Thank you HAP.

I was just talking to a girlfriend (who has wanted updates all along because she and her husband have spoken to WH fairly often)

She is so proud of me. She says WH is "unfogging" and told me to dig my heels in. She said my "niceness" is making a huge impact on him. And, that the month long hiatus really helped him to see what he is missing.

She has been the one to keep me up to date on WH, and told me what she knows about his life as of right now. I just need to find more reasons to see him. Although, dropping a coffee in every few days won't be a bad thing. He is my husband after all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Be careful not to give him to much of a good thing, too soon. He may try and manipulate it to eat cake or think that he's got you wrapped around his little finger.

I think in this case, less really is more....

That is what I think too. I don't want to go full steam ahead with him, because I know it will only hurt myself when I get little or no response.

Besides, he has his fairy tale relationship at home for him. I am still ticked about that. lol

Did I mention how happy I am?

NWTT:

I suggest you do go to lunch or breakfast or something like that daily until Fri/Sat.

Puts him off balance.

He hasn't seen you in a month.

Suddenly, your right there, In front of him, where he didn't expect you.

THen don't go back until Thursday next week.

More off balance.

And you can guage how effective it is.

Your dangling the carrot, and the stick can come later.

That's my reasoning...

LG

And NWTT:

Saw you posting on other threads! You GO!, Girl!

Sounds like a plan LG.

It should throw him off completely, because people he works with will wonder what is going on... and ask. Puts him on the spot I guess.

And,as far as posting to other people. It helps to talk this stuff out. I feel soooooo much better because I have talked about my situation. It may sound I go overboard, but it has helped me to stay in control of my emotions and happy.

I was a wreck nearly three months ago. I thought my life was over.

It's only just begun. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

NWTT:

That's right:

Bright and cheerful and to any other employee's: "I'm doing great, just here to see my HUSBAND!"

5 -10 minutes tops. Blow him kisses as you leave, try to do it publicly.

Makes everyone else wonder.....

LG

Well, I know he is not popular with his co-workers right now. They all think he is a moron for throwing his life away for that ugly little.... you know what I mean.

Not all of them know me. I saw there are a few new faces there now. But, Wh hadn't been working there long, so I really didn't know a lot of them.

Now, if WH's manager comes in to the restaurant, I am going to send him back with food for WH EVERYTIME.

That should do the trick, because it was a long standing joke between manager and I about WH telling him when he came down for lunch to tell me he wanted whatever for lunch (even though he had lunch already)

I am wondering if WH's brother told him about the email? Or, perhaps forwarded it to WH? There was no mention of it whatsoever, and WH did not appear angry at all with me for even showing up at his work. Just a look of disappointment after he saw why I was there.

LG? Or anyone really?

Will emails be just as effective on the days I cannot get up to his work? Perhaps an email to ask how he is doing? Or, to mention something that happened. etc.

NWTT:

If you are in Plan A, then an email to chat, would be good.

keep it Light and Simple, but note what you are doing in your life....

Just keep the "doing in your life line" to one line:

Cleaned the back porch, your rocker looks really comfortable out there, fell asleep in it last night!

Straightened out the closet, Was able to donate some of my older, larger sizes to Goodwill, DAV, etc...

Cooked up some "not one of his favorite foods" last night and even had some left over for lunch. (send this Monday morning, WH will be expecting you for lunch...) And then you do not arrive..... or he sends an email begging for it.... OK, not begging, but noting with interest that it might be coming...

Keep the emails to 4-6 lines...

Try to note if they have any of those "employee of the month plaques. See if he is listed... Start praising his job. "When I walked in, you were on the phone, I thought you handled the caller well with what I heard!"

That's the beginnings of plan A behavior...

LG

Thanks a bunch LG.

I think it is going to be really hard being his "friend" again. Just because, right now, he does not want me to be.

It just seems so ridiculous that my best friend in the world has become the scariest person to deal with. I know my boundaries with him though. I was able to see some of it yesterday.

He doesn't mind having me come around. He may get annoyed after a couple of days, but when I stop going... he WILL wonder why.

I'll do the late afternoon "early dinner" today. He'll be full when he goes "home" so he won't be able to eat again. (ahh, the joys of working in an Italian restaurant and cooking with pasta)

I think I'll send him some restaurant food tomorrow. In the afternoon of course.

Once again. Thank you so much LG and Believer. You two have really helped me deal with what I thought would be a tough situation. It almost seemed like a cake walk. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As long as you keep doing things to raise your self-esteem, you should have plenty of energy to Plan A your husband. I don't think I would contact him everyday, but would leave room for him to look forward to it.

I wonder why he has gained so much weight? Maybe he is eating a lot of fast food.

I was shocked Believer. It could be perhaps that they are not doing anything. My H is a big eater, but has always been very active, so he was very slim.

I saw him yesterday, and he is not as slender as he was when I had him.

Honestly, my self esteem is through the roof. Seeing how completely unhappy he is makes me feel a lot better about "their relationship" so that helped me immensely.

I will go today, then send him something tomorrow. Then, email him Sunday night. Take a few more days off.

I'll have to start rotating the days too. Just to throw him a bit.

I don't know if he was told about that email yet... but he will be. Maybe he is relieved that I am fighting for us?

Dropped in to see WH. I walk in looking great I might add <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> and had brought him an iced cappuccino. I walk to his counter (he saw me coming in through the shop and raced to the counter) and says to me, "What's with all of this?"

I replied, "No reason. Just came by to say hi."

He starts working on the computer completely ignoring me, so I asked, "Oh, you must be really busy today?"

He says, "Yes, it is month end."

I said to him, "Ahh. So they do have you working your butt off." and giggled.

Then, he turns to walk away and says, "I'm really busy here" so I replied, "Yep, you get back to work." and I left with "See ya later."

Even with his slight annoyance with me, he didn't tell me not to come back. I know my WH, and if I was "bothering" him, I would be told flat out.

NWTT:

Some interactions, like the ones at the counter, will really tear at you sometimes.

"Can't he see that I'm Trying!"

HE being cold and distant to you. That's one of the tough parts of Plan A.

But you have a plan. Your WH has a counter.

Not that difficult to fight is he? Remember that. You have a Plan, and WH is just leaping from one rock to another. These waves crashing on him don't make sense and he doesn't know how to get off of them.

And your the only one holding a Life Rope.

Remember that.

Great Job.

And review some of Orchid's "Reverse Babble" Threads. You will be amazed at how good you can get at it when you practice it.

WH: "What's with all this?"

NWTT: "Was wondering where you've been!"

But later, when the real venom spourts, you are ready with some great replies!

LG

Right now, I am expecting it completely, so it isn't bothering me in the least.

I have asked God to help me through this, and He has been.

WH can ignore me. Doesn't bug me. I just think back to him telling me he loved me the day he left. He meant it. But, he got scared and ran (into his little fantasy world)

I'll try the babble stuff. Will take a bit of practice.

Thanks LG.

Now I am wondering? (I do this a lot lol)

Seeing as WH now lives with OW and they are spending so much time together. And, WH is unhappy at present.

Are the chances better that this will end before too long? I know no one can predict the future, but, what I mean is, based on what you all know about affairs, will it make sense that they will be over before long?

It is hard to predict. Most affairs end, but guessing the time that takes is difficult. I saw statistics once, but can't remember where, on the average length of affairs. It was something like 40% less than 6 months, 40% less than a year, 10% less than 18 months, and only 10% more than 18 months.

Maybe someone else has the actual statistics.

Well, it has been ongoing since early February (although, their time together was next to nil) until March.

So, we are looking at 4 months now.

Also, will my going to see WH create some friction? I am sure he will NOT mention it to OW, but I am sure it remains on the back of his mind.

When he left, he probably thought that was the end of his chances with you. So as you continue being friendly, it will be in the back of his mind that he CAN go back to the marriage. So you just have to wait for the affair to crash and burn.

I always think that the OW doesn't have much of a chance because she was willing to date a married man in the first place. That shows a lack of morals, self-esteem, boundaries, etc.