Given my WW is going to speak to S Harley, is it pointeless for me to let her that I am hurt that she broke NC to meet with OM and that I do not approve?

I simply want her to know that I know what is going on, but I do not want to tip my hand on MY SOURCE!

swade,

Just wait for your phone calls. Don't upset the balance right now.

If you make any drastic move right now, the first response will be that WW refuses IC with Steve. If it were not for the impending IC, things would be different. Don't LB right now. Hold on one more day.

Standing by waiting for WW IC with Steve!

WW went shopping alone -- did not want me to go.
(I probably should have put my foot down and gone anyway!)

Think another OM rendezvous in coming.

I cannot wait until the next 2 days of IC for WW and myself respectively.

Once that is over, I will have a new game plan, but I would be surprised if S Harley makes a dent into my WW's mind.

She is hooked big time right now!!!

If WW does not adhere to NC, I am prepared to send her packing and explain to kids why momma had to go -- I wonder if telling her this would snap her out of her fog!

I'm just ticked and hurting at this point!

I don't think her IC will snap her out of the fog. I do think her IC will give SH better insight in how to help you snap her out of her fog.

I know this is hard. You have done a lot of great work to this point. Just be patient a little longer.

{{{swade

Swade, I've been reading your thread and you're getting great advice so I don't really have anything to add.

I do have a couple of things to mention and both are complete t/js.

The t/j matters are:

1) did you see that Pio gave you a man hug - just one arm around the shoulders. That is freaking hilarious.

2) aren't you a SoCal fruit and nut? Why don't you join the group of MBers who are meeting on July 14? See Pep's thread.

I watch Cheaters quite a lot. From what I see, all they really do is get proof of the A. You already have that. Their objective is to create drama culminating in the confrontation. I don't think they would even take your case since you have already exposed the A. It just doesn't fit what they do. They never go after OMW. In fact, I believe the show is quite misguided. I have no proof but tend to believe that there is a very low recovery rate of couples on that show. I also don't believe it is their goal.

My WW just finshed her first IC with S Harley.

She said she enjoyed talking to him and that she appreciated me setting up the IC.

WW did say that I had a tedency to drive her to OM when I bring up 'negative' situations. She feels like she can talk to OM 'openly' without any reservation.

Other than the situation described below, what WW perceives as negative is my talk about NC and the fact the I know it has not been maintained!

The most specific negative sitch (and main one being last Sun when I asked my WW shy she was stroking her male friend's arm after church! This was a male friend that she had carpooled with to "bible study' sessions on Sun afternoons (45 min away).

WW had been attending despite my objections and suggestion to go to one closer to home and connected to our church.

My LB quote: "What do you find so attractive about ____'s arm that you have to stroke it like that!"

WW responded: "that was her friend" -- "I also I had no idea what issues this friend was going through in his life!"

I was home watching kids and felt this bible study group was really more of a social hour.

I also mentioned to WW that I was uncomfortable given that this male frirned and his wife were having their own issues(in fact the male friend's wife does even attend church with her hubby).

I told her it made me feel uncomfortable given our current situation! WW did not care!

WW says that she plans to go NC with OM (only time and her actions will tell)!

Tomorrow, I have my IC with Steve. I am real interested in his direction on how to proceed!

T/J - Cheaters is filmed mostly in Dallas. My DD (28) who is happily married now called me the other day and saw her ex-BF (the one she proclaimed was IT for her a few years ago) on that show. He was a loser then and he's a loser now. She said "Mom, thank God I never stayed with that guy. That coulda been me!"

T/J over

I agree, Cheaters is mostly just for the drama. I think they really could care less about restoring marriages.

I had my IC w/S Harley today - quite enlightening.

WW said she would go NC after her IC w/ Steve yesterday.

She also thanked me for setting up this session - she enjoyed talking with Steve.

OM is still sending e-mail though.

I need to stilll execute plan A and WW and I both have MC w/ Steve again next week.

The pain keeps coming, but hopefully Steve will make a dent into WW mind next week and I hop WW will come to me willing to be transparent.

I just need to be careful not to 'rock the boat' by any LBs regarding WW still in contact with OM.

It hurts like crazy, but this is the price (I guess) if I want to have a better marriage - which I do!

WW has been sitting alone in dark in the closet for the last 45 min!

Should I leave her alone or go be with her for a moment?

May be in some withdrawal!

Well, unless she has the cellphone in there with her, yeppers, you're starting to see withdrawal. Long may it continue.

Kiwi,

Should I join her on leave her alone?

Leave her alone for now.

Nevermind KiwiJ,

My WW desires to be alone right now -- I simply asked if she needed anything and she said no and wanted to remain in the closet alone.

No sign of cell phone in there!

Even when I took the family out to dinner tonight, WW seemed a little distant -- even the kids noticed and said that mom looked mad!

Withdrawal.

In a way Swade, you should be quite pleased. This is crunch time for her. The fact that she'll even go NC is a very big plus for you.

KiwiJ,

I am remaining hopeful but preparing for the worst, because I have heard this before ("I will go NC").

My WW said she told OM about NC yesterday, yet the e-mail with romantic poems continue to come. There was e-mail contact today although not romantic -- I was relieved!

Sometimes, I honestly do not fell like looking at her computer for fear of what I may find!

Anyway, we have another session with Steve on Tuesday together -- I hope he continues to make headway with us both!

I WANT A BETTER MARRIAGE!!!!!

Again, I would like to thank you KiwiJ, Pio, and the many other 'MB family members' who have provided me guidance during this dark and confusing time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am really frustrated right now!

WW has not lived up to NC at ALL!!!

She is still receiving 'romantic' e-mail from OM!

Although I am working on myself via plan A (2 mo running in 12 days), I am not sure I am making a dent at all.

Is it wasted effort to spend time with WW when she is still in touch with OM?

Also should I confront WW about NC not maintained -- I simply want her to know this is still very damaging to myself and the kids.

When is your MC with SH?

Yes continue to spend time with her otherwise she can't see what a great guy you are. Bring up the NC problem with SH.

Hi

Just had a joint MC with SH today!

Seems like SH wants me to simply execute plan A. He did give ny WW and myself an assignment to go over our ENs.

My WW wants to come on the MB discussion board to discuss her situation and how difficult it is for her to go NC.

She needs to speak to and hear from some FWWs because she feels alone right now and that OM is the only other person she can talk to!

She feels that speaking with OM is 'medication' to her pain of withdrawal while I look at it as another fix!

I need to clean up my thread so she does not get offended by anything I have said!