She is PURE affection. Nothing but love, love, love from that girl.

D sleeps with DS11, and the 14-yo cat sleeps with DS9. And when the boys are away, D is right by my side (not in my bed, though) all day long. Everyone is very happy with the arrangement.
****************************8

that is so sweet.
i am glad that arrangement is working out for all of you.
hang in there, LS. you are doing great.
and i got this overwhelming feeling when i was catching up on your thread yesterday....something good is going to happen to you.....don't know when but i get this feeling that "good" is headed you way.

LilSis,



I know you are busy with company this weekend, but when you get some time to yourself...

Does one of these ring a bell more than the other? I know what I think, but I only know you on "paper" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Misidentifying Twos and Sixes
This is a fairly common mistype because these two types share a number of key traits. Both are warm and engaging and want to be liked–although, more precisely, Sixes want to have the approval and support of others, whereas Twos want to be loved and to be important to others. Both ingratiate themselves with people, although Sixes do so by being playful and silly, by bantering and teasing those they want to elicit an emotional (protective) response from. Average Twos also ingratiate themselves, but more from an implied position of superiority–they are warm and friendly, although the implication is that they are offering their love and friendship, their approval and advice, rather than that they are seeking it from the other, at least at first.

In short, the feeling-tone of both types is completely different: Sixes warily invite selected others into their lives, whereas Twos throw out the net of their feelings with more abandon and see whom they can sweep into the fold. Sixes want to create partnerships with others that will support them in their bid to be more independent, but start to feel anxious if the relationship becomes too merged or "mushy." Twos want to be close with others, and the more intimacy and merging they have with their loved ones, the better.

Both types are emotional, corresponding to the Jungian feeling types–the Two is the extroverted feeling type (PT, 62-63), and the Six, the introverted feeling type (PT, 222-223). Twos "wear their hearts on their sleeves" and are openly warm and demonstrative about how they feel toward others. Sixes, by contrast, are often ambivalent about their feelings, frequently sending ambiguous, mixed signals to other people. As they deteriorate, average to unhealthy Twos become increasingly covert in their dealings with people, ultimately becoming manipulative while concealing their true motives even from themselves. By contrast, average to unhealthy Sixes become wildly reactive (overreacting) and consciously confused about their feelings, ultimately becoming paranoid.

Indeed, Sixes are consciously assailed by anxiety, indecision, and doubts–and they look to trusted others (especially some kind of authority-figure) to reassure them and help them build their confidence and independence. Twos are also sometimes anxious, of course, as all human beings are; however, they are not as indecisive or assailed with doubts, nor do Twos consult an authority figure for answers. On the contrary, as they grow in self-importance, average Twos usually make themselves into authority figures, dispensing advice on all life issues to the people within their spheres of influence. In short, average to unhealthy Twos believe they will only get love by having others depend on them, whereas average to unhealthy Sixes increasingly fear becoming dependent on others, while actually becoming more dependent. At the end of the Continuum, the differences can be seen most starkly between the unhealthy Two's psychosomatic suffering and romantic obsession and the unhealthy Six's paranoia and volatile lashing out. Contrast Twos such as Merv Griffin and Sammy Davis, Jr., with Sixes such as Johnny Carson and Mel Gibson.

Goodness...both had elements of truth. But I lean toward six. Is that how I seem on paper? (volatile? Who, me?)

Anyway....a little over 24 hours from now and I'll be through with court. We will have entered in our settlement, and will just be waiting on the judge to sign the paperwork.

I've survived quite a bit of drama regarding BIL/SIL and cousins visiting the ILs. MANY assumptions were made on the part of the ILs that I would simply accomodate whatever it is that they wanted to do...regardless of the fact that the boys had things going on, my sister was in town, and it was MY weekend.

FIL/MIL even called school to pick up DS9 an hour early on Friday....without checking with me. I only found out because the teacher called. I would have arrived at school at 3:30 as per usual, and no smiling little boy in the carpool line. I would have freaked out.

That's pretty nervy, if you ask me...bordering on disrespectful. It also speaks volumes about where the ILs stand these days.

Anyway, I'm enjoying visiting with another sister...this one I haven't seen in two years (she's been overseas). My nieces and nephew are here as well, and everyone is having a blast.

I'll get through today, and tomorrow AM I have my posse from work going along with me to court. Our CEO told me to bring as many people from the office as I'd like.

I'll make it. How can I not, with all the terrific support I'm getting? I've been praying like crazy for strength....the strength to survive the aftermath, when it hits.

LilSis, I'm shocked at the actions of your MIL/FIL. Their behaviour was rude, self-centred and dangerous. Did the school actually allow them to make this arrangement? Is it permitted for someone other than mother/father/appointed carer to take the child home from school?

Did your ILs plan on telling you?

I think you need to start setting some firm boundaries with these people.

TA

Lilsis

I echo what TA said. You need to find out if the school allowed for this and what their policy is on kids leaving school with "supposed" relatives. In today's world, schools have forms that you fill out which list the only acceptable people for your kids to leave with. Too many issues of custodial interference etc. Good thing the teacher was on it.

What a cool CEO you have. I will be praying for you too. Here's a verse for you for tomorrow:

Isaiah 40:31 "They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint."

Did you know that eagles can fly as high as 14,000 feet? (That's almost as high as Mt. Rainier-which is in my neck of the woods) but they don't expend much energy to do it. They use thermals-columns of warm air that rise from the ground. The eagle will find a thermal and just extend his wings. The upward flow of air will push him as high as he wants to go.

Think of all that support as your "thermals". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

lil sis, i have no words of wisdom,i just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts.....

mlhb

Thanks everyone. I had a moment this evening when I was getting stuff ready for tomorrow...what does one wear to get divorced?

It's a far cry from getting married, when every detail is lovingly considered with input from every conceivable source.

Thank goodness I had people I could call to cry to at that moment when it hit me that I needed to choose an outfit in which I would end my marriage.

My friend LK...then my oldest sister called to check in...I've got my posse tomorrow...everyone here...and I'll say several more prayers between now and then.

I've been through some pretty awful stuff over the past year. This is just one more day that I need to get through.

PS: I am going to check in with school tomorrow to make sure they are clear on who's "on the list."

PSS: On Eagle's Wings is a tear-jerker for me...played at my dad's funeral.

I'll be okay. I still don't know what I'm wearing. (LK suggested Daisy Dukes and a "Nuke 'em all and let God sort 'em out" t-shirt. See...it didn't take her long to change my tears to laughter.)

Good luck, Sis. I wish things were different.

I know that things are going to be so much better in your future--I just wish that you could get there sooner rather than later.

(((Sis)))

The more I hear about LK the better I like her. She's got the right idea about dressing for court tomorrow. LOL.

I say go as the successful, beautiful woman that you are, dressed in a power color with a confident private semi-smile planted firmly on your face, while continually checking your watch. Why? Because you're READY to get on with your life and excited about what the future holds for you and your boys. You now possess the strength and courage that it takes to get you through anything. The payoff will be huge in the end.

I won't be praying for your strength tomorrow. I'll be praying for your JOY, PEACE and HAPPINESS and that you experience all three when you walk out the door of that courthouse.

LS-
I agree with what PM said.... EXACTLY....

When I got the big D, it was weird, over in minutes. I wore what I would wear for work... in fact, I went to work after me and the ex went out to lunch, which was weird.

I will have you in my thoughts, I hope all goes well with you!

((LilSis)),

I'm with PM also. I'll be praying for your future JOY also.

Will be thinking of you.

Still

Sis,

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you today my friend!

Glad you have your "posse" going with you! Don't forget your International and National Coast to Coast MB Army is behind you, too!

What does one wear to get divorced? Always a good question.


I'm with LK in spirit on this one, and YES you will be ok.

Wear the ONE outfit that makes you feel your power. You are an Angel Goddess,,,, let that shine!

With you all the way, sweetie!

You are in my thoughts today Lilsis. What you wear is your integrity, your pride, your character and your honor. You will wear those no matter where you go and no matter what you do. You can hold your head high...you are a good woman and mother.
Your H on the other hand could show up in his dress blues ... and he would still stand naked before the court...before those with character...stripped of his integrity the man is now just a hollow shell of the man that you married.
I wish nothing but peace today. We are all there in spirit lifting you up.

medc

Sis, you are strong; just look at what you've made it through, and you are still standing, even laughing, facing it all. What a wonderful woman you are!

I would say to wear something bright, some color, nothing drab. Also, keep that chin up, even if tears are streaming down your face, you keep that chin up. Good things are in store for you Sis, good things.

SL: That's exactly how it was. Chin up, head high, tears streaming. I managed to hold off on the boo-hoos until the elevator doors closed. Just barely.

What to wear wasn't really that big a deal...it was just the idea of it that hit me last night...like the stupidest thing. I wore a comfortable but very nice looking work outfit, since I would be going to work after...where I am now. I do not anticipate doing anything today while I am here.

So it's settled.

I got 55% of everything, including his city pension and retirement fund. I got 55% of the equity in the house and the value of the vehicles.

I do not have to refinance unless the interest rate drops to 5.125% or lower, which is the current rate. He will have a lien for his 45%, which I don't have to pay off until I remarry or the youngest graduates from high school.

There are a few personal property items that he wants, which is no big deal. I got to keep (in full) my own retirement account from my current job.

The custody stuff I have outlined here before. No alimony, since I earn about what he does.

This is a really good settlement, considering it is a no-fault state.

So....what was it like. Well, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and it will be scorched in my brain forever. It was all business and routine, with the above terms being outlined in legalese. I had to agree that I understood, as did WH.

The judge then stated that I could leave, while the plaintiff took the stand and swore out the complaint (or some such language).

I told my attorney that I wanted to stay.

WH went up to the witness stand and took the oath. His attorney asked him if it was correct that he filed, that the marriage had broken down, and that there was no possibility of restoration.

Each time, WH had to say yes.

He did not look me in the eye. Not once. I sat there straight, tears streaming, watching.

Then it was over. I turned around and my friends immediately came to give me hugs...all with tears in their eyes. I turned one last time to see if WH would look at me and he didn't. I walked out with my friends, walked down the hall, straight back (gasping, but no one could see).

The four of us and my attorney got in the elevator and that's when I let it go. My friend hugged me and I just sobbed. My attorney even hugged me...telling me I'd be okay.

I just bawled and bawled as we walked back to the office, barely able to catch my breath....then bawled again when I walked in the door and saw two other friends at the front desk. Everyone here has been wonderful.

I am so blessed by the support system around me. I have many things for which I am grateful.

Again...the image will be scorched on my brain forever. I cannot help but remember the other image that I committed to memory, looking into his eyes as we took our vows.

I just can't think of that today...but there it is. The two days...stark contrast.

Okay, now I'm bawling again....

....and my posse just brought me flowers....

I am heart broken for you Lilsis.

This will fade over time. You should be proud of the way you have handled yourself.

Shame on him.

You did everything that you had in your power, and you handled it all with relative grace. Like I said, what a wonderful woman you are.

I L-L-L-L-L-LOVE your posse! Hugs from me to you, Sis.

Wish i knew what to say.....I am so sorry for your pain.
Take care of yourself.

Hi LiLSis, I'm proud that you made it thru everything with your head held high knowing that it was not you who threw away your family. Not sure where you stand on religion, but it makes me think of what the WS will say to GOD when they stand before him.... I don't think the line" But my wife/husband didn't understand me" will fly with him