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If you disagree then make your case if you want to be taken seriously. An assertion that is made without reason/evidence can be similarly dismissed.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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As an attorney...I strongly advise every betrayed father to heed this advice. DON'T LEAVE YOUR HOME. If you did leave...GO HOME...IMMEDIATELY and without warning. Further, if and when your wayward wife leaves DON'T PUT IT UP FOR SALE until after you have won custody as consistency of the home is typically a big factor in the custody battle. IF you are selling they may not give you that factor. And for crying out loud, do not let your WW leave home with the children. And under no circumtstances leave your children behind in the home with wayward. Madmax, In what specific circumstance would leaving the family home be in the best interest of the BS and children? In what circumstance would it be in the best interst of the marriage? Please list specific examples. We have enough men who come here and are doing everything they can to appease their WW. Do you want them to lose custody of their children? Do you want them hurt their case with abandonment? Do you want the children to be left with a fogged out wayward, not to mention the OP(s)?
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MadMax, how about supporting your own case?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Pep? Wow!
Mr. W...militant feminist...yep, that is the most accurate description I have heard regarding MM. She is another among the crowd that only shows up to stir up trouble.
Now, too bad LTK, Java, BA, and their ilk are not here to lend their support. At the very least the militant choir is getting much smaller.
Welcome back Pep...even if it is just a drive by!
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HAHHA, Hello PEP
Weaver, maybe in the best interests of the child???/children.
you see I am also deeply involved in child protection
Mk-you are just too adorable,
Max
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Weaver, maybe in the best interests of the child???/children. A specific example, please?
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from one MM to another:
OK, MadMax, in all honesty, I don't get what point you're trying to make either.
"Affairs aren’t just black and white."
Are you saying some affairs (adulteries) are white (good) - not all black (bad)?
Are you saying adulteries should each be judged individually as to whether or not they are black, white, or some shade of gray?
"I don’t get the advice you are giving....as all circumstances are unique as are people...yes I admit similarities...but black and white???
Sometimes it might be best for a bs to stay-sometimes it might be best for a bs to leave."
Are you saying that the advice given to the betrayed husband regarding moving out of his home is bad advice because you can think of specific situations when the adultery is 'white' enough that the WW deserves to stay in her home?
Are you saying you can provide some specific examples when you believe it would be somehow wrong/bad/unwise for the BH to stay in his home?
"Every family/marriage/unity has differing dynamics-"
Huh? 'unity'? This site is for MARRIAGE Building. Does 'unity' include adulterous relationships? What 'dynamics' are you referring to?
The above statement is very general.
Please clarify.
"As much as I appreciate MB principles-I simply do not agree.
I would even debate the good Dr Harley on thissa one."
That's probably a good idea: maybe you should schedule an appointment with Dr Harley to discuss your objections directly with him?
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That's probably a good idea: maybe you should schedule an appointment with Dr Harley to discuss your objections directly with him? I suspect she is not CAPABLE of articulating her objections, which would explain her failure to articulate her position.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yup! What Pep Said!
MadMax, in response to requests that you clarify what exactly it is you are objecting to you have accused, complained... and then posted something even more vague and confusing.
The logical conclusion is that you do not want to be clear and concise about a specific objection that can then be discussed.
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MadMax:
This statement from you is very vague:
"Weaver, maybe in the best interests of the child???/children."
WHEN would it be in the best interest of the child/children for them to be left in the presence of an addict and their addiction partner instead of with the addiction-free parent?
"you see I am also deeply involved in child protection"
Actually, I do NOT see that from your above comment at all - quite the contrary. Are you saying that from your POV it would be somehow beneficial for the child to be exposed to the adultery and the OP? Do you then believe that the presence of the BS in the home with the children, acting as a deterrent to the children being exposed to the adultery/adulterers, would somehow be depriving the children of something positive?
You respond to a discussion with a vague objection;
you respond to the confusion that your vagueness caused with complaint/accusation that the confusion can't possibly be genuine;
then instead of becoming more specific you post something even more vague and wierd than your original comment.
Way Wierdness...
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The logical conclusion is that you do not want to be clear and concise about a specific objection that can then be discussed. BINGO!!! Which leads me to question motive... -Just to cause dissension... -Just to take folks away from helping others here that so desperately need it... MadMax, I think this is a case of "put up or shut up"... Mrs. W P.S. MEDC it was ME, Mr s. W, that said "militant feminist"! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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here's another reason for men not to leave their home...EVER unless of course, they are taking their kids with them. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21838575/Sorry Mrs W.... good call on her!
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The logical conclusion is that you do not want to be clear and concise about a specific objection that can then be discussed. Or disputed. I would really like an example. Coming here and saying that there are exceptions... that sometimes... that different dynamics come into play... Planting seeds of doubt in a course of action that is designed to protect the BS, the children and ultimately the marriage...just really gets my ire up. Over the years I have seen many a man want to do ANTTHING to appease the WW. And the WW would like nothing more than for the BS to move out. Why in the world would you suggest that it is not always applicable, and then not back it up? There are peoples futures hanging on the balance of their actions here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Affairs by their very foggy/gray nature must be met with black and white thinking. And if/when their is a specific situation where uniqueness makess way for a different action...PLEASE SHOW IT. This is not a game. If you have something to offer, offer it. But don't throw little seeds of doubt and try to cause discordance with plans that MORE OFTEN THEN NOT protect.
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well, I can give an example of why a BS should move out...more than one to be exact....but in reality, every single one of those examples it SHOULD BE the WS that is forced to move out.
A BS should NEVER leave their children with the infidel though.
But if there is abuse and the WS refuses to leave, the BS should leave with any children immediately.
Not staying in an abusive situation is more important than who stays or goes....so long as the kids are with the BS and not the WS.
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But if there is abuse and the WS refuses to leave, the BS should leave with any children immediately.
Not staying in an abusive situation is more important than who stays or goes....so long as the kids are with the BS and not the WS. Of course. However if that was the point trying to be made, then why not make it at the time she disagreed? Hence, the games. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
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Hi Pros,
While agree with you all that a BS should not leave there homes most have at some point before reading any of this information, just like me. I've moved back but but now find myself having to sell the home so that I can provide a stable home for my children without the huge costs involved.
Ideally I would love to stay, but the courts with ultimately force me out and if that happens I will be unable to provide anything for my kids and its the only way I can truely go to plan B.
I hope I'm doing the right thing although reading your posts I'm not so sure.
HAF
Together 10 Years
Married 14 Febuary 04
DD 6 March 2007
DS8 & DS9
BS 38(me)
WS 39
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Because MM is not about anything but adding angst to a discussion.
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I feel angst when MEDC adds to a discussion.
LA
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I feel angst when MEDC adds to a discussion.
LA LA, I don't see this as being about MEDC at all...In fact, I'm unclear as to why you are seemingly defending MadMax's vague posts-posts that could definitely be HARMFUL to a BS in their own angst...Care to explain??? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I get confused everytime LA detracts from a discussion.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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