I don't know where you are but most states/cities have free Legal Aid, just to get you started. Try doing a Google search for "free legal aid" and the city where you are. But I recommend that you keep calling until you find an attorney that will see you and go after attorneys fees from your husband.

You have every right to insist that your children not be exposed to the OW. Your WH and OW are both trying to manipulate YOU.

Oh, and DO NOT tell your WH what you're up to (attorney, exposure). You just be sweet as you can be but firmly insist on the OW not being around the kids.

also, women's shelters in your area can be a source of support. You may not qualify for their services as you are not perceived as a victim of domestic violence. But I am certain that when you explain your situation to a worker, they would help you find an attorney that would represent your interests well.

Also, if you find a legal aid resource, it is usually best to call them first thing in the morning at the time that they indicate they open for business. Some of them take clients on a first come, first served basis.

But the women's shelter or domestic violence could be the place that will help you most as they might be able to hook you up with a good attorney on a pro bono basis.
Lake

Yikes, I don't get it.
He's on the phone with me now saying 'You win'.
He says he is leaving the state and he'll just let me keep the kids. WTH? Um. I'm trying to get some logic out of this.

He says the only thing he can do to protect himself is let the judge know I'm abusive and he says he wouldn't do that to me.

As far as that goes I smacked my daughter in the face. It was wrong and I know it. But moreso than that, it got blown to proportions that I tried to kill her at this time. I'm afraid he can talk her into saying whatever he wants..

I'll write the letter as soon as I can get the kids to calm down. They are 8 and almost 2, by the way.

Okay. I am totally baffled. I think I just got the guilt trip of a lifetime. Basically he's saying since him AND her can't see the kids, then I'm keeping the kids away from him, and so he's quitting his job, leaving the state, and pretty much leaving me with all his debt. Do what? I told him until he made sense I didn't want to talk to him.

Gwyn,

You are getting great advice from everyone, and I certainly am not in a position to give any.

I just wanted to let you know I read your story and I am sorry that you have to be here. But I'm glad you found the board and aren't trying to make it on your own! In only the few weeks I've been here I've found a lot of strength from the posters here.

Good luck.

****** know SHE can't see the kids, period!!! He can see the kids as long as he doesn't involve them in his seedy affair. You are not stopping him from seeing them. His selfishness is.


He is peeved because his little fantasy picture is imploding, the one where he replaces you and moves right on with OW. These waywards think the world revolves around them! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

gwynnefar,
Go and read Orange Pearl's thread. She did a massive exposure as part of Plan A and the affair is dying.

If you need help drafting an exposure letter (essential to Plan A) post what you write here, and we will help you shine it up.

Your husband is not being "forced" to leave the state because of you not allowing the SLOWT to see the children. He is running away from the problems, like a juvenile delinquent.

How are the children now? Have they calmed down?

The children are okay for right now. And yes, please help me write an exposure letter. I am getting so behind on schoolwork since I've been dwelling on this, but let me see what I can come up with before tonight.

Gwyn, are you listening to us? We have told you what to do:

1. EXPOSE the affair

2. CONTACT AN ATTORNEY

3. DO NOT allow him to take your kids around the OW

That is all you need to do. If he is upset about something, tell him so sorry. Then do what you need to do. ACT DON'T REACT.

I have been listening to you. I am having trouble contacting an attorney that is returning my calls. I am on the phone right now working on that.

I am composing a letter for the exposure right now.

And he's not going to try to take the kids around the OW until Saturday so right now all it is is me saying under no circumstances will they go there.

Well, good job then Gwy.....

The answer about exposing the children to OW is NO! If you think he intends to do this simply go somewhere with the children and invite him to come along as they will not be spending the evening meeting OW until and unless a court of law says so, end of discussion.

Get that attorney on the horn gal.....You are listening and taking action. Doesn't it feel better than sitting there wondering, worrying and floundering.

But that's just it. Waywards are NOT logical. So don't even try. Your response to his "threat" is to sweetly and quietly say, I love you and I am fighting for our marriage. So, how bout this weather?

In other words, just let that garbage roll right off and not sway you. Stand firm but loving.

Basically I said something like that. That I loved him, wanted the marriage to work out, that I needed to protect the kids, and that as long as he was going to not make sense I wasn't going to try to reason with him. Then he said he had to go and hung up. Nothing since then.

How did smacking get to tried to kill her?

Because I reacted badly and what happened got totally blown out of proportion.

I mean if I was so abusive I imagine he wouldn't leave the kids with me. Like now for instance. I think it's the only thing he can pull from since he knows his little dream is falling apart. Grr, what's with these attorneys?

So his attorney is the one who is making this claim against you?

He doesn't have an attorney that I know of yet and was totally flabbergasted that I would even think of getting one yet. This is a new thing, it's only been going on for a week (the him moving out, moving in with her, all this new news). He figured he could move into his new life without me fighting, well, he's wrong.

First, let me get this off my chest. Why on EARTH would you smack your child when she was in the tub, or anywhere for that matter? That was a very dangerous and stupid thing to do. If you have anger issues, you need to start working on that FIRST. Is this how you act all the time? Do you act this way with your WH? Lashing out physically? Think about this. Hard.

There. That said. Start reading EVERYTHING on this website. Immerse yourself in it. If you can afford it, call Dr. Harley and get a plan.

That's the thing. I don't do this normally, EVER. Thus why it freaked me out so badly and I knew right after it happened it was a stupid thing to do, of course. I walked out of the room crying, came back and hugged her and tried to explain how sorry I was even though I know it wasn't enough. This was about a month and a half ago.. my WS was out all the time, every night, my daughter always asking where he was and I didn't know what to tell her. I was really depressed (not sure if this was due to stress, recently losing my hearing, or hormones) but I snapped. Since then I've gotten help and medication for my problem.

I do not lash out physically against anyone, even my WH, ever.

I'll keep reading.

That's good to hear! Okay, now get down to business. I'm sure some of the others will be along shortly to help you too. I don't have much time right now but I'll check back with you later. Hang in there, it's a long bumpy road ride.

Thanks, dear. I really appreciate all that you have to say.

Ugh, I talked to his father again. Even though he is supportive of me and not happy with what his son is doing, he says just to let the kids see the OW since it is obvious that WS isn't coming home.. I'm shocked.