what you gain is proof and more knowledge.
as far as the internet access, find out if there is a way to "lock" it for your use only. She may need it for her work... but obviously that is not important right now considering other things that have happened. She isn't to be trusted with anything that affords her secrecy at this point.

What you can do is place spyware on her computer to see what they are planning. You know she is being unfaithful, but you don't know what they are plotting behind your backs.

And that is a risk he is perfectly willing to take. He is not worried about it so neither should you. He can always get another job. And you are more likely to looking at custody issues if you don't expose and don't do the things to bust up the affair. Exposure is your most potent weapon.

mmmike... so, you seem to be dismissing much advice here... yet you said you need help... What exactly do you want help with???

Not a possibility. Everything is done on her work computer, which is password protected AND uses biometrics (fingerprint) protection.

I've been pretty lucky so far with what I've found out. They've been pretty mad about the exposure.

First off, I doubt they spoke to HR,[many bosses like to handle this stuff quietly] but if they did, they only have the SPUN version of 2 liars. Nor do they know the affair has continued. They need to know that.

You have them on the ropes now, so I wouldn't let up now.

Mel I see I have to be very detailed here or Mel or LG will take what I say to literally. When I called him crazy man I was only plaing not scolding. I told you before it is how I play. I realzied my mistake when I said I can't believe that is all he had to say because I didn't consider the fact that maybe that was the best he could do at the time because of time constraints. Which is why I apologized and told him I was sorry if I offened him.

Also I didn't say he wasn't giving him great advice. I believe I did mention I felt he gives really good advice around here I just couldn't believe that expose was the only advice he gave when he knows there is much more to plan A than that. Now I realize he only did it because of time constraiants. That's all nothing more nothing less.

I know he is here to get help and help just like the rest of us and I was not trying to beat the man up. Sorry if it came across like that. However it is who I am and I like to play and call people and crazy and it is an endearment of sort nothing more or less. That's all.

Ok crazy lady.(Only playing) :; only kidding. How is your day?

I wanted help with:

Should I call her mom even though I've already exposed to pretty much everyone else -- the answer is yes there.

and

How do I convince her to leave, since I'm concerned she's starting to deliberately antagonize me further and I don't want to lose it in front of the kids.

I'm not dismissing advice. Far from it. It's just that tapping phones and putting stuff on computers is not a possibility here. I've already considered it, and it can't be done. Every communication is carried out via their employer's resources.

you can't convince her to leave and as soon as she speaks to an attorney, she will be told not to leave. just let her know that under no circumstances will YOU leave. As far as losing it, do you have a problem holding your temper? How old are your kids...because exposing this stuff to them in an age appropriate manner may be called for.

And my point was that if you think a newcomer needs to hear something specific, it is up TO YOU to tell them yourself. See? Pio is not your mouthpiece. It doesn't help to scold others for not saying things you think need to be said. You are responsible for saying what you think needs to be said, not pio.

Mike, you know you are getting great advice here.

You have no idea what they told the bosses. YOU need to tell the bosses - tell them they are still carrying on, tell them they are using commpany equipment to carry on, tell them you want to save your marriage.

A recorder would help you know what they are planning.

We all understand the being mad. But, we also know you have to have a plan and you have to work that plan.

We also understand the uncertainty of trying to keep the marriage or getting a divorce. Personally, I think it is a little early to make the decision to divorce. Give the Plans a little time to work.

Plan B is not as effective without a good plan A. That is why you are being encouraged to try plan a.

As fas as the possiblity of them losing their jobs, they made poor choices, they have to pay consequences.

Now, stop, take a deep breath and get a plan in place.

Even though you have a pro- marriage counselor, a phone call with the harleys would probably be a great investment.

Good point.

I have a couple of days to think about this -- can't contact them until Monday anyway.

Still, the cat is out of the bag at their work. The only reason to continue to push it there would be to get one or both of them fired -- something that could happen no matter what I do.

The only reason to push it there is to put pressure on the affair. Affairs are no fun when everyone is watching. Exposure is your best weapon.

Spoke with her mom. Didn't go well.

The kids are young. We talked to the counselor about the right way to expose them, and we agree the time to do it is a day or two before someone moves out permanently.

As for losing my temper, yes that has happened. Not very often and certainly not violently. She loses her temper as well.

Mel I got you now. Sorry I will be the sounding board from now on. Those darn expectation again. The always gets one into trouble.

BTW I agree with moveforward 100%. If you just leave her with the tarnished impression that she has of you now and move onto Plan B it will not have the same affeact as you metting her EN and becoming the same man she feel in love with and then deprive her of that. It would make a world of difference.

Say for instance if you met someone who made you feel the way your W did in the begging. Then you came home to her everyday LBing in some way and not meeting you EN's then the OW promised you the happiness you are getting at home. You see the two options laid out for you which one would be more attractive.

So you tell her hey look wife I ain't never coming home no more take it easy. Then with her LB being overdrawn she might not care as much as if you were doing things to make her want to be happy and want to be around you. Again it's your call.

If I could bottle this and sell it I'd make a fortune in the weight loss industry. I've lost 10 lbs. in the past 6 days.

Serious question for those who have been through this: When can I expect to be able to eat and sleep again?

Maybe in a month.

I think that varies from person to person. It took months and months for me. I went on anti-d drug for 2 stints of 8 months each to help. I also had one prescription for Xanex that I used sparingly to help with sleep....I'd take a quarter of one every now and then...I didn't want to get addicted to it.

Homeopathics for anti-anxiety or nervous upset help, I think.

I am on the thin side anyway..I weigh 120....at my worst I went down to 103...I looked like I had been in a concentration camp.

3M:

You are one of the more fortunate BS's here.

WW has been involved for 6-7 weeks.

It is a long distance EA.

You have exposed to the most likely targets. WW mom, OMW, some others.

Employer of WW seems to be on your side.

OM is 1500 miles away.

She told YOU before it went PA.

Your ducks are lined up.

Now.

Do you want to start knocking them down?

Do a Plan A. Can't hurt. And may make all the difference in the world.

YOu M has had a lot of rough spots, that you have alluded to.

Time to explore that.

And your anger, get it under control. You can win this thing. Because that anger, if it explodes at the wrong time? Your toast.

And if not toast, then you are setting your self back.

The next steps?

Contact her Employer, and explain what is going on.

They can check the emails, internal communications, etc, for proof. And act accordingly.

But this A will blow up quickly.

LG