Well, looks like your husband has told them things about you that are unflattering. There is NOTHING wrong with your email to him.

WS's usually make up all kinds of stories about the BS, so that they feel justified in being a low life cheater. I was BEST FRIENDS with my SIL - we did everything together for 10 years. After D-day, she avoided me like the plague. And I never said anything bad about my WS, in fact didn't talk with her about him at all. So I knew that he had poisoned our friendship behind my back.

So this response is very typical. There is nothing childish about a wife sticking to her vows and wanting to stay married.

I almost feel like responding back to him the way I would with WH.

"If loving someone and attempting to repair my marriage makes me a child, then I guess you are right. I hope that one day, you are as immature as me if you are ever in this situation. It may save your marriage too."

Or something like that.

I knew I would get negative from him. This is why I am scared about the inlaws (mother)

Don't respond. But I would keep a copy of the email.

All of this stuff is so hard on families. I was worried about how I would ever recover the relationship with my ex's family if we got back together. Their coldness and lack of support was mind-blowing. We divorced, so at least I didn't have to face THAT.

I will definitely keep the email... and my response that I will never send.

I knew what I would get from him. My heart stopped when I saw that he replied back.

My fear is how to deal with the backlash from WH. What sort of things do I say when he finds out?

So, I should have known what to expect. I know my brother in law. But, it's got me feeling down suddenly.

Nothing like a hurtful email to ruin your wonderful day.

Did BIL really send that e-mail? If so, scratch him off your support list. Plan B him. He wants to be misled, let it be. You are not his keeper. In time he will learn who the real azz iz. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

For now concentrate on the real supporters and let them know this turn of events.

There may be a slim chance he didn't send it but don't 2nd guess. Just leave it be.

Patience is one of the hardest virtues to cultivate. However, it does produce results. Time does heal all wounds. Doesn't mean you will forget it, it means it will heal. How and when is the current mystery.

Pray for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience.

take care,
L.

Thank you Orchid.

And, yes, he really sent it.That is my brother in law to a "t"

I am struggling with patience. Very difficult for me to handle.

My brother in law lives out of town, so a plan b on him will not be hard.

Patience.

Say "I married you for better or worse and intend to do whatever it takes to save the marriage". Don't argue or plead, just be calm and smile.

This affair will end. Count on that.

Now my brother in law has me doubting sending it to inlaws. I know he was on the phone with them right after he opened the email.

I should just drop in the mailbox.

Well it may depend on the intelligence level of your in-laws. Are they the type that their 'mijo does no wrong'? Sorry, I lived in California for many years and I actually heard that many times. Talk about denial. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The choice or chance is yours. Expect them not to believe you but if you feel they have some sanity, you can send them a cautious e-mail. It probably should that some mis info has been spreading around the family. That you respect them and hope they are not the kind to fall for WS lies. Then state your request. Setting the stage for your letter c/b helpful.

JMHO,
L.

Well, my MIL will believe her son is an angel.

So, probably not a good idea I think. I don't know.

I think I would send her one, letting her know that you desire her support in your marriage. She will probably respond that your problems are none of her business. Don't let it get to you. That is how most families react. But she will know that you have not given up on the marriage.

Last time I told her I was going to not give up, she told me I had better accept it was over because her son said so.

I think it will be pointless. But, why not? lol

NWTT:

You say your BIL was nice to you after your WH split.

Now he doesn't want to be involved, and you should be ashamed?

Call him up.

Ask him what the WH has told him about what you did wrong.

Tell him, you are not going to challenge what he says. You would like to address it with your H, and if he has these problems with you, you want to work them out.

Because if you did do something wrong, you would like the opportunity to fix it with your H.

That is why you sent the emails. So that you could find out from others and enlist thier support in saving your M. Remember, the MB way is counter-intuitive and most people just want to get along. And somethings about Plan A, and later, Plan B, can really freak people out who have never survived an Affair, or tried to bust one up.

Your WH has told everyone that the M is over, and that he has moved on, and that he is happy. Interesting. Let him call a lawyer. And he should never have a problem because your email was truth. His Truth, but you stated your desire to reconcile, and that, will never get you in trouble with H, only WH.

Have you read Surviving an Affair? Anf His Needs, Her Needs?

You need to.

LG

No, sorry. He was nice to me BEFORE.

I ordered the books. Just waiting. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks LG

I don't know, I think it would be a mistake to call him. It will just annoy him, and feed into whatever lies your husband has told.

I never found out what my ex told his family to turn them all so suddenly. But I will give you a couple of examples from my sisters-in-laws.

One was a stay at home mom, and that was her husband's choice. She was pretty, kept herself in shape, cooked, cleaned and raised 3 good kids. She also was careful with money and they have a very nice home.

Her hubby had an affair with the office ho, and informed the family that he always wanted a career woman, that is wife was lazy and stupid, and never gave him sex. And I KNEW for a fact that she stopped the sex because he was with the OW.

The other SIL was had the same things going. But she had some allergies that gave her medical problems. Her cheating husband announced that she was crazy, all of this was in her head, and she made his life miserable. Instead he hooked up with the village drug addicted slut.

Anyway both went back to their wives. But family relations were never the same. Now the wives want very little to do with the rest of the family.

I agree with you Believer.

My brother in law is very rude and demeaning when he wants to be. I love him, and want to keep it that way.

I just realized something.

I DO think he is now living at her house. WH would email me late at night or when he was at work for the first couple of months of this drama.

The reason was because he was at his parents house.

Why do they not email or call if the OW is around? Because they do not want to fight with OW about it? The OW will get jealous? Insecure? Explains why I have not heard from him. They have been spending more time together.

I am going to find out for sure right now. For my own piece of mind.

ETA: I was right. He is staying there. It is after 1 am here, and WH gets up at work for 6, so he is not living at his parents anymore.

Well, I received a very positive email from a friend of ours. Telling me she is proud of me for staying strong and knowing when to ask for help.

She and her husband are praying for us daily, and although she is not here with us anymore in person, she is in spirit. She said to not give up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God knows I needed that this morning.

It sounds strange, but the news that they are living together will probably end the affair sooner. Just be sure that he lives up to any financial obligations he has with you. I made the mistake of not enforcing ex's financial responsibility and the affairees had a year long spending spree.