How often can I expect these breakdowns? I don't know why it is happening right now, but I have very little control. I'm not even sure I can explain why it is happening. I was out with some friends and it hit me... hard. So much so that I had to run out to my car because the tears started.

I just feel like I should just be done with this. With everything. And, I warned myself this was coming.

Sorry you are feeling so bad. That is why we call it the rollercoaster. Strap yourself in and hang on tight. I could go months without crying, and then break down at work. It was awful. But I really think it is part of the grieving that needs to be done. Even though I'm sure your hubby will be back, you still are grieving the loss of the marriage of your dreams. It will never be the same again.

But we hope that it will be much better than before.

I hope so too. I had a couple of things add up to it today I think.

One was a letter I got in the mail saying MRS. ...

Another was sitting there with our friends, and laughing, having fun. And realizing the only thing that would have made me feel more comfortable would have been having him by my side (as he always was before) with his arm around me. Hearing his laugh as we joked around. I have never felt so alone in my life.

Just a question for all of the vets?

This Plan A stuff is really hard. Especially considering WH is not at all a part of my everyday life. What I mean is, there is zero interaction with him. I am sure he might "hear" I am doing well, but are there any guarantees?

He has holed himself up in his affair, and no one sees him. At all.

Is this a good thing in some way?

And, of course, I am being completely ignored (expected) but what sort of things will happen when he is "coming out of his fog"? Will I start getting responses to my emails? Or a call at work? Even at home?

Just curious I guess. And frustrated.

I personally think that all waywards should get together and begin to live under foot of one another sooner than later in the affair. See, this begins to give them a picture of real life and all of the little nuances that people like or dislike about one another come to the surface. The having sex in the back seat of the car or janitor's closet, etc breeds fantasy. Living together with bills, sickness, mood swings, chores, responsibilities kills fantasy. I think the more he sees of the slut the better.

Well, that is good.

He is currently living with the little vixen. Even better I guess.

I just sent him an email. One, because my dad's cousin passed away (keeping him up on the going's on in the family) and two, to wish him good luck at his game tonight. (And, I threw in a "hit me a home run") <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I also told him to make sure he dresses very warm. It is freezing out the past few days (especially at the field)

I might get some response over my dad's cousin, but I doubt it.

Ah well.

I agree with H&P. The affairs where they aren't together all of the time seem to last longer. When they live together, the fantasy seems to evaporate quicker. They start resenting each other for all that they have given up for the affair. Also they know that they can't trust each other.

Like I said... I hope the two of you are right.

WH has given up so much. His friends, family, pets, me, belongings, freedom.

He is driving around in our truck (with my name on it) unable to go anywhere in it (because it is so recognizable) and knows people are watching him.

No one has seen him anywhere. He avoids friends at all costs. And is completely broke (trying to sell pretty much all of what he did take from the home ie. bbq, his old cell phone, his new cell phone)

I have been able to watch things such as that because he has them listed on a buy/sell forum locally and I have myself logged in under his alias because I had found my way in his email a couple of months back and gathered his password. He has since changed the password for his email (because hotmail was all screwy on him) so I can no longer get into it.

I did get enough hurtful information from it though. I snagged OW's email address (no emails from her... just a contact) and found an email he sent to a guy we barely know saying how happy he finally is (after said guy made the comment, "so you pulled the plug on the marriage eh?") I was not impressed.

But, other than that, nothing really to report. Just a lot of rumours flying and who knows what to believe. I just know he is staying at her house. Assuming his parents told him to scram (hoping)

Here start the rumours...

Around WH's work, there is a lot of talk about WH and his affair.

Now, I have been told, by the person that told me about teh food incident, that WH is now seeing someone other than the OW. (or so they think) I asked why they figure this is going on, and the response was that he has people calling his cell phone at work.

Now, I know that I cannot say anything about the stuff he has for sale (he also has some truck that he picked up somewhere for sale in an attempt to make some cash) because he would now know that I have access to his classifieds.

Also, maybe it is okay to let a rumour pass around like this, because maybe one day OW will hear it? I dunno. Only guessing at this point, and I am obviously not doing a great job.

And, no response to my email today. Jerk. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Ok. Now, that friend I was talking about is really in the dumps. And, I am not sure what to do about him. At least he is keeping me occupied with his very odd behaviour.

What kind of odd behavior? Please be careful. Often when a friend as serious problems it is better to refer them to a counselor or attorney, in other words, an expert.

He is okay now. He will be talking to someone though. He is severely depressed. Had me really worried. I am still talking to him now. I won't let him go without making sure he is okay.

Tell him to see a doc and get some anti-D's. They really work good. But men are so stubborn and usually don't want to take them.

That was pretty much the most awkward situation I have ever been in. (this friendship is not going to be the same now... based on his feelings for me, and the fact that I do not feel the same way)

I did ask him to please see a doctor though. And, to ask about anti-d's.

Anyway, let's get back to my marriage, shall we?

So, I just sent WH an email. Telling him about the cat being pretty sick. She has a cold and keeps sneezing. Said to him, I wonder if maybe I should get her to the vet? Then, said I would wait it out a few days.

Asked if he hit that homerun for me.

Then, signed off,

Yours,

nwtt xoxo

So, other than the emails... not much I can do but keep on trucking. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

"That was pretty much the most awkward situation I have ever been in. (this friendship is not going to be the same now... based on his feelings for me, and the fact that I do not feel the same way)"

Be careful, as these guys will be coming out of the woodwork when they see your marriage in trouble. I had a ONS with a real good friend. Then I was mortified by my behavior, and it ended the friendship.

Yes, just keep being friendly and upbeat. There are undoubtedly things going on behind the scene that you don't see. It's hard to keep the fantasy alive with all the sacrifices that had to be made.

NWTT:

Donuts tommorrow?

LG

I always seem to check in here right after you post to me Believer. lol Must be my esp kicking in again.

First and foremost... my friend is in a bad way, and I have gone behind his back to a friend of his. I cannot be apart of his self-destruction nor any attempts to manipulate me right now. I won't be. Number one, he is nothing more to me than a friend, and two, I respect myself too much to hurt my relationship with both my H and anyone else.

As far as WH. I feel like a moron emailing him and getting no response in return. I imagine he reads them, but after the poisoning thing, I have my doubts. I can only hope.

Actually, no, I don't feel like a moron. I feel like a woman that loves him so much, she will continue to send him emails and be ignored... because somewhere, deep inside that body of his, is my HUSBAND. And, he is fighting to get out of there.

He is worth every sent email.

I have been reading Bugs Plan A thread.

I finally got it. Completely got it.

WH avoids me because I have a hold on him... and he is afraid of me.

He refuses to see me, or speak to me because he knows I can help him to stop his madness. I can show him what he wants. I am it.

Here I was feeling so rejected. And, that isn't the case at all. It is because he needs and wants me that he is staying away.

You just need to wait it out. I'm sure he will be around sooner or later. When I went into Plan B, I heard nothing for almost 5 months, and then my WH called me at work and announced he was moving back in. Unfortunately, he was still in contact with the OW.