Thanks for your kind words Bugs.

That moment of inspiration came in a dark time for me last night like a faint ray of light.

You will be fine!

It is like one of your kids standing on the side of the pool, as you sit in the water telling them "jump...I'll catch you." And they sit on the side of the pool, scared.

The issue with them is do they trust you more than they fear getting hurt? If they trust you, they will jump despite their fear.

Same goes for you and the Lord. He is asking you to trust Him...to jump, and He will catch you. If you dont trust Him, you wont jump. If you do, then you will. It really is that simple.

I want you to remember that your wife will try to break your Plan B. She will get angry. She will call a thousand times. She will show up at the house and demand you talk to her. She will threaten court action. And a whole lot more. Eventually, she will try to negotiate you out of NC. Dont you fall for any of it!!

In this war, you have now taken the initiative. The battle is now dictated by you. You decide when, where and how this fight will continue. From this point on, you are fighting from the high ground...from a position of strength.

That PBL is a surrender letter. It is you saying:


One more thing, Eph. Most of my time on MB, I had a signature line that said "In His arms." And I was so glad to be there during all of this. He carried me so far...and is the ONLY reason I am where I am today. He is the ONLY reason I had the strength to endure for so long.

But, if you noticed my sig line now, I changed it right after court to "Standing in His Presence." I knew I had reached the point where He no longer wnated me to remain in His arms. He wanted me to stand. Not on my own...but alongside Him. I was no longer going to be a spectator to all of this. I was now a combatant. I would stand next to the Lord, take up my sword and fight along side Him. Of course, He doesnt NEED my help. But He wants it! He wants me to join Him, to trust Him.

As He does you.

Mortarman I sincerely appreciate you standing by me during this whole thing. You have been there with me from the beginning and I thank you for that. Gos has also held me up with his righteous right hand through all this.

OK, so a small delay today. I could not get in contact with my intermediary yesterday so no PBL delivered this morning; however I am still moving forward


I have the notebook ready.
I have the kid's phone ready.
I e-mailed SH with some info and my PBL for us to talk through on Monday.
I will inform my attorney and GAL of the plans today


Is it worth confronting WW about seeing her Wednesday? There has not been a good time to do this face to face because the kids are all over me during the exchanges and I don't want to discuss this in front of them. I was thinking of just TMing her, this way it's documented.

Wow - God is speaking to me today

http://www.groundwire.net/audio/GW925Samson.mp3

http://www.groundwire.net/audio/GW911NoFear.mp3


Lots of other good ones there.

i would say that says it ALL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Eph

A good article to supplement Harley's Plan B; for sharing w/ your attorney.

Another Plan B like article and children's best interests

Those are good signs, Eph!

On confronting her...actually, what happened Wednesday could be the catalyst for Plan B. So, maybe you confront her concerning that...and then hand her the pBL and walk away. Dont ask questions...just make statements. Something like:

Eph: "Wife, you know...I have tried hard here to keep our family together. I have shown you love even during these trying times for me and the kids. I have hoped, and still hope, that the Lord will lead you back into His will. But, after what happened Wednesday, things cannot continue the way they have been..."

Mrs. Eph: as she interrupts "What happened Wednesday?"

Eph: "Look, this is not a discussion. Please do not interrupt me. On Wednesday, at the fireworks, you walked right amongst our family with bald guy. Everyone, including our friends, saw the two of you there...and it created a bad situation for all. I am glad our children did not see that, as this is hard enough on them..."

Mrs Eph: interrupting again "Well, there is nothing wrong with me being with someone. We are separated and will be divorced soon."

Eph: "Again, I asked you not to interrupt. I need to say what I need to here. There is everything wrong with what you are doing...and what you did Wednesday. Whether separated or not, we are married. It is wrong...and our children will grow up learning that such actions are wrong and against God's will."

Mrs. Eph: "Leave them out of this!!!"

Eph: "I wish I could...but unfortunately, what you are doing to this family directly effects them. But...I dont want to get side tracked here. I came to tell you that I do still love you and all of us in this family wish you would return home. God does also. But, because of what happened Wednesday, added to the fact that this situation continue to hurts me more than any person should have to stand...I have decided to protect myself, my love for you and this family and withdraw from any direct relations with you. I have a letter here that outlines how we will get information to each other concerning the kids. It is specific. In the case of an emergency, we both of course, can call each other immediately. Non-emergency, kid-related stuff will be exchanged as outlined in the letter. I have included a notebook we can pass between us to keep each other informed of the kids' information and what is going on with them,

Mrs. Eph: "You cant tell me what to do. I can talk to you if I want. We need to communicate for the sake of the kids."

Eph: "We do need to communicate concerning kid-related information. And that communication can come in any form. In order to protect myself and protect my love for you, I have limited which forms of communication I will be able to accept."

Mrs. Eph: "You cant do that! I will get my lawyer to have the judge order you..."

Eph: "Honey, do what you think you need to do. I did not come here to argue with you, nor to hurt you. I have come here in order to let you know that I can no longer live with the hurt and disrespect that you continue to give me. I am your husband, and the father or your children, and I deserve better. Here is the letter, and the notebook. I trust that you will at least respect me enough that you will not contact me with anything other than kid-related information. I love you...but I have to go now."

And then, you walk away.

She will chase after you. Or, she will test you later. Or she will call her attorney. But YOU shut down everything. You go dark.

So, I like the idea of a confrontation. Remember, no anger. No calling names like "ho." No arguing!!!!! You present what you want to say, hand her the stuff, walk away and go dark.

Simple.

LMAO...what did I tell you the other night! Questions raise their defends...not an option...open and honest statement!

Thanks MM!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh wise Rin <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hey, have a nice trip this weekend. Maybe you will relax and get a whole nights sleep for once.

LMAO...that's a luxury I can afford! Thank you!

So, did I miss it, when are you planning to give it to her?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

just remembered something.

DD3 becomes DD4 on 7/12 and WW is having a party on 7/19.

She planned it all (no big deal) but asked me to cover the expenses of the pizza. The place for the party is not cheap so of course I am wondering where she is getting the money from. At any rate - of course it ticks me off that she just assumed I would pay for the pizza.

Besides that, I have to now consider how plan B affects this. What's the best way to pull this off?

DId you plan on attending this function? If not, send the money in the book...

Does your daughter know about the event? were you supposed to attend? If both answers are "yes," then you will probably need to attend. But that doesnt mean you need to talk to your wife. Is this event attended by a lot of others, or was it just going to be just the family? If just the family, then I would do as Strvin said above and send the money...and do your own family birthday party later (or before!).

So, depends on a lot of stuff. But this is NOT a reason to delay your Plan B!!

Yes, DD knows about it and WW gave me an invitation. As a side note, the invitation was to "Daddy and Bubby" signifying to me that we live at the same house. Could be a slip on her part, but whatever.

And yes, there will be other children and parents there.

I'll probably be the one running around with the kids while WW sits to the side. That's how it was when we had DS's party there two years ago.

Okay. So, no contact with your wife then. She will try to talk to you. You just turn and walk away. If it is required that you need to answer her about something, make it a one word answer. Such as "Did you pay for the pizza?" Answer: "Yes." And then walk away.

When the event is over, leave immediately. If the kids are to be with you when you leave, have their stuff ready before you tell them it is time to go. If they are to leave with your wife, then give them a hug and kiss, say you will talk to them later...and walk out.

Hopefully, this is the only planned thing you have and will be the only time you will have to do this. So, stay quiet. Concentrate on the kids and others there (strike up conversations with the other parents which will keep you too busy to talk to her).

One of the more "slick" ways that a WS will try to lure you into their web and get needs met when you're in Plan B is exactly as your WW has done. Plan something "for the kids", tell them about it and get them all excited, and THEN--after it's all set up--tell you about it and expect you to pay for their plan.

Under this ONE circumstance I would say pay for the pizzas for DD3/DD4...and perhaps make one statement to WW: "From this point forward, we will be making separate plans for birthdays, holidays, and special days. You plan and pay for YOUR party, and I will plan and pay for MY party. Do not plan something and expect me to pay for it again, because I will no longer be meeting this EN until you are home and we are a family."

THE END

Here's why I suggest that. The list of things you have to pay for "for the kids" will be unending. I am in NO WAY suggesting that you do not provide for your children!! I am suggesting that you provide for them AT YOUR HOME. If she chooses to not be at your home, then she has to figure out how to finance it...ON HER OWN. Her choice! When she says, "Eph, the kids have no school clothes over here that fit them" you stay dark...or respond through the intermediary, "I have adequate clothing to care for them at OUR HOME." When she says, "Eph, the kids need a nice yard at my house and the mower broke" you stay dark..or respond through the intermediary "I have a working mower at OUR HOME."

So begin now to practice saying "no." One of these days she is going to plan a big, Christmas party (or something) and tell the kids all about it and get them all excited...and then say, "You pay for the X and Y and I'll invite you." Your response should be darkness or through the intermediaries: "No thank you. I have my own plans." Your kids are young, and they may be disappointed temporarily, but then just explain to them that they get to have TWO Christmases and they'll be happy again.

Soooooo...your assignment for today is:

1) REACH your intermediaries!!
2) Practice saying "no" to her.

Your mama bee,



CJ

P.S. If you can not reach your intermediaries, I am always available!! Seriously.

Eph,

Print out some of the posts that Mortarman made, put them where you can easily see them, to help remind you that this IS part of a PLAN, a plan that works. It does in so many ways. The plan is for battle, the plan is for recovery, the plan is for self reflection and growth, the plan is for peace.

Withdrawal is inevitable, and is confusing, as you have suffered so much at the hands of this woman, you would assume you would only feel relief. Relief will come, so wait out the withdrawal. I broke Plan B, always trying to push MY agenda; I believe that it lengthened the whole process.


Also, your intermediaries need to be easily accessible, so you may want to bring someone in who is, unless this is just a one time problem.

<bump>

I assume you have contacted your intermediaries by now....right? Just checking up on you. Just continuing to push the baby bird out of the nest. Where do we stand on your Plan B, Eph??

Mama Bee CJ

is that a <bump> or a <nudge>?

Baby bird is flapping hard.