I woke up angry this morning and couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why; worked on letting it go on my way into work. Was listening to Amy Winehouse (talk about having issues), so the anger just stayed. Not severe anger, just nagging, annoying anger. Then I remembered, as I walked from my car to my office building, Sis is in court today. I don't read here nearly as often as I used to. I would try to keep up with every person I possibly could. Now, I read about you and my other Bee's, and some in recovery (former Bee's).

Sis, none of this is a walk in the park, not one bit, whether it's Plan A, Plan B or recovery. I've come to find they all hold extreme challenges. Divorce is ugly, horrible and about as real as you can get. Your pain is real and should not be ignored, by you, or anyone else. Use the help that is given, rest up. Most of all, never give up on YOUR life.

I won't talk about God, because I'm not versed enough, but I'll talk about life going on. It just keeps going, and if you have the courage, you don't stop living. Life doesn't always give you what you want, but if you pay close attention, you get what you need to survive and thrive. Life never lets up, so accept that. There will always be something, it's what you do with those in-betweens that sustains you.

Great visual Meggy!!!

We're behind ya, sis.

Change your dream. You can still have what you want.

Thinking of you, sis!

(((((LilSis)))))

Fox

(((Sis)))

I haven't posted to you before, but I was where you are
3 1/2 decades ago including smacking the OW around a little.
Luckily she didn't want her mommy knowing about it so I skirted the charges. The despair, the hopelessness, the wondering why God allowed this to happen to me, just swallowed me. I thought I'd never have normalcy. The old song by Garth Brooks, which wasn't out yet, broke it all down for me. Thank God for Unanswered Prayers. The answer to your prayers is out there walking around, wondering where his life's love is. It's gonna be you. Listen to Schoolbus, et. al. God does feel your pain and He is going to make this right for you. And unfortunately for him, your WH will probably come back to you after you get your life on an even keel. At that point, you will possibly see that you really don't want him. Mine did, and it didn't even hurt for me to send him on his way. I married a wonderful fellow and though we have had a huge rift with an "unintentional EA" on his part. We have worked thuough it and the hurt he caused dwindles away with each passing day.We got too comfortable, didn't keep the weeds out of our garden, so to speak. We are weed free with a large dose of Miracle Grow
presently. Your future will be good, you have MB. I'm bettin' your next relationship won't even grow the first weed. Be strong and lean on the Ever Lastin' Arms of Jesus. I know He inspires so much of the advice given here.

Sis ~ my sponsor used to say to me...

BR, you can have THIS, or something better. But you have to Let Go of the This first.

Letting go does NOT mean giving up - it only means giving up our illusions, our own ideas of "How it is supposed to be" and becoming realistic about what IS.

IS - not what you fear WILL BE.

It will get better, Sis. In the mean time, I'm thinking about you and hoping for the best.

(((Sis)))

Sis,

Remember the 10,000.

We really ARE here.

So is God.


Your story about your dreams about the house, family, kids....

Growing up, I never really had any dreams of the future. I know that sounds strange, but my life was very different from other children's lives, I think. I never once gave thought to college, as I never thought I would go to college. As a young girl, I prayed my molester would not come into my room at night. I prayed my dad would not SEE me - because that meant he would not BEAT me (the two were highly correlated). In high school, I just went to class (mostly!) and read the book, took the tests, went out at night and got drunk, went home and hoped the memories weren't there before I fell asleep. Most nights I failed miserably at this.

Somehow, though, I managed to make fairly decent grades. I don't know how that happened. And for some crazy reason, I was awarded a scholarship, although I did not apply for one - it was based on the ACT score.

So, I took the scholarship and went to college for awhile. Never thought about why, just did. It was one way to avoid my dad.

I never had any dreams of a future until I met my husband. He was the one who gave me the idea of dreams - he was a musician, and had real dreams of the future.

Later on, he went to college, and it was then that I started to dream of finishing college.

And had dreams for my kids.

Strange, that dreams are so different.


For now, keep your dreams. They need not be thrown away, because of one or two court dates. Some of us didn't even have dreams for a long time - us "late bloomers" - so don't you go throwing yours away Sis. Dreams matter. And they can be picked back up after they have been put on hold, too. You don't know what your WH might do, still. Or what the future holds - for YOU. Even if the D happens, those dreams may be fulfilled again.

God has plans for everyone, remember that, and even though YOU don't know what they are, it doesn't mean you won't LOVE them when they are played out.

I certainly have ended up in a place that I would NEVER have expected in my life. Had you asked me in high school what I dreamed of doing, I would have said, "Dreams?"

Now, I say....."Ah, Dreams, I have those. They take me on the wind with them. I shall go with them joyously, if God takes me along for the journey I wish for. If not, I shall enjoy the scenery as best I can, and the destination when I get there."


My prayers and thoughts are with you today and tomorrow. Your ADULT Sis will be in court, and we, the 10,000, will hold the CHILD Sis's hand in cyber-land.

Come back and tell us the story. Tears, laughs, fears, and all.

SB

Schoolbus,

That was beautiful.

Fox

Wow. I agree. I'm so glad to see you posting again.

SDG

Thanks - I'm feeling much better now, and more "together". My thoughts are more composed.

Wildhorses, I'm thinking about your thread.


SB

Okay SB. Fess up. Who ARE you? You have to be a famous writer that we probably all know and love. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Great post SB.

Lil Sis, I've been thinking about you this afternoon. Hope you're okay.

Uh oh. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />Fox

PM,

I always wanted to be Ernest Hemingway.

But he was suicidal. Not happy!

Then there was Emily Dickinson. But she never went anywhere fun.

So I'm just me. Nobody cool. But hey, I do own a wolf-dog, and a I have a pool. Plus, I'm old enough to drink now, and I don't even get carded. There's that.

SB

Is it just me, or are you guys all just waiting for Sis to come home and post??????

LilSis, my exH had his A in 1999. I came to MB and lurked for almost a year before I signed up finally in 2000. I was a COMPLETE MESS. I was in an abusive, unfaithful marriage and I had no idea what personal boundaries were, no self-esteem due to the abuse... and LilSis look at me now. I am a different woman. I am ecstatically married to the man I should have married all along. I am mentally and emotionally healthy. I have self-esteem. I learn how to use my voice to speak up for myself assertively...and how to take personal responsibility for myself and my choices.

But I didn't get here overnite!!

A few years ago I could have written your exact post. I did not WANT to lose my family. I did not WANT to lose my husband or marriage. I kept thinking, "I don't know how to do this! I don't know how to be a single parent and even if I knew how, I don't like it! I like being married." I called it The Illusion and for me, letting go of The Illusion was MUCH, MUCH, MUCH harder than letting go of the reality. In my illusion, I thought I was happily married because I wished I was and I had hope. In my illusion, I had two happy children because I wished it so and I had hope. The death of my marriage was deeply sad...the death of The Illusion was killing me.

What I eventually came to realize is that God allowed me to go through the painful things that happened to me because He loves me and wants me to be more and more like Him. I was an impure, gold wedding band, and in order to purify me, he had to put me in the fire and completely melt me. I completely lost my shape and identity. And did you know that when a Master Jeweler purifies gold, he can tell when it's pure because he sees his face in the gold? God had to melt me and take away all that I formerly knew until He could see HIS face in me. Then...then He will reshape you into what He wants you to be.

For me, my lifelong dream was also for a husband, family, kids...and I have been blessed with all three. And LilSis, I am 45yo!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I sincerely thought I would never love or be loved again. Yet here I am, wiser, stronger, and a better person...and with the desires of my heart!

So my dear, you are not dead yet! God knows the desires of your heart too, and it's not all over. Just keep doing His will and what you know He wants you to do, and He will bless you...THAT I can guarantee!!!!

Your mama bee,


CJ

Sis,

Hope things went well today. Thought these verses might lift you up.


Jeremiah 29:12-14 (NIV):
12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

Sis, Hope everything went as well as it could go considering the circumstances. God has His arms around you and those precious boys of yours. I pray that He will continue to hold you up when you don't feel strong.

I sincerely believe that God has placed many people here in "cyber world" to help you through this rough time Sis. Many have gone through this gut wrenching pain and have gone on to find happiness again. There are so many who have posted to you about finding the joy and happiness in life again after experiencing the deepest despair. It may be hard to imagine right now, but one day you will be able to tell your story to help someone else. You will have gone down this road and found your happiness again too. God will bless you with the desires of your heart, just hold on to Him and never stop believing in His power.

We're all here for you if you need to vent. ((sis))

I am blessed. By you all here, my family, and my friends. Everyone rallied around today. I felt lifted up; I really did.

It wasn't pretty and it wasn't easy, but I think I came out on top. As much as can be, I suppose.

Just last night apparently, WH's A submitted a new "offer" to my A. Now WH suddenly wants joint custody because I am "violent and unstable." That hurt. Odd, though, that the last offer didn't raise this concern, nor has this been a concern since he left over a year ago. I suppose he does not connect my instability to his betrayal.

I freaked out. Thank God my sister was there to keep me focused and talking. The attorneys went back to meet with the judge. My A said he'd be back in ten minutes and he'd know how serious WH really is about this. An hour later (by now I'm really freaking out), he comes out.

I don't want to get into a lot of detail (just in case??), but it sounded as if the judge saw things much more our way than theirs. Further, we made a very reasonable offer to make the arrears thing go away (essentially splitting the difference), and WH declined it...so back we go first thing in the morning.

We are in agreement on pretty much nothing.

Tomorrow I will find out the court date.

My sister was wonderful. At first, WH was at the end of the hallway, out of sight of us. A few minutes after he saw us walk towards the restroom, however, he came to stand about 20 feet away, right in our line of sight. He just stood there, looking out the window, occassionally looking over at us....

After it was over, we went across the street to my office and my sister got to meet my co-workers. Then the two of us went downstairs for marguiritas and a snack, then back up to the office for champagne and stawberries as a going away for one of our interns. Everyone at the office was so wonderful. We ended up having a really nice afternoon.

Yesterday, when I came home crying, one of the things my sister told me was that I am stronger than I think. One of my co-workers said the exact same thing today when I introduced them and gave her the run down on court.

Others seem to have more faith in me than I do in myself.

I don't know how I feel now except exhausted. Relieved, for sure. And tomorrow...it's just about money. I'm not anxious about that, but I'm willing to admit that it would feel good to have something really, really go my way for a change...some justice.

I am going to nod off right here at the keyboard, so I really need to sign off for tonight...just wanted to give you a quick update.

{{Sis}}

Keep the faith! We're behind you and God is watching over you.

He messed up when he said he wanted "joint custody". What? It's okay for the boys to be with a "violent and unstable" mother HALF of the time? That's just ridiculous. Betcha he didn't come up with that one on his own. Grrrrrrr.

You WILL come out on top because you've remained the STABLE and LOVING parent throughout this whole mess.

I hope you kick his butt today in court. He deserves no less.

(((Sis)))