You are enabling her affair is all you are doing. At the expense of you and your boys. She has no reason to work on the marriage because she is FREE to pursue her affair from the comfort of her own home. So, you made it much more likely that she won't work on the marriage.

See how you are working against yourself here?

I am trying to understand why it is you moved out when it was SHE who had the affair? Why would YOU move?

I did try meeting her needs but she wouldn't let me.

The affair started as an EA but when she admitted to having a PA I felt as if it was the only thing to do. She had told me that when I moved to my brothers for a couple of weeks after she admitted to her feelings that I hadn't given her a chance to miss me.

On reflection I still don't know why I moved I suppose i was worried she would file for divorce and I would be left with nothing.

I have just seen my WW as she had come to pick the boys up and told her i may be coming home as thats what me and the boys want. She was livid and said we shouldn't stay together for the sake of the boys.

It appears her mind is well and truly made up.

Here's a link to a BS who also made the mistake of moving out of his home and struggled greatly w/ his fear about moving back in.

Thankfully he listened to the advice he was given here....

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

Chris,

Move back!!!

~ Marsh

Noooooo, Chris, you don't tell her you're going to do it!!!

You JUST DO IT!!!

Of course she's angry! She has it EXACTLY the way she wants it!!! You are enabling her A, and she doesn't want you to ruin it for her!!!

MOVE BACK HOME!!!!

~ Marsh

If I move back home how do I stop her phoning OM when I'm at work or even stop her seeing OM when I'm at work and the kids are at school.

She won't look at his and her EN and she definitely wont write NC letter. The affair will still continue.

The affair will be much harder to carry on if you are there. You will be interfering in her affair, which is your job.

You have to end the affair before you can even begin to meet her needs. That is why we want you to move home.

There was absolutely NO GOOD REASON for you to move out. It only HARMS your position and enables her affair.


Of course its not. She is about as decisive as a falling down drunk. Nor do you need her permission to move into YOUR OWN HOME! JUST GO!

You are just making it SO EASY for her to destroy your marriage and your family. WHY? Don't you even want to TRY? If not for you, what about your boys?

Do I take her mobile phone off her or is that going to far. I had agreed to transfer ownership of our landline but I could stop that tomorrow as I'm still the owner and pay the bill.

Last week I got copies of the last few months phone calls and saw the times she was calling him.

Well,I would not transfer your land line, that will only prevent you from seeing the bill. I wouldn't take her cell phone, but perhaps cancel the service.

Please go home, Chris. You are allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat. Women do not respect men they can run over and our love is contingent upon the respect we feel.

Not only do you harm your position in every way by moving out, but your children need you there. Your W has lost her mind and your boys need their dad there to protect them. You are ALL THEY HAVE right now. Show them that you are man enough to stand up for their family. Please go home.

>It appears her mind is well and truly made up.

Take it from someone who has been threatened with divorce at least 4 times (not because of adultery but other reasons), if she really wanted a divorce, she would have already filed. And if she's not certain she wants a divorce then she's not certain she wants you gone. The show's not over till the fat lady sings!

Besides, I'm sure her OM is filling her head with all sorts of romantic "I'm fighting for you against all odds" crap. She should be hearing that from you. Dig deep and find your inner alpha male.

Chris, are you under the impression that you need your W's permission to go to your OWN HOME?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> How is that?

Chris:

You keep rolling with the blows. Is there some ulterior reason you don't want to go back home that you have chosen not to share? What the heck Chris, are you deaf?

You want a shake and bake solution? Not in this lifetime.

You want good advice? Ok, then listen to that advice and either do it or "enjoy" the consequences.

Larry

I have made my mind up that I'm moving back home on Saturday after I finish my night shift and after I've spoken to Steve Harley.

I have just spoken to her sister who is clearly on my side as her husband had an affair and they ended up getting a divorce. She has said that OM has nothing to offer her and she won't let my wife move in with her.

Just got to get the in-laws to agree.

Get them to agree to WHAT?

I think he wants to get them to agree not to take their daughter in if he moves back home.

I guess he hasn't heard that blood is thicker than mud.

Chris,

Don't stall.

You've already given her a head's up about what you are thinking of doing. She may change the locks between now and Saturday.

And don't let lack of support from your in-laws stop you from doing the right thing.

Go home!

Pronto!

~ Marsh

Chris, it doesn't matter if your inlaws agree or not. You have to do the right thing for your marriage. In fact, if your W does leave, what better place for her to go than her parents so they can interfere with her affair?

Her parents are devastated by the whole thing and think she should try at her marriage.

I know all about the blood thing, but her mother did say she would be on my side if I fought for custody.

I do know I have no chance of that and I'm also aware that her mother said what she said to shock her daughter, but you never know they just may agree to her not saying.

Chris,

You have had some of the best advisors posting to you & chosen to ignore them all. If you want to save your M then you need to start fighting for it & start now.

It doesn't matter that she won't let you meet her EN's; that's not what plan A is about. I began plan A at the start of Feb when WW wouldn't have even pissed on me even if I was on fire. I asked her to end the A shortly after & soon after that she ended the A (note don't expect this to happen is your situation - your mileage may vary). We're not yet attempting to repair the M but what plan A has achieved thus far is to erode the reasons F?WW had for justifying the A; she now accepts that our M wasn't 100% bad, that I'm not 100% incompatible as a spuse, etc. (these are things she had previously believed to be irrefutably true). We're not there yet but the general trend is a postive one & hopefully we'll get there (at a full & proper M)

Start plan A & keep plugging away - if nothing else it can make you fell better about yourself (I know it's been of immeasurably large benefit to me).

Why Saturday ?? There's no better time than right now. Whilst you're waiting for your appt re-read SAA & implement the plan.

I'm in the UK & researched father's rights - there's lots of web resources available, I'll send the links if you're interested (I imagine your solicitor already knows all about this).

Good luck.

b.p.m.

Question for Marsh,

Did you have kids while your affairs was happening?
Did exposure stop the affair if not did you carry on your affair once your husband found out and how did you stop it.

Sorry for all the questions but I read from another thread that you were WS, but i really do appreciate your help here.

I am worried how I will stop the affair when I move back.