You answered your own question. That's exactly what you need to say to him. You respect his expertise in legal matters and expect him to defend you but you need to rely on others with proven expertise in matters of the heart. After all, you're goal is to restore your MARRIAGE. Your attorney's goal is to get you a fair settlement and custody arrangement in a DIVORCE.

And as far as the communication thing. Like SL said if you've clearly outlined how any necessary communication will go, then I don't think that can be seen as being uncooperative. Foremost in the Judge's mind in a custody matter is "the best interest of the children." How is Plan B NOT in the best interest of the children? Peace comes with Plan B instead of all the drama.

Thanks everyone for your wisdom and kind words of advice. It means so much to have so many people that I may never meet interested in my situation. MB has truly been one of the rocks I have stood on through all of this.

First thing - gotta deal with a plumber to take care of the leak. Don't know how long that will take. Hopefully will have water tonight.

One thing at a time I guess.......

AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

((((((((((EPH))))))))))))

(((((((((((Eph)))))))))

You can do it! I know it's hard to do all this by yourself, but just work on the plumbing today and we can concentrate on the Plan A/Plan B tomorrow.

Hang in there!!

plumbing issue will carry over until tomorrow. According to the guy who looked at it today, that section of plumbing was not done to code.

I was able to contact the company who did the original work and will request them to fix it at no cost. Should hear back form them tomorrow.

So I have no water tonight and I asked WW if the kids could stay with her since I could not do baths or use the toilets.

Of course WW wanted to talk about the whole situation, what was going on, what was being done to fix it. Seemed forced to me.

Got no idea how this all fits into the whole situation. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


Silverpool, what you said is right on. Regarding the issue with the games earlier, I just went ahead and took them over and I will be more aware of such requests in the future.

Just been really blah this evening and I am calling it a night.

{{{{{{{{{E}}}}}}}}}}}

Sorry for the rough day, hope you have a better night...thinking of u!

((Eph))

I'm going to make a long story short. Deal with your plumbing. Get your running water, and after you've had a nice, long, hot shower...then you can deal with Plan A/Plan B.

I will mention though that I agree with the chick <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> who said that she didn't see your lawyer FORBIDDING you to go to Plan b...just advising you of how it could be seen in a legal situation. Well, what your lawyer said was true. It's conceivable that someone could interpret that as you not wanting to "cooperatively parent" with WW...but it's just as conceivable that someone could interpret some of her behavior as being a pretty uncooperatiave parent too!! My point is that MANY, MANY people have gone into Plan B while in the midst of their D proceeding, and it has not been the deciding factor in their custody hearings. It is MUCH MORE LIKELY that her leaving the house, not caring for the kids for all those days, and not cooperating with the GAL will be a more deciding factor than you taking steps to protect yourself from her hurtful decisions. Especially if you show a copy of your Plan B letter to the judge, GAL, and her lawyer on court day!

She can communicate normal, daily things through the intermediary--but she really has no need to do that with you anymore because SHE chose to leave.
She can communicate legal things through your lawyer or her lawyer or a mediator...that's the proper avenue anyway.
And in a BLOOD or FIRE emergency, she does have the option to call!

Let me put this into perspective for you. Can the crossing guard at your kids' school call you for normal, daily issues that she has? Of course not, because she is not "anyone" to you. Neither is your STBX--she has turned down that privilege. She is equal to the grocery clerk.
Could the crossing guard communicate legal things through her lawyer, your lawyer, court, or an intermediary? Yep.
Could the crossing guard call you if it was a BLOOD or FIRE emergency? Sorta. That might be the only time she'd even THINK of calling you!! And if there was BLOOD or FIRE you'd probably help, huhh??

What you are requesting with Plan B is reasonable and not legally "actionable." So your lawyer is NOT telling you that you can not do Plan B.

(((((((((((((((life-jacket))))))))))))))))))))))))

When you said you were drowning, I thought you were being figurative.


Your mama bee,




CJ

I am sitting here trying to fathom the events of today. WW was in full effect.

When I went to pick up the kids this morning, WW comes out wearing a black t-shirt with "Munich Germany" written on it - the very same shirt I brought back from my trip to Germany last year. If you remember, that was the trip that, upon my return, WW gave me the letter stating she did not want to be married any more. To my knowledge she has never worn that shirt until now.

We had a water party today with some friends and their kids - inflatable pools, slip-n-slides, water guns, etc - and grilled out the perfect all-american meal of hot dogs and burgers. I still have my mad grilling skillz.

So then the kids and I head downtown tonight with another couple (L&R) and their daughter to watch the big fireworks display. Lo and behold, who should happen to walk by me within 10-15 feet? Yep, WW and some bald headed guy (BHOM). What are the odds of that?

She looked right at L&R, but I don't think she saw me becuase I had my back towards her and I was sitting away from them. The kids just happened to be running around and also were not nearby. L&R pointed her out to me and I saw them walking off in the distance. After they turned the corner I proceeded to walk in their direction but was unable to locate them. Probably a good thing as it would have been ugly. My heart was racing and adrenaline was pumping.

I then sent her a TM saying " What's up? Happy 4th" - of course got no reply. I don't think BHOM is the same as OM1 - good gosh how many are there now? Funny thing, though, BHOM appears to be meet the same description of someone WW was seen with some time back.

I was about to come out of my skin. I talked with a "voice of reason" who helped calm me down (thanks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />).

I am sure I can catch her in a lie again tomorrow when I drop off the kids just by asking "So how was your day yesterday?"

I hope my lawyer is in the office tomorrow because I don't care if he does not recommend plan B or does not like plan B - I'm doing it. I can't take this anymore. To actually see this with my own eyes was devastating.

I don't want anything in this house that reminds me of her any more. I want my lawyer to push the custody arrangement once the GAL makes her recommendation, I want to go for sole legal custody because she has not demonstrated any ability to work together on decisions regarding the kids. This would eliminate CS from me and SHE would be paying me some small amount that I'd rather waive.

This was a tremendous withdrawal. I honestly don't know why I don't just skip plan B now and go straight to plan D. I am really feeling like there is no chance at all now. This about sums it up right now:

I tried so hard and got so far
but in the end it doesn't even matter
(from In the End, by Linkin Park)

Plan B isn't for your lawyer to mention. It is for you to implement. So let me ask you, do you feel your mind and heart are in sync? R U ready to move forward to get away from the WS and her drama?

Btw, I like your BOHM description. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

(((((Eph))))

You have taken a very hard blow to the LoveBank today, and I'm sorry you had to go through that pain. I'm also sorry that your WW does seem to be acting in a way that demonstrates that she realizes what the word "commitment" means. I'm sorry my friend. It still hurts, doesn't it?

You know, you have had the worst weak but since you're here and hurt, I have decided to press ahead. I was waiting for the right moment to say this to you, but this seems to be it: Eph, it seems to me that you have been dancing around Plan B for a LONG, LONG time now...too afraid to let go because you think that once you stop "holding on" to her, she will be gone. At this point, I need to firmly but loving ask you, as your mama bee, what are you holding on for? What are you waiting for? What is stopping you from going into Plan B...both for yourself and your WW?? Why are you waiting?

I feel a little like a mama bird pushing her baby out of the nest...not sure if it will fly or not. But my dear brother in Christ, it is time. It is time to push you out of the nest and you better either learn to fly or plummet! I sincerely and whole-heartedly do hope that you don't plummet, but you have GOT to take that big step. You're ready. Your heart is ready. Your head is ready. The time is right. Your ducks are in a row.

TAKE THE BIG STEP OFF THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF.

I know that you "think" you are going to plummet to your death. I KNOW!! But you won't, I promise you. We, your MB family, will all be here for you, any time you need us! It is like the scene in Indiana Jones and the last crusade, where he takes the step of faith and it looks like he's going to fall off the cliff...only there IS a bridge there. It's just hidden. It's the same here. It FEELS like you are going to take that big step into Plan B, and you are going to plunge, but YOU WON'T! You won't step out into nothingness and fall--there will be something there under your feet to catch you. You just don't see it. Not only that, but you will not be alone!

Eph, do it. Plan B tomorrow morning. I will be online ALL DAY just for you. I'll leave my PC on MB in the background, and you can email any one of the Killer Bees... Tomorrow. Thursday, July 5th.



--CJ

My dear friend. What a day! The afternoon was great and then your evening had to turn to crap. I am so sorry!!! My heart is breaking for you right now. You never know what God has in store for us. We have to just hold on to that faith, but you can not live like this anymore. You have to protect yourself and your kids. She knows where you live if she ever comes to her senses and wants to return. Then she will have to do all the work to win you back. You have to give her to God and move forward with your life. I think you've fought a good fight my friend.

I believe God did not want you to catch up to them last night. Like you said, it would not have been pretty. You know and you have credible witnesses.

Stand firm my friend. This is hard for me to say because I am teetering on that ledge of my 1st jump myself, afraid to take the leap. To quote a "local celebrity" (I'll tell you the story later) "leap and the net will appear". (of course this is paraphrased, don't have the exact quote in front of me). God will provide that net! He knows you've tried. You are smart enough to think logically. You are not making any rash choices. You are protecting yourself and those 2 precious kids!

I am constantly praying for you and praying that the Holy Spirit will guide you and help you during this tragic time. We all have to come out of this better people and much wiser and strong!

Do these words mean anything to you??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Hold onto them!

I must leave for now, but you know where to find me.

I pray that you have a better day today!

Time to do it, my man! You have to shut this down before you explode.

One note...I wouldnt play games with her. Asking "so how was your 4th" isnt going to get you the response you want. And, once she knows that you saw her, you will just look like you are into playing games.

She is your wife. You can ask her any question you want. So, you should tell her "I saw you with that bald guy yesterday at the fireworks. The kids and I were there when you walked by."

Look, she is a married woman with kids. And instead of being with her kids (and husband) enjoying the 4th, she chose to walk around like some 18 year old in heat with her new "boyfriend." Do not lend credibility to her actions. Call it what it is.

One thing I did with my wife was to always paint her actions in the ugly, disgusting way it was. I didnt ASK her anything. I told her the truth. "I saw you with bald guy at the fireworks. It amazes me that you would choose to walk around with someone like that, instead of being with your family."

Anyway, time for Plan B Eph. Time for bald guy or whomever else to meet ALL of her needs. And time for you to get some well deserved rest!

E,

you are more than welcome my friend...as you can see we are ALL going to be standing beside you...you know that you can call me, write me, or yahoo me any time that you need too...

like I said you are going to be just fine...this is protection for you and the kids...

standing beside you and in your corner!

Rin

Just dropped the kids off at her place - Didn't say anything to WW except to confirm that I will be at the Dr. appt for DS6 at 11am.

Orchid, CJ, Kiliki, Mortarman, Rin: Thanks.

I asked the question about what the odds were of me seeing her last night. I forget - God doesn't play odds, his timing is perfect.

So one question - I had planned to put together a 3-ring binder with monthly calendars for planning purposes, and ways to make notes from Dr. visits, any medications and their directions, and lists of things taken from house to house (to eliminate stupid arguments about things like blankets). Is this something that the intermediary should handle rather than it being a communication between WW and I?

I just updated and switched the first two paragraphs of my PBL. I already had ion mind to do that - it's not being driven from last night's events.

You are my first love, my only love. I remember all the first things I experienced with you – our first date, our first kiss, our first road trip, our first overnight, our first touch, our first time. Through so many difficult times I held you and wiped away the tears as you cried on my shoulders. You always sought the safety, security, and warmth of my arms and expressed your gratitude for always being there for you and carrying you when necessary. I stood by you and held your hand through three of the most beautiful times of my life – our wedding and the births of our two children.

I love you with all my heart despite everything that has happened before and during our marriage. To this day I remain emotionally and physically attracted to you. I still believe that God has a plan for us, that he gave us DS6 and DD3 for reason, and that He expects us to fulfill that.

Great idea Eph! Have a binder that goes with the kids. Each of you would write in it, writing down specifics of the childrens' day that is important that the other parent know. Adding in school information as well as completed school work is a great way to do this.

When she picks up the kids, the notebook full of stuff goes with them. When they come back, it comes back.

It is a great idea and shows that you are taking the initiative towards keeping your wife in the childrens' lives. Contrasting that with her doing her own thing with bald guy on the 4th should go over well for you in court...and should seal her fate with the judge.

The OBL is fine. It will be better once she has it in her hands and you have gone dark. Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good!

You are running this war now. Everything from now on will be on your terms, at your pace. But, I believe you are losing the initiative in this fight. You have the perfect time now. But it wont last.

I have so been waiting on you to see this!!!!! This woman does not deserve standard "mother's rights" and should only be allowed visitation with the children. She is morally bankrupt and her decision making and selfishness is out of this world wrong. DO NOT WAIVE ANYTHING even if it's ordered to be $10 per month. This isn't about the money it's about being responsible for your decisions and life having consequences. Also, if it's $10 per month and she doesn't ever pay it there is not a court in the country that would ever take a future modification of custody request seriously.