INeed,

Which Plan are you in?

The fact that you were up front, honest about the reality of possible D with WS the other day is one thing, but the ignoring him, not wearing your ring, etc is another IF you are in Plan A.

I don't know which I truly should be in. He won't really talk with me. But when I ignore him for so long then and only then does he ask to speak with me.

I do get to see him when he picks DD up. That is the only time, and I don't speak with him when he calls, he just speaks with DD unless he hasn't heard my voice in awhile and then he asks for me.

Yesterday he kept emailing me at work. He said he put 750 in the joint account for me to use and that there would be more coming on friday.

He does this after he stood and yelled at me on Friday that he's given me over 30,000 since he left (Don't I wish) and that he's going to prove that he's given me 85% of his pays.

I think the only reason his heart is soft now, is that I reminded him that I have no extra money. That I paid to get both vehicles fixed, That I have paid all of the bills and daycare with the money and I have not been able to take my daughter anywhere fun because I don't have the extra cash, the only place I took her was the amusement park because work paid for it. I reminded him I don't even eat myself because I can't afford for me to eat. I have been surviving off of 1 can of slimfast a day, because that is what the budget fits.

Meantime, he goes and buys whatever he wants not caring about us over here. I reminded him that winter is coming and the oil tanks are empty and I won't be able to afford to fill those either. Will have to get a small kerosine heater and we will have to stay in one room of the house.

But we are women and we will survive !!! God will provide some way...

Which plan should I still be in ? Plan A ? or Plan B ?
He has been gone since January 28th.

Back to the money situation, He mentioned about changing the status of the joint account to a free checking. I let him know that by changing the status, we now had to pay for the checks, and that they will raise the percentage on the second mortgage which is why it was opened that way in the first place. What does he care because he's not paying that either. So I emailed him to go ahead and close the account so that we don't get hit with more fees. He let me know that the money will be there and I am to use it. Sent it in a demanding type of way. I responded back. It will be handled in the courts on Sept 17th, after all I wouldn't want to get accused of taking too much of your money. He replied back that He doesn't want to be that way and to please use the money. I replied that if there was anything else the lawyers could work it out.

I then asked the boss to block his email address from my computer because I don't need the stress at work. I was so upset. Here he is trying to be nice, but I know it's because there is something more devious planned in his head. Just waiting for the next ball to drop.

INeed,

Let's talk about the most important issue first -


WHAT? This is unacceptable! You take that money he put in there an any other money you can get your hands on. You get your attorney on this ASAP. There is NO reason for you to be so strapped that you can not eat!

Then,

This HAS to be addressed ASAP. It is his responsibility to take care of his family. Sorry, but I can't abide your sitting by in a seemingly casual way accepting that he took a pleasure trip to Mexico and you can't afford food!

I will have to get back to you on the Plan A or Plan B thing, as I am WAY to wound up on this money issue. Girl, you GOTTA protect yourself and your DD and you have to do it NOW!!!!!

Please keep me in your prayers. Went to the Dr.'s yesterday. I have double ear infection, sinus infection, Strep Throat, Phnemonia, and motion sickness.

Wanted to put me in the hospital, but I need to work to pay the bills. I opted for the shots of bicillin and other antibiotics.

I am exhausted. Luckily my DD is at mom's through the weekend now.

INeed,

Just checking in to see how you are feeling? Been thinking about you and hope you are better!

INeed,

Again, just checking in. Haven't heard from you in a while. Hope all is well!

I apologize. Not sick anymore, but going to doctors left and right. I may have had some mini strokes. I am going for testing.

I'm just really tired now, and helping my best friend move.

My Husband emailed me for this weekend and told me to drop my daughter off at his mom's that he wouldn't get in til late.

I emailed back that our daughter is not his mom's responsibility but she's ours. I let him know that he could pick her up after his plane lands.

He was not about to do it. I did not back down, and finally he said okay.

He picked her up yesterday then. I was very cold toward him, but if he needed to say something I did answer. My best friend said that he would not quit looking at me.

So today when I called to say goodnight to my daughter, he got on the phone. He knows that I've been helping my friend move, and he seemed genuinely concerned if I was okay from helping her. Won't get my hopes up though. Just means that the nastiness is around the corner.

He knows we have court on the 17th of September for Support. He was on my case 2 wks ago saying that he overpaid me and that he was going to make sure I got everything that was coming to me (vindictively of course).
Now he emails me to let me know he put 750 in for me to use and is putting more in today.

Trying to look good for the courts I'm sure. Luckily I have everything documented.

I pray that God is answering my prayers and that his heart is softening, but it's too early to tell.

I read Matthew 19 recently where it says that God grants the divorce because of the hardening of their hearts.

That was such peace toward me. God recognizes that we can't change our husbands, and yet he provides for us !! I can't believe the many ways he is answering my prayers right now.

Last night was open house at the elementary school. A couple days ago, I emailed WS and let him know FYI that we would not be home we would be at the open house and I even provided the time of the openhouse.

DD was so upset that he didn't show. He travels alot so I called his mom. He was in town that day. He tried to say that he didn't know he was supposed to go. He didn't want it to be uncomfortable, and to upset us. He knew how important all of her school functions are and he did upset her.

THis is the story of our life. Last time he had her he mentioned on the phone to her beforehand about taking her to the amusement park. He didn't do so though so again she was upset.

INeed,

I read this earlier today and have been thinking about it. I am not sure where you stand exactly with your plans, but I have to ask this -

Why did you do only an FYI VS Asking WH to come to the open house? DD wanted him to be there. Think about it. Did you not ask, knowing that he'd let you both down if you were not specific in your request?

Communication. Asking for what you want and need is important. It's up to you to ask, then let go. Either he does it or not. That is on him. But for you to expect him to come when it was issued is an FYI may not really be fair.

JMHO

This is a message that God gave my friend at work to give to me.

He told her to give me Zecharia - chapter 9 vs 12, but you always read the verse before as well.

11 As for you also, because of
(J) the blood of my covenant with you,
(K) I will set your prisoners free from
(L) the waterless pit.
12 Return to your stronghold,
(M) O prisoners of hope; today I declare that
(N) I will restore to you double.


THen he told her to tell me to read the last chapter of Job. It is amazing because it is the exact way I have been reading.


I have been praying strongly that the lord would release Bill from the prison that Satan has him in. I have been praying for him to repent of his sins, for the blinders to be removed from his eyes, for his ears to be able to hear the Lord's calling, and for his heart to be softened to the point that he wants to respond.

I'm not sure exactly what God is trying to tell me here, but I know that it is an answer to some of my prayers.

Isn't he wonderful ????

Anybody on my site today...Today is my child support, spousal support hearing. Please keep Kelley in your prayers.

On the brighter side, My WS had DD this weekend. He took her to his best friends house to see the new baby. While she was checking out the new baby he didn't realize she was listening to him and he told his best friend that he is thinking of moving back home.

Please keep us in your prayers. God is slowly moving that mountain for me.

INeed,

Will be praying for you, as always, but with special consideration on the CS.


Now, regarding what DD told you. Be VERY cautious, for several reasons. First, you weren't there and there really is no telling exactly what was said, how it was said, and how it was 'heard' by DD. Not that she would lie, but she is a 7 yr old child who wants her parents back together, so what she wants it to mean, may not be what he was really saying.

Second, IF he is considering it, what are YOU considering? What are your terms for him possibly wanting to come home? Are you just going to open the door, let him walk in, and say welcome home? I Hope not!!

Have a plan! Will be praying for you!

The child support hearing went ok, but not enough support to maintain the house. I will have 20.00 per month left over after the bills for food and gas.

I talked to WS for 2 hours on sunday morning. I could not sleep and normally when I could not sleep he would sing to me. I emailed him the lyrics "If the stars refused to shine I would still be loving you, If the mountains crumbled to the sea there would still be you and me."

He got the email and emailed me a nasty email saying that it was over. I guess he thought about it then and called to make sure I was okay. WHen I answered the phone he said, Oh, you are not crying ? I said no, should I be. Then he told me about the email he sent. I said, Oh, I turned the computer off. SO we talked for a long while. He said that even though he see's that I've made leaps and bounds and my life is so different that he no longer feels that he loves me. I explained the love bank to him and why he's feeling that way.

Then he said that he really needs this divorce if we are to ever end up back again. He told me that he signed the paperwork and it was to come this week, that I would be served.

I got off the phone and said, Lord I don't know what to do. I decided to try a church I hadn't gone to. So on the way there I was saying "Lord, what do I do. Is it time to give up ? Should I just give up and go on ? Lord, I haven't heard an answer from you in a while, can you help me out.?" So on the way there God's rays were shining on both the left and right side of the car and it seemed as if it led me to the church.

Once inside, the pastor was not preaching because he just got out of the hospital. But he made his way to the pulpit and said that God asked him that morning to give a special message. He said that someone was struggling with divorce and he was asked to remind them of the passage from Job about not giving up.

I left feeling so special. Was it me that God spoke to ? Anyway, I made it through the week and no papers thus far.

So I say thank you lord !!!! Please keep praying that Bill will come to salvation, that his heart will be softened and that his eyes and ears would be opened to hear the Lord's calling.

Thank you all for your support.

INeed,

Glad to hear from you,,,, thought you'd left the board.

First things first. What are you doing about your financial situation? You can't live on $20 a month for food and gas?

Girl, make a plan!!

Second, why are you not yet in Plan B?



WHAT???? Do you see this for what it is? BABBLE BABBLE BABBLE.

He is moving straight ahead with NO regard for you or your daughter if he is leaving you with $20 for gas and food.

What's your plan?

I'm not sure what I should plan. I've looked around here and unless I move then I can't afford the houses or the apartments, and if I do move to afford the apartments then daycare goes from 35 a week to 145 per wk, so it all averages out anyway.

I can just tighten up the budget, get rid of tv and watch videos instead.

I know that it is just babble from my wh. He doesn't know what he wants. He's not seeing anyone now, but still looking on the internet. He talked to my best friend today and when she asked him how he's doing he said not so well. I told her she should have told him to come back home. But he's stubborn like his mom.

My plan, the only one I have for sure is to keep getting closer to god and to not give up on my husband.

I'm not sure what to do next, still waiting on him answering my letter. I really expected him to email me back saying that he never wants to get back together and that it's final and that's that. He hasn't responded at all yet, so for that I am really glad.

Things are still going well for me. I am down yet one more size. Just bought myself a pair of size 12's. I lost 10 more pounds this week.

The hospital tests showed that I did have the mini-strokes so I am just watching the stress levels. But exercise is great and I'm enjoying the new person I've become.

Thank you for your help. I've never known whether to plan a or b. For the most part it seems like B. We never really talk until it's time for the exchange.

What letter?

Oh sorry....

After talking to him for 2.5 hours on sunday and letting him know why I know this will work and explaining the Love bank to him and how I can help him become happy and find himself over again, I felt like he didn't grasp everything.

So I wrote him a letter. I copied the section on Love Bank, Emotional Needs, and Love Busters. Then I followed it up with a letter.....


**********************************************************

WS:

I hope this helps you understand a little more as to why I am enthusiastic about reconciling our marriage and doing this the Right way now.

Your happiness is my happiness. When you are happy I am happy, but I now know that I don’t’
Need another person to make me happy, I just need to ensure that my love bank is always full and then it is easy to give love when you are full of love.

Part of the emotional needs would be touch, backrubs, footrubs, and yes I know how important these truly are now. From telling someone how nice they look to telling them what a great job they are doing.

The contract agrees to meet each others emotional needs in order to fill each others love banks completely. It agrees to avoid Love Busters to keep from stealing each others love so that the other person has enough love to give back to you.

I know how you feel. How can you give love when you don’t feel love. I’ve been there. I am truly sorry you are feeling this way right now …. I know how to fill my love bank daily so that there is love abundantly for you, katie and me. Once you really fill that love and your bank is overflowing then you will feel like that schoolboy with the major crush. The feelings that come flowing back to you are amazing.

I know you said that you are not stressed right now, and you are happy due to no stress. I ask you from the bottom of my heart. Come back to your family that loves you and needs you with all of our hearts. We will share everything together. You will be the head of the family as is intended by GOD.

You and I have never quite experienced the love that comes from doing these simple steps and allowing God to help you complete them. True love is knowing when to say you are sorry…. I am so sorry that we have had to go through this. True love is knowing when to forgive….I don’t care what has happened while you have been away….I love you and will not use it against you. True love is following your heart….and mine loves you more than anything. I know yours is broken and cracked right now….but it will mend and grow to a love you have never experienced before.

Yes, I can honestly say that I promise you that you will experience happiness beyond your wildest dreams. No broken promises now… Christ has made me a new person, with new values, new principals, and a greater love for the most important person in my life….YOU !! (asside from God of course).

You always have been the most important person, I just never knew exacty how to tell you. I don’t need to say those 3 little words. I can express it to you in over 1000 different ways if you will just give me a chance.

The mutual agreement would mean that we will rate everything on a scale from 1-10 and if we can’t come to a mutual agreement then we won’t do it. That includes family functions as well. It was not
Right of me to expect you to put family as important to you as it is to me. So if we go to mom’s less that’s okay. Going to a different church is okay.

We run our lives, not our parents, not others. I am ready to commit 100% to ensuring your happiness. We are one. You may be apart from me right now, but we are one. I don’t need to turn to others to ask for help. God answers me, and I will also trust in you to answer me as well.



I can guarantee you that this is not easy. It took me some time to figure it out, and I’m sure it will take you time as well. I don’t expect everything to be perfect overnight.

One thing I have realized is that LOVE IS NOT a feeling….LOVE IS A DECISION.

I know that trust is an issue for you. Have I faultered any on my life thus far since october ? no ! I have meant everything that I have said. I will not go back on my word. If I say it, I will do it.

When we adopted katie, we adopted her from a broken family. Let’s not show her what a broken family is. Let us put asside the past, and go to newer and better places. Let us show her what a true loving family really is. Let me show you and her what true happiness is…

I love you with all my heart and soul. You are a part of me that I don’t want to part from. Would you like to experience true peace ? Would you like to experience true happiness ? Would you like to experience Love to the highest extent ? So would I…..Let’s do it together……as a family.

I promise there will be no regrets for coming back. There will be no broken promises. There will be tons of mutual agreements, and with God we can do anything !!!

God says that seperation Is good for renewing your life with him. I know I have grown closer to him. I know that he has taught me so much about marriage. God is blessing my life, let’s let him bless ours together. This seperation could be the vaccation that you and I both needed for years. It has strengthened both of us.

Let’s take it to the next level. Let’s put all our energy into it. You don’t need to at first. I will show you how by filling your love bank all of a sudden you have energy beyond imagine. I have been getting up at 5 or 5:30 and going to sleep at 11:30 or midnight. When’s the last time I did that ?

I will show you love beyond imagine. The me you fell in love with is here, I never left. I might have put some things aside, but I am back and I will not let this leave again. Let’s find the you again together…..

***********************************************************

So I expected with his attitude lately to get a reply back immediately saying that he's never coming back and to quit sending him emails, since that's what he was sending on Sunday before he called to apologize for sending it and making sure I was not crying. But he has not responded to it in any way yet. Possibly means he's thinking of it?

I do know that he's in the depressed stage again. He's gained weight and buying more games to play. He also hits on girls more when he's in this stage and I can see that he is doing so on match.com. He never gets anything serious and as soon as he goes to the up mood he sort of dumps them right away. It's like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.

Sometimes I know that I'm better off and sometimes I just pray so hard for God to send him back.

I do love him and I hope that God wants reconciliation.

Bill had Katie for the weekend. She stayed Friday til Saturday. She let me know that Daddy went to the store and bought a game and would not buy her one. She then said that she asked for a pillow and he would not give her one to sleep with.

I had to explain that when you are depressed you care about yourself only. And that we just need to pray for him.

I was served the divorce papers at lunch today.

I was getting so excited thinking that when he said I was getting them that it was his depression speaking again.

I was wrong. Of course he filed the papers in a down mood. He called tonight to speak to our daughter.

She didn't want to speak with him. Who can blame her. He was mad that she found out about the papers. I said what is she to think. She knows I was waiting for daddy to fill out papers. She sees mommy crying over papers. We didn't raise a dumb kid.

He does not care. All he is worried about is fathering a child of his own. I can't change the fact that I can't have children. I can't change the fact that I am dying. I can change the fact of if he gets to play a big part in her life though. She does not need his moods in her life effecting her health.

I know that right now it is for the best. I know that God can change him as well. I know it is his sickness, and there is not a thing about it I can change.

I just feel sorry right now. It brought all the pain back again. Of this and my last marriage. I was married for 1.5 months when the guy took me for all my money and tried to kill me. You think I would have learned.

NO more guys for me. God is sufficient enough...and my daughter.

{{{INEED}}}

Sweetie, I wish I knew what kind of advise to give you, but I just don't.

I'm not equipped to advise hardly anyone, let alone someone with a spouse who suffers from depression the way yours does.

I can only say that you and Katie are in my prayers.