Hey, I resemble that comment <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mr W:

What's my Plan?

Understanding the old road signs.

And realizing that the road sign indicate that a decision is coming up?

One Direction: Marriage.

Other Direction: Affair.

AND realizing that it is a Road Sign.

AND Choosing to take the Marriage route.


THAT IS THE BIG Difference now.

I have alot of relationships with women, because of the work I do. I can actually relate better to women than to men.

I have very professional relationships with them.

But there where some I KNEW I could push a boundary with.

I just KNEW which ones I had a shot at.

The road signs for them? The off ramp was to Affair. I COULD see that road. Did I want to take it?

No.

But I knew it was there.

In one of my old offices, I worked right next to another woman, 3-4 years older than me, with kids, and a traveling salesman H. For six years we worked, ate, talked and lived in each others life.

She was vunerable to an A. I KNEW it. I could see the road signs, however, not all of them were yet posted.

I left that office.

Then OW came along, and I was pleasant while working with her, and I realized the signs, but unlike the woman in my old office, these road signs went all the way to Affair. And she saw the same thing in me.

AND off we went.

So, I still see the signs in women. But I know about them now, and my boundaries are drawn.

And Flamingo is at my side to avoid it happening again.

That's my plan.

I will disagree that I can not have single women as friends. I will agree that "too much" sharing will result in an at least, an uncomfortable position. Lets say it takes ten steps to get to an EA.

Meeting them is step 1
Step 2, is find out that they are OK people, and you enjoy thier company.
Step 3, you start sharing a little more of yourself.

And you never go any further....

That's being a friend, buddy, whatever.

Step 4 starts the road signs. AND these steps are the ones to be avioded.

I know that now.

Didn't KNOW that then.

LG

LG, what you say makes perfect sense to me.

I, too, have friends of the male persuasion at work. We joke and talk about our lives, but it stops there. I don't delve any further, and don't make myself available for more info from them. Also, that R is one that my FWH can WITNESS and not be at all uncomfortable with.

I use that as a guage a lot. Would PWC feel okay or comfortable with this type of R, type of talk, proximity?

I'm finding this thread very informative. Thank you to Mr W for starting it and all the people with inputs.

Mr Wondering, what an excellent post! So true. Before my EA I was on a moral high ground. I was extremely judgmental towards people who cheat. I was one of those people who thought I was immune against cheating, who thought that I would NEVER cheat. Because of that I failed to protect myself and became slack with boundaries during the friendship with OM.

Exactly how it was with me. Even after I’ve became infatuated with OM and started to have secret fantasies of him, I still believed it was “just friendship” as long as I didn’t verbalize my feelings or allow any physical contact… This was my justification and rationalization to keep the “friendship” and EA in my head alive… I thought I was still in control, stronger than my feelings and would NEVER allow myself to verbalize my feelings to OM. But eventually I did…last year when contact was resumed. Thank God it never progressed to a physical level, but…after I eventually verbalized my feelings on e-mail…I could no longer believe that I’m incapable of PA. Why? Because if I could reach the step where I verbalized my feelings (something I thought I would NEVER do), how could I any longer belief that I was incapable of taking it to the physical level as well? As you’ve said in your post, it just takes the right set of circumstances, opportunity etc...especially if a person is not always on guard. Protecting ourselves and having the right boundaries is crucial for ANY person.

Thanks for this thread, MR. W.

I've learned alot from it. Our MC says that both of us are vulnerable to A's especially my H. He tried to swear that he was immune now, but our MC is tough and H finally agreed that he was susceptible for life.

Now we can plan.......and expect to be successful. If we denied the possibility....it could sneak up on either of us when we weren't looking because of our own self-righteous denial. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Again, thanks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ace