Ya think?

I'm all in favor of parental involvement. If he wants to be more involved with their lives, wonderful! Let's just do it while they are AWAKE. Take them another afternoon (home by bedtime). Pick them up for dinner now and then (oh, wait, that would mean he'd have to chose to work INSIDE, not patrol, where he works 12s doesn't get home until 7). If that doesn't work, take them out for dessert, go for a walk, or even a late dinner.

Call them on the phone occasionally.

There are more and better ways to "be involved." These other ways may involve some sort of personal sacrifice, however....transferring to a different position at the same pay rate, giving up free time, missing a Lions game....

Any of the above would demonstrate that the BOYS were a priority. It would be about doing something for THEM that in no way benefits HIM.

Right now, it seems that he's all in favor of doing things that are good for the boys...as long as he "wins," too.

I'm sure he loves them...he just has no idea how to translate that emotion into ACTION. Not a clue.

The gift just keeps on giving, doesn't it?

Sis,

Sounds like you are working yourself up into a really good MAD! Of course WH knew the $$ involved here. His A properly educated him on it - that's his job.

I understand your frustration on what WH SHOULD be doing if he truly wants to be involved with the boys. I totally agree. But, it's not yours to own, it is his. You can't make him do it or even 'see' it, remember that.

Like it or not,,,,agree with it or not,,, the legal system views WH as having the right to have his kids for that overnight & they will believe it is best for them. I'd bet that your attorney has told you as much.

Now, with the whole list of challenges & issues you have noted here with doing that overnight during the week, here is a question for you. Based on WH's past track record, how much effort do you really think he is going to put into making that happen? Sure, for appearance sake, he'll do it for a while, but when it becomes to disruptive to HIS life, he'll find an excuse not to do it, don't you think?

Yes, it means loss of $$ on CS for him to have that in the judgement. But, I have serious doubts about him actually keeping to that schedule. So, bottom line, when it comes to what is best for the boys, I think if you give it time. WH will end up not taking them during the week & your concerns will be eliminated. JMHO.

As you are doing OK so far on the other financial things is that $200 a make or break amount for you each month? If not, I'd advise to let it go. Deal with it for the short amount of time that WH will exercise his 'right', and then be prepared for when he "gives it up for the benefit of the boys". I see that happening.

Drac put in the parenting plan to have DD 2 overnights per week, every other week. It is yet to happen,, mostly because of distance, but that is beside the point. He took a big reduction in CS because of it. He also doesn't pay me or give me a dime of consideration for the overnights I have with DSS. Typical WS behavior, I think.

Hang in there Sweetie!

'm all in favor of parental involvement. If he wants to be more involved with their lives, wonderful! Let's just do it while they are AWAKE. Take them another afternoon (home by bedtime). Pick them up for dinner now and then (oh, wait, that would mean he'd have to chose to work INSIDE, not patrol, where he works 12s doesn't get home until 7). If that doesn't work, take them out for dessert, go for a walk, or even a late dinner.



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any chance you can put that before the judge??

tell her you will be happy to split the $$......but, would prefer more quality time is spent w/ the boys....not disruptive school nights....particularly when they change every week.

Hi nia. Yes, I provided some suggestions to my attorney for some alternatives for more quality parenting time that won't involve overnights on school days. He'll throw it out there; we'll see what sticks.

My attorney said it is blatantly obvious that it's a tactic to avoid CS. No doubt the judge has seen this MANY times, but she's still obligated to consider it. Who knows what her thought process is. On paper, WH is a great dad.

I'll live with whatever is decided...I just want to know that I did everything I could and made a good argument to give the boys the consistency and stability that *I* think is best for them, while still supporting their relationship with their dad (who doesn't seem to know what's best for them or what makes the most sense in their little lives).

The money issue is, to me, more about insult on top of injury....I resent that WH gets to use this little loophole to reduce his obligation...benefiting himself at the expense of the kids' routine. We won't starve on $200 less per month.

One day at a time. It's the judge's call, and I'll do whatever I can to make it easier on the boys if she decides in WH's favor.

See, I'm not the only inspiring one around here! Look at how you've grown! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

This is my gut reaction. It could be angry BS talking, so proceed with caution:

Not that you should have to, but are you willing to concede the $200/month in order to get the schedule you want? What happens if you call him out on this: "Look, it's obvious this is just about reducing your child support, so how about if you just keep that money and take the kids at THESE times, when it actually makes sense?"

Okay, that's almost certainly a bad idea, but maybe there's something useful in it. I think what I am doing is vent-jacking. Sorry for the VJ. Carry on.

The money issue is, to me, more about insult on top of injury....I resent that WH gets to use this little loophole to reduce his obligation...benefiting himself at the expense of the kids' routine. We won't starve on $200 less per month.

********************************

talk about rubbing salt in your wounds.
hopefully the judge will see what we see and do what's best your boys.

you and your boys are in my thoughts and prayers.

sd: Yep. This has crossed my mind more than once....I'm just in a holding pattern until a counter offer comes in and we go back for another round.....

I hope the judge has raised some kids. Just from a logistical view it would be very difficult. Kids need routine - come home, do homework, play, eat, bath, whatever. It is hard enough for them to get enough sleep, a good breakfast, and all their things in order without switching homes in the middle of the school week.

Has dad taken them overnight during a school week on a regular basis so far?

No, he has not. Not at all last school year; coincidentally (or not) this issue never came up until the first week of school this year, when he "announced" he would be taking them overnight.

Thanks to my sister, we nipped that one in the bud.

The logistical difficulties have been my argument all along. Every mom I talk to about this gives me a "are you kidding" look. WH really has no idea...he was never involved in any of that when he was home. It's not like one night a week can be taken out of context. Each week is it's own little narrative, with a beginning, middle and end. You can't rip out a page and expect it to flow smoothly.

Again, I don't think he's fooling anyone. But the judge may want to agree to his request in the hopes that it will foster a closer bond between he and the boys. My argument (and the point that my attorney will attempt to drive home) is that there are far better ways to accomplish this.

Again, nothing to be done about it at the moment.

I have faith that this will work itself out, one way or another, and we will be okay.

It will work out Lilsis. I believe based on my experience with my son that you are getting yourself in a lather for issues that in reality do not exist. their routine will not be drastically different...unless of course their father will not help with homework and stuff...the school week is not that challenging. I wonder if this is more about needing order and control.
Now, do not get me wrong...I think your kids should be with you 100% of the time. He is the WS and deserves nothing IMHO...but as far as the disruption to their school lives..I just think you are making too big a deal of it...and again, I say this based on experience. Before I got custody, I was an every other weekend dad...it was then changed to allow for an overnight during the school week...then every other week with me. How did it impact his school life?? Not at all...he is 11 and in 8th grade...great grades and well structured.
It an work out if the judge sees fit to grant his request.

I would be more upset over his manipulation regarding finances. that is what I think is the real travesty here.

I would be more upset over his manipulation regarding finances. that is what I think is the real travesty here.

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it doesn't pain a pretty picture of him, does it?

hopefully LS's lawyer will be able to paint the same pic and the judge will see that.

i know it's not the $200 LS.....i hope the judge will see that you are fine w/ givign up the $....that your boys stability is more important than the extra CS $.
got my fingers crossed for ya.

I'm really not in a lather...although it may sound like it...I've just been responding to remarks that people make here. I sort of "put it away" the other day after a long talk with my sister.

It will all work out. We will manage. We will adapt.

It's not something I can control. I can only take care of my own responsibility to look out for the boys' best interest, make sure my attorney understands my position, and count on him to state my case. The rest is up to the judge.

In terms of the manipulation in regard to the finances...well, I guess nothing surprises me anymore. This is just a blip on the radar. As my attorney said, it just validates that WH is self-absorbed and lacking in integrity (to say the least) and getting a D is the best thing in this case.

I got on the elevator at work yesterday and WH's attorney was on it. I gave him the most withering look I could muster, which didn't require much effort. I bit my tongue, but I SO wanted to say, "Maybe you don't want to ride down with me, since I'm so violent and unstable, and this is a small enclosed space. I don't think this elevator goes down low enough for you, anyway."

But the first thing that popped into my mind: You ought to be ashamed of yourself. (This is not a statement that pops into my mind very often.)

He's a real piece of work, that one. Once everything is done, I'll fill you all in on his latest stunt....

LilSis:

A bright smile and a look like you have eaten the canary would have worked better.

Then he would be wondering when he talked to his client what he had missed......

Monday Morning quarterbacking, however.

I'm glad you didn't drop into your violent and unstable routine either!

Anyway, This is a very tough time for you. Sorry about that. I hope that it works out for you.

My stand on the courtroom thing still applies.

He will give up the $200 and the overnights, among other things, to avoid that.

Marriage is for Love, Divorce is for Money.

So let him pay.

LG

Hi, just dropping by to say HI! you haven't posted in a few days and I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and hope that you are well...

Hoping that things are settling down and for your benefit, as well as the kids...

I have faith! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Don't let this goober get away with this. It is obvious what he is trying to do, save money at the expense of the children's best interests. I think a Judge would see it that way too.

An alternative to this that I have seen is 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM on a given week night. He can come and p/u the children, take them to dinner or a movie and have them back at a decent hour to get ready for school the next day.

LilSis:

I saw this, and wondered if you might know the two "waywards" who were caught?

Pigs Roam in Michigan

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

LG

LOL!

that was hysterical LG!!

LS,
I like hopeandprays suggestion about having H take them for dinner but not overnight. hope it all works out.

LMAO!!

he! he! he!

Sis - I, too, hope the visitation all works for the best. I heard an author yesterday on a Christian radio program talking about kids and D. I LOVED how she talked about when it comes to visitation that it's generally talked about in terms of what is "fair" to the parents when it SHOULD be about what is BEST for the children. Whatever that is for each individual child.

I know you have their best interest at heart and will do all you can to make it happen for them.

I also wanted to tell you I loved your post on Ark's thread - that you are in Plan LS! Good for you!