Is there a way to edit my user name or 'mask' my thread?

You can ask the mods to delete. Or you can go back and edit and delete each post. Or you can let it drop to the bottom of the page, and then it will get lost.

Update:

I have had 2 ICs and 1 joint MC w/ S Harley (SH)

My WW has had 1 IC and 1 joint MC with SH.

She struggles with NC in that she receives e-mail from OM but has not broken this communication channel. I do know that my WW does not respond as much, but she just likes to hear from OM.

My WW's definition of NC is that she does not 'initiate' contact with OM. I explained to her that NC means no communication period!

WW still has cell phone password and I am not sure what is going on there until the bill is published at month's end.

Right now, I feel like I am doing plan A without any BCs and that my WW has free reign "as she struggles to let OM go".

According to the IC, I still let my WW know how 'hurtful' her activities are, but she is preoccupied with her own pain in trying to let go of the A.

I was also told to avoid making demands on my WW (i.e. block e-mail, shut down cell phone, etc..) or I would appear to be a 'probation officer' to my WW.

My WW says she feels alone and she wants to speak with some FWWs on MB forum.

My WW did admit to SH that she knows I have been making changes and 'doing the right things'. I just don't know how long I can hold on with her stringing out this A.

Someone please offer me some guidance to get back on track!

BTW -- I do know OM and OMW (2nd wife) are in California together. I just need to find address to expose to OMW.

What to make of this!

I love my WW dearly and plan A has sucked my energy during the almost 2 months its been implemented.

I asked her if I could go with her to store so I could be with her, but she gave anything but an enthusiastic or approving answer to my request. I somply let her go alone assuming the worst -- that she would meet OM sometime during the evening!

I still suspect WW is in contact with OM.

Is it considered LB'ing to ask when did WW and OM have last contact?

My love bank is on empty and I feel that my WW is trying to "say the right things to me" to keep me at bay while she maintains her secret contact with OM.

I also feels she has no respect for me whatsoever given she feels 'entitled' to every good thing I do for her. What I do for her is not to elicit a reaction., but because I love her. I just feel like I am being trampled upon!

Is it too soon to go to the 180 plan?

I want my WW to realize that if she wants to leave -- the go! I am going to focus on my needs as well as those of the kids whom I have deprived trying to deal with my WW!

I do know my WW have been reading this forum several times and i have encouraged her to post and speak to some other FWWs. She has not posted yet, but just read other posts right now.

Somebody pass me a word of guidance or encouragement!

If Steve is telling you to continue Plan A, then do that.

Keep working on getting contact info for OM's wife. That will most likely end the affair.

Encouragement? Try getting off your butt. I hate to say this but I often tire of hearing about love bank deposits, deficit spending, etc. The fact is you still want to save your M. SH says stay in Plan A. What better advice could you get from the oracle himself? Time has always been your enemy. Failing to expose to OMW, for whatever reason, has always been a mistake albeit possibly unavoidable.

Has WW really lost respect for you? I venture she did that before her A started. What is more likely is that you are losing respect for yourself. Understandable given your circumstances.

And to be honest I think the 180 plan is a mistake. What I suggest is continue with Plan A but distance yourself from WW at the same time - loving detachment. Show her that you are preparing yourself to move on without her. How do you do that? Stop offering to go to the store with her. Stop asking her where she is going. Stop showing the slightest interest in what she does. Yet at the same time, open doors for her. Do thoughtful things for her without doting on her. Show her you are respecting yourself as a H and gentleman as you would for any person to whom you might be married. Don't go any more 180 than that. These changes may be subtle at first but I assure you she will pick up on them. And I can tell you from experience, this is the hardest thing you will ever do. But no matter how great the pain, you must stay this course.

She is reading here? Get her to post here. Start a thread for her, encourage her to post here and then walk away and never post on her thread regardless of the temptation.

My WW went through six months of contact. She felt it was the drug she needed but, between contacts, she was in he11. What she couldn't realize is that contact was destroying her rather than helping her. Give her some FWS to talk to. Give her an outlet. I truly believe that my WW wanted to stop contact.

OM is sending emails? Got a garbage bin large enough for your computer? Seems like there is a pretty easy fix for that.

So what I suggest is that you sit down in the dark and quiet for 30 minutes. Feel as sorry for yourself as you possibly can. Cry if you've got em. Then, find your happy thought. Think about Rocky in the last round with Apollo Creed. Get up. Go out and fight for your M. Go out and fight for your family.

Get your self-respect back.

I am still working under plan A. WW says she has been in NC since 13 July. I have confirmed this through e-mail.

Celebrated WW B-day yesterday -- had a cordial time out to dinner.

Will be doing a family vacation next week (with 3 kids). Looking forward to getting away from the house.

WW and I are in MC with SH at MB.

When we have received assignments from SH for upcoming MCs, my WW has not been responsive in completing her tasks [(i.e. not in right frame of mind to focus on LBs (too negative)].

Should I call her on this or let SH draw his own conclusion. I just do not want my WW to be faking any type of recovery.

To be honest and in my gut, I still have not seen the 'withdrawal' that I would expect to come with NC.

Right now concentrate on changing yourself. If she doesn't do her homework, it will become very obvious. That is somewhat common with WS's.

Believer,

I have been working on myself (plan A 2 months this week), but I get the impression that while I am doing this, I should not bring anything to my WW's attention with regard to some of the things she could do to help me deal with the aftermath of the A (complete tranparency and accountability when out alone).

To let her know that trust is something I do not have for her and that it will have to be earned over time.

Is it too soon to discuss any of these these issues?

Although I am comfortable discussing these issues with my WW, perhaps it would be advisable to write her a letter with these issues to 'put her at ease' some.

No doubt I have changed myself during 2 months of plan A and my WW does recognize the positive changes (outside of my weight loss). She seems to be more open to me about the A and OM.

We have a family vacation planned for next week.

Problem: My WW received a cell phone call from OM for her B-day this past Monday. WW still has cell phone password. She even refuses to let me check her cell phone!

My WW desires for me to let her 'ween' herself of the A.

I now feel inclined to simply issue this statement to her tonight:

"From this day forward I expect NC to be maintained. Lack of NC is damaging to me, our M, and our kids not to mention yourself. If I discover NC is not maintained from this day forward, you will have to (leave | or find another place to stay) until you desire to commit to creating a better M and demonstrate your willingness to commit through complete transparency."

Would I be taking a huge step backward in issuing this statement to my WW? Am I being too impatient?

I just get the feeling that she takes me for granted right now (and probably so because of 'soft' boundaries).

Weaning off of the affair never works. So that is just a bunch of WS babble. They would ALL love to "wean themselves" (ie cake-eat) off the affair. Let her know that you need her to have and prove no contact for the marriage to recover.

I would not threaten to move out.

.....And if my WW does not agree with BCs????

I just feel like that my WW 'feels' like she can do what she wants without any consequences if I simply tell her to stop and then she ignores my request to adhere to BCs (removing cell phone password).

So you say not to threaten to move her out?

I must say, though, that she is warmer to me than she has been in a while, so this is 'small' victory in the battle for my M.

This is painful as h___!

I met my WW at mall, we did some shopping together!

When we left she went to different store while I took DD5 home.

We left at 8:05pm -- I have not seen WW since! It is now 10:30pm and she has not answered her cell phone after I have made several calls. YET WW made a call at 9:13pm.

I've been told not to put her out, but how else do I get her to adhere to BCs if she feels there is no consequencdes for her actions?

You are getting the best counseling with the Harley's and they do an EXCELLENT job in saving marriages. Hang in there.

I have exposed to family and friends!

I STILL need to find OMW to expose to her!

I only know OM name and cell phone number and where he works! His personal in fo is very guarded and hard to come by with all of the background checks I have paid for.

Get this, my WW says he is a licensed therapist/counselor on top of being a 6th grade middle school math teacher!

I do not know him or what he looks like!

I do have a plan to obtain his address since the PIs will not assist me in this!

Hang in there.