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SE,

Why do you call him BH?

You've been through so many false withdrawals...how do you know this one is any different? I'm asking about your choices here...what to believe or not, separate from what to do.

LA

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Forgot to add that he had to take our sweet old dog to be put to sleep on Tuesday. The same day he did this.

It was quite a horrible, emotional, heart wrenching night, I have to say.

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I don't understand. Did she apply for a job at your FWH's new company? If not, I would call them up, tell them that OW got fired from her previous job for an affair with your husband (you don't have to mention who he is), and she is continuing to stalk him to your new town. What they do with that information is up to them. However, if they are on the fence about hiring her, that should tip the scales.

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Also, I don't think she'd make the move without encouragement from H. It is a LONG way from her family and friends, she would know NO ONE (but H) and will not make really enough money to live there without help from someone. On the other hand, she doesn't have a job here (she hasn't found one since they got the boot) and so it would be the only offer she has, I guess.

So if she does take the job, I believe that will be proof that H has encouraged her to come there. I want to make sure she doesn't get the job so that it isn't an issue. If they are still in an A, it will be much easier to fight with her 1500 miles away.

HR people aren't supposed to start spreading that around, and I don't think that your H could get fired for innuendo coming from another company. Even so, if he didn't want to take the heat, he should have gotten out of the kitchen.

As far as exposure goes, OW doesn't sound like the churchgoing kind. If she did, you could expose her there. Maybe if your husband is truly sorry for what he did, he would agree to your request for a restraining order against you and your H. That way if there is contact, she gets thrown in jail.

In Texas what you need is an "Order of Protection" which is enforced by law enforcement, whereas a "Restraining Order" is only enforced by a Judge. You can call you local police department to ask about this to see if its the same where you live. Get it before you move and then get one when you move. If hubby is on the up and up he should have no objection to this.

Thank you, Jim & Princess Meggy.

I think a RO might be needed. I was hoping that we could move away and she would finally accept things and move on, but clearly that is not the case. In our current state, I could not get an order of protection-- he could, but I can't (technicality of the law here). I'll have to look into it in our new state.

He is so moody. And sometimes mean and rude. And he has this attitude like I should be grateful he's chosen to stay with me. He's got no gratitude for my choosing to stay with him, however. And it makes me worry that he's still talking to her. But it's only been a week since the letter. Is it just withdrawal or do I need to step up the snooping? Regular snooping has always been sufficient to turn up information (he's not good at hiding it) but I'm not finding anything now.

If she's still coming, even though your husband is (supposedly) in NC with her, I'd say you've got a crazy woman on your hands.

But, before I went that far, I'd be taking some pretty extreme measures to verify NC. Has your husband truly gone through withdrawl? For how long? Did he come out of it gradually, or seem to snap out of it in one day?

I honestly suspect that your H is playing both sides of the fence still. It seems the most likely reason that she would follow him so far away.

If not, she's a stalker. If he truly HAS stuck to NC, then I would seriously look at getting some kind of protection against her. An RO or something similar.

Do you happen to have the address of the place she's moving into? Did you know that you can order all kinds of interesting things on the internet...for example...roach eggs? Perhaps you might get there before she does, and see if you can slip in a few thousand eggs, and a loaf of bread or two? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oooh Owl, your dark side is showing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Why not ask your husband about a protective order? His answer alone should tell you if he's for real. If he is, then I agree, you've got a stalker on your hands.

Bwahahahahahaha! Owl! I like it! Actually, all I know is that she had a job interview there. I don't know if she has tried to secure housing or what. I agree with you, though, that if she really were to make this move it would be b/c she's getting encouragement to do so.

His withdrawal symptoms began after he finally broke it off with her (he did it in person, which didn't work of course) and have continued since then (it's been 2 weeks). After the NC letter, they actually seemed to momentarily improve-- but now he comes and goes between my H and WH. He's grumpy/angry one minute and sweet/loving the next. But mostly grumpy/angry, honestly.

She came to our house the day after the letter, and he told me she did. He told me that he was strong with her and told her he was going to be with me, and he said he was really proud of himself b/c he was honestly worried how he would react if he had to face her. He's not been good at pushing her away, obviously. He has trained her to be persistent every time he's tried to end it, she pushes him for a few days and they're back together. This time, he says, he was firm with her and made it clear that they were over.

But now this. He told me about it, she left a message on his phone (that's why I have the phone now) and he said he was scared about her going there. I don't think he trusts himself either.

What do you think?

Well, I think I'd set this expectation.

A move is a great way to break off all those forms of contact. New address, new phone numbers...

I'd use this as an opportunity to change cell phone numbers, email addresses, etc...as well.

This should prevent her from being able to contact you or your H at all...unless HE breaks NC.

Waddya think?

Oh, and on the "dark side of Owl"...you have no idea!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

A good while ago I posted a thread here about all the things I'd considered doing to OM...you might take a look at it...it makes for some fun reading! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Owl, you are delightfully evil <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'd have never thunk of anything like that!!!

And I thought I'd had some pretty dark thoughts... but I think I need to bow to you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This OW definitely sounds like a stalker. However if your H is sending her mixed signals and/or has made contact, then what she's doing is extreme, but plausible I suppose.

I'd probably snoop a bit more to be positive there is NC. My XH wasn't good at covering his tracks at anything inappropriate he was doing, but after I busted him a few times (not affairs - other inappropriate stuff), he got a bit better at concealing his activities. For your sake I don't know what's worse - him being in contact with her, or her going "Fatal Attraction" on him... neither scenario sounds good. You'd think that moving away would get rid of a bunch of problems but it looks like those problems may be trying to follow.

JinGA

Thank you all for your encouragement.

I think he may very well have been in contact with her. He says not, but we all know how much that's worth.

He thinks that the move will be provide a natural end for the A, and says that he will not contact her anymore, and with new phone numbers we will be not reachable unless he does. She knows his email address though at the new job, but I think their previous experience has taught them (him, at least) about emailing on the work accounts. That's how they got busted before.

She is definitely a stalker type, but I'm hoping she's sane enough to give up when we leave. I think she thought if she kept trying he might change his mind and take her instead of me. Maybe after today (TODAY! I can't believe we're moving today) she'll accept it and move on. I won't hold my breath for that though.

But I'm looking forward to this opportunity to really work on our marriage and have her out of the picture. Both of us have gotten great jobs (much better than the ones we have here) and it will make everything ELSE in our lives better (professional, financial, etc), so we can really focus on our marriage.

Good luck with the move! Keep up posted once you get to the new place!

Short TJ, for some Friday fun...

I went back and found that post that touched upon the "Evil Side of Owl".

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post2866055

For your entertainment...there was a lot I'd left out of there...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> Owl, thanks for the tips if I ever need them! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />