Lady C, I apologize most sincerely. I never saw your reply to me and just now found your "2nd Request." I have to go pay bills and do some grocery shopping before things begin turning from golden coaches back into pumpkins so I can't respond at this moment. Watch this space later this evening, okay? Again, very sorry.
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Okay, I’m back. Sorry, it’s been a hectic day.
I’m guilty of some very poor writing. When I used the example of the couple coming to one counselor for MC, I meant only to illustrate that one counselor routinely handles two separate viewpoints and…he even does it while the two people are in the same room.
If a couple divorces (whether an affair is involved or not), one or both remarry, experience trouble in their separate marriages again…well it is
highly unlikely both would choose the same counselor, but the counselor could handle it. He wouldn’t be trying to get the original marriage back together, of course.
In this odd hypothetical question, he might even be working to bring two separate marriages back together (not the first failed marriage), or working with two, three, or four as an IC, or any possible combination of the individuals concerned. I’m pretty sure no such thing has ever happened or ever will…though it’s a mathematical possibility, I suppose.
The point is, a counselor can handle many people, all with divergent points of view, and still provide decent advice to them all. After all, does he not do that all day long already? All, (8 or 9…X number?) clients he sees every day as clients represent very conflicting problems and viewpoints.
In the example you used, of course the counselor would be working with dynamics of the new marriage between your ex and his new spouse. Any counseling provided to you would be totally, completely, separate…not connected in any way with the marital counseling going on between them. In this highly unlikely scenario, you would probably never know the counselor was also working with your ex and his new wife. I wouldn’t be working to reconcile you and your ex. On second thought, it could happen that a single counselor might counsel your ex and his wife…and counsel you on totally separate, uninvolved and non-related issues, I guess. If I recall, you live in a small town and there might not be but one counselor available to take your case.
Now, in the impossibly remote hypothetical chance both Zog and the woman he divorced 28 years ago came to MB looking for help, I would be
willing to help both of them. I wouldn’t be working to get them back together, of course. Their marriage is a dead issue. There would be a question of whether they, as individuals, would be comfortable with me working with their former spouse, but if they agreed I was flexible and fair enough to deal with their completely separate issues in their lives as of this moment, then I’d be happy to do whatever I could.
The hypothetical question was, “which one would I help?” My answer is, and will continue to be, “Answer C, Both Of the Above.”
Have a fine evening, Lady C. Now I need to go cook some of the vitals I got from the grocery. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
