NB....thanks for your thoughts....appreciated. I think there are good odds that until we deal with this issue in another way, it is likely that we will create dishonesty, penalize those who are honest about their pasts, and perhaps the illusion that A-marriages are absent here on MB when in reality, they've just gone underground. I don't want people to feel that the only way they are safe from attacks is to lie.

Who me....Like you, I believe in karma....what goes around comes around. Thanks for you thoughts.

Aphelion.....while I'm sincerely sorry you feel offended, since I neither defended, justified or mitigated A-marriages...I can only wish you well and hope when you find a discussion too disturbing for you....that you will stay away for your own peace of mind.

I am speaking to the process of addressing the ongoing problem that A-marriages present to a board populated with many sensitive BSs and others who are offended by those posts. I believe that a more permanent and positive approach (rather a negative approach designed to humiliate new posters, attack long time members, and add to harm) will do more to solve this problem, as well as more to protect our board and it's members. I'm offended by plenty of things here too....but I haven't left. I hope you won't either.

Star, with respect, you brought manfromzog here to GQII - even told him he would get a harsh reception. You even posted to him here in GQII.

HOW is that NOT defending affair marriages? Doesn't sitting on the fence give you splinters?

Does anyone know what the Harleys do/say when someone calls them for counseling and it's discovered that the marriage in question is an affair marriage?

What is their take on this?
Mulan

I have a positive solution.

Go ahead and let the A marriages keep that bit of info to themselves, get the MB gold standard in help as all the Bss unwittingly flock to offer the best they have [and it still won't work].

That way everyone get's what they say they want EXCEPT social acceptance or legitimization of their ongoing affair.

What's the downside?

Oh yeah...that if they are honest they won't get the "support" they want.

Well..isn't that MY choice as an individual ..or anyone elses?

If they don't like what they get..they can go somewhere else...like TOW for example. They can get TONS of support there...they can even be heros!

You come as the enemy to what is most peoples worst nightmare of a battleground and want them to HELP you succeed? You want them to be nice and tickle your ears with cheap grace? If they refuse THEY are being insensitive?

Bwahahahaha...[wipes eyes]

I can't know whether people are being truthfull on a message board..that's a risk you take...usually their lies stack up enough to out them eventually but I can't say that I regret any help I offerred.

So why does this work for me?

Because I VALUE that last bit of boundary..I will absolutely turn down the individual [no matter what their sob story is or how bad I feel for them] to keep the lines unblurred.

I will not support or legitamise an affair. Period. If you tell me it's an affair you have lost my support. If you don't tell me it is not my responsibility to glean or discern it. Making the socially unacceptable BECOME acceptable out of misappropriated sympathy has paved the road for literally thousands if not millions of BSs taking HUGE losses both in the courts of law and the court of social support.

It's not that support for them doesn't exist SF...in fact the cup is full to the brim with it. They want support from THESE people here...and they want it for a reason.

Any guesses what that reason might be?

So...there is no redemption for this man? There is nothing he can do to redeem himself in your eyes?

There is nothing he can do to make his affair be a marriage

Don't be confusing the "man" with the "marriage" Longhorn.

The man is in the marriage. The man is in pain. Can we not help the sinner who is in pain?

Although Dr Harley in SAA said he doesn't counsel affair marriages, I know for a fact the MB counselling centre would help them under some circumstances.

I actually heard an affair couple on the MB radio show and Dr Harley asked if the person would give him the details of the OM's Wife so he could help her recover her marriage. LOL.

Longhorn - if we were talking about a paedophile or a rapist would you STILL be arguing about how he should be helped in the midst of his victims?

He undoubtedly needs help - it's just that he should not be getting it HERE. Why is that so hard to understand?

Would God receive the pedophile or rapist, if they come to Him truly repentant and asking for salvation?

Why not here? Is this not a place to get help for failing marriages? Remember, this man has married a woman in the sight of God and man. There are two children of this marriage, conceived long after the marriage partners divorced from their previous spouses. Shall we also condemn them, calling them ****** and shunning them?

I agree on some points, disagree on others....and feel misrepresented in some instances. I don't want to "post and run" so I'm going to have to save any detailed reponses until I return from my Memorial Day trip.....sorry for the delay.

Why not help MFZ try to recover his first marriage? Seems to me he is just cherry-picking.

Sauce for the goose - sauce for the gander.
Turnabout's fair play.
Live by the sword...

Pick your own metaphor.

Why will MB help him on his second marriage but not on his first one? Oh maybe he was just young and that one wasn't the "real" marriage. Eyes of God? Maybe he had them closed that day of the first M. Let's not forget that he did not separate/divorce his first W - he cheated on her. Why is it a surprise that his AW is cheating on him now? Don't you kool aid drinkers always tell us this will happen?

From what I have generally read on MB, MFZ's current marriage doesn't stand a snowball's chance. Or maybe MFZ is one of those 0.5% - a statistical anamoly.

Well, the marriage in question HAS lasted 30 years, pio.

So then it WAS the "real" marriage. I get it. Thanks for the clarification.

It's just information, pio. No more, no less.

I read the original thread. I don't usually need an interpreter. But thanks for setting me straight.

Is there a point you wish to make?