integrity defined...Wikipedia

Integrity is the basing of one's actions on an internally consistent framework of principles. Depth of principles and adherence of each level to the next are key determining factors. One is said to have integrity to the extent that everything he does and believes is based on the same core set of values. While those values may change, it is their consistency with each other and with the person's actions that determine his integrity

This does not necessarily define a good person or a person of (good) moral character. This is just a person who sticks to what they believe. Good or bad. Their set of values are their own. This could be Pope or Mafia hitman.

* Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code. Simple and direct. That's integrity.

or a terrorist bomber

MEDC, I think a married person can only state that he/she was truly faced by temptation and tested by it with regards to infidelity the day he/she experience a very strong emotional and/or physical attraction towards a person of the opposite sex (or in your case since you're not married, if you've felt such an attraction towards a married woman). Have you ever experienced such an attraction outside marriage MEDC and can you honestly say that you've experienced this type of temptation? It's very easy to cut of a friendship where you've not yet became attracted to that person physically and/or emotionally...no problem to cut off a person you feel platonic about out of your life...there is nothing to it... Where there is no attraction towards a person (even if that person "hits" on you or feel attracted to you) there is no temptation if you don't feel a strong attraction towards that person as well.

sorry Suzet... my temptations do not extend to married women... it just doesn't happen. While I can find a woman beautiful and I frequently do, I do not feel attracted to them until I get to know some things about them. I do not feel driven by attraction in any sense...can't say that I ever really have.
My friend is very attractive... but I just never looked at her as more than a friend. Not saying under the right circumstances....both of us available and free to express things, that something could not develop... but otherwise, I really just don't go there.

Pep and Ba.. Ever notice those terrorists are 99% of the time covering their faces???? Seems to me that that isn't something done in the light of day...or truth. They hide their faces because they know their actions are immoral.

And their actions are not based on integrity....they do not ACROSS THE BOARD devalue human life...just certain nationalities... consistency is a key to integrity. There are other definitions of integrity that include "moral" in the definition.

Terrorists do not cover their faces as a disguise. They cover their faces because it incites TERROR.

They are willing to die for what they believe. They could care less if we see their faces.

MEDC I have to say. If it is one thing I have learned it is never say never. I am not saying that you will go out and have an A. However God works in mysterious ways.

I never thought I would consider cheating on my DH because I loved him so much. Yet I did. I am glad that I didn't give in to temptation. I didn't because as I have said here before I have been cheated on. This was my theme song. I was just like this.

Monica)
So gone over you,you,you,you,you.
(Missy)
Yeah,New Monica)
Whoo

V-1
Silly of me,Devoted so much time,
To find you unfaithful boy,I nearly lost my mind,
Drive pass your house everynight,
In an unmarked car,
Wonderin' what she had on me
to make you break my heart?

(YEAH)

C-1
You make me feel..
You make me feel I'm so gone
(SO)Oh I

You make me feel..
(You make me feel)
Whoa and I love to love ya baby!
(I) So

(Oohh Hoo)

V-2
Night I couldn't sleep,
(Um),You let the sun beat chu' home
I ask myself over again,What I'm I doin'
wrong,To make you stay out all night and,
not think to call,
What does she have over me to make you not think to call home?,

C-2
You make me feel..
You make me feel that I'm so gone
(SO GONE)Oh I

You make me feel..
(You make me feel)
Whoa and I love to love ya baby!
(I) So gone

V-3
Listen boy,
I'ma rowdy chick,
Sometimes I have to fight 'cause my mouth to slick,
Baby why ya doin' me like I ain't worth (******),
Make me wanna ride pass ya house and sit,
Kick down your doors and smack ya chick,
(Just to show you Monica,Not havin' that,)
So In love wit you like a drug habitget,
So real...

(You treat me so unreal)
H-1
What she do I do I do betta
What she did to make you love her? (What did she do)?
Is it real or, Forever? Ohh (Is it real)?
Baby please can we stay togather?

What she do I do betta
What she did to make you love her? (What did she do)?
Is it real or, Forever? Ohh (Is it real)?
Baby please can we stay togather?

(Whooo Whoo)

H-2
Whoa and I love to love ya baby!
(Whoa and I love to love ya baby!)
Whoa and I love to love ya baby!
(Whoa and I love to love ya baby!)
Whoa and I love to love ya baby!
(Whoa and I love to love ya baby!
(Just to show you Monica,Not havin' that)

C-3
You make me feel..
You make me feel I'm so gone
(SO GONE)Ohh I

You make me feel..
(You make me feel)
Whoa and I love to love ya baby!

H-3
"Said that I need ya!
"I don't really need you
"Said that I need ya! (Ohhh)
"Said that I need ya!
"I don't really need you
"Said that I need ya!
(You treat me so unreal)

It is what kept me from going there. I couldn't bear to do that to my honey. I don't think he could have taken it. I think it would have killed a piece of his heart and love for me. I know that's what happened to me. I loved my first love so much yet when he cheated my feelings for him changed to. I never felt the same about him after that.

I know you may think it seem odd or hipocritical that I used God in my first paragraph. However I know from what I have just been through in the last few days. That he has a way of humbling you.

When you are stating things so matter of factly I fear for you. It is arrogance and arrogance makes you seem bigger than life to yourself. You know that old addage the bigger they are the harder they fall. I fear you very well may be heading towards one.

Temptation by any other name would not be the same. They call it that for a reason. It makes you want to do things that are out of character. Temptation lures you in when you are susceptible to it. I am willing to bet nine times out of ten people that have A's did so unwittingly. I am sure they didn't plan to go out an destroy their families and the families of their affair partner. We are all capable of doing evil and good.

Remember Pride comes before the fall. Even though you may have been tested while you were married and you didn't give in doesn't mean a damn thing. However if you are being tested at one of your weakest moments how can you be certain of what you will do. The only things in the life that is certain is death and taxes.

However for you MEDC I say it can be very highly likely in your case you may never have an A. You are not married. It will be kind hard for you to do that in your case. However in the case you do get remarried your chances will rise quite a bit. I know one can convince you other wise and I am not trying to but, even under the right kind of pressure the most ridgid metal can bend.

BA... I don't believe that is true.
And to me, it makes them look like cowards.

I said the same thing before my EA MEDC. That my temptations did not extend to other men and that it would never happen...

For 3 YEARS during my friendship with OM I said the same thing e.g. that I will never look at OM as more than a friend or become attracted to him because I'm married... As I said before, I thought I was "immune" against infidelity (especially with OM). I was shocked and catched by surprise when I've realized I've become infatuated and attracted to him. I NEVER thought I would feel that way towards OM because he was not physically attractive to me and much older than me. Actually, I originally viewed him as a "father-figure" and that's one of the reasons I felt "safe" being friends with him and didn't kept my "guard" up... Ironic isn't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

My point MEDC - a person can't always "choose" their feelings or attractions, but one can choose to NOT react on because no one is a "slave" to their feelings.

The reason I say this MEDC is because I get the impression from your post that you think a person always have control over their feelings and/or attractions...and that a person can always prevent themselves from feeling attracted towards someone else...and this is not always the case MEDC. Feelings and attractions are not always controlable MEDC...only behavior and ones choices and actions can be fully controlled.

Dig.. you are right... metal can bend... but metal can't think and adapt itself. People can. I choose to never have an affair. Therefore I won't... it is a choice that a person can make and live by. That is my choice. I will be married again... I am taking my time and making a wiser choice this time around. I am not falling for the same old lines and tricks as I have had in the past...I am holding our for the right person... and in order to find that person now, I have learned to be the right person.

And I am a person that believes that you can say "never" to a great many things. I will NEVER molest a child... and I think infidelity is just as serious of an offense...I will NEVER drive while intoxicated...I will never abuse animals....and I will never have an affair. All of those things are terrible to me and inflict great harm....so, I choose not to do them. It really is that simple for me.

Suzet... behaviors, choices and actions are controllable.....I agree with you.. and it is those things that result in an affair. NO ONE ever had an affair by merely finding someone attractive...the had the affair by acting on it. Their behaviors defined them in those moments. I agree that attraction can be an issue for some people... but acting on that attraction is 100% in the persons control.

You know what?

I really believe that you may NEVER have an affair, MEDC.

I don't think my H EVER said that about himself.

He left himself vulnerable and open to it and I CONTRIBUTED to allowing our marriage to be vulnerable.

I was the one who put him up on a PEDESTAL.

I THINK he may have realized his vulnerability..in fact, wanted to be FREER and to walk some on the WILD SIDE at that time...WRONG, WRONG, WRONG of him...

Today, though, with all the EXTRAORDINARY PRECAUTIONS that he is taking and the BOUNDARIES and ROADBLOCKS that he has put into place, HE has a low likelihood of having an AFFAIR. I think he remains vulnerable to THAT OW, though...

THE RULE OF PROTECTION is what should be implemented in ALL MARRIAGES. That's what was missing in our marriage. I LOVE those FOUR RULES of an EFFECTIVE MARRIAGE. I will GIFT my children with that information before they get married. I already gave my son the book THE ONE: A FIELD GUIDE TO RELATIONSHIPS THAT LAST..by Dr. Harley...

This time I'm in agreement with you MEDC. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My original point to you today was that untill you haven't been tempted and tested by this type of attraction MEDC, you won't know how difficult it is and can't say that you have truly experienced temptation in your life with regards to infidelity. And as the saying goes - "you can't tell untill you haven't walked in the same shoes". You've said yourself that you've never been tempted by such an attraction MEDC so it's easy to say it will never happen to you unless you're faced with such an attraction or infatuation yourself... Although you might never act on it, it's not to say that you won't struggle very much to resist the temptation should it ever happen to you. You won't know for sure untill you haven't been there yourself MEDC... That's all I was trying to point out to you.

MEDC so what I gather from what you are saying is that because your ex-wife hurt you so bad because of her betrayal that you will be so guarded you will not let anyone in. I guess that is a sure way of not being in a situation that will make cheating very unlikely.

Just don't forget God has a way of letting the wind out of your sails. No person is better than the other. You may not cheat but I am sure there are other things that you are susceptible to. We all are susceptible to something. So don't be surprised if one day you are blindsided by something you never saw coming.

I know I have my faults. Just recently I have done some soul searching and found a lot of my weak points. They are pride, pig headiness, and thinking I have all the answers when I cleary do not. I want to ask you what are yours?

Very well put Suzet.

I am certain that my life experiences have colored me this way. Some of the things that have happened have forged a man that just believes strongly in doing the right things. Other things have presented me with challenges that I have worked on and some that are works in progress. I don't have any doubt that I will NEVER have an affair. It just wouldn't happen. But I also know full well that the sword of infidelity that touched me as a young child has resulted in my making some really bad choices for partners in my past. That too will never happen again....so it is on to the next dragon that needs to be slain....fear. I'm working on that one daily.

Enough said about this topic...for those of you that like to believe that anyone is vulnerable to an affair, I do not feel the need to convince you otherwise. While I may look at it as a catchy "brand" phrase...others believe it and find comfort in it.

Yes MEDC I believe fear is what fuels everyone. It can either make them do the right thing for fear of the consequences. Or it can make us do the wrong things because we fear the right thing can make those very things we are running from come to be.

For instance fear of commitment makes for very lonely people. They fear being hurt so much that they never give people their heart and they never get the thing they want most.

Or they get married and never open up because they don't want to get hurt and they push their loved ones away. Not intentionally but through actions that they may not even be aware of.

The thing you fear most you make come into being. I know I was scared to do anything to hurt or let my H down yet I was unwittlingly doing just that. I realized this once I took a good hard long look at my actions and what caused me to take them.

I use to constantly test my H before I started C to see what it would take to make him finally throw in the towel like my mom said he would. Then one day my IC asked me so what if you do find that thing that makes him throw in the towel. Then what? It really made me think and stop doing those things that kept me guarded.

MEDC, although I think we are all genetically wired to have an A, I don’t think that everyone is vulnerable to an A. The only people who are vulnerable IMO for an A (as I've already pointed out in a previous post) are those who don’t take precautions in their M’s and are not aware and protect strong boundaries with the opposite sex (and obviously protecting their weaknesses and weaknesses in their M's too). So obviously you are not vulnerable for an A and will never be as long as you keep up those strong and healthy boundaries (and take precautions in your M when you get married again one day). But in spite of that you are still genetically wired for an A (as all of us are) and you're not immune to experience a strong attraction to a married woman one day. But hopefully you will be lucky enough to never be faced with that type of temptation!

no, that's not what I am saying



Agree and disagree. Some people are better than others. As an extreme...Moses and Hitler...just to make the point.
I do have things I am susceptible to. Infidelity is just not one of them.




What some of mine are is not for this board. But I will share with you that I have a stubborness that is legendary at times. Pride is something I have battled over the years as well. Another is the fear you misinterpreted. My fear is that my guard will not be up enough. I have trusted far too easily in the past... rather than having a person prove their worth to my life, I have afforded some people things they never deserved. So, I struggle with making sure that the people I allow in my life now truly have my and my childs best interest at heart. So far so good on this front.

Suzet... I do not believe that little catch phrase about how we are all genetically wired for an affair. Sorry, I just don't buy it. And luck has nothing to do with it Suzet....I will be 44 next week... and will tell you as a cop was presented with weekly opportunities to be unfaithful...some people just like cops/fireman/military... it really is just a matter of I do not process or think in the same fashion regarding infidelity as some others. I know others like me. Being a single male, some of my friends wives were uncomfortable with their spouses going out with me... until they got to know me... now I routinely hear that out of all their friends, they feel most secure when they are with me. EVERY ONE of my friends has heard me say at one time or another... cheat on your spouse and I will be the first one to tell them.
As I have mentioned before here... I lost my best friend,best man at my wedding... me at his.. god father to each others children, etc.. because I told his wife when I found out he was screwing around.
Suzet... you might as well drop this, as I am done trying to convince you that I will never have an affair... and that I will never be vulnerable to one either. As much as the Harley's would like everyone to buy their books and follow their brand advice, there are some people that are just never going to have an affair. That doesn't make them better people....just better in this one area.
Often times when people do "bad" things they like to think that anyone given the same set of circumstances would respond the same way.... you know, misery loves company. But it isn't always true. My weakenesses are not yours and vice versa.
Enough said.