JUMPING...

I have a PHOBIA of DEEP WATER....YOU COULDN'T PAY ME A MILLION DOLLARS to SNORKLE...even though it seems BEAUTIFUL...

You WEIGH the RISKS and then MAKE A DECISION right?

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Yes, but I think the point is making a SOUND, judgement based on the known risks. There are no guarantees in this life. I don't want to end up contracting an STD or perhaps get Hepatitis or HIV, so I take the necessary precautions to minimize my risk (choose partners very discriminately, use condoms, don't mix alcohol with risky situations, etc..). I am talking about this in the context of a relationship affected by recent promiscuity. That being said, I could still get some disease. I can live with that if I have done everything reasonable to protect myself. You couldn't pay me one million dollars to sleep with a cheating partner (and everyone who the other person is sleeping with) and KNOWINGLY put myself at risk.. He**,, if I wanted to do that, I might as well join a swingers club and participate in an orgy....at least while I risked probable infection, I could have alot of fun...same principle when you get down to it.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

If I don't want to get herpes, chlamydia, HIV, etc..I don't have sex with an active cheater who has an OW/OP and has not stopped the affair and been tested. What is frequently overlooked here is that a BS who chooses to have sex with a WS is also choosing to have sex with ALL of the partners the OW/OM has (had). It is not a 1:1 risk.

Mimi, for the record, I don't have any criticisms whatsoever in the decisons you made regarding this subject. You readily acknowleged you were ready and willing to contract a disease if it meant winning your husband back in the process. That's fine, and I have no doubt whatsoever you meant that...you knew and acknowledged the risks. If I recall you likened it to driving 95 miles per an hour on a slick rainy road but wearing a seat belt...I think many other BS are lacking sound judgement in this area. The authors of this site do NOT mention this subject one iota for a very good reason. It doesn't take a walmart tire clerk to figure out why.

There is risk in everything we do. I care about MINIMIZING that risk. That is why I post what I do. That being said, IF a person knowingly has sex with a cheating spouse (former or active) BEFORE being tested for STD's (6 months apart), and then gets infected from their cheating spouse...then I have little pity for those folks. If you do the crime, you better be able to do the time. If people can accept that, I say go for it. We are adults. harsh...maybe...but it is reality.

Lem

LEM...

WE HAVE A "MEETING OF THE MINDS"....

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I did not get the option of choosing as I was having SF with him for a few months after he had sf with her and had no idea he had done it.

Fast forward several months later when I find out she is listed on several swinger sites. It didn't look like they had joined the sites until after the A. However, they advertise her husband as bi - not sure if that was new thing, but I gathered not.

Now, my husband had no idea that they were swingers or that her husband was bisexual. Honestly, I believe he had no idea. He was as shocked as I was.

He knew she had been married a couple of times, but not swingers.

So, now I, the person has only had actual sex with one person, have actually had 'sex' with any number of people.

Thankfully, all the screenings have come back negative. I still worry and it has been 2 years.

This is a very, very scary reality for a lot of people.

True, but if WE don't talk about it and readily ackowledge it, the reality of ending up "infected" is imho much worse for the betrayed. They get a double whammmy. We always talk about protecting the marriage and fighting for the Wayward spouse.....but just as is the withdrawal and all of that addiction verbage, the Wayward likely has NO RATIONAL idea of the risk he has put himself and spouse in by having the sex in the 1st place. This method of protection is just as important for the marriage imo.

The authors and the offical plans of this site do NOT discuss this very "scary reality", so it is up to the rest of us here to make up for their perhaps oversight <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Lemonman, MD

"It doesn't take a walmart tire clerk to figure out why."

Oh! I figured out why!!!!!!

AND I agree with THIS, TOO...

My WH was fully DENYING THE RISK...YUCK, I KNOW..when I insisted upon PROTECTION..

Didn't want to think of his sweetie as being the HO that she is/was..

I conceded on this YESTERDAY..coming to terms with how she might have been sleeping around on HIM during the affair..YUCK...

OK..as I said earlier TODAY..I WAS LUCKY...