Amusement park was great ! We almost closed the park. I decided the girls were getting too tired. I took my daughter and her best friend. I bought them popcorn, cottoncandy and icecream. We played games and they rode lots of rides and I got a ton of pictures. I think that is really cool because her mom never takes pictures.

Yesterday I went and consulted with an attorney. I know I need one, but the fact that I don't want one plays on my heart alot. This attorney seemed really nice, and said that my husband doesn't have a leg to walk on. He's not allowed to be selling stocks and he wasn't allowed to spend our entire tax return when we split.

He said the fact that he's gone an entire month without seeing our daughter we could actually revoke his custody. I'll save that for only if we have to.

My parents are going to front the money for me and I will pay them back. THis will be interesting though.

I stopped and saw my MIL and left a package at her house for when he returns home. I bought him a movie that he will absolutely love. Wrapped it in tissue paper with a note, this is because we MISS you, LOVE you, and NEED you.

His mom told me that he has not even let them know that he made it to mexico okay. I let her know that he let us know when he landed and where he'd be at least the city. None of us know where he'll be staying, it's at a coworkers place so there is no hotel.

I let her know that he emailed that he would be buying our daughter a present but hasn't emailed since.

I've been praying that he can't take part in any sinful natures while he is down there.

After talking with the lawyer, I have questioned myself as to why I really want him back. The lawyer made me realize that he has been a control freak from the time we started dating. Some of the things I told the lawyer came to hit me like a brick. How could I be so stupid. But the fact is I love him and miss him and desire him to be part of my life. I pray that God can heal him from his anger and depression and return him to my family.

My parents will side with me no matter which way I go. They love my husband, but not the person he's become.

My decision now is that I found out the acct number and password for the acct where he put the stocks. The lawyer said that I could take half I am entitled to it, I feel like it would be wrong, and my parents told me to go for it. How does everyone else feel ? I guess part of me does not want to anger him. I want him back in my life and I believe that would only drive him further away.

Will pray god tells me or leads me to my decision.

Have a great day all....

I can honestly say I've had a great week.

Monday I heard the song "lips of an angel". That song always makes me think of my cheating husband. So I started to pray silently in my mind, because I was answering the phones at work. While I was praying for my husband, The person on the other end of the phone had to put me on hold. THe hold music came on with the lyrics, "It's not over yet". When I was done with the call I said Thank you Lord.

Wednesday, I was cut off by a truck while I was in the midst of praying out loud for my husband. When I looked up to see the name of the company on the truck, I again said thank you lord. It was "Love Construction"

Last night my husband called to talk with our daughter. I've been diligenly praying that any temptation be removed from the way of my husband on his trip in Mexico. He told me that one of the girls on the trip caused trouble so they only stayed in Mexico for 2 days, and he's in arizona now. I asked who went and he mentioned everyone, including the girl I was worried about. Then he mentioned that she brought her boyfriend. I could hear disappointement in his voice. Considering he named his laptop after her on Myspace and his blog made it seem like a page from harlequin romance, I thought he had a thing for her. God answered my prayers yet again.

So here I am all happy. He comes back to town tomoroow night. When he was home he mentioned one time about not feeling special when he came home from trips.

I was thinking about having my daughter make a I missed you sign and waiting for him at the airport.

Does anyone have any opinions on this ????

INeed,

Oh honey, I really hate to say this but I feel like I have to - - you said



Sweetie, I'd be 99% sure that he DOES have a thing for her. He is a lying WH right now and you can not believe what he tells you, especially about this.

He named his laptop after her??? Heck YES he has a thing for her!!

He went on a trip and SHE WAS THERE!! I don't buy that "her boyfriend" was there.

What is a H doing going on a trip where SINGLE women are along as well?? Why is he in Arizona now??

The thing is, you don't have proof either way. You only have HIS word for it, and I am sorry to say that right now, his word isn't worth much. You need to operate on the assumption that something is going on until you have CONFIRMED that it is not.

Drac's ho worked at the same place as he did. He told me she was going to be fired, and that he was a part of getting her fired. BULLS*IT! He was KEEPING her from getting fired AND delivering roses to her house!!

Yes, God can and does work miracles. I don't doubt that. However, as we are dealing with WH's here, we can't just assume that one has happened, even though our faith tells us to trust that they happen.

Do you get what I am trying to say? I don't feel like I am expressing it very well. I am not trying to be overly negative, but at the same time, I want to encourage you to face reality head on with this, too.

As I have been told and read so many times here. Watch his ACTIONS, don't listen to his words.

As for going to the airport, my first question is this even something that DD would WANT to do??

Also, what's the deal with the MySpace stuff? We need more detail on what that's all about. Romance novel??? What's been going on there??

I decided not to go to the airport. I figured he wasn't getting in til late, which means he'll be tired and I didn't want to chance making him angry when he's tired.

I also thought that this was me wanting to go and not God telling me to go. This is his battle, not mine...so I stayed back waiting for command from Him.

Lets see...the myspace page started as a way for him to talk with his friends from work. Then after he left it was a way for him to advertise that he is divorced and that he was looking for that someone special. He has since changed that part. He has a couple of blogs. They are mainly about nothing, but The one about getting the new laptop and having it delivered by the cute fedex girl that looked as if she wanted him, but he wanted his laptop which he named Debbie. Then he talked about it's smooth slender curves, and other stuff that seemed like it was smut. Debbie is a coworker that lives in arizona and works at the corporate headquarters. She is 25 yrs old. My husband is 34. He also is not a neat dresser and is slightly overweight. She is a bombshell. On her myspace page he gave her the Hottie trophy. She sent him a comment about coming to party with her and her friends. That is why I was concerned. I know that he worked when he went back to arizona, where he stayed is another story.

I have to trust that God's been answering my prayers to divert any sinful nature.

My daughter and I went to the mall today. She got a really cute skirt that turns into a dress or a top. You can wear it 150 different ways. Kindof expensive. I paid 40.00 for it. I felt she was worth it though. She and her best friend both got one and they spent hours trying to see how they will wear it to church tomorrow.

For me tonight, I'm going to go color my hair and relax.

This is what I have written out to say.... any input would be appreciated


Honey:

There are many things that have gone on in our lives in these last 6 months. My eyes have been opened to the past, and the present, and I am not looking at the future right now. There are many things I need to explain to you, and I pray that you will be able to listen completely and understand what I am trying to say.
God has made me realize that as a believer my life was tempted and ruled for a period of time by Satan. God sent me signals. He told me to stay away, don’t go there, don’t move in that direction. I let my temptations rule me and for that it did cost me dearly. It cost me the one thing I hold dearest in my life, my husband.
God promised to meet all of my needs, but I tried to meet them myself away from HIM and it headed my life straight for disaster. I had decided myself to sacrifice my future for the pleasure of the present moment, because I was blind to the values in my life.
One of the stories I was drawn to was the story of Jacob and Essau. Essau was so hungry and so thirsty that he gave Jacob his birth right for one bowl of stew. He sold off the one thing that was truly valuable for a single bowl of stew. He let his appetite rule him for the pleasure of the present moment.
As a business woman, and a business man the most valuable assets in our life was prosperity, wealth, prestige and reputation. We neglected each other and our daughter. We didn’t have time for each other, we had no intimate relationship and we grew apart. We made the mistake by not placing the adequate value on our family. What we did was to decide what we thought was important to us and as a result we made a decision for the pleasure of the moment only for us to lose the most valuable thing in our life, each other.
If we are ruled by our own appetites rather than by the spirit of God, we will spoil our future. Satan loves to temp us with our appetites. He whispers to us…. See it, touch it, taste it, and everything else becomes secondary in life for us and we begin to make foolish decisions. Decisions that don’t only hurt us for today, but consequences that my not show up in our lives until later on.
Anytime someone says, if you don’t get it today, then you are not going to get it at all , you can be assured that Satan is in the background whispering in our ears. He likes to say this is the only time you are going to get it, so get it whild you can. Any time we let ourselves focus on what is temporary in this world instead of eternal happiness with God, we make this mistake.
One of the fruits of the spirit that God gave me is self control. It means that I am to yield to the spirit of God within me so that when God says don’t do that I know to stay away, to leave it alone and to not mess with it.
I let myself be ruled by feelings, and my feelings were the first step toward our trouble, my heartache, disaster and regret in life. I let myself say this is what I want, I am in charge, I can have it. I let myself say… it’s present, it’s available, and I can have it. Satan loved the grip he had on me.
One thing that I had to do was suffer the consequences of living my life for me and not for God. I put work before family, and I put family before God. I did it in the wrong order. God didn’t shout at me. He tried to speak to me through the holy spirit inside of me. Only, I refused to answer. The more I refused to answer the more God tried to get my attention. I know that all my illnesses and depression were a result of God trying to reach me. The more I said I’m going to do what I want to do, the more I backed away from God.
Right before you left, I started to turn back to God and ask for help. Honey, I am so sorry that I did not know the importance of crying out to God instead of just praying. When you walked out that door and out of my life, I cried out to him in a way I never thought possible. I wish I would have done it sooner, maybe you would still be here today if I had. But I know that I did it in God’s timing. I did it when God showed me what to do. I am so sorry that you feel it took you walking out for my life to change. It was not my time before, but it was God’s time now.
God has changed me in ways, I never thought possible. By me turning my life to him, he has filled that void in my life that I was trying to replace with work, tv and my parents. I know now that Satan will tempt me if I get in the H.A.L.T. position that he loves. If I get too hungry, too angry, too lonely, or too tires. He will whisper in my ear. He will tell me to go to the mall and spend money for that quick period of happiness. He could tell me I’m lonely to go find someone to fill that spot.
I’m not going to let him do it to me again. I’m not out for the immediate gratification. I am willing to wait for God to guide me. God plans the best. I know that if I reach out and try to take our relationship back before it is his time, then we would never be able to enjoy it to the maximum of our potential. I don’t think that we would get God’s best if either of us chooses to move ahead of him if it is not His will or His timing. I realize that satan gives us the power of sex, the good deal, the gotta have it now attitudes. I know this will not bring us happiness.
I have realized that we have to teach Katie and our grandchildren this principal. God has the best for his children. His will is perfect and Katie and I are praying that His will be done the way that it is in Heaven. We want the perfect Will of God. Our sinful nature makes Katie and I both want it now. We miss you, we love you and we need you.
God has shown me that I sacrifice myself for the pleasure of the moment when I have no respect for spiritual things. When I have no respect for God or His words I make terrible decisions.
You told me that you were afraid of coming back home. You don’t want to end up where we are today yet again and chance that your depression would be worse. I know that this will not happen again, and this is why !
I am different! I have been changed. The Lord has been removing sin in my own life, regularly. The Lord has given me a heart transplant and He has been dealing with me regarding all of my own issues and baggage. I am a new creature in Christ.

"...I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all
your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in
you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a
heart of flesh. I will put in my Spirit in you and move you to
follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws."
Ezekiel 36:25-27


"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;
the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

The Lord is the One that is going to heal, restore, and rekindle the love that has died in our marriage or make a new love in our hearts that will be better than our first love ever was. Our Father is going to become the Architect and Builder. We will have to rebuild our marriage on nothing less than the solid rock of Jesus Christ.
I know what you have admitted to doing. I was wrong in saying before that it was okay. No it is not. You hurt me, and you hurt me bad. God has taken that hurt. He has comforted me. He has filled me with forgiveness, and I extend that forgiveness to you. I Love you unconditionally.
God will help us build our house back. He will help to heal and restore our relationship. Here is the proof:

"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? I
will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words
and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house,
who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood
came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it,
because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and
does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house
on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent
struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was
complete." Luke 6: 46-49
Marriage restoration is a process. Our home has been hit by a terrible storm. There was nothing left but us, standing outside of our home, looking at the ruins. God has already started working on the foundation with me alone. God is going to start rebuilding our marriage one room at a time. Remember, it has taken time for us to get where we are now. I am willing to pay the price of the construction which is perseverance, tenacity, steadfastness, unconditional love with a lot of forgiveness every day, are you ?
On our wedding day, we promised to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer in sickness and in health forsaking all others til death do us part. I meant them when I said them, although I didn’t understand what we were getting ourselves into.
As I told you before, I will wait. Our Love is worth waiting for. Our Love is worth fighting for. Next to God, you are my hearts desire. God brought you to me when I needed you most. I pray that he may bring me to you when you need me most, and I pray that he will lead you home.


THen I plan on telling him that if he does come home, We both will need to sign a contract. I will give him a copy of the marriage builders contract about meeting each others needs, staying away from love busters.

INeed,

I can only give you input that was given to me on writing this kind of letter to your WH.

First, you can only talk about YOU, not about Him. Second, you can not TEACH him anything, so don't even try. He's not ready to learn, Three, it's way too long.

What is the purpose of the letter?

Refresh my memory, how long have you been in Plan A?

What things do you think you have done to SHOW your WS that YOU have changed?

What are his top 5 ENs? What have you done to show you willingness and ability to meet those needs during your Plan A?

I'm not saying don't write a letter, or don't ask him to come home. Just trying to help clarify some things first.

Okay...when it breaks loose it breaks loose.

I won't have to give the speach I planned on giving him.

This was his weekend with our daughter. I took her over on sunday because he didn't get back til saturday late. When he arrived his movie was on his bed. When he landed he had emailed me that his plane landed and he was getting his luggage and was tired.

I emailed back. It must be a really long day and I hope you drive safely. I know how exhausted you must be.

WHen I took katie there he was smiling and I smiled back. His father commented on how much weight I've lost. Then his attitude changed. He gave our daughter her presents and spent all of 10 minutes from the 3 hours we were there with her.

When we went to leave I casually asked him if we would be meeting this week or next. He told me he would not meet with me until after our support hearing. I said to him, are you basing your decision on talking to me off of how much money you have to pay ? He said no, I want to see what else you have up your sleeve. THen he said that he never wants to talk to me and it's over. I said nothing more and we came home.

Then when I got up this morning there was an email on the computer he was trying to change his email password. I went ahead and looked at his email. I was glad I did. He has joined 3 dating services and a video pornography site.
One of the emails from someone he met online said that this is what he wanted her to do when he went up there that week.

I was so upset, so hurt. I knew of one affair, but now this. I went ahead and took money out of our savings account to pay on the bills. He couldn't even be bothered to buy his parents food, I had to buy them food yesterday. He stays there, won't help out at all. They clean up after him, do his laundry and cook for him. He won't even buy food and he doesn't pay rent.

Anyway at work I get an email asking for me to put the money back that he needs it. He doen't know I know how much is in his account. But I told him that I was to get half of the stocks that he cashed in and he can take the money out of that money.

Then he replied back if I didn't put it back in today I'll be sorry.

I don't know what to think. He is a control freak, so I know from the psycologist that if I help take the control away it will spiral him to the bottom. That's what I need him to do if he is to ever get better. It hurts me. I hate feeling like I'm being mean. This is not my nature at all.

How do I plan A when he's gone so much ??? I can't meet really any of the needs when I don't see him and he won't talk. I do know that when I don't talk he does call and ask for me more.

You are not being mean. You have to treat him like an entitled, out of control 16 year old right now because that is what he is. Show him there are consequenced associated with bad decision making.

INeed,

Sorry to hear things are so rough right now!

Remember, Plan A I not being a doormat for WH. He does have to face the consequences of his actions

You notice when HE is not the center of attention - when FIL gave you a compliment, he turned nasty? Just like a child.

It is NOT your job to take care of His responsibilities such as doing the grocery shopping He is supposed to be doing for his parents.

Your taking control and forcing him to get things set legally is the best thing. He is scared and thus lashing out at you. Your Plan A is just not responding with LBs.

Don't back down, but practice your responses. Ck out Orchid's reverve babble. He could use a healthy dose if this.

What have you done in terms of exposure? What do you plan to do in terms of exposing this latest info?

I don't know. I don't know who is affair was with at work.
I have the email that he sent from this dating service. Should I do it infront of him and his parents ? It is hard because I don't want it done infront of katie.

I could email everyone.

HOW do most people expose something like this ?

We have been seperated since January 28th. I'm not sure how good or how much of a plan A happened. He says he wants nothing to do with me, and he doesn't call his daughter much.

Should I just go ahead into plan B and let him see the darkness ?

I know he is talking to many people on the online dating forums. I can't see where he's made other appointments to see anyone.

I am trusting in God on this one. I can't do it. Lately I wonder if I should even bother. But I love him, and I made a covenant with God.

Just kinda, down....down....down....down....

{{INeed,}}

Sorry you are feeling down! I understand!

I believe there are several thread out there that talk about exposure. Now his first A should have been exposed some time ago, so do not let this latest one pass by!

Print out the documentation that you have. Find 'private' time with his parents. Do not do it in front of WH or DD. Then also call or email his other friends or family. This needs to be done all at once. A blanket sweep as quickly as possible to as many people as possible. Do not give him time to get to anyone to try to cover up for himself.

He will be furious, so be prepared for that. When he come at you with 'how could you do this?!'. Have your answers ready. Do Not let him frustrate you. It is very important that you remain calm!

Again, seek out Orchid's Reverve Babble. That is how you have to respond.

Remember YOU didn't do this, HE did.

Have you gotten and studied SAA yet? If not, you really need to.

I don't truly know that you can call the one night stands affairs, and his family doesn't care. When I emailed everyone for prayer when he first moved out, it hit the fan.

Everyone from his family has now disowned us including my daughter biological grandparents.

His mom and dad still talk to me, but that's it. I don't know if I should expose the dating sites to his parents, because she would run and tell him right away. THis is the information that the lawyer is loving and may help get me full custody of my daughter.

My husband in his sick frame of mind right now, is enrolled in 3 dating services, and an online porn cam. Not to mention he is sending pictures of my daughter to women he barely even knows. Because of his damaging behaviors the lawyer is definately pushing for supervised visits. With his porn addiction now and his jigalo attitute, I can't trust my daughter over there. I don't think that it would happen, but so far what I've said he would never do, he's done, so I'm not taking any chances.

Expose to all again. Ask for their assistance because as it is being shown, your daughter's safety around the WS is in jeopardy.

L.

Yep, this how about 3/4 of WS's families act. See if they hold your cheating, sorry WH accountable then they have to look in the mirror to see what happened that they could raise such an idiot and that ain't pretty. They will simply enable, excuse, blame, support the WH at all costs even their granddaughters/sons. It's about them not being terrible parents which they were and are and have likely created this entitled creature, the WH.

Went to MIL today to see her best friends new puppy. WH made a big deal that he did not know we were there. He was looking out the door when we pulled up.

She enjoyed the puppy so much he went to get the camera. He made it a point to almost do a 180 as he said excuse me while I get the camera.

His mom and I looked at each other and laughed. For him not wanting to speak to me, it sure makes it a point to do so.

Her friend commented on my weight loss. I though his mouth was going to hit the floor when I said I was down 85 pounds.

I didn't try to look his way or to speak to him. He managed to keep turning to see what and who I was talking to though.

Then I had to laugh. My DD was sick with asthma this past week and my mom had her every day. He commented on how she didn't want to call or come over. She said I wasn't home. He glanced at me and gave me a "If looks could kii" type of look as he said it would have been nice if you would have called me since I called every night. I said yes,(while shaking my head) you called every other night. First time in my life he didn't come back with a snappy answer. When I said it, I made sure I sounded chipper but with a low, loving tone to my voice.

I didn't cry, and didn't leave upset. I walked tall and didn't even go near him to say goodbye. I walked right on passed him. He started walking after us, I just walked faster and tried to make sure I had the hip sway going.

I felt empowered. I felt great. And I immediately said thank you Lord.

We'll see how the pick up goes this weekend.

INeed,

Just stopping by real quick to say HI and thanks for posting to my thread while I've been out of the loop!

I really look forward to your inspirational and spiritual messages! They help me SO much!

Hope you are still feeling empowered and GREAT!! Keep it up!!!

I'll ck back with you later!

God Bless!

when wh got here my dad was here trying to help me fix the tractor. $ acres to mow and tractor broke, push mower broke and push weedwacker broke.

WH was supposed to pick up DD and go so we could go get parts. Instead of leaving goes over to my dad and acts like mr. nice guy offering to help figure out the problem.

I put DD in the car and kissed her goodbye. Told her that if she wanted to come home at anytime just call me no matter what time of the day it is.

He told her to stay there and walked over to talk to me. Told me that he was going to put money in the cking account but it wouldn't be much since I took the money from the chking.

I told him he could take what I took out of the cking from my 1/2 of the stocks he cashed in. He didn't know that I had access to his account and was able to see that he paid off best buy and was using the rest from vaccation. He was to give us money from it, so when I saw Best Buy was paid I knew I wouldn't see it, so I took all the money from our joint account. I told him he might as well wait for the hearing because my lawyer will handle it all.

He said he'd bring dd back on sunday and they would be waiting for me to get home. I said, you better call first because you can't just get in. He said, oh, I'm a monster right now and not worth trusting. I said yes, you are not worth trusting. THen added your threatening email showed that to both me and my lawyer.

He made it a point to stress that I can't afford the house. I replied, you are right, I can't afford the house. He said great then you are moving and I can move in. I said, yes I will move and no you won't be moving in.

He got a confused look on his face. I said the house will either forclose, or it will be sold. He said why are you doing this ? I replied, I'm not doing this, you are. You want a divorce, I don't. Since you want a divorce then this house will have to be split. We owe too much on the house for it to sell, so it will have to forclose.

He looked shocked, then said, but you want this to work why are you doing this ? I replied you are right, you do want this to work. DD showed me that we don't need you, she has made me see that we've been doing great without you, She made me realize I don't need you, and I walked toward my dad.

After he left my dad asked what I said, because he thought he was going to have to pick my husbands mouth up off of the ground.

I didn't let him get control of the situation, which is what he expects, hopefully he will think about this. Doubt it though, he has about 8 people he's been talking to right now.

INeed,

WOW - WOW - WOW!! YOU GO GIRL!!

I am so proud of you! GREAT job. You have been practicing, haven't you??? That was FANTASTIC!

You have to feel GREAT today!! Glad you took care of getting that money, as you are right, it would be gone. Time for him to face reality and boy did you give him a Heaping dose of it.

I, too, am sitting here with my mouth open in amazement!

Keep up the great work!

WS got to the house and brought her in. I had him develop pictures for her. Went to hand him money for it, and handed it to him with my left hand so he would see my ring is missing. Wearing it on the right hand around him.

I didn't say anything to him. Just cool and collect and told my daughter to get all her things ready to go to grandmas.

He asked if she'd be there all week and I just nodded my head yes. I refused to try to look at him. Did catch him glancing at me and looking me up and down.

I was wearing my new pants that really show off how much I've lost. He ended up looking sad, and turned and walked out the door.

Of course the inner me wanted to cry out come back, I need you. But the strong me with held it and just prayed , Lord please help him.