BP-

Thanks for your apology- I accept it and know that you and the other MB'ers are only wanting to help me do what I want which is to save my marriage.

I have no problem being inconvenienced. The fact that WH even did this ticks me off because now, not only does he have to be inconvenienced, but myself and our two boys do also. I feel alot of times like I am paying for his mistakes and I don't like it.

I don't want to quit posting and I obviously haven't left yet. Right now, you guys are my only help. WH has met with the male part of a couple from church who have been pretty much exactly where we are, but I am awaiting a call from the wife so that I can get some counseling from her. Until then, I have nobody but you guys so my emotions are pretty wrapped up in these posts and this whole site.

Yup - when someone new shows up the people here almost line up to help. We ALL know your pain.



Yes A effect every member of the family on both sides. Simply put - A suck



I'm glad you have someone IRL to talk to about this. From all I have read you are better off than a lot of people here.

Hang in there, it gets better with time

Thanks M2L...every encouragement means alot! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

bump for jlashley,
How is everything going? Are you still with us?
Lake

Thanks for the bump...yes, I am still here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Things are kinda quiet now so I haven't posted at all. We are in the process of looking to another state for WH employment and are actively searching. This is something we have wanted to do since we got married almost 10 years ago but then the kids came and family is here so we felt obligated to stay.

We don't feel obligated no more!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> (Sorry, I know that was incorrect grammar, it just sounded good to say it that way!)

There has been consistent NC so far with OW. We are aware of a quarterly meeting that is mandatory for the company that should take place in a few weeks. To which NC will be broken because of them both being in the same place. This is not something he can get out of without losing his job- and I understand that. His supervisor is aware of the situation and will be my WH's "buddy" at the meeting.

We have discussed his "plan" of when he sees her because I am sure that will happen. Not talking or interacting should not be a problem however my main concern is what rush of feelings WH will have when he sees her. I completely get the NC thing and we are working hard to get out of dodge both at home and him at work. He is reading "No More Christian Nice Guy" and is learning much about himself. He has actually put some of that to work with his homeowners.

Any questions? concerns? thoughts?

Thanks again Lake for the bump...J

bump for lake53... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You sound as though you and your H are sharing a lot of intimacy. You sound as though you are both working on the R. It could be that the "rush of feelings" he might get when he sees her is one of embarrassment, or shame. If you are concerned about it, ask him what feelings come across him when you ask a question about her or bring her up in some fashion.

I know my FWH used to just feel great embarrassment and shame. I think now that I don't bring it up much, he is able to just feel mostly blank. He has no feelings for her and never really did. He mostly had feelings for himself, wanting to feel important, respected, admired, etc.
Lake

Yeah, I think that may be it with my WH also. I don't bring it up much now either or think about it near as much as I used to. I guess because there has been NC since he sent the email. It will be interesting to see what happens at the meeting. I will ask him what he does think about though when I mention her.

We found out that the meeting that they will both be at is scheduled for August 6. I was hoping it would be sooner that way it would be over with sooner but that is out of my control.

He has put out several resume's in North Carolina and we got a bite while we were out of town on Friday so we are anxious to see what this place has to offer him. I'll keep my MB pals updated as soon as I know what is going on.

Thanks again for checking on me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Update...our 10 yr. anniversary was yesterday. It sucks living paycheck to paycheck...cards was the extent of what we were able to do for each other-parents were out of town so no babysitter either. The job we had a lead on did not work out. There was a second one but they needed him to start immediately and there was no way because he is finishing up renovating the final room in our current home to get the home ready to sell and there was no way he could take a job in another state and continue to keep up with this. We have sent out over 30 resume's/applications over the past month and a half and no other bites. The bathroom is in the drywall stage and hopefully this weekend he'll get a lot further. We are hoping and praying that once this is done, some serious job bites will occur.

The meeting where OW will be at is Aug. 6th. There has continued to be NC since the NC email...so it has worked for our situation. Also, for those who thought job-hunting would be put on the back burner...nope...check every website, newspaper that we can for the state we would like to be in and send info daily (we still want to be close to family).

I guess by MB standards, we are still not in recovery because they still work for the same company. There has been NC and they have not seen each other since January at a dinner we were all at. Yes, they will see each other at the meeting in August, but a plan is already in place to thwart any interaction. There will be about 50 people at this meeting and this is a quarterly awards meeting so it's mandatory he attends, but he sits with his group which does not include her. I am confident she has moved on to her next prey.

Anyway...just thought I'd update for anyone who remembers my situation. I am sure that there are those who aren't happy with the way we went about things because they were not completely by the MB book, but the advice that was given was listened to whole heartedly and the questionnaires were filled out and helped immensely in discovering what our EN's were and how to fill them. I don't think we are near recovered at all, however, I do think we are on the right path. Thanks again...

J,
Congratulations on your ten year anniversary. As long as you were able to spend time together, I am sure it was a special celebration. I am glad to hear that you and your H are doing well. My best to you and your family.
Lake

Thanks Lake for the congrats...yes, we laughed about how next time we get married, we'll just go to an island and elope...weddings are so much work and we could have saved alot of money and enjoyed ourselves more had we just eloped! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

J:

Good news!

Any reason why you can't go to the awards ceremoney?

LG

LG- Yeah, it's employee only done during the work day. It's only about an hour long and then they feed them, however WH does not and has not ever stayed to eat on account that he has to drive over an hour to get home and would much rather have dinner with his wife and boys.