If it makes it easier for you, than I'm all for it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Fox

Absolutely. Whichever way creates the least amount of stress for you is the way you should go.

It will hopefully work... at least in the regard that I will not have to keep repeating... "I told you already..."
I gave him the calendar for Oct. with everything that he should need to know.

He came to drop off the kids today, after calling my cell phone apparently 5 times to 'make sure' I was home. My cell phone was in my car, not the house.I asked him why didn't he leave a message, or call the house? He got all mad and said, "what if this had been an emergency?! I NEED to be able to get a hold of you if I have the kids!"

My reply? I said, "well, if it were an emergency, I am sure that you would have left a message wouldn't you? I have never not been here, or not shown up to get the kids. You do not need to worry about it."

He said that he would leave a message next time.

He then asked to use the bathroom, I said ok, he comes out with my anti-anxiety meds. He asks what it is for. I told him. He ASKED IF HE COULD HAVE SOME. I told him no. He said that he was real anxious lately. I told him to see a doctor. I then told the girls to tell him goodbye, and I escorted him to the door.

6 more days!!!! (not that I am counting! LOL!)

A lady I know asked me if I was going to be sad that I was not married anymore. I told her I did not think so, it is not like I have felt married to him for years, and he has been out of the house for over a year now. I just want it settled!

See!?!?!? You can get through the fog. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Takes a lot of effort though and you may not be up to all that trouble. Still it is good to know that when you need to deal with him you can see past his babble and know how to respond. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

For now, consider this progress. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Orchid-

You know what? I just started to treat him like a crazy person... Not really, but just when he says ridiculous things like that, I just think, "I am not going to defend myself, he is the one that is being ridiculous."

Before, I wasted TONS and TONS of energy explaining the WHYS and tried to get him to UNDERSTAND. Now, I just simply state the obvious, like, leave a message, fool, and it is easier.

Same with a lot of things. Like when he wanted me to call him everyday with 'update' I just said No, he chose to not be here, I am not giving him updates.

It is SO MUCH EASIER! I am not bogging myself down with 'defending my position' or trying to get him to 'understand'

Thanks for checking in!

I also see what Orchid see's in you. You don't respond to him with EMOTION anymore. You see the nut job in front of you, and deal with it accordingly.

This IS a big thing, Sadmo. This is turning a page. You have taken what once was a miserable situation and detached. It does feel so much better, and you do see so much more clearly, don't you?

Silentlucidity is right about the nut job part, soooooooo when he starts with his nonsense picture him as that Planters Peanut dancing to BaycityRollers.

SL-
Yes, I know that I have turned the page with him. I know that. And I am HAPPY!!!!!!
5 more days!

Well, I had a setback....

On Friday Mr. Hyde came over to pick up the kids. He asked if he could look up something on the computer for work real quick. I said sure.
I come downstairs and he is doing a child support calculator. I asked him why he lied, he can check, but he would pay MORE if I went by that. And, that is what came out. He would pay more.

That day I had closed out the one joint account we had left (the one that the mortgage gets taken out). I also had a few things packed up for him, things that were his that I stumbled across. I also had the info. for where the D was going to take place printed out for him.

I gave him everything, told him what was going on with the account, asked him if I could have the kids the day before I go on my business trip, even though it is his weekend, and he agreed.

After I saw him looking at the CS calculator, he said something to the effect of, "Well, my lawyer thinks that I am getting [email]scr@wed[/email] with our arrangement. When we go to the pre-trial on Tues......" I was like "WHAT????? He DID NOT want a lawyer, now he HAS ONE???? And, the D is supposed to be FINAL on Tues.!"

So I said, "don't you think it is a little late to get a L now? I mean you had how much time to make this decision." He looks at me, with utter coldness, and says, "You KNOW I procrastinate. You could not have expected me to rush into getting a L."

So I say, no, I yelled, "You had over a YEAR to get a L if you wanted to! The date for our D is on Tues. I told you this!" He looks at me, with this cold, detached look, and says, "You never told me that the D was going to be final. In fact, I never saw any of the paperwork for the D. I am concerned that you are rushing me because you are taking advantage of me."
I GAVE HIM ALL THE PAPERWORK, I worked WITH him with the settlement agreement!
So I got furious. Just furious. I said, through gritted teeth, "The D is supposed to be final on Tues. WHY are you doing this??? I just want this to be DONE and OVER!"

He says, "Well, my L tells me that the dates for D's that are supposed to be final change all of the time. Don't worry, it will go through, eventually."

He left with the kids. I just started SOBBING. Because I want to be done with this, I am SO SICK of him playing with me, I thought it was all ok....

I called him an hour later. I asked him why he was doing this. He said he was busy with the kids, and he hung up on me.

So today he is calling me, and calling me, and calling. I finally answer. It is Dr. Jekyl.

He apologizes for yesterday, tells me that he found all of the papers that I said I had given him, he is sorry he forgot. Then he says that he was told, by a reliable source, that I was planning on moving into an apt. after the D is final. And that upset him. Because he was giving me the equity of the house so that I would stay here. I told him that I am NOT going to move (I live in a NICE neighborhood, I have a NICE house, AND I am a creature of habit... I do not like change too much), He said that he is going to show up on Tues. and sign the D papers.
I told him that I am NOT going to sell the house... He then told me that 'all he wants if for the kids to grow up happy, they are all he needs, he is going to move closer, he does not want a R with ANYONE right now....

I said, "That is fine, I will believe it when I see it. So you are going to be there Tues.?"
He said that he would be.

Now, I am apprehensive. I am SO AFRAID that he is NOT going to sign the papers... I just want to be DONE with this!!!!

3 more days... I HOPE AND PRAY.

It sounds to me like he will show up. Hopefully everything goes fine. It would be very nice if you can stay in the family home.

Well tomorrow is the BIG DAY.

WH called me today to tell the girls goodnight, and to ask me if I wanted to meet him at the courthouse together. I said sure.

I know it is for the best, and I am Ok. I will admit to feeling a little melancholy about it today. I keep thinking about the night before our wedding, and all of that.The emotions I had then: excitement, hope, love, happiness. And now it is the night before out D. And it is such a different set of emotions: Sadness, Regret, resignation, and indifference.

In a little over 12 hours it will be over.

*cheers*

I think he got angry, Sadmo, because you aren't showing him WEAK Sadmo anymore and you aren't buying into his games with you.

YOU ARE DOING GREAT! I will be thinking about you all day tomorrow!

Mojo-
Thanks!
I appreciate it!

Thank you for all of the advice along the way. I really appreciated it!
MO

Thinking of you.

(((Sadmo)))

Thinking of you also.

Stay Strong!

You are going to be able walk out of court today with your head held high. You fought for the marriage... You gave it every chance. You can continue on with no regrets.

Who is willing to bet that if her divorce was finalized today that her WH will increase his push-pull routine out of panic?

I am really hoping he didn't pull any idiotic moves today to try to stretch this out even longer.

I am hoping the same mojodiva.

Now, this is where I don't get waywards in the least. Some stuff I can understand, but why OH why would you push HARDER after the D? Is their codenpendency that bad that they cannot survive without you?

I guess I'm pretty far removed from that FEAR now, that it just seems idiotic to have gone through a year of pushing your spouse away, having affairs and such nonsense, to then try to yoink them back into your sick life.

Sadmo, hope you are well, my friend. Let us know things are when you can.

Its not their codependency, its their pride and arrogance.

My ex contacts me all the time. In the 4 years since his affair, I've spent a total of about 45 minutes talking to him. Now that we are divorced and the affair ended, he writes and calls all the time. Last week he had the nerve to tell me that I was the best woman he ever had and he misses my friendship.

Mojo has it right - it is pure and simple arrogance.

Sadmo you and your love ones are in my prayers tonight.

I hoped all went well today for you. GOD SPEED