Thanks Swade. I read it again myself. It's a weird thing reading something from so long ago. I'm always so grateful to JL and all the others who helped me so much way back then.

It comes up here a lot that 2x4s are the only way to deal with WS's. I think those early posts show what it used to be like here and I'm also forever grateful I came here when I did.

That first thread was a start but we went through a great deal more before we've reached where we are now, all well documented on the Board lol.

I still think it was the most wonderful thing my H could have done.

I'm so conflicted right now, because my WW does seem warm to me at times -- we get along without any arguments right now. I try to meet her ENs (affection and conversation).

Told her I am here for her without any judgment or ridicule (bottom line, she cannot feel good holding all of this A in without having some conflicting emotions stirring inside).

I simply want her to open up to me and trust me as if I was her "best friend".

She is probably relieved that i have not brought up the A topic -- (coming soon to a theatre near her).

I told her I love her and I will support her (as my W).

In fact, tonight we plan to sit under the stars again, look at some constellations (she enjoys this), sip some wine and just enjoy each other's company!

It just pains me she may be in contact with OM vis txt msg.

I will confront this one definitive proof arrives (phone records).

Okay. A suggestion. You should say:

"I am here for you." Period. Nothing more.

To say it the way you did may seem a simple statement but it is so loaded on so many levels. It is a huge DJ.

Pio, Swade is taking his cue from my first post.

My H's actual words were "I promise I won't be angry, I can't promise I won't be hurt."

KiwiJ,

What you wrote is perfectly okay. It talks about how BH has been hurt and how it affects his feelings. What swade wrote was BH is better than WW and is abdicating his God-given right to sit in judgment.

Maybe I'm nit-picking but consider my screen name.

I was sort of saying the same thing.

The way it's worded is everything.

I'm actually agreeing with you Headlice.

swade,

You should suggest a getaway vacation with WW to Australia. Did you know they have a whole different set of constellations down there? If WW has never seen them, she might get excited about that.

Just remember their seasons are backwards (and the toilets flush in the opposite direction).

Only the seasons are backwards Down Under.

The residents are sharp as tacks.

Total t/j here. Are the constellations different down here? H and I were looking up at the night sky the other night and wondered if they all moved down here along with the seasons. We see the Big Dipper and Orion and all the others.

What would I know though. I still can't get over that we all have a full moon at the same time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What's that constellation on your flag? We can't see it.

Har hardy har.

It's the Southern Cross. Yes, it's a Southern constellation.

Smart a** (*muttering*)

Your same constellations are always there. They just come out at a different time each day of the year. So part of the year you can see them and part of the year you can't because it's daytime.

Swade,

Go to an astronomy shop near where you live and buy a star chart for about $5. They are helpful for skywatching because you can dial in the month and day (they are round) and it will show you where in the sky the constellations are. It is important to get one near where you live because they are latitude dependent. Also get a red LED flashlight for your night endeavors because they don't constrict the pupils too badly when you need light. And watch how you impress WW with your new skills.

Spoke with WW last night - she confirmed she has been IN CONTACT with OM.

WW thought we were making good progress in reconnnecting.

I told WW that there is no rooom for 3 in this M and as long as NC is not mainatained, this M will not move forward.

Told WW I will cancel the surgery for next week -- she became irate and said that she will geive me back everything that I have given her to include my wedding ring if I want it.

I ALSO FOUND OUT fro GF this morning that my WW discovered that OM is married. GF told me that my WW is upset by this and that OM has been apologizing alot (via txt msg) for lying to her.

I need to find OM's wife so I can expose to her in a big way!

My WW's only defense is to attack me and what I did when I had my A 10 yrs ago. To me she feels a sense of entitlement to end the A the way she wants to. She also feels I am being 'demanding' by suggesting she goes NC with OM.

Someone pass me a helping of advice in light of the following:

1) I am almost 1 month into Plan A (progress made)
2) WW has violated NC (txt msg OM regularly)
3) Does not want to adhere to BCs (transparency)
4) She even balks right now at me asking details of A (how did it start? Her defense, "I did not ask you details about your A"

5) WW did agree to go to MC (I need to find one fast)

My question:

1) Do I simply continue with Plan A

or

2) Suggest WW moves on since I feel flaunting A in my face. I am suppose to sit by while she breaks it off on her terms? Hard to do this.

I think you try to continue with Plan A.

I think you clearly establish that contact is not allowed.

You ask WW if she will agree to stop contact and, if not, she leaves your house immediately.

You lay out the boundary and let her decide.

This A is dying big time. Just avoid LBs and DJs. Don't get angry.

I still think you are going to save this M if you want to.

Call the Harley's for an appointment. They are THE BEST you can get for dealing with infidelity.

Navigate up top and click on "Counseling Center". Its well worth your money.

If you don't use Harley's counseling, then find yourself a PRO-Marriage counselor or one that is skilled in Marriage Builders' principles.

Stay clear of counselor's that are the "do what feels good" variety, they are ineffectual and do more harm then good. BEWARE!

Jo

Pio -- That is what I am inclined to do - tell her to leave if she does not agree to break contact.

Resilient -- I will make an appt for a phone counseling with the Harley's for next week.

Thank you both for helping me to stay grounded!

Right now I am hopeful but angry (discussing this A feels like a score keeping contest - OH my WW said that it is about what "is fair" when I mentioned two wrongs do not make a right.

I need to focus on the household and the kids at this point.

swade,

I'm still ignoring Resilient.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
You shouldn't.

(She was mean to me!)

Pio,

Lo siento, por favor.

Jo

My WW wants me to be "more understanding" since I should know what she is going through.

She basically does not want to discuss the A and does not understand why I want to know what happened or what is happening.

I said if the A is over, what needs to be discussed.

Exposure to OM's W is on the way once I find out who she is and where she lives.

We can't even discuss the A because WW continues to use mine as a argument and she never takes ownership of what she did!

We do need some help. I need to muster all of the character I have to continue in plan A!

I need the Harley's alone because I am not sure she would even open up to them in my presence (with me hearing in phone interview).

UUUGGGHHHH!!!!!!!