Mishes,

Yeaaaa! Glad you had a super week-end. Can you change your phone numbers, email addys, ASAP? She probably knows where you live so you may have to get a restraining order for this wild woman in withdrawal.

Insist on seeing/approving your H's NC letter or email or phone call (be on the other line). His "trust me, I'll take care of it" may seem sincere, but HE IS IN WITHDRAWAL and you CANNOT trust anything he says.

My H did everything your H is doing. His OW was across the country. We were in MC, having SF every day since I took vacation to 'talk it out', seemingly reconnecting, and as soon as I went back to work, he 'had to see how she was' so he set up another secret email account.....only 7 days after D-Day #1.

Do you have vacation time coming? This would be a great time to take it.

Withdrawal bites big time, Mishes. DO NOT TRUST AT ALL for a long time. No matter how convincing he sounds. My 4 D-Days is evidence of why I say that.

I'm guardedly happy for you but praying even harder now.

Ace

PS Like piojitos said, click on My Home and then 'edit' on the top line of the right side column (Personal Info) under the Main Configuration section. There is a 500 character limit but you can list your details where it says 'signature' and then hit submit.

Mishes,

One more thought (for now, at least!) You might change your thread title to something like "Mishes H Moves Home, WHAT DO I DO NOW?"

If you decide to do this, pull up your very first post on this thread and click on 'edit'. Put your cursor where it says "New General Questions II" and highlight it. Then you can type in your new title, whatever you want to call it.

Then do the same in the latest post box, too. Many are following your story but may 'gloss over' your generic title......I do, and I've been looking for your posts for 3 months now.

Keep up the good work, Mishes. But do not let down your guard for even a moment. Keep your eyes on the big picture.....understand that the alien fog has huge tentacles, but you have MB help to counteract it. Use us.

I can't post during the day, but I am praying for you.

Ace

Hi -

I am new to this thread and the site. I guess most of you will know why I am here. Longhorn has definitely some great words of wisdom and at this time they are very comforting. THANK YOU.

Since I do not yet know hoe to start a new thread with my story, I will post it here seeing the number people on this thread. I need some advice...desperately...

It has been a difficult week for me. I have just found out that my husband of 5 years is having an emotional affair with an old school friend and ex-colleague. I had been having uneasy feelings about this friendship for some time. But never faced it head on until now, thinking that I may be over-reacting, and that there isn't necessarily anything wrong with a friendship.
However, finally and encouraged by a family member who on occasion insinuated that there could be more going on, I began to wonder and observe.

The deciding factor was last Sunday afternoon, while I was spending some time on the computer and I saw that my husband received an sms message to his mobile phone. I normally display the strictest respect to privacy, however, who could be texting on a sunday afternoon on his work phone? I had a hunch. I opened his phone to a cryptic coded message: A?
I did not know what this meant, but whoever sent it knew it would be understood. I took down the sender's telephone number and decided to try calling. I was sure I knew it was her, but I had to try it out. So I called this number in the wee hours of the morning, wanting only to hear the v.mail message. It WAS HER.

She is a old college friend (acquaintance) who ended up working at the same company as my husband for the last 3 years until the month of March 07. She is also married, and has recently had a child who is just over 1 year old.

I was aware that they were occasionally spending time together, coffee encounters and some telephone calls. BUT I was not prepared to find out how much contact they really had.
Over the last week, I consistently surveyed his phone calls (the call register - both incoming and outgoing) and text messages. They were texting coded messages and having 3 -4 daily calls. I also saw that she is one of the last people he calls before going on his business trips, while he is away and when he returns. That was evidence enough. But following the advice of marriage counseling sites, I continued to monitor and log all of these encounters.
He "worked late" on a couple of occasions during the week, and also lied to me about receiving her texts when I would ask him who it was on the spot.
I was shocked, distraught, betrayed, hurt, angry and all the other emotions that one faces upon this situation.
She did not give up. It was constant, continual communication comprehensible only by them...I figured they had agreed on the messages.
I did not know how to bring this up. or how to confront my husband with this. But I also could not keep suffering in silence through this.

Finally, last night, he & I were spending what I thought was a quiet night at home together. While I went to shower, he immediately jumped onto my laptop that I had been using to email. I came down immediately with the hunch that he was reading my private email. HE WAS. He had brought up a message from my drafts folder that I had tentatively written to him (and never sent) back in February about our increasingly distant and strained marriage in the last few months.
This gave me the opportunity that I needed. he accused me of not sharing my feelings with him, and that he had to resort to read my emails in hiding to know how I felt.
That is when I told him we needed to talk. I asked him calmly what "SHE meant to him"? And he was quiet and evasive. I asked him if he was having an affair with her, to which he nervously broke out laughing (not denying nor admitting). I asked him then, why he was keeping this friendship secret. he denied that and I asked him then, what A? meant. He was defensive and said he did not want to talk about that. After much persistence and seriousness, he confessed it meant "Alone?"
Why would she need to know if he was alone? He quickly said..."it's not what you think". he tried to defend his friendship and insinuate that i was coming to wrong conclusions. To which, I confronted him with
all the continued communications throughout the week, and his lying about it.
We have been talking, arguing and discussing when he finally admitted to doing "something wrong", making a mistake, etc, etc...however declined to share it with me, he has not confirmed or told me ANYTHING.
I told him, in order for us to move ahead and work things out he needed to STOP IT IMMEDIATELY. No contact EVER AGAIN. He said he would, he would "take care of it" in time.

We have had challenges like these in the last few years of our marriage. I had a close friendship with someone from my office as well. He was part of a gang of office friends, until I realized that he wanted much more. We flirted and danced, enjoying the new-found attention, but I never felt threatened because I thought it was innocent. I know now - It was wrong. I acknowledged my indiscretion to my husband and stopped it from developing into a full blown affair when I realized that the other party was not really my friend, but there to profit from an opportunity. It has been 1 year since that incident, and I have stopped all contact with this person except for the obligatory hello - goodbye at the office.

As you can see then, I am not in this forum to victimize myself or encourage pity. I understand the very real possibility of these things happening in any relationship. However, I cannot rationalize that I "pushed" or provoked my husband's present affair. They have been "special friends" from day 1 - three years ago. Exchanging personal presents, that never had me in mind. Talking for hours at her house without her husband present, going for coffee on weekends (he would even get out of our bed on an early Sunday morning to go meet her).
I think about all these events now and wonder why I was so blind!

Today he left for a 3 week business trip overseas. And I had to go through the horrible experience of pushing him, and nearly threatening him that i would disclose this to her husband if he did not END IT NOW. He was defensive and protective, and tried to push back, always repeating that he wanted to be a gentleman, do it at his own time. He repeated "what is the difference, now or tomorrow?" Until he realized that I was seriously be capable of confronting her with this.
He angrily hung up the phone 30 mins shy from his departure and said he's call her immediately. He called me back in just a short 10 min later, with a very different "happy tone" almost joking about the matter, saying, "that's it, it's done, no more problem. You should be happy now, I love you and no one else"
I don't know what to make of this. Despite the fact that it temporarily stopped my sobbing, and I felt some relief, I am not convinced that it was that EASY.I don't feel he did what I asked him to, and he has left me in a world of doubt.

She had been texting him frantically over the last few hours, asking for his attention, asking if he was ok, while his phone had been cautiously shut-off to prevent interruptions. I cannot simply believe that he calmly called her while she is with her family, told her that it is all over, that he won't see her anymore, and she said: "OK!" or "I understand." I am afraid, I do not buy this.
When I insisted that he had to end it NOW, he repeatedly refused to end it in my presence, and only succumbed to my pressure when he was not in front of me.
In this same conversation to me, he clearly warned me that he would never forgive me if "I did anything psychotic." I imagine he is referring to approaching her or her husband with this.

PLEASE HELP. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT.

His actions, and the fact that he has not shed any light on this for me...make me doubt whether it's real or I am imagining things???? He says "there is not much there to END".
Should I trust that he ended it, or is he simply protecting himself once again. What if I am wrong? Am I destroying any chance to "mend things" by doubting him?

ANY ADVICE WILL HELP.

THANK YOU.

India2005,

Piojitos created a new thread for you on General Questions II.

Welcome to MB and I know you'll get the help you need. When you want to create a new thread, just go to the top of the forum you choose, click on POST at the top right side, and a screen will come up. Then you can fill in the boxes.

Many will help, but it's better to have your own thread so you can get the most help the fastest.

Best Wishes,

Ace

P.S. Mishes, sorry for the threadjack.

Checking my changes.....Mish

Glad you make the changes, Mishes.

How's it going?

Ace

Hey Mishes,

Are you being cautious enough? What's happening?

Ace

Problems with computor continue but I believe they are fixed now.

All things seem to be going well, and feel like they are going good to. He has been home since Thuresday and we will move the rest of his stuff from his apartment over the next few days. We have been doing everything together..we went riding last night, have grilled out and he is better than his old self. We have discussed me coming off weekends so we will have more time together and he wants me to do this right away.

We received another "Private Line" phone call this morning at five thirty. I answered the phone and there was someone on the line (her again I am sure) I sat there a minute and could here her on the line...I said "say something" but no reply...I hung up. I thought about having the number changed to a private one but don't think I will. I told my ws that she called again this morning..he was asleep. He told me not to worry about it (heard that before) he would take care of it. This makes me very uncomfortable..I do not know why she is actually calling the house other than to irritate me...I had him look and I looked on his cell phone and there were n calls over the night from her. Maybe we should do a three way call?????

I know to be cautious and I have soooo learned never to say never when it comes to trust but I do not think he would be back home, making all of these ammends and paying so much attention to the family and me if he did not want to be here. I dont want to be "blind" anymore either..so tell me if I am being. I know his kids are important to him and after what happened with our son, I do not think he would dare play another game with our/my heart.

Advice???
Mish

Has he written a no contact letter to her? That is a must. He needs to write it, and you approve and send it.

Here is what the Harleys advise -

Dr. Harley's (From SAA)

(OP), I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk with you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that (BS) did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay (BS) for the pain I have caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she�s been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.
Sincerely,
(WS)

Hi Mish,

Writing, approving, sending the NC letter like Believer said will help rebuild trust.....but never blindly trust ever again. Withdrawal will take agonizing time.

How's it going?

Ace

Don't let him 'take care' of anything on his own. You take care of things together, as a unified force. There is no need to be soft on this, it's a losing battle. Sit down, and figure out how you are going to shut this woman out of your lives, forever.

If she is calling the home, how often is she calling his work or cell? Get NC in place, today, don't wait.

Update:

Ow called the house Thuresday..my daughter answered. The ow said she had something to tell me and asked me to call her back. I did...???right/wrong I was curious as to what she had to tellme.

She said that she wanted to tell me her side of the story that it was not all her fault, and advised me that Ws is/was plaing both of us...du! She really did nt tell me anything that I did not already know or suspect other than the fact that they met in 05...a little shock there but I did not let it show. Appaently they did not become intimate until last year just before our cruise..as I suspected. She said that basically they had been living together since he told me about the affair in november, and that he asked her to give him six monthes...she said he promised her the moon. I just listened as she said what she had to say with only a few comments...she said that it was over but that she would like to remain friends with him, be able to drop by the job site and continue to clean their homes after they are built. I said that would not be possible and she said she understood and thought that is what I would say. She wanted to know if I had been sleeping with my spouse since he had been home and I told her of course. She said that he told her he was sleeping in the recliner now. I asked her how or if he had ended it with her and she said yes..he told her that he did love her but he loved his family and was not going to loose them...she said he said that he loved and respected me and over time the passion would come back. I spoke to her about the seasons of a marriage or long term relationship, and that you fall in and out of that giddy love. I asked her if she realized we had been going to MC since he told me in November..she was not aware and pretty irritated by it. She said she was not going to press charges against my son for the dammage to her truck and hoped that this all would just end. She said she had not seem Ricku until today when she went to his job site. He again told her it was over. She talked about how upset/hurt she is for him promising her the moon. I said she had only known him for two years I had spent twenty years with him. She said that she had tried to break it off with him several monthes ago but that WS continued to come back and beg her to not leave him.

As our converstaion wase ending Ws came in from work. I gave him the phone and she immediately started cursing and telling him she did not know he was seeing a mc etc. With me right there he told her ...look it is over I mean it. I will come and get my things and give you yours...leave me and my family alone.

That was thuresday.

Friday morning he called me at 810 and said he was going to her apartment and get his things...nothing he really could not do withourt except a pistol. I was quiet and reminded him of his promise to his family. He said it will only take a minute and I will call you when I leave. At 827 he called and said he got his things, she wanted him to stay said she loved him.... he said I just got my things and left.

I took off this weekend and we went to a bike show. He was kind of quiet but very loving and sweet. He is resting now in recliner.

I feel ok about all of this. I do think he is going through some withdrawal but appears to be definate when we discuss his decision. I know this is going to take time. What now? We reviewed the things she told me and of course he denied them. I probably believe her more than him but it is overthats all that matters right? It is time to move on to us and our family. I think he played us both like she said ...definately...but it may be he was trying to decided...I amsure of it. When the incident occoured with the windows and I got the get out of my life...the he(( with you attitude he seemed to come around.

More later.
Mish

As we were wrapping up our conversation ( I was up in the bed room) my ws came in.

Don't take anymore of her calls.

Better yet, get a whistle.
If she calls, just blow real hard into the whistle.
She'll stop calling.

Mish,

I understand your BS fog....I had it for 6 months. It will kill your progress.

Get the whistle, change all accounts and numbers if need be, but don't waste time/thoughts on OW.

Focus on your recovery but DO NOT let your guard down.

Ace

PS Can you get a refund from your faux P.I.?

duplicate post.

I had a similar set of calls from the OW. She thought she needed to 'enlighten' me. Stupid OW.

The reason why she called you was in one of her attempts to reel him back in.

Yea....their A was probably a yo-yo type of A (both of them pulling back and forth)..... ok, so what? She expect that to hurt you and THAT is why you need to NOT take her calls. When you give her ANY attention, U R meeting her needs.

See how sick the OW is?

Now here is the scary part. You need to contact your local police station and put on record that the OW called you. Your H came home and together you are both trying to restore your M but the OW keeps calling and you want it on record as such. No RO....yet.

I did that. Here's a sample of OW's last attempt in trying to pizz me off:



[color:"blue"]Dear L,

I'm sorry to hear that your mother is dying and that
your cousin died. Hopefully, your last visit to see
them will be memorable.

In response to your e-mail, I don't think it was
necessary to call me names or to tell me lies about
WS. Why didn't you show your e-mail to him? I
asked him if he wanted to see your e-mail, because he
couldn't believe what I was reading... he didn't want
it. WS already knows about this letter. And,
he's been nice to me, although I know he is worried.
I've already explained it to him several days ago when
he came over to have dinner. I told him he could have
a copy if he wanted. He said no. And, of course,
we've been talking about it a lot otherwise. Tuesday
was our last day for saying we loved each other. I
don't plan on letting him back into my life anymore.
He can't seem to turn himself around. You know what I
mean, you wanted him to be honest too. I don't expect
anything from him. (but he expects a lot from me)
I don't mind letting him go completely (no friendship)
if you're not well & need him to help you. He says
that your health is poor & you can't do a lot of
things that he has to cover for you. I'm sorry to
hear about that. Thus on Thursday, he had finished
the fencing & gate he wanted to build for me, so that
he would be done with all of his house projects here &
of course, shouldn't find any reason to come back.
He already knows that I need to clear the air. It's
only fair since you've done the same, without a
quarrel in reply from me. I didn't want to hurt your
feelings by responding to the antagonistic things you
wrote about me so I shrugged it off. But, I know how
it feels to need to write & to get things out... the
way that you had done. It does feel good in some
respects, to finally let things go. I look forward to
moving on.

Every time I go forward with my life, WS returns to
be nice and affectionate. I can't do that anymore.
So, you need to help me by working things out with him
for real this time. That's why I need to clear this
up once & for all with you. WS doesn't understand
why I need to put an end to everything like this. I
want to stop the continual pattern where I am not
allowed to date other people or to go on with my life.
WS is very possessive & jealous for me. His
jealousy scares me. He can't let go of me completely
and tries to spy on me, like on this personal ad site
where he paid for a gold account last year. WS is
free for you to pursue again without, at least,
worrying about me being available. I will not be
available. I don't know about his other
relationships, if it's true what you had wrote. But,
I do know that he did contact & tried to find a new
lover last year after we'd broken up. "XXXXXX" was
his account, (where he had advertised in AFF) & his
ad said that he had reasons to cheat in his marriage.
He told me that he was going back to you, but instead
he was looking for a new lover. That surprised me.
So, don't worry L, he has cheated on me too. I
have been hurt by him too. He had plagued me with his
suspicions also, which wore me out. I have only his
word that he has been on the futon for two years. He
said he had been faithful to me ever since your
extreme attempt to alarm him with self -destruction
(suicide). He wasn't sure if it was real, but since
his brother went through it, it really shook him up &
he's never recovered since then. But, that was two
years ago. I hope you're better now. I guess I
never really believed that once a cheater, always a
cheater until now.

I can no longer protect WS nor comply to his
wishes to maintain his "charade" (his words not mine)
with you and son. WS's threats, and I mean angry
words of what he's going to do to hurt me, is all I
can take. Saying he's going to "f__k" me up, or that
he was going to throw all his things on my lawn & kill
himself, was really psychotic. He has been extremely
frustrated that he can't leave you amiably. I also
cannot keep waiting for him to be honest, I don't
enjoy roller coaster rides. Every time he had
opportunity or option to come clean, he would pass it
up. It's like that classic story we see on films.
Okay, so you were a fool, & I was fool. We're even.
He may have had good intentions, but for years he
didn't have the courage to be real. Every time I
walked away, there he was again on the phone calling
me. WS cannot continue to split himself in half
for two lives, as he wished he could (his words).
(One is for love, one is for obligation.) It can
cave him in. He has to stay with you & son, I don't
want him around. I think he said he was ready to let
go of everything, too. But, we've been through this
before, & writing this letter should prove to him that
I'm utterly serious. But, L I hope that you
don't throw the towel in. He needs you. You are his
KH connection. I too wish that he'd return to KH,
where he really can be supported & influenced to be an
honest guy again. He may not be perfect, but he
always meant well. He wanted options to come to me,
in case you drove him away again or really allowed him
to leave. That's a dream. I don't want to be his
option anymore. I have to take care of myself & my
own health & life. WS created this situation, and
he has to clean it up like a responsible adult. I had
no power over his choices as much as I disagreed. I
never condoned his choices which led us to arguments.
He's stubborn you know.

I am merely getting things off of my chest, no more
and no less. I'm not trying to tell you how to feel.

I've heard many things about you, but I don't know
you. So, I don't know if any of it was accurate.
But, I make my own decisions. I think for myself.
I've been trying to encourage him to stay with his
family for a long time. It was up to him to do the
right thing. I did not want him by default, which was
why I made it difficult for him to come to me when he
was walking out. I insisted that the decision between
you & him, be based on honest facts & mutual
understanding. He told me, ethically, morally &
honestly, he should leave you & son. But, you know
him, he cares too much about helpless people. He may
not had felt guilty in seeing someone else, but he was
responsible for his decisions. Basically, I did not
steal a husband like you want me to believe. I kept
trying to throw him back to his family. WS was
tenacious. (just as when he searched for my residence
against my wishes)

By the way, you wrote to me about something. WS
hasn't had a lot of affairs, and I am not number 5. I
think that he has a very big heart and is not a lousy
person. You better clear that with him & stop making
up stories. You hurt yourself by doing that. I don't
know why he said he was in a mild depression for ten
years, but I think that unhappiness has some root in
it.

You deserve more than this, I agree. Me too. WS
also. You asked me why I couldn't do better than
WS... actually, I would like to ask you the same
thing. If it's true that you think he really is a
lousy husband & father & provider who's
DF, then have you asked yourself that
same question? He told me that he had lost himself by
returning to the SJ house. A cold feeling over came
him, I think he said. That would be a good place to
start. I think he said that you were working on the
marriage alone even tho you knew he was in love with
someone else. Well, talk about it more, you might be
surprised. WSis worth a second chance for son's
sake. It was a difficult decision to write to you,
but this was the only way to get WS to not care
about me anymore. Sorry.

WS said that you told him to "be good" on Monday.
Well, actually he told me that he was not "living" but
not "dying" by staying with you. He doesn't hate you,
but he doesn't love you either. (He cares like a
roommate he says.) He is taking it "day to day"
there. He has no future plans, no savings & no idea
how things are going to turn out. He is so "neutral"
& indifferent that it concerns me. How does he plan
to go forward in his life? His words were that, "if
it was just L" he would had been gone a long time
ago. He told me that he didn't have to be honest
about every single detail to you... but I beg to
differ. If anything, even I would like to know if my
companion was harboring such thoughts. Resolve it,
you know? But, he said in order to be with son, he
had to "reach around" you, otherwise he would be a
"nobody" to you and his son. He really doesn't want
to ruin that little boy's childhood, & I admire him
for his sacrifices but not the lies, omission,
withholds and half truths. He says you're depressed,
so if you are depressed, maybe this second chance will
change that, maybe it's because WS wasn't fully
cooperating. Remember when you told him to "smile"?
That he didn't smile? Well, nothing has changed. He
said that he was not happy with you, but he was not
miserable either. So, it's 50/50 & you can tip the
scale towards happiness. Maybe ask WS, why & what
& how - so you can fix it. You're not a bad person,
L. You sound like a good person, & the
breadwinner of the household with an unfulfilled man.
He does care about you, so you have a chance to
fulfill him. He thinks his heart isn't there. But,
you can change that too. Don't think that there's
anything wrong with yourself, it is something about
WS that's holding him back. Use all of this to
your advantage. I'm sorry if any of this upsets you.
I just wanted to be upfront & set the record straight
in the shortest time possible. Take care, and good
luck. [/color]

I received the above e-mail while I was on vacation and visitng my parents. It was very hard to deal with. The letter is intertwined with old and new info. That is their trick. Their conclusions are also skewed.

I had not written to the OW for over 2 years. I did not respond to her last e-mail. So the OW never knew what I knew. She and the WS did not speak until we were in court. Even then they did not speak to each other.

OW claimed to want t/b friends. She is stupid. It drove her nuts that I refused to communicate with her. I realized before that when the OW tired of the WS, then the OW wanted to control ME. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Well that wasn't going to happen.


After this letter was sent, I forwarded it with my plan B commments to the then WS. I told him to hit the road. The WS really did NOT know the letter existed. He was furious. He was also in a lot of trouble because inbetween all the babble was some truth. I pulled away the babble and slammed him with the truth. He cooperated and worked to earn my forgiveness. It wasn't easy for him. It's not suppose t/b easy.

Btw, my mother wasn't dying....my mother is on dialysis but wasn't on her deathbed. My cousin had died about a 1 1/2 prior. This really angered me. How dare a stranger and an OW try to comfort me. I let the WS know how angry I was about this. To this day, it burns me up to know he shared info with this nutcase and of course she skewed it to her advantage. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Let's see.....how sincere was she? Well when we got back from my vacation, there was an RO and court hearing in our mail against the WS. I traced her calls and found she had made calls to people in my church, called the women's abuse shelter about a dozen times and called her neighbors all day and night. She even tried to blackmail me to people from my church in another state. Go figure....<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I finally got to meet this witch.... in court. Seeing her was hilarious. While the Ro was upheld, the OW's large volume of e-mails and her taped calls were not allowed as evidence. I was not asked to testify. I reserve what I will do for later. We moved out of state the next year so a lot has changed.

I share this with you so you can see how important it is NOT to fall what an OP says or does. They have their own agenda and babble something fierce.


Btw, notice how LONG her e-mail was? My name for her is: PBR (psycho babble rabbit). She earned each name. LOL!!!
L.

I see there have been readers but no posters? How are we gonna help Mish proceed w/caution? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Ok Mish, that letter was from 2003. Their A began in 2000. Long time, eh? Yep it was.

This is now 2007 and the WS died in 2003. H came back and he is now a hard worker H & father. He still has to repair his R w/ God and he is working on making our M better. Yea, I have my responsibilities in that area also but now it is a joint effort not a one sided one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Please let your Xws read the letter in my sig line from Trueheart. Trueheart was a former WS and now recovered.

Hope this helps.

L.

Read the letter from Trueheart....cried..it is all so true. Plan to read to ws at right time.


Fathers day went well. Daughter gave her father a box of candy and card, and middle son was on a trip with friends family but called and told him that he loved him and wished him a happy fathers day. We spent the day by the pool, and took a trip for ice cream.

There were only two triggers. Sunday when ever ws would go in the house I worried or wondered that he was texting or reading text from her. No particular reason I felt that way...I just did.

The second trigger was today when I tried to call him. I have to admit I often get my text messages 24 hours or so after they have been sent. Not the best service through our new provider..any how I set him SEVERAL messages to call, and then I tried to phone him and got his message machine several times...as you may recall this is the same thing that happened Memorial Day. He did eventually (45 min later) answer his phone and realized I was upset. I reminded him that the counslor said it would take time to rebuild trust and it was not as if he had not lied and deceived me repeatdly over the last several monthes. He agreed, and said he loved me. He just now called me and apparently received the first text message I sent that asked me to call him.

So here is the delima I suppose all of us face..I have learned that the truth always has a way of catching up with you and I have had to do not much more than sit back and wait to know what was going on with my ws. Much of what I learned was by shear luck or good timeing but it happens. I want to trust him, it is just too ...way, way, too soon to be able to. Where do I start with this? I know he has to be accountable for his time etc., but he is often here, there, everywhere (no kidding hu?) . Things feel good, not like before when I knew but denied something wasent right. I do not want to sabatoge our reconcilliation...wait a minute if he messes up it would be his sabatage right? Any how I want to do my part..make my deposits etc., I have been honest with him always. How after so many lies and deceipt do I start to trust him?

I have left a message with the PI I used..what a huge waste of money!

Don't read the letter 2 him. He's a big boy....let him read it himself.

I know the triggers of him not being responsive. You have to exercise patience right now. Breathe.

Remember clear mind, calm heart, lots of patience and then..... recovery. Breathe...out with the bad, in with the good. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Where's your recovery plan? Have you finished your reading? Have you called Steve H @ MB yet?



take care,
L.