How is actually seeking help to stop/change behaviors being controlling? I'm not asking anything of him.

I wouldn't ask if I didn't believe these things couldn't be changed.

Mys

am I making you uncomfortable?

Abject misery - not to mention an unhappy marriage.

We agree these need to be changed, I think.

What I was wondering is if you had any helpful ideas on HOW to do that.

Realizing something has to change doesn't always equate into automatic intelligence on how to go about doing it.

I'd think one behavior that indicates willingness is seeking information - which is what I'm trying to do.

You seem to think I have some other motive by posting here... what do you think that is?


Mys

I am trying to make you uncomfortable ... so you can experience pushing yourself through it... are you crying?

Mys... your response is normal for your condition and until it is under better control from both a medical and psychological stand point, you are going to give yourself more anxiety worrying about this.

Bring your H with you to your psychiatrist so that the disease can be explained in detail to him.


There is NOT ONE BIT OF THIS that is a matter of control. You would stop it if you could, right...?
This is a medical condition and needs to be treated as such.

The RESULT is controlling Mys... that doesn't mean that it is in your control to stop it though.
example... if I knew as a result of a rape, my wife was not able to have sex....
well, the result of her PTSD is that sex is now off limits.... our sex life is controlled by the result of her PTSD...not by her.

You are not doing anything wrong here....nothing. Continue to seek medical attention and relax as much as you can. Make sure you are eating right and exercising.

MEDC

No, you're confusing me.

Mys

Mys ... I told you you wouldn't like it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

it's going to be most unpleasant

but we can stop anytime you like

No, no strong enough emotion yet.

Mys

Mys... speak to your doctor... there is a payoff for all our of behaviors that are within our control.... those that are out of your control do not offer a payoff that you are seeking, only one you need because of your trauma.

Having this discussion here while you are being treated by doctors is, IMHO, counter productive to your best interests.

So, then, your answer to me is that you want to make me uncomfortable enough to cry so that I'll work through it?

Or, do you have anything cogent to the situation to provide?

Mys

does misery fit like a comfortable shoe?

How can PTSD be helped?
Helping yourself

Do .........
keep life as normal as possible
get back to your usual routine
talk about what happened to someone you trust
try relaxation exercises
go back to work
eat and exercise regularly
go back to where the traumatic event happened
take time to be with family and friends
drive with care - your concentration may be poor
be more careful generally - accidents are more likely at this time
speak to a doctor
expect to get better.


Don't ........
beat yourself up about it - PTSD symptoms are not a sign of weakness. They are a normal reaction, of normal people, to terrifying experiences
bottle up your feelings. If you have developed PTSD symptoms, don't keep it to yourself because treatment is usually very successful.
avoid talking about it.
expect the memories to go away immediately, they may be with you for quite some time.
expect too much of yourself. Cut yourself a bit of slack while you adjust to what has happened.
stay away from other people.
drink lots of alcohol or coffee or smoke more.
get overtired.
miss meals.
take holidays on your own.

no my purpose is not to make you cry

I anticipate resistence of some sort

anger
or tears

something that will place the focus on me

off of you

Mys,

Hey, we share more stuff...I have a highly exaggerated startle reflex, also.

Rearing three sons only exacerbated it. They LOVED my reaction...which is usually levitation, scream, shudder, shake and eyes wide as a saucer. They didn't like the anger lashing back at them...what my mother used to do when I startled her (and NOT ONCE on purpose)...

Which then ended in tears.

I changed my reaction.

I have had it tested...it's totally changed.

Took me to see how FUNNY I looked when startled...and to DELIGHT in my automatic reaction...I kick in my delight immediately upon startling...I laugh now...goes like this...

Startle...usually involves my arms flayling outward, eyes-widen hugely, sometimes a yelp or a even a scream...and then a waterfall of laughter which goes on for about five minutes after a big one...sometimes longer, if my DH or son or both join in...(usually laughing, bending over, pointing at me, trying to catch their breath).

I listen to my noises and my body and I celebrate it...seriously...I can LEVITATE when startled. I can feel like all three stooges rolled into one from the surprising noises I make...and it's not real. That startle wasn't real.

And I feel far safer than I ever have in my life...because if I truly am attacked someday, this is NOT what the guy is going to expect...my delight...my raucously loud braying and snorting...and I may even point my finger at him (while I back away), pointing a finger at him, bent over, trying to catch my breath and not pee my pants.

Learning lucid dreaming...which I think we've talked about...helps tremendously with nightmares...and I believe all of this you are learning in IC...your power, your limit...and that tears are NOT an annoying habit.

My tears are for all seasons...not sharing what was the thought (perception, perspective) behind the tears, THAT was the annoying part to my DH. Sometimes it was, "I just heard in my head I'm useless." Others, "I had a heart pang and felt really loved right now, looking at you." "Our children's beauty gets to me sometimes." Then again, I cried in short spells...and for nearly a decade straight from depression.

Had to say, "These are angry tears right now...I'll figure them out." My tears didn't require of my DH...they existed, as I did...they were. They weren't manufactured, to manipulate, motivate or redeem. They just were there. And they were mine.

Had to share the whys behind my smiles, my laughter, my snickers, my frowns, too. My pouts...and those were a lot harder for me. Got easier from sharing other whys...without waiting to be questioned...

And when I shared, "My thoughts were in the past" and then brought myself back to the present, right there with DH, then he felt safer...these tears where a storm which lasted forever, he wasn't causing, and he began to trust me to not require a healing, a cure from him each time. Just his presence.

Shared those tears of appreciation, too.

ROFL

My sons have high tolerance for tears...and share them themselves...which I think is AWESOME for men.

Not stopping tears...explaining...and how fast in the sharing, they stop. Information delivered.

Our signals (emotions) get stronger, more in your face...overwhelming...from us trying to control and manage them, rather than receive the information they are delivering. Accepting, tracing and knowing...usually through sharing...owning...those signals drop off. Mission accomplished.

Sounds bizarre to choose laughter as a response to terror...sure works for me. I love myself more for it...and I've enjoyed my family's laughter in response to it, too.

LA

Medc


He has all ready met with them. He has the information. He is still honest to tell me this stuff bothers him - even though he sees it listed in the diagnostic manual.


Yes. I would. I will.


It is also a marital issue - as it's causing quite a lot of problems between us now.


I still have a responsibility to my marriage which I take very seriously. We POJA'd therapy. I asked him if he wanted me to stop and he said he did not.


Thank you.

It's nice to hear I'm not doing anything wrong. *sighs* It's still distressing to see the results of what IS happening.


Well, this is probably true. If Pep's basic approach is to trigger me into an attack, I don't think she'll be able to do it and I'm not sure what she'd want to do with me afterwards. *shrugs*

I just was enjoying the discussion. Thought it was serious, and though maybe someone out there would have some ideas from a marital sense. My IC, though she also works with my H at times (alone or us together) is not a marriage counselor and I am well aware that her primary goal is to heal ME.

My primary goal is to come through this with both an intact ME and an intact marriage. My marriage is very important to me - people on these boards seem to understand that little difference between IC and MC.

My marriage is definitely suffering from all of this and it concerns me greatly.

Mys

Sadly, it does.


Ok, Pep. How can I help you today?

Mys

LOL

LA <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

well, since you have a medical condition, PTSD, your insurance most likely will also cover MC.... perhpas your H needs to have drilled into him that even though his FEELINGS about wanting this to go away are normal....his ACTIONS regarding your illness are not okay.

Just my 2 cents.

Be well.

Harley calls this phenomenon

Electric Fence Personality

have you read this on his site?

it's there (somewhere)
also in one of the books I read

What can interfere with getting better?
You may find that other people will:



not let you talk about it
avoid you
be angry with you
think of you as weak
blame you


http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinf...ssdisorder.aspx