does your daughter know the details of the affair?
if not... tell her.
do not give up custody to a cheating spouse without at least warning the child as to what they are really picking.
I never heard of child support until the age of 21...it really doesn't make sense to me.

I just researched it... 4 states do consider 21 to be the age of emancipation... WOW.

journeyer,

Everyone told me not to file for divorce (unless I really wanted out).

I immediately began Plan A and now that my WW has filed for divorce, I'm using the divorce process to move my wife out and obtain primary custody.

One thing about my wife, because she is in such a fantasy world she doesn't reason very well. I'll bet your wife hasn't thought through what she's doing very well either. I'm applying pressure everywhere I can and at the same time telling my wife that I'm ready to meet her needs.

HWW

HWW,

My WW is as deep in that fantasy world as one could get. She is giving no thought to what she is doing except for how to stay home and keep seeing MOM. But because of her complete lack of contact with reality, she can not see that her ill conceived plan is going to be her downfall. Her complete strategy is:

I'm going to keep doing WTF I want to because it feels good, consequences be damned.

Exposing mate...read up on it. It will break the stalemate.

How can it get any worse than now if you expose to OMW ?

Yes, please expose... it's the right thing to do and she will be grateful. It will make you feel better as well.

Your WW is foggy because of the affair. The affair is your enemy. The best thing you can do to fight the affair is to expose. Don't you think the OMW deserves to know?

J:

You state that your WW has a plan:

I'm going to keep doing WTF I want to because it feels good, consequences be damned.

And what is YOUR Plan?

I'm going to keep doing WTF I want to because I really want the ***** to feel it, consequences be damned.

Not really much difference is there?

How about this?

Dr. Willard Harley has this theory called Plan A! Why don't you try that?

I read your first thread.

You were getting excellent advice from b0b Pure.

And you Half-a$$ed plan A'ed for a couple of weeks.

SO now, lets proceed directly to Plan D.

Plan A is a process of working on YOURSELF, to start meeting the emotional needs (EN's) of our spouses. To start to eliminate those behavior's that made your M a difficult place to be. (AND YES, She did them too!)

Through the Plan A process, you EXPECT NOTHING from your WW. Venom and vitrol. Yes. Warmth and caring? NO. But through this process you disarm the support system she created in her head allowing her to keep seeing the OM. Because, you no longer react to her venom, vitrol, or otherwise. But you give her what she wants. Conversation, concern, stability. Even if it makes you want to SCREAM on the inside.

Because if you think Plan A is tough, recovery is going to kick your A$$.

Stop piddle-farting around and do the exposure that will help you destroy the A.

Waiting until you have Iron-clad proof? Are you in SoCal? Call the TV Program "CHEATERS", they will get it all on film for you.

You have enough proof. You saw them together. Everything else is just forensics at this point.

Will she be mad? Certainly. Because you are keeping the 3 year old from her toys. She can't play with those matches anymore.

So, I recommend that you search this site for some of b0b Pure's original threads. You might like to find out what coming down the road.

Or, more recently, you can read BugsMom Thread: BugsMom Thread

Or, even Chrisners. Chrisners Original Thread
He was a guy around here who did a good, short Plan A, had a 19 YO daughter and ended up divorced, but realized much personal growth.

From these, you can see that Waywards follow the same script. You may win, you may lose.

But what ever you do, COMMIT. Go 100%. And have no doubts that you did all you could.

b0b pure's description of his most recent anniversary celebration with his squid in Spain, details all the reasons in the world to fight the good fight.

And Plan A is a Plan. Thought out. Tested, with a proven track record, with a success rate greater than average by far.

LG

lousygolfer,

I realize I am not the best taker of advice. You make some good points, especially about exposure. I don't live in SoCal, so a PI is my only hope for solid evidence. The OM has had many affairs and apparently he is very good at convincing her he is not having an A because she has stayed with him all these years, so it may take solid evidence to convince her as she may be in some sort of denial about it.

I actually did a half [censored] plan A for about 3 months and then a pretty solid one for a couple of weeks. I am pretty convinced that plan A will not work with my wife. The net result of plan A on her is cake eating gluttony. She loves it, it is what she wants, to go be with OM while I treat her like a queen and she totally disrespects me. The only thing that seems to have any effect on her at all is the threat of consequences. I am nearly positive that exposure will end the A because OM will break it off and find a new WW to screw around with.

The threat of D has made my WW an almost new woman. She is suddenly staying home, cleaning house, and cooking meals(things she has not done in months) and being very nice to me. Not affectionate at all, but nice. She is not doing this for our marriages sake at all, but because her cake eating has been threatened. Her thinking is completely distorted, it's actually quite disturbing.

Why wouldn't you try and save your marriage by exposing the affair? We have had affairs end the very day they were exposed. No guarantees, but it is your most potent weapon against the affair.

Did the same when I reminded Squid that I did not need her an dshe could leave any time.

please make sure you Plan A at this time though, avoiding Aos and Djs.

journeyer, why not try Plan A before you move to divorce? This affair is not going to last,but divorce is forever. Why not do something to stop this train?

Also, the OMW needs to know about the affair so she can protect herself and her children from your W and her H. You must tell her!

The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A by Pepperband

The carrot of Plan A


Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.



The stick of Plan A


Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Plan A is both a *carrot* and a *stick*.

MelodyLane,

Nice to finally hear from you. A couple of the members here have threatened to send you over here to straighten me out. Good luck, I'm pretty messed up.

What is it about people in their 40s that make them go loco and do things that result in apocalyptic type destruction? Is it hormonal or what? I can't believe the number of post here from BSs that both them and their WSs are in their mid/late 40s.

I am going to expose, but I want it to be very strong because the 2 lovebirds are liars of Satan like skills. I want pics, so I'm calling a PI.

Plan A on it's own turns her into a monster. Plan A plus threat of D makes her as nice as it is possible to be for a demented soul.

Here are some things she said to me right before I threatened D, which is what prompted me to do it.

I don't love you, I have never loved you.

I love OM, he made me know what it is. No one has ever made me feel this way. You couldn't understand because you don't know what love is.

What I am doing is not wrong.

I only married you for the tax break. I regretted it when we were walking down the aisle(26 years ago)

I always hated sex with you, I only did it to get you to shut up.

I'm not attracted to you at all. You are not even someone I would look twice at.

Is that normal for a WW to say things like that? I would think it goes a little too far.

Yes, this is EXACTLY what a WW would say, unfortunately.

Also, don't assume how OM's W would react to the news of his current A. I bet deep down she knows.

J, she is saying the SAME THINGS every WS says. It is CLASSIC fogbabble. We hear it on this forum EVERY DAY. This is nothing more than the garden variety affair that we see every day, I promise you!


I would get on this immediately because exposure is your BEST WEAPON. Do this NOW before it gets worse. As you have seen, Plan A without a stick is not effective. The stick is equally important because it is what ruins the affair.

Then, when you have everything ready, you will want to make up a list of carefully chosen exposure targets, such as her parents, your parents, close friends, the OMW, etc. Call them all on the SAME DAY with no warning to your WW to get the maximum effect. This increases the chances that it will be effective enough to kill the affair.

Also, your child needs to be told about the affair before this goes any further. This is vital information about her life and your WW should not be allowed to lie to her. Kids can deal with the truth, they cannot deal with lies. If you don't tell her the truth, your W will lie to her and spin the truth.

Journeyer

Have a laugh and see that every WS comes out with embarassing drivel.

Mrs. Pure's Fog Compendium

Squid swears up and down that she enever said them now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ignore most of what your W SAYS. Read what she DOES.

Journeyer,

Just one little note on exposure.

It should take the form of a large tsumani of TRUTH! It is best to expose to those whom can make a difference / influence your WW at the same time.

Incremental exposure gives the waywards time to come up with a cover story / to spin the exposure to not be as [email]d@mning[/email] to them.

Make no mistake, your WW will not be angry with you, She will be FURIOUS!! She will likely spout words and vile like you have never witnessed before! Be prepared for this!

Your M CAN survive your W's temporary anger. It CAN NOT survive an ongoing affair!

Bringing the A to the attention of the company means that they can not longer ignore / feign ignorance of the A and it will compell the Company to act in it's own self interest.

J-

Look at it this way - if you expose to the OMW, she is going to start putting pressure on him to end this thing too, which will probably shift his focus somewhat from your wife to his own M. Hopefully anyway. Then your wife won't have his undivided attention and time anymore which will p her off. This way you have 2 gunners going at this thing.

and I agree with whoever said it that she probably knows anyway. We all know in our hearts, didn't you? In my case I knew, just didn't want to face it. Tell her....

Bob, that's some good stuff, lol. Here's a typical conversation between me and WW. I don't bother having these with her anymore:

Her: I never enjoyed sex with you, it's about feelings and emotions, that's what you don't understand.

Me: Why did you do it then?

Her: So you would leave me alone.

Me: What about all the times you ask for it?

Her: Because I knew you were going to ask and I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible.

Me: You sure acted like you enjoyed it.

Her: It was just sex, not like with me and OM, you wouldn't understand.

Me: So you did enjoy it?

Her: Yes, but it was just..., I mean NO! You're trying to confuse me.

Me: It was more than just sex to me.

Her: No it wasn't, the only time you enjoyed it was when I was on my knees with my face in the pillows, so you couldn't see my face, because you don't love me.

Me: Huh? WTF? ????