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That was a great post, Artor, thanks for posting it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks, Ace.
Unfortunately, the only de-fogging mechanism I have left is to actually file or at least contact a lawyer so she sees I'm serious.
I'm not leaving my home, however.
I'll update my previous thread on Recovery with the details.
Thanks for your prayers.
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I would stay put until you are told you can't by a court.
I moved out after a couple of weeks after my WW told me about her A and wouldn't end it. I went back after 3 weeks and moved out again when she told me it had become a PA. Thanks to Melodyland, Marsh and many others I returned.
I stayed home for a couple of months before having to agree to my WW at mediation that we both vacate the home and only return when it is our turn to have the kids. I work 4on and 4 off. Since mediation broke down thanks to my WW and after taking a holiday with my WW's family I have now returned home and will stay put until I'm kicked out or the house is sold. This has made my WW run to her mothers with my kids during their time with her.
My kids are starting to realise that their mother is only interested in what she wants and that they don't come first, something she will tell everyone else they do. This will only lead to further resentment from my boys. They may be young but they aren't stupid.
HAF
Together 10 Years
Married 14 Febuary 04
DD 6 March 2007
DS8 & DS9
BS 38(me)
WS 39
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do not...do not leave your home...I may be a calender boy for failed marriages, but after 2 of them, I have kept the home, and the respect of all my peers and neighbours. If you leave, you look like tha villain,.............and you arent!
Ron
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Mel ,
Affairs aren’t just black and white.
I don’t get the advice you are giving....as all circumstances are unique as are people...yes I admit similarities...but black and white???
Sometimes it might be best for a bs to stay-sometimes it might be best for a bs to leave.
Every family/marriage/unity has differing dynamics-
As much as I appreciate MB principles-I simply do not agree.
I would even debate the good Dr Harley on thissa one.
Max
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I have no idea what in the world you are talking about.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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uuummm,
try your first post, on this thread.
all relationships have differing dynamics- no two situations are the same, even though they share similarities.
I don't 'get' what you are saying without you meeting and identifying individual presenting issues/needs in each and every individual spousal relationship presented on these boards, or do you know something I don't?
Are we there yet???
Max
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I have no idea what you are talking about, MM. You are going to have to be clear and concise if you want to be understood. If you don't agree with the advice, then make your case.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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MMax,
When someone says they don't understand what you're saying, ask them for what part they don't understand. They can be clear and concise about what they don't understand about your opinion.
*****************EDIT***********
LA
Last edited by Justuss; 11/19/07 05:27 PM.
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MMax,
When someone says they don't understand what you're saying, ask them for what part they don't understand. They can be clear and concise about what they don't understand about your opinion.
******************EDIT****************
LA If she disagrees with something, she needs to be CLEAR and make her case. It is not up to me to decipher her posts. If she asks me what part I don't understand, I would respond that I don't understand ANY PART because her post does not explain her objection. Saying "nothing is black and white" tells me nothing. It is up to her to make her points understandable to her audience.
Last edited by Justuss; 11/19/07 05:28 PM.
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Thanks for your concern LA
I know I was CLEAR in EVERY PART of my OBJECTION-as such.
I am also SURE Mel is CLEAR on THAT also.
word play has always been one of Mel's percieved'strengths'
just how you look at it...
Max.
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I know I was CLEAR in EVERY PART of my OBJECTION-as such. You weren't to me. I was scratching my head too. Then when you related it to the very first post (which btw is months old) it still made no sense. Mel's first post is clearly GENERALLY APPLICABLE ADVICE. I can't for the life of me even consider a fact pattern that it wouldn't apply to. Perhaps if the betrayed husband without children is being physically beaten by his wayward wife or maybe his wayward wife is having sex with the OM nightly in the house...he could leave to protect his sanity. But if there are kids there...NO WAY. If you've got a bone to pick with it or Melody start your own thread about it as I think you are merely trying to muddle up what is otherwise an important thread for betrayed fathers to read. As an attorney...I strongly advise every betrayed father to heed this advice. DON'T LEAVE YOUR HOME. If you did leave...GO HOME...IMMEDIATELY and without warning. Further, if and when your wayward wife leaves DON'T PUT IT UP FOR SALE until after you have won custody as consistency of the home is typically a big factor in the custody battle. IF you are selling they may not give you that factor. Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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MM, I am pretty sure that I am the best judge of what is clear to me or not, and that was not clear.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks MrW, excellent post. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Mr W . so what if the thread is yonks old...it is still here and I still disagree..and as a counselor as you a lawyer I disagree with its content. Kapeesh.
and while we are on it! I would also like to disagree with the fact that 'sheila' in an endearing ' Australian' term-for me as an Australian woman- it brings up disgusting thoughts of big bellied men sipping on a warm greasy stubbies, scrathing their crotch , wondering why they just ain't getting laid tonight.
Max
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I also agree with this advice. And before coming to MB's I had NEVER before heard this advice to a betrayed husband! It's something that betrayed men need to be warned about, especially if it can be used against them as 'abandonement'. Also, adulterers have a way of pretending that cause and effect are reversed... 'we split up first... BH moved out... then I hooked up with OM...'
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When someone says they don't understand what you're saying, ask them for what part they don't understand. They can be clear and concise about what they don't understand about your opinion. When someone says they disagree with what you're saying, ask them for what part they disagree with. They can be clear and concise about what they disagree with about your opinion. [color:"white"]saying "things are not black & white" is not clear although it certainly is concise - it gives the reader no information what-so-ever about the content of the objection. Very difficult to understand exactly what "black & white" means to the author without an explaination.[/color] .... and that is my opinion .... searching for what is hidden ... [color:"white"] ....sometimes is not so straightforward ....[/color] .... and sometimes, it is
Last edited by Pepperband; 11/19/07 11:10 AM.
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Ah, I got it now MadMax, you are a militant feminist...Thanks for letting us know...Move along now...
Mel's point and post is VERY understandable and dead on accurate...
MEN DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOMES!!!
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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OH MY GOD...it's PEP!!!! Look what I prayed up... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by mimi_here; 11/19/07 11:06 AM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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