So you are saying it is a distance thing, and not literal then? She did ask me again yesterday if I can come home any earlier than when she thinks I am...

What I SEE that she said was that she is alone. She wants to be with someone to ease that loneliness. You're not an option because you are on the other side of the planet and OM is not an option because he's a jerk. So she has no options.

Now what I SEE and what you HEARD, I think, are two different things. Don't get paranoid. It sounds like she really wishes you were there - which is a very good thing.

I appreciate you calrifying it for me...Sometimes, you know how the saying goes, two sets of eyes are better than one...

Good news...Last night had a good talk with WW...She said she is going to start looking for a house closer to church, which we both agreed would be a fresh start and that we need it. She also wants to take a weekend getaway as a family when I get home, but said I would think about it, not because I didn't want to, but that to move, we will need as much money as possible. I am really encouraged by her process, but will continue to not get too excited till I get home. Only 48 days till I see my family...WOOHOOO!!!

That is so good to hear! Try to figure out a cheap getaway. My ex and I raised 8 kids together, and we used to have a great time camping. It's a bit of work, but always lots of fun.

Camping is actually a great idea...Haven't done that in a while...WW really wants to take the kids to Sea World though...Never been so would be kinda cool...

One criticism. A lot can happen in 48 days. I totally agree on the money issue but you didn't need to come out and say that. Your WW is looking for hope. She had an idea that gave her hope and you more or less shut it down. You could have always brought up the money issue later - next week - a month from now. You are pretty far away from WW right now. ALl you have are your brief conversations. Get the maximum benefit you can.

Another option would be to tell her to think about inexpensive getaways herself. Give her some homework to do. Give her something to look forward to. Stop being such a "guy". When are you ever going to learn that all of us are idiots? The women have that figured out already. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

BTW, I do hope you are using an inexpensive or free service to talk to your WW. I don't know what KBR offers but there are ways if they don't provide.

I really didn't think of it that way, now I feel like a jerk...Just trying to be sensible. I did tell her to give me some prices and stuff on Sea World and to email it to me. What kind of hope is she looking for, I mean she knows I want to work on our M...As far as the phone, KBR uses Cisco VoIP phones, which uses a local number from Houston, which is where I live so we get to talk to each other multiple times a day...I have a phone at my desk so she can call me any time of day my time...

Hope is hope. She's not looking for anything more than hope. She is falling into a pit and is looking for a way out. She isn't thinking in tangibles. She isn't thinking at all. She probably had some fantasy idea of a romantic getaway prancing through daisy-covered meadows. Women are strange. Who knows what goes on inside their heads?

You didn't do badly - you just could have done better.

As I said before, listen to what she is saying. Let her talk. Be positive and reinforce the good things.

And if you're not too busy on your second honeymoon, I'll even offer to buy you a beer in Houston.

And I did look around the house and I can't really see anything good for 3-4 YO's that you wouldn't be better off getting there. Toys here are mostly made in China or India and are manufactured under absolutely no safety guidelines whatsoever. I do feel safe buying Russ toys.

Wouldn't she get her hope from me not leaving her and WANTING to work this out. I see what you are saying about the fantasy idea...Maybe I didn't explain it that well...First she said that she either wanted to go back to Florida to see my grandparents (said the kids really wanted to, or maybe she did too), or take the kids to Sea World...I told her that Sea World is more cost effective because it is in San Antonio and gas wouldn't be as much...Told her to email me everything she can find...I am doing a much better job than I used to about letting her talk, and trying to reinforce the good things...

I can help you in the hope department!

Your W is coming out of an A. For a while there, she was pretty flattered and romanced by the OM, and now she is thinking, "That was not right. I need to stay with my H. But I wonder if he can be romantic too." So I'm not saying you have to become Romeo or Cyrano...but give her a little something exciting to cling to.

For example, when she says, "I'd like to take a weekend getaway as a family when you get home..." that means, "When you get back, I want to spend some time with you and see if we can re-connect and maybe I'll feel something for you again." A HOPEFUL response would be, "I DO TOO! I want to spend some time reconnecting with you! I'm not positive how we'll finance it, but I really want to have some special time when I get home before we get back into the day-to-day stuff. Want to help me think of ideas before I get home?"

That tells her that you WANT to be with her--that you want to reconnect--that you want to be romantic--that you want to have special time together. It does not say, "Here is the plan how we will do this." Women often/usually talk FEELINGS and guys often/usually talk SOLUTIONS. Don't give her the plan...tell her you feel like being with her too!!

Does that make sense? By saying "no" it kills the little spark of "maybe" hope in her heart. By saying, "I would like to too...let's see if we can figure out a way..." that tells her what you would LIKE to do and how you FEEL -and- it gives her the freedom to make suggestions! It's a little fun and a little romantic.

Sooooooo...come here for hopeful responses before you tell her your solution or tell her "no"--okay???

By the way, don't get all upset about this. You can still fix it. Just email her and say, "You know what? I was thinking about it, and I REALLY Want to spend some family time when I get home too. I'm just so darn practical! I am having trouble seeing how to do it, but want to try to figure it out with me?"

CJ,
I see what you mean, which makes me feel like even more of a jerk. I appreciate your input and I'm TRYING to say the right thing...I will definitely come back on here and seek advice in the future, just hard when I am on the other side of base from computer...

You're not a jerk. You're just a guy. It's our curse.

I emailed her like CJ said, hope it helps...I am at 39 days till I clear to leave....I want to go today!!!

GHA,

CJ is exactly right, and so is Pojitos (the guy thing!) Your W is foggy and that's why she's saying she can't be alone with you or OM. She's emotionally bankrupt right now. I'm sooo happy she's looking forward to your return and that you are planning this family getaway. I warn you not to get your hopes up... her moods will be up and down and she might say hurtful things... this is all par for the course. I'm thrilled she wants you home earlier... this is a good sign. Can you tell her that you are? I know you want to surprise the kids, but can you let her in on this "secret"? Preface it like, "hey, you're not going to believe this... I will be home early, and let's make it a surprise for the kids!" Let her do some prep work at home... that way, you will both have this "connection" when you see each other... you both worked on this little surprise for your girls.

GHA, I wish you could leave today, too...

KM

Katie,
That is a good idea, and am beginning to think it will be too hard to pull off trying to come home 2 days earlier than I told her. She will know something is up if I don't call her for like 30 hours. As far as the moods, I mean I know there is a long way to go, and a lot of MC as well. I just miss her so much and want to hold her...So you don't think it would be smart to surprise her...So you think the effect would be better if I let her in on it?

Yes I do... let her reconnect with you by planning this surprise... also, she may want to pretty herself up for you... she might be upset (with herself) if you came home early and the house was messy, she didn't brush her hair, a neighbor was visiting, etc.

But I'll throw this out to others... this is just my opinion. What do y'all think? Should GHA tell his W he's coming home early? Or should he surprise her? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

KM

Talked to WW this morning....She was an emotional wreck...She called me and admitted to me that she saw OM today, met him at a bar. She was crying the whole time and said that the sight of him made her sick and is beginning to understand how unhealthy the pull is to OM. She said that for the first time, when seeing him, she understood how wrong it was and all she told him was that she had to go. She told me how sorry she was for being an awful wife, mother, and didn't know how I have forgiven her for our kids calling me by his name, and can't imagined how much confusion she has caused the kids because of her selfishness (her words). She said that she is beginning to feel my pain. Over and over again, it was I'm sorry, I'm soooo sorry. I didn't jump down her throat for seeing him. I held back. I JUST LISTENED...She said for the first time in a while, she can feel love for me again...She also said that she can't imagine how I got through it and doesn't know what she would have done if the situation was reversed. The only thing I said the whole time, and really the only thing that would come out, was that I was proud of her for calling me and telling me the truth about seeing him. I didn't know what else to say. I told her I loved her also..Did I react okay? What do y'all think?