wouldn't that be like joymo or hapmo then? glad to see you seem to be handling things pretty well. keep it up.

Rin-
Well, I saw male strippers ONE time. I was HORRIFIED.... Honestly, I did not realize that they actually WALKED around the room, and would DO things.... I wanted to run out of there! My friends had drove, and I was like, "no, I have to go NOW..." They just laughed at me. SOMEHOW, I survived the experience! LOL!

So, no Chippendale's for me....

Today I have laundry to do and I have to clean the house, and then STBXH is picking up the girls, and I am going to nap... I have a horrible sinus infection and I could not sleep last night, but for some strange reason, I could sleep now (now that I see all the work I have to do, isn't it always that way! LOL!)

Hmm, maybe just MO? Or Happymo?
Something to think about....

Well, i hope that you feel better soon!

Take your meds and call me in the morning! LMAO

I would have laughed "with" you too...I've only seen them once and that was enough...I didn't think there was anything "special" about them!

Well, take care and talk to you soon!

So STBXH was WEIRD today...

I was at my grandfathers house packing up some stuff, and he calls me. He wants to know where I was, if he had time to get a haircut (he gets the kids on Wed. at 4). I said yes, he had time, almost an hour. So then he says, "well, I will just come to his house and get the kids, if it is alright with you." I say sure.

He shows up, greets the girls, me, and he says hi to my Dad. My Dad either did not hear him, or he ignored him... either way, it was kind of funny!

So I went to give the girls hugs and kisses, and STBXH comes up and says, "Where is mine?" I was like, "your what?" And he hugs me, and tries to kiss me. I turned my head, and said, "ha, ha, have fun with the girls." He looked all sad, got in his car and left.

What a dolt. I just finished what I was doing, and left. Amazing. No heart flutters, no ANYTHING. Who would have thought? How COOL is that????

Bleep! Bleep! Danger zone!!!

So I have been SO NICE to STBXH. Amazingly nice.

I think that he is trying to "push my buttons" or he is freaking out about the whole D thing.

Yesterday, he called the house, then my cell phone, then the house. I was on the other line, I told him I would call him back in a few minutes. I did, he did not answer. I had arranged for a sitter so that me and a friend could go out. He called back a few hours later. The sitter answered. He was shocked. He called me at 11:00 pm ( I was home) 'just to say hi". I was like... ok.... talked briefly, got off of the phone.

I woke up and got ready for work, he comes over, he is all nice, offers to rotate the tires on my car. (I need to have it done). I said sure, whenever he wanted to, but I would be sure and test the lug nuts afterwards.... LOL!
He calls me at work 4 times, over silly things. Keep in mind, for a few weeks now, I have not called him for anything OTHER than to arrange dropping off, picking up, of the kids....

He tells me the last time he calls, to call him, so that he will know when I am going to pick up the kids. I had not even had a chance to call him back, and he calls. Sounding stressed. I do remember that he has a BBQ planned at his house tonight, don't I? He has to get things ready. I told him that he had not told me, but I was on my way.

I meet at the changing of the kids point, and he helps get them in my car, then he proceeds to try and chit chat. And he hugs me. He tries to hug me again, and he kisses my cheek, and inhales. Like this is the last time he will ever see me. So I kiss him goodbye on the cheek, purposefully, because I had just put on lipstick. So he had a kiss mark, by his ear, that he probably would not notice right away. MADE me chuckle.

So I need to proceed with caution, I do not know what he is doing right now....why he is acting so nice, and borderline Mooney towards me... makes me worry. Needlessly, I hope. I just wish that I could wave a magic wand, and have the D final.....

WEll, sounds like someone has moved on and it's not the WS is it?

I think that here in the near future you are going to have to be very direct with him!

Time to think about some boundaries for yourself in regards to dealing with him...

Do you want him to continue to hug and kiss you? I know where you stand with him, but he doesn't and JMHO, but continuing to allow him to hug and kiss on you, HUMMMMMM, you OW? Wierd sitch, I worry what's on his mind too...

Is he being nice b/c of the D? Does he want something? Think that you and him will always be buddy buddy?

I like the kiss mark...Cool...small ways, if there is OW around that she will start to wonder and worry too! LMAO

Well, I'm going to head to bed...I'm ready for it!! Good night!

I talked to the A yesterday. Basically talked about my concerns with WH behavior, and if we could step on it... get everything done ASAP.

I was told that I can get everything signed before the Divorce date, and that he would recommend that, since my WH has been acting oddly.

I almost think that WH is trying to worm his way into my heart again... not to get back together, but 'just in case'.

He can think what he wants, but I am DONE with him. Done with all of his silliness. Sept. it will all be done, providing he does not pull any fast ones. The only thing that I think he will be concerned about is that where I live they want 'income withholding'. WH was adamant about not doing that, and him paying the CS directly to me. The A says that the 'courts' do not like that unless there is a valid reason.... all of which do not apply to WH.

So I have to butter him up, and convince him that it is for the best... sigh. I cannot wait for it to be over and done with... I feel like I have been in limbo for so long, I am ready to be free of all of this!!!

He's doing the push-pull routine. I told you so! HAHAHAHAH!

I got creepy crarwley just thinking of him hugging on you and trying to slobber on ya.... poor Sadmo! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, he is now trying his darnedest.....

He came over today, to 'see the kids'. Did he want to see them? No, he wanted to see me... he brought me a coffee, kept asking how I was doing, tried to pry into my plans that I have had lately.... All I could think is, "Hon, I had a [email]D@MN[/email] good teacher on how to be evasive, HA-HA!"

He then CLAIMED that he NEVER was served with the D papers (he WAS, I verified it through the A over a week ago), BUT.... he is in NO HURRY, so if I want to hold off for a while.... (Picture a mooney heartfelt look now- on HIS face, not mine!) I told him, "Oh, no. I did file, if you want to see all of my paperwork, and correspondence with the A, you can. It is started, I am not going to stop it." He said, "I just want to put that out there, I am in no hurry, ok?"

I said ok I heard him.

He then also asked if he could get something to drink, and then he said, "Wow, Jaegermeister? Whose is that?" I said, "Hmmm, my fridge, the girls?" He then said, "Well, maybe this Friday when I pick up the girls I can stay and we can do Jaeger bombs! I'll have to stay over though!" I laughed, and said, no, I had plans. He then became somber. He said, "well, you seem to really be hanging out with your friends a lot lately." I said, "Yes, when I can, I do."

WTF? What is the point? He is crazy. He can whip out all of the webs that he wants now, I REFUSE to become entangled in his warped world again. I REFUSE.

It just annoys me. It annoys me that he WANTED this, he WANTED a D, he WANTED me to 'let go of him' and now that I did it all, he is going to try to weasel his way back in. I say, "You got what you want, go and be happy!!! I know that I am now!"

How does the expression go? He who laughs last laughs best? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The funny thing is, I have made myself a better person, and he is backsliding.... Dork!

OH, Sadmo!

I'm not sure what to say...it is funny in a way...he does know that you will not be friends with him right?

Sounds like he's playing stupid JUST LIKE POWS...thing is we can see right through them now...

Oh, how often I heard well I didn't know...blah, blah, blah...always some excuse...I think that you are getting REALLY close to Plan FU!!!! I think that you are going to get tired of being so nice and him envading YOUR SPACE...

Does he still act like it's HIS HOME? Remember what BC did with FM (STBXW)? She was shocked...

Thing with me, I keep kicking myself, not hard, for not seeing how stupid, or whatever POWS was in the beginning...I just think the worst of him now...like you, from what I'm hearing! LMAO

I bet we could have some laughs if you got the two of us on the phone!

LMAO...where you live again? Wondering now close, and it a road trip is in order! LMAO

Have a good day, i look forward to talking to you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Rin-
I live in INDY-ANA!

I am conflicted... act nice until the D is done, then plan FU, AKA- leave my space, or now....

Right now, I have nothing to hide.

And I think that it is killing him. That I have not ran off and had a hundred affairs.

Today I caved a little. He has been nice, and I slipped.... It was his weekend with the kids, but one of my friends from work was having a b-day party for his girl, and I wanted to bring my kids. WH said that was fine.

I had a ****** day at work. It left me on edge. Then WH calls me, tells me that he got called into work, can I just pick up the kids for the party from his house? Keep in mind it takes me AN HOUR to get to his house from my work, and the party was by my work.

I said no, can he at least meet me halfway? And he crabbily said, "YOU are the one that wanted to take them for the party. Don't get mad at me." So I said, "You are right. Sorry, Goodbye." He then left me a message, he dropped the kids off at his mom's(which is close) for me.

So I get the kids, go to the party, they have a great time, party ends, I call WH. Tell him we are on our way. We get to his house, I had tentative plans, not in stone or anything. He asks me if I would like to come in a while. I come in. The girls were playing, he offered me a glass of wine. I accepted. He sat next to me on the couch, and he cuddled all up to me like he used to. When we were happy. He played with my hair, like he used to. He chatted. Like he used to. He was all affectionate (not sexual, just affectionate, comfortable). He went to smoke a cigarette in the garage, and I told my kids I was going to leave.

My youngest DD, said, "NO MOMMY! STAY AT DADDY'S HOUSE!" Then she burst into these heart-wrenching sobs, and laid her head on my lap, all the while repeating, "Don't go mommy, don't go, I want my mommy!"

She NEVER got like that. Ever. It TORE ME UP.

I went to leave, and WH was in the garage smoking, and I said, "well, I am out of here." He said, "why so soon?" And the door bursts open, and it is my DD, "NO MOMMY! NO!!!!!!!" She is hysterical.

I get her back in the house, settle her down, turn to WH, tell him that I am going. He says, "what's wrong? She will be fine." And the tears start. I could not stop the tears. I said, " I have to go." He says, "why? She will be fine." I say, " I have to go, this is killing me." He says, " She is just acting out, she will be fine. If you have to go, you have to go. Goodbye, sadmo."

I told him bye.

I left. And I was so upset. Because this IS affecting my kids. And it makes me sad. That THEY, the innocent children, are being hurt by this.

But I know, that after I left, I am sure that they got a juice box, and watched a movie... I am sure that they were fine. But, it hurt ME nonetheless. My little one is USED to this already. My WH left when she was 1 1/2. She is my emotional one... and it made me feel so bad that she wanted me to stay... I don't know. I just feel bad about them tonight. I feel like I let them down. Sigh.

So, all of a sudden... I am FEELING SORRY FOR WH. WHY?????
He has been nice, he has been cordial, polite, not being mean....

AND I am feeling sorry for him.

He called today, I thought to tell the girls goodnight. And he talked to my youngest, and he said, "when did she start talking so good? She is such a good talker, I am missing all of that!" He wanted to ramble and ramble on and on to me... the thing is, I could have. But I didn't. WHY? Because I do not want to be sucked back in. Sucked back into the whole not knowing what is going on.

And I felt bad for him. That he is missing out on them. That he is not here to see their milestones, or what a goofball our youngest one has turned into (everything is a 'funny thing' to her now, it is cute).

And I will admit it. I feel bad because I still do care about him. Care about him in the sense that I want to be jerked around forever? NO. Just I care about him. I really wish him no harm, I feel protective of him. Will this ever go away???

It has just been rotten at work lately, and it is taking a toll on my mood, as is things with the kids (acting out, etc.) and I think that I am just wanting help, someone here with me.

I worry too that I will never find someone else, that I would never trust another man with my D's. I do not trust just anyone with them... and it makes me a little melancholy... that I may be alone after this. And it is making me a little sad. I don't know, I just want to go out and have fun with my friends when I do not have my kids. But that is totally different when I have my kids....I am a MOM when I have them with me. How would I ever be able to combine the two? Like WH did? How would I ever be able to bring another man, that is not my WH, around the kids? And be OK with it? I do not know that I COULD....

I am just in a weird mood about it all tonight, I do not know. Just had to vent.

Don't buy into his regret. Often as the divorce approaches, the WS gets cold feet. My WH's affair completely ended two weeks after our divorce.

I wouldn't worry about being alone. There are plenty of nice men out there. When you start dating, just be sure to keep kids and your new men separated for quite a while. Then there is the other problem - I dated men that were real good for my boys, and my boys thrived around them, but weren't right for me. Then I had men that seemed great for me, but not right for my kids. It takes some time, but I'm sure you will do just fine.

Yesterday was a bad day to start.
Sitter did not show up to watch the kids so I could work. I got stressed, called my Dad, he said to bring the kids over. On my way out the door, my husky pushes past me, and runs away. Which made me want to cry... he is impossible to catch. So I half-heartedly made my way around the neighborhood, then I left for my dad's house. I was stressed.

WH sometimes works in the area, so I called him and asked if he could come in the vicinity of the house, and look for the dog. He said that he would. He then said, "Thanks for asking me, if you ever need anything, just call." I told him thanks.

I went to work (LATE) and was greeted by disgruntled employees. Had to get some people in line, a stressful day.

WH calls to say he cannot find the dog, he had to get back to work. I told him thanks, then I impulsively said, "Hey, you wanna go get a steak tonight? I am in the mood for steak." He said, "That sounds great! What time?"

I called MIL and asked if she could watch the kids, she said sure.

WH shows up at the house, and he wanted to know where the kids were. I told him. He said, "Aww, that is so cool, we can spend some time alone!" We left, went to the restaurant, had a few brewskies, had steak, talked, laughed, and had fun together. WH told me when we first got there that he was afraid that I wanted to talk about the D there, and he thought we had talked about everything already. I told him that I would have just told him that I wanted to talk about that.

So then he looks all sad. He says, " I don't know how to say this, but the reason that I date people is just to say that I am dating. I do not really even WANT to be dating. The last chick that I went out with would call me all of the time, try to see me all of the time, and I don't want that. I just want to hang out with people and have a good time. But all of the women out there want to be in an instant R, or they are messed up, clingy... I don't know. I just do not want to date."

I just listened.

He then went on to say that I will always be important to him, he will always love me, and that sometimes he thinks that the one person he wants to be with is me, that he sees that I am my old self again, we can laugh, and have fun together, and he misses that. He also said that he actually lays awake sometimes at night thinking that he messed up the best thing that ever happened to him, and that he will probably be kicking himself till the day he dies that we did not work it out.

Weird. So I said, "why didn't we work it out? I mean, for real?" He says, "you told me to leave, and my pride got the best of me. Then I thought that I would find someone better, and that hasn't happened. I thought that we never could get along again, and I see that we can."

So he continues on. "I want to be able to go out with you once in a while, I want to spend time with you. If you start dating someone, are you going to still spend time with me?"

So I say, "it is not like we are spending all of this time together. I am not dating now, but you never know when I will be ready to date. I am not ready right now, I have the girls to think of."

He says, "I think of the girls too!"

I looked at him and said, "I have them almost all of the time, I am not going to bring a strange guy around them, and I have to find sitters if I want to do anything during the week. Plus, I want to date when I am ready to date. Not just to fill an empty part of me. I was never like that."

He said that he knew. He reached over, and took my hand and said, "Sadmo, I love you. I always have loved you. Don't just walk away from me."

I said, "WH, I am not walking away from you. You are dating other people, I am not. I just do not want to settle for scraps, and be your security blanket while you are out banging different chicks. What is in it for me? Nothing."

He said, "I am not out 'banging' all these different chicks. I have only been with 2 other women since we separated." And I said, "Well, my M meant a lot to me, that is 2 more different people more than me."

I then went on to say that I harbor no ill will against him, I do not hate him, but there comes a time in life where you have to realize that you either can settle for scraps, or you can move on. Right now I am fine by myself, that he may want to try that too. Just being by himself. I told him that I miss hanging out with him, when we used to have fun, that I miss the old him. He told me that he misses me.

It was weird.

We actually then went on to have nice conversation, joked around, and then I told him I had to get the kids. He drove me home, and he kissed me goodnight. It was actually a nice time.

It was weird, it was relaxed, not stressed (even though we had some serious conversation). It was actually nice. AND it was actually my H that was there. The real guy. It was good to see him.

Oh, Sadmo...I'm surprised! It sounds a little like true remorse...

Let's watch and see...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sadmo ~

My husband came to me on the night before our first court date and told me he would do whatever it took to make things right. And he did.

For your children's sake...please consider that this is NOT over.

If your husband continues to make "I want to get back together" noises, you don't have to do anything at all - you don't have to put the divorce on hold and you don't have to start working on the relationship.

You can simply say, "If Steve Harley says its safe for me to work on our marriage, I will." Give him Steve's number and leave it up to your husband to make the appointment and do the work.

Steve will see through any bullcrap and help you negoatiate a real recovery.

Rin-
I am going to watch and see....

BR-
I am considering the children. I am. But I am going to continue with the D. I just cannot be jerked around by him anymore.

But, it was nice being with him yesterday. I do not think that he will proclaim his love for me (to the extent that he will say to stop the D) but I think that he is mulling it over in his head.

The beauty of it all? That I know that I am OK. Without him, with him, on my own.... I am fine. I have adjusted accordingly.

Today when I went to pick up the kids from him after he spent his time with them, he said, "Well, wait a minute, I wanted to ask you if we can go on a date next Wed. Just me and you. I know you are off of work that day, and I will get a sitter."

I said, "sure. Sounds good."

So I don't know. I will play it by ear. I am going to do what I have been doing, which is marching to my own drummer... not involving him in my decisions, or putting him into play when I decide things. I am going to not call to talk to him, act like I have been.

The thing is, is I do not have any hope, or expectations of him, or our R anymore. Maybe that is a good thing. I am not hanging onto anything he says, and I am just going about my business, my life.

So that is good. I am not going to stop D proceedings, I am not going to put myself 'out there' for him. I am going to just sit back, and see where this goes. It should be interesting.

I think that it is FINALLY hitting him that it will be over.

AT this point, don't try to find a reason. You want to know, ask him. This is what I did. When my WS wanted to come home, he had to convince me and the our son that he was worth taking back. Left most of the burden on him.

Makes it easier on you and gets better results. The patience piece is hard though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid-

I do not see him asking to come home. I just don't. But I think that he may propose some kind of "let's be together but not live together scenario." I am really thinking that he is going to say that.

He expressed he does not like dating, that he does not want to date, that he will always love me....

I know a woman that is D'd and she goes on vacations with her XH, he comes over EVERYDAY for coffee, and a to chit chat... she said that they could not live together. I am thinking that he is wanting that.

But then again, I may be over thinking it. I need to just take things as they come, evaluate it, and act accordingly.

And, right now, since I am so used to him NOT being around, I have patience! LOL!

Sadmo ~ Lets see....I filed for divorce end of March/early April. My husband started being nice...in June I think.

He made lots of noises. I kept the divorce going.

He hinted alot but I just assumed it was more of the same and kept going on with my life.

When our date loomed, he asked me to give him a chance - I skipped court the next day but I still didn't let go of the lawyer or the divorce.

He spent the next month proving he meant it. (He knew what he had to do from talking to Steve Harley)

August 1st, he moved back home and I let the lawyer go.

I agree with you that it is way to early to change anything.

Just do what you are doing and move forward - do NOT start any relationship talks with him.