The discussion about what is a disrespectful judgement and what is an observation of fact is really interesting. Probably worthy of a new thread. (Sorry SB, this one has been derailed.)
Determining the difference between critical, disrespectful judgements and simple statements of one's opinion can be challenging. Like GG says, us love busters need to stop being disrespectful but that is not to say that now 'anything goes.'
As I strive to really understand this concept I feel like I'm coming closer. A disrespectful judgement is about someone else and usually involves a categorical value statement on who they are, what type of person they are. It defines them in a negative way. A respectful opinion is about your perspective and experience and addresses a situation, not a final decree.
For example I feel the statement, "My spouse is irresponsible with money," is a DJ. It is a categorical negative statement about your spouse. It defines them as irresponsible. It labels them and describes them in an unfavorable light. Does your spouse agree they are irresponsible? Would their actions be universally seen as irresponsible? The universe is a pretty big place <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
A cleaner statement might sound like, "My spouse and I have different priorities when it comes to money. Their spending habits sometimes make me uncomfortable and angry." or "My spouse has a tendency to spend more than they earn. This behavior frustrates and even frightens me."
See what I mean? Here's one closer to home for me. "My spouse wastes a lot of time watching television." DJ wouldn't you say? How about this instead - "My spouse chooses to watch TV when there are dirty dishes in the sink and laundry all over the floor. I feel it is important to do what needs to be done before relaxing and I choose to clean the house before I relax. When she chooses differently her behavior frustrates me." The first is a disrespectful judgement based on my value system. The second is a statement of fact about my feelings. It deals more with my experience and response to a situation. By avoiding labeling my spouse I leave open the possibility that my response is also flawed.
What do you guys think?
