gywn-

You have a lot on your plate-school, pregnancy and the hearing impairment diagnosis. Add in the things going on in your M right now and it makes sense that you can't concentrate on your studies.

Do you have an advisor at school, someone who is supervising your clinicals or an instructor who is helping you plan your courses? You should let him/her know what is happening right now. First, they should be made aware that the OW might make things difficult for your in your learning experiences at the hospital. Second, they might be able to help you adjust your schedule right now due to these circumstances. You don't need to be superwoman. Schools know that things happen. They might even let you defer your studies for a time with no penalty. Even student loans allow that (m DD25 had to defer her loans due to her medical leave this year).
It's not written in stone that you must finish by May. If you have to take time off for your health and to save your M, then it will be well worth it.
Third, the school may already have resources for students and can give you the names and numbers of an attorney or other helps that you could tap into.

Sorry you have to be here, but MB is the best place to be right now under these circumstances.

Johnstwin,

That's the thing, though, I have to finish by May.. Especially if the divorce does happen. I have to be able to support my girls. I switched over to a better schedule already and I went through ****** doing it since they do not like to transfer students around because I knew the baby was going to be born. I go to school at nights and my clinicals are Saturdays and Sundays.

As far as the professor, he does know. Perhaps a little indirectly, but he's already let me go home once early because I was feeling off and asked me the next day the same, but I decided to stick it out. The OW and I are not at the hospital in the same place (She's in the ER and I'm in the ICU) and I'm not sure the same time, but you're right - it doesn't help things that she could be there and I want to kick her butt. My classmates do, too. Plus the whole thing is, my WS expects me to quit and I can't have that happen.

so...let me get this straight... you slapped your daughter in the face while she was bathing because she was asking where her daddy was??? Is that what you are saying??? It wasn't a "stupid" thing to do...it was mean and criminal. Yes, criminal. Had I come to the scene, you would have been arrested...no doubt about it.

You darn well better be enrolled in anger management classes because when this comes up in court, the judge is going to want to know what you have done to address this concern. You say you got help and are on meds...both should clearly address this issue. And it is a concern. Be very careful how you proceed with this...realize that your H can file criminal charges against you...even today. You gave him a trump card and it sounds like he is enough of a jerk to use it.

If you are in over your head with the affair stuff, your depression/anger and school...please seek out help. Trying to break up an affair and dealing with this whole mess is tough for the best of us... when someone is already in a compromised position it is all the more difficult. One more issue of concern related to the assault...your H could very well make trouble for you at work. Since what you did is a chargable offense you could actually have licensing problems if he pursues this.

I think the best thing you could do right now would be to consult with an attorney...continue counseling and talk to your child about what happened...get yourself a good support sysytem in place that can help take some of the burden off of you when things are rough... and keep a handle on your emotional pulse...know when you need a break and take it so that you never put your child in harms way again.

Forgive yourself too....we all make mistakes...hopefully this one does not come back and bite you or cause lasting damage to your child.

Good luck.

MEDC

and it is not the attorneys fault at all...it is yours and your husbands. I imagine your H has a different version of what happened than you do. An attorney has an obligation to that child by law. If your H is fabricating things that is on him, not the lawyer....

I suspect that if my ex slapped my child in the tub I would also be VERY concerned??? Wouldn't you???

Perhaps he has not kept the kids from you right now because he does not have legal standing to do so. Don't assume anything here.

gyn,

not to belabor the smacking incident, but was there a mark left on her?

There's a fine line between smacking a child, and SMACKING a child, if you know what I mean.

you need to smack a face darn hard to leave a mark! smacking a child in the face is always an unacceptable act....mark or no mark. And many times the marks are left on the childs soul...not their body.

It was more than her asking about her dad. It was her acting out (Which I knew was directed by her own stress) and my crying and everything else compounded in a bad situation. Of course I would be concerned! Right, and thus my fear. My school is working with me on my anxiety problem - thus talking to my counselor whenever I can over phone, e-mail, or in person. They have been doing this with me since about March. My doctor knows about my depression and that is why I was recently put on some medication. As far as getting frustrated, I let my daughter know that I am getting frustrated and walk out of the room and calm down. This started the day after I freaked out because I have taken enough psychology to know better than to let that happen and perhaps why it did. I don't know if I ever felt 'angry'. It was more feeling helpless. That doesn't excuse what happened and yes, I know my WS can use it against me. Oh and I didn't leave a mark.. not that it helps anything. And yes, I know. See, that's the thing. I know what I did is wrong.

If I were you I would make sure that you are getting directed counseling regarding stress and anger management. It will be very useful for you should your H decide to use this against you...so, make sure it is not just a school counselor...but a professional that specializes in this area.

Give yourself a break gwyn...recognize your weakenesses and and limitations and find ways to cope. You will be okay.

MEDC is right. Get some counseling for your stress. Of course you are under a lot of pressure. Two kids, a baby on the way, and nursing school! And hubby is off pretending like he is a bachelor. How nice for him.......

Get a plan figured out. I would start by getting someone to watch the kids so you can get a well deserved break. Continue your meds, and that will help you get through your schooling. Concentrate on continuing to be a good mom to your daughters. Protect yourself and family by talking to an attorney.

Then I would put hubby on the back burner. You can Plan A him when you see him, but the shine of the other woman is going to have to wear off before he is going to wake up.

They almost always come back to their wives and families, so try not to worry. Just concentrate on making a good life for you and your kids, and getting through school.

YES

I agree, too.

Gyn, what you did was wrong, but forgive yourself, and just don't let it happen again. All of us here have done things we wished we hadn't.


My husband is a shining example of a fogged out wayward spouse who saw what he was doing was absoultely insane, and he did come back to his wife and children.

Everything will be fine, in the end, Gyn, no matter what the outcome. You will be okay.

Thanks guys for your support. Yeah, I beat myself up about every little thing I do/did.. I need to forgive myself.

On WS's front, he was supposed to come over to visit his daughters but hasn't showed up yet. I know it's bike night at some bar he goes to and perhaps that is why. Or perhaps he really meant what he said, which I doubt. His dad is supposed to go to bike night, too, so we'll see if anything comes up.

As far as Saturday goes, he usually watches them while I'm gone. I guess I'll need to look for another person to watch them no matter how p'od he's going to get.

Don't expect him to show up, because they often don't seem to be able to keep commitments to their children. Do look around for someone to watch your kids from time to time.

His head up his *ss syndrome might last for several months. The less you expect from him, the happier you will be. Don't listen to his "going to quit my job and go out of state" stories. When he starts in with that just tell him sweetly that you are on your way out and late.

Bike night at a bar... great place for a father to be. Motorcycles and alcohol...always a great combination.

Hey now, that's where WS met the lovely OW! *snicker*
And yeah I expect nothing. Although I hope his head is out of his rear when his son is born.

You may want to get a voice activated recorder so you can record his conversation with you and the girls.

Remember the biggest thing here is that your WS is an alien so he will do alien things, like accuse you of even more of slapping your daughter.

Your WS wont come back to you if he thinks your a doormat or not in control of yourself or your life.

Good luck

this is illegal in many places without the consent of both parties and would therfore most likely be inadmissbale in court. Sucks...but its true.

Many of the recordings suggested on this site are highly illegal. Placing a recording device in a car or elsewhere to capture a conversation between others(the person recording not being a party in those discussions) is illegal on both a state and federal level. It is actually a felony in some cases.

Just be careful with the suggestions you make as they could wind up putting people in trouble with the law.

Okay, well, I'm trying to write the letter to HR - reading the forums on how to do it.. It is my understanding that putting in about the sexual harassment part is only if they are working together, which they aren't. So, do I basically put everything else in the letter and will it have the same effect?

I need my coffee. Sorry!

"However, I knew something was up when he mentioned to me it would be good for *me* not to stir up trouble for the OW at work since she's worked there for a long time and is in management."

This is what your WH told you--right?

Here is a draft suggestion for more experienced marriage builders to edit:

'My husband is aware that OW works at the same hospital where I am a student. He has warned me that since OW is in management, that it could be bad for my nursing career to bring this illicit activity out in the open. I want to save my marriage, but I feel my status as a student and my career as a nurse is being threatened by OW's sexual activity with my H. Certainly you have Sexual Harassment Policies and Procedures that pertain to this situation. I would like OW to be told to stop her sexual activity with my H and I would like an assurance that my bringing this situation to your attention will not affect my status at the hospital.'

Comments?

Lake

Great letter Lake... I would only change the sentence regarding telling the OW to stop having relations with her H. An employer cannot express that type of concern officially...it really is not a company issue.
They can in a tactful way let them know that they do not approve and that the situation is impacting the workplace environment.