I think your approach to this is healthy. What you said in your last post, and this bit:


Vent away. Yes, it's annoying. Is it worth fighting over? Probably not.

I don't see anything wrong with donating them, though. I doubt WH would even notice, given that they won't disappear at a fast rate. Even if he did notice, what would he do about it? If he tried to bring it up with you, it wouldn't make it past your intermediary.

On the snowpants and the like, expect more of this, not because he's a [censored] but because he's a guy. I forget lunchboxes. And jackets. I've gotten pretty good at shoes. I think you've already figured this one out, but the more you can let it go, the less things will suck.

You sound pretty good.

Sis,

Glad to know that you recognize the value of letting it go.

It really doesn't occur to WH (just like Drac) that we would have "feelings" about this kind of thing at all. It doesn't make it any easier for US, but I think it's just not something that occurs to them.

So, how was the night out with the co-workers?

What's your plan for New Year's Eve?

If it were me, they'd go in the trash and when asked? What clothes?

ITA with SD. What a smart guy you are!

Gee, Sis,

Don't you have any hand-me-downs you could send with your boys to HER house?????

Send RT their old underwear in a huge bag. Make sure they all have holes. Send over the jeans with stains, holes, and maybe dead worms in the pockets. Old stinky tennis shoes.

Throw in some of your own clothes for HER as well. OOOPS, they are probably MUCH TOO SMALL......too [email]d@m[/email] bad.

Maybe even add something your dog slept on, to improve the odor.

Attach a note: "Just returning the favor." Put a little happy face on it, to lighten the mood and make things oh-so-sweet.


I would guess you wouldn't get anymore hand-me-downs.


I suppose that's the evil little elf in me thinking out loud. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

SB

I would have to DO SOMETHING, too....

I wouldn't just let my sons wear those clothes...

BAD FENG SHUI....

I would completely ignore it. LilSis, you are so close to recovery, you amaze me everyday. You will have your hard won serenity and joy in knowing that YOU are behaving admirable, overcoming, and standing up for your family.

I wouldn't even take the time to comment or react.

Sis,

So, what's been happening? Let me guess,,,,you are now the Guitar Hero Goddess??

No way. I cannot for the life of me get down the whole video game thing. I could barely manage Pong back in the day, let alone these controllers with a million buttons, triggers, and bitty joy-sticks.

My hand-eye coordination isn't so great, I guess.

It's hilarious to watch the kids play, though. I got them an eye-toy as well, and that's really fun to watch, too. I could probably do that since it only requires moving...no buttons.

I was worried I would be alone tonight, but my friend LK just called. I'll be going out with her and a few other people. Thank goodness. LK thinks she has pneumonia, so it will be low key, just hanging out at a local sports bar that caters to a little older crowd.

I was about to start calling people to beg for an invite! I had thought my sister might be coming, but she wasn't really up for it.

It was a little hard to say good-bye to the boys this morning as they went with WH. I'll try to look at it as the perfect time to clean my house, which is a wreck.

Sis,

Maybe they have video tic-tac-toe for you to begin on. Click on the box to put your X or O here......

I'm known as the person with the most cliff-diving jumps in the old Mario Bros game, can't even remember it, but all the kids in the neighborhood were able to kill the dragon and save the princess. I, however, managed to get to level 2 and was exceedingly pleased with myself at that.

When version 2 came out, I spent more time falling off the cliffs than gathering magic coins or whatever.

The kids were gracious about my playing with them though - mostly because they knew my turns would be very short!

SB

DS9 just came home for a minute to pick up his Nintendo DS. He came into the house while WH waited outside. He told me they were having a party tonight.

I couldn't help myself--I figured I'd rather just know than imagine the worst. "Who's coming to your party?" I asked cheerfully.

"The RT's. They are there already. That's why DS12 didn't come; he's skateboarding with RT's son."

"Well, I'm sure you'll have fun." I smiled...I wanted him to know that I was okay and didn't want him to feel that he would have to keep these things from me. It wasn't so much a megawatt smile as a reassuring one.

But I SOOO wanted to trash that piece of garbage, that home-wrecking, vicious, malicious, skanky TURD.

But I didn't. I didn't say a word.

So...my boys will be ringing in the New Year with RT and the rest of the Brady Bunch. How much do you want to bet the RT's will be staying the night? Oh, what fun! A sleepover!!

It's definitely not a "should be." It's sure sh!tty and unfair. But I'm not crying...yet.

I will go out and have fun with my friends. And if I get liqueured up, I'll sleep at LK's.

LilSis - You are a wonderful mom. Bless your heart.

All is wonderful in affairland right now, but it will never last.

Thank you, believer. And Happy New Year, everyone.

What made my day? When the phone rang at 12:03 a.m. and it was DS12 calling to wish me Happy New Year, followed by DS9.

My friends and I left the bar early. The music was really loud, and, as one of the women with us pointed out, "young and ghetto, demographics into which none of us fit."

So we are officially old foggies who can't stick it out until midnight.

It was also starting to snow pretty heavily. We are getting 4-8 tonight.

Anyway...getting that phone call made all the difference. I'm so glad we wimped out.

Just goes to show you never know how God will answer a prayer.

Happy New Year, Sis.

Sorry for the trigger and happy for the end result. You're doing well, and you're a great mom.

2008 will be so much better. For all the Killer Bees.

Hey, how's this for weird.

I had secretly loaded up the turdy clothes along with some other stuff to drop off at Goodwill.

(Background on that decision: I figure that I am under no obligation to see my children in RT's hand-me-downs, or launder them, or fold them, or even see them in their dresser. So off they go to the Goodwill. The kids won't even notice, and if by some miracle WH notices--after all, he's a GUY--then what's he gonna do? If he wants to dress them in turdy clothes while they are with him, that's his business. Just don't send them home that way, or those things are going to quietly disappear.)

ANYWAY, Goodwill's on the way to the movies, and we were going to see National Treasure. So I pull up to the drop-off, hop out to quickly unload the goods (or bads, as the case may be).

There's one other vehicle unloading.

It's Churchlady.

Remember her?

So, I act as if she is a total stranger...I give the "hi" and quick glance that I would give to anyone. I dispose of the turdy items and turn around to return to the car.

She has planted herself in front of me, between me and my trusty Vibe.

CL: Hi...?
me: Yeah. (Her hair is dramatically darker, I thought maybe she thought I didn't recognize her)
CL: How are you? (big smile)
me: Well...I'm....(I lift my hands, kind of noncommittal shrug)
CL: I would really like to get together and talk sometime.
me: Hmmmm...(I'm edging around her, try to get away)
CL: You know I got your letter and I've just had some things happen and I was pretty much incapacitated. But I would really like to talk to you. (by this time I'm opening my door)
me: Well (nodding my head), I guess that ball would be in your court.
CL: Okay.

And I left. And we went to the movies.

So...I'm not sure how I feel about this. It was so out-of-the-blue and I was not expecting it, so it was all from the hip.

It's too bad that she has had some struggles in her life recently. If we had continued to be close, I'm sure I would have been glad to "be there" in whatever way I could have. It feels good to reach out to others who are struggling...misery loves company sort of turned on its head.

I have this clear boundary: I am under no obligation to make room in my life for people who hurt me.

Right now, I feel like she is outside that boundary, because I was hurt by that releationship. Whether it was my own fault, for having high expectations, or if she intentionally turned her back on me because it was uncomfortable, or even if she just plain lacks integrity...really is irrelevant at this time.

I don't feel the need to explore or pursue that relationship.

If tomorrow or next week or next month or even next year, she chooses to reach out and try to bring some closure to that relationship, then she should do so. Who knows where I will be at that time? Maybe I'll want it, too.

However, her kids go to school with RT's (at the Christian school, mind you...), so I assume that they have some kind of relationship, which I don't really need.

Anyway...I amazed that I'm not nearly triggered by this. We had fun at the movie.

But how weird is it that I ran into her when I was getting rid of the turdy clothes?

I think you handled that great Lilsis. Happy New Year.

Beautifully done, Sis. It's like watching a butterfly emerge from her coccoon, watching you apply what you've learned.

Hi,LilSis, Happy New Year!

I have not read everything you posted since my last visit, but caught up on the past couple of weeks.

Something occured to me as I was reading about this latest encounter with CL...

As someone who is way outside looking in, I see a kind of pattern. Several people who you might have leaned on for support - ones you trusted to help and protect you - ended up otherwise occupied in their own lives/problems/whatever when you were struggling most. CL, the ILs, and wasn't there something going on with (I think the name was) Uncle P, as well? And one of your sisters? And even LK with her own A issues?

Me thinks the Man Upstairs was trying to send a message. One that you ARE taking to heart.
JMHO.

I would have done the same thing with the turdy clothes. You are absolutely right - you are under no obligation to allow anything into your home that makes it feel unsafe or uncomfortable for you. You are now the head of the household. That can have some "advantages" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />.

OT question for you Lilsis.

Can you tell me anything about the town of Coopersville? Is the Grand River navigable by boat?

Thanks for your help.

MEDC

Don't know much about Coopersville but I don't believe the Grand River is navigable to the Lake. Instead you'll take I96 to the Fruitport exit and just down the road there is a small marina and put in ramp at the very eastern tip of Spring Lake. You can navigate to Grandhaven from there (nice trip) or just enjoy Spring Lake.

From the map it appears to only be about a 12-16 mile trip from Coopersville to Fruitport.

Mr. Wondering