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Re: FWW's. Advice needed
braeworth #1886566 06/08/07 06:08 AM
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Orchid. Thanks again.
As I have said in some of my previous posts, I know here lack of feelings for me is worrying her also. She is maintaining NC which is a start and I am now just concentrating on Plan A

That is good it is 'worrying' her. Now where that takes her is what you watch for. I often recommend praying for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience. These are trying times for the BS and makes the BS vulnerable.

RE: If the WS can convince the BS they are in recovery but the WS is NOT an Xws, then the BS can be setup to fail.

However, if the BS knows the 'markers' and makes sure the Xws does most of the recovery work (after the BS' plan A changes are completed), that may reduce any false recoveries. False recoveries hurt. Remember that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Have you id'd your personal and M boundaries? Have you enforced them?

take care,
L.
Re: FWW's. Advice needed
Orchid #1886567 06/08/07 06:30 AM
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braeworth
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I am not sure what the pesonal and M boundaries really are. I have made it clear to WS that she must tell me if the OM makes contact with her and any resumption of A will result in me asking her to leave home but DD will be staying with me.

Me - BH 42
FWW 40
DD 12
D-day 14th April 07
NC broken several times
False recovery until 14th July 07
NC finally established 14th July 07
OM reappears Aug 08. WW moves in with OM Nov 08. Now in Plan B

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=3228651&page=0&fpart=all&vc=1
Re: FWW's. Advice needed
braeworth #1886568 06/08/07 06:45 AM
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I am not sure what the pesonal and M boundaries really are. I have made it clear to WS that she must tell me if the OM makes contact with her and any resumption of A will result in me asking her to leave home but DD will be staying with me.

That's not a boundary, that's a condition.

A boundary is something that if it is crossed, all bets are off.

For me the list started out long but it ended up with me taking a hard look at myself and knowing that contact with any OP was detrimental to me. Even if I had to lose my H (aka: then WS), I would have to do it because for me any OP is toxic.

So my 1 boundary meant NO OW in MY LIFE.

That was a boundary NOT dependent on anyone but myself. Whether my H came back or not I knew I needed to be away from the toxic ones. If the WS wanted t/b around Mz Toxic, then my family needed to be away from the WS.

That 1 boundary made it easier to move forward and stay in plan B.

JMHO,
L.
Re: FWW's. Advice needed
Orchid #1886569 06/08/07 06:51 AM
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braeworth
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I guess it is the same but maybe I worded it differently. If she restarts A then she must move away from the family as I and DD are not leaving marital home.

Me - BH 42
FWW 40
DD 12
D-day 14th April 07
NC broken several times
False recovery until 14th July 07
NC finally established 14th July 07
OM reappears Aug 08. WW moves in with OM Nov 08. Now in Plan B

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=3228651&page=0&fpart=all&vc=1
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