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Thank you for such a great, non adversarial reply. I really did need to know. I may not post much but I have been reading here for 5 years, so I am not new, but still do not always "read" what is happening and of course see it through my own experience. Your reply made me laugh a few times, AND gave me a text I have been trying to remember for a week. Thanks for that too. I need it tomorrow night when I have to give one of my clients a (2x4).
If I hadn't felt weird about your post and been honest about it, I wouldn't have got that text and would not be able to use God's word to help someone tomorrow. God does work in mysterious ways and NOTHING is unimportant to HIM. We never know when or how we are being used as a part of His plan.
So Eph. your thread will help someone who has never heard of MB, and does not need it, but needs that text.
I will now go back to my corner and sit quietly.
Linda
Me BSx2 63
1st M 13yrs WS Multiple As.
DD45 DD43 DS41 first marriage.
Him WS 56 P/A. PA + Multiple EAs from day one.
Current M. 26years
D Days 10/02, 11/02, 01/03, right up to 03/06
NC since 03/2006
Me Stage IV Breast Cancer since 36months,
Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us (Hebrews 12:1).Titus wife, Linda
silverpool - No doubt God works in mysterious ways, and all the glory goes to Him. His timing is perfect, and I am just glad I could play a role. Stay with me, the ride may get bumpy.
So, the PBL is now handwritten and the package is ready for delivery tomorrow. Darkness falls at 5pm EST on Monday 7/23 and it's not from a solar eclipse.
Divorced on 3/25/2008 but I have primary legal and physical custody of my 2 kids.
Plan A Thread Plan B Thread Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
You may not know this...but the battle for your marriage ends today. At least for you! Your commanding officer (the Lord) has now said "You have fought well...now rest. I will take it from here."
All of the pain, the ups and downs, the uncertainty...will begin to leave. No more worrying about if you are doing things right or wrong. No more having foggy lies shoved down your throat. Life now begins to take on whatever you want it to be.
But, as I have done before...I again must caution you. I have told you before about what your wife will most likely do, in regards to trying to break Plan B. Dont let her.
But, the caution I give you today is one of complacency. You will have a couple weeks of let down, of withdrawal. It is to be expected, and we are here to help you thru that. Keep yourself busy. And, dont be afraid to grieve your loss!
But, coming out of those 2-3 weeks, you will be faced with "so, what now?" It is at that point, you need a plan. A plan to get your family back on its feet and moving forward again. Remember...Plan B is about YOU!! It is about taking control, about moving forward. So, that plan will be key. Dont let the withdrawal drag on. In the beginning, you will have to "fake it until you make it."
Each day you will get stronger, as long as you stay dark and not have relapses from interacting with your wife.
Trust the Lord to take care of your wife...and shut things down. Then trust the Lord to heal you. And finally, trust the Lord to provide doors for where He wants you to go...and walls for where he doesnt.
Standing in His Presence
FBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"
I delivered the notebook to WW this morning and told her we would be using it to communicate about the kid's. She seemed taken aback and said nothing.
I met with my IC today and we talked through my conversation with WW two weeks ago (I sent her the recording) and also the PBL. I was distant and unemotional in that conversation with WW (others who have heard it will probably agree) and that probably was due to the fact that I have reached the end of myself and, as has been pointed out, I am doing more harm than good. She suggested a few points on the PBL, but I have already written it out, sealed it in an envelope, and it's in the car ready to be delivered, so no further changes will happen.
She suggested an attempt to correct the points where the conversation went bad, not in a unemotional way, but in a way that WW would see the true passion in me. I said I didn't know if I could do that right now.
She said that based on what she heard in the conversation that WW will probably see the PBL as me giving up. This is what I suspected could be her interpretation and why I was afraid to do it. In the end I said "So far it has been me and God, now it's time for just God." He will be enough.
Divorced on 3/25/2008 but I have primary legal and physical custody of my 2 kids.
Plan A Thread Plan B Thread Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
faith is an amazing thing and it will certainly help you get through this...
I know for me personally, it's what I have had to relay on...and I have seen how it's grown stronger...this was a change that I wanted and needed in my life...
how are you feeling? How's your day?
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. Thomas Carlyle
It really is ok here in the dark! I turned on my Unicorn night light, plus we have so many folks here helping & supporting us that I know we will both be much better in the coming weeks!
I will wait right here to hold your hand when you come over to The Darkside! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Seriously, it will be OK. It is time for you to take care of YOU!
{E}
BS (me) ExWS -Drac DD 9 DSS 15 D Day 11/06 Divorced 10/01/07
She may see it as you giving up. She is very selfish right now.
But, you don't deserve to be treated so poorly. Your PBL explains your love and why now and your Plan A demonstrated your changes and who you want to be as a husband. You have worked very hard and should be very proud!
She would not give me the notebook back because she had not looked at it. I told her she would get it back tomorrow. She refused and when in the house and locked the doors. I knocked and waited about 5 mins but she would not come to the door.
I slid the PBL into the door, then called her and left a voice message on her cell phone and send her a TM, telling her to acknowledge in the appropriate manner that she received the letter.
Like watching a little child not get her way.
But it still hurts.
So darkness has fallen.
Divorced on 3/25/2008 but I have primary legal and physical custody of my 2 kids.
Plan A Thread Plan B Thread Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
EPH, good job! Just relax, the ball is now in her court. You don't have to do anything more. You have delivered the letter, just GO DARK. The rest is up to her. Awesome!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I did send an email requesting confirmation of the exchange schedule. Since I don't plan to do a play-by-play of every email (VERY non-intermediary like) I did think this was one worry that I could alleviate.
I'm with everyone. I suspect she has read the notebook, the PBL, and is mad as a wet hen and stewing about it...but we'll see.
Eph, I am so proud of you!!! You will not regret this, although right this moment, TONIGHT, it might feel awful.
