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Harley calls this phenomenon
Electric Fence Personality
have you read this on his site?
it's there (somewhere)
also in one of the books I read Thank you. I will look that up. *sighs deeply* Truly, this worries me because of the distance it's putting between us. Mys
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Ok, Pep. How can I help you today? Thanks for asking <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> If you want to discuss elimination of your annoying habits (which is my current topic in the book study I am doing) ... you catch yourself doing it ... and you stop, right there. "OOPS. I almost did it again." and (if appropriate) acknowledge to you spouse you just caught yourself if you did not catch yourself, but your spouse calls you on it, thank him for the reminder, tell him you are working on eliminating that annoying habit "OOPS. I just goofed. Thanks for pointing it out." *big juicy kiss* seems like small bites is the way to go for you
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ask your husband for his help
tell him your plan is to eliminate ~your~ annoying habits ... chipping away one by one
and you ask for his support
and his help
and his honest feedback
and ask for his patience, because it is difficult for you, but you're willing to work hard with his support
sound OK?
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If you want to discuss elimination of your annoying habits (which is my current topic in the book study I am doing) ... you catch yourself doing it ... and you stop, right there. "OOPS. I almost did it again."
and (if appropriate) acknowledge to you spouse you just caught yourself
if you did not catch yourself, but your spouse calls you on it, thank him for the reminder, tell him you are working on eliminating that annoying habit
"OOPS. I just goofed. Thanks for pointing it out." *big juicy kiss*
seems like small bites is the way to go for you Thank you again. I have apologized for the problems this has caused in our relationship. I have asked him what he would like me to do to make amends for his suffering. He does not really "call" me on my annoying habits - at least not in this category. Mys
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POJA with your H one annoying habit that you will work on and one of his that he will work on make it more fun than work and no guns ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> LOL Chicago is one of my favorite movies, I enjoy that sound track very much !
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You're welcome. If you want to discuss elimination of your annoying habits (which is my current topic in the book study I am doing) . Did I thread jack your thread a bit? If so, I apologize. I will remove my posts. Thank you for the reference. Have a wonderful day/discussion. Mys To all who responded to me: I really thank you (Medc, LA and Pep). I see now that this is not part of the book discussion. I will remember what you posted and look up some of that information.
Last edited by myschae; 07/06/07 02:19 PM.
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please do not remove your posts ... you never know who may be silently lurking and might have an "ah-ha" moment from your words! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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Just to make sure I am clear here.... the things that are a result of your PTSD are NOT HABITS and should not be treated as such.
By all means works on any annoying habits you might have.... but remember the startling, nightmares and over emotions are not HABITS.
Keep that in mind at all times.
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please do not remove your posts ... you never know who may be silently lurking and might have an "ah-ha" moment from your words! I saw this after I've removed some of the posts. I will leave the rest. I wish it was me that had the "ah ha" moment but I don't think I did, other than this is off topic (not what you meant to discuss). Be well, Mys
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Just to make sure I am clear here.... the things that are a result of your PTSD are NOT HABITS and should not be treated as such.
By all means works on any annoying habits you might have.... but remember the startling, nightmares and over emotions are not HABITS.
Keep that in mind at all times. Thanks, Medc, maybe this is my "ah ha" moment. I'm just so scared that this will destroy the marriage we've built. So very terrified. Mys
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Mys .... this is an opinion forum proceed with appropriate caution <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> if we were in the same room, we'd prolly make much more sense to each other but, we do the best we can under the circumstances, yes?
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Symptoms of a disease are not habits.... your H NEEDS to understand this and take care of his wife when she is dealing with her illness. To do anything less is uncaring and isn't loving.
He needs to continue to hear this message from you, doctors and other concerned parties. He also needs a place to vent his frustration over this... BUT NOT TO YOU! That is not okay in this case.
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yes, proceed with caution by all means. The advice I am giving you is based on the sound medical advice both on the site I mentioned to you and also MANY other web sites.
Your psychiatrist should have told you much of what has already been said here if you have been diagnosed with PTSD.
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but, we do the best we can under the circumstances, yes? Absolutely. Back to your regularly scheduled thread. I feel I should contribute at least something to compensate for your patience and care. (Though next time you can just tell me I'm OT and I'll go away, ok? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) One thing I've found helpful before is negotiating how someone would like to be approached if they are "called" on annoying behavior. Sometimes, the way you call attention to the habit can BECOME an annoying habit. Don't forget that when you form your POJA. Be well, all. Mys Medc, Thank you for everything. It will take me time to read the link you sent and the Electric Fence thing. I really appreciate your help.
Last edited by myschae; 07/06/07 02:36 PM.
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Mys... do a web search for PTSD... use NIH(national institute of health) or NIMH (nat inst of mental health) to get this info.
While I happen to be familiar with the disease due to selling Zoloft and working with sexual abuse victims... your doctor and literature should define this issue for you.
Also... do not ever let anyone tell you that symptoms are habits that can be controlled.... that speaks to ...just get over it. The literature, based on studies by medical doctors will back that up.
Good luck
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Are you making some decisions as if your spouse did not exist?
Independent behavior is thoughtlessness.
Making decisions for your own happiness without consideration of your spouse.
Seems straightforward
BUT
We're conditioned to respond:
"You're not my parent. Stop trying to control me."
This is not a control situation
This is not seeking permission to do something
Dr Harley is asking we show thoughtfulness and consideration to our spouses by avoiding the lovebuster of independent behaviors
If you complain that your spouse is "controling" ... look deeper ... you may just find it is your own thoughtlessness that is the love buster .... not your spouse being "controling"
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I can't help but think that Pepperband sounds as though s/he has been extremely over-counseled.
Last edited by Duped4691; 07/06/07 11:48 PM.
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I can't help but think that Pepperband sounds as though s/he has been a bit over-counseled. LOL... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> You think? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Probably that STEROID ABUSE again..she's needing REHAB...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I edited that post to say "extremely." LOL!
I am the betrayed wife
WS had 10 year affair with "friend"
Kids
Married 18 years
Trying to reconcile
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this is how I work stuff out I write about the topic at hand, and argue with myself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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